[tinyrabbit]

Sorry to keep starting these generalised threads. I'm having a tough few days and they help me pass the time.

I wondered what your T does when you cry? Mine does nothing. Just listens. I found it unnerving at first. The most he has done is gently take my coffee mug off me when I was crying hysterically and about to spill it. It's taken a bit of getting used to. I guess he does nothing because everything he could do might be wrong?

[CantExplain]

Mine is the same.

[tinyrabbit]

I have to confess I was worried that my T is just like this with me because I'm an awful, rubbish person and everyone else gets a different reaction when they cry. Pathetic, but true.

[ECHOES]

Mine mostly does the same too. I've said that I think she hates it when I cry. She says she is giving me all the room to feel what I feel and to say anything that comes to mind. It's hard to not experience it as holding back comforting, as we've talked about.

There has been a time or two that her eyes were glistening (and I did feel bad for that).

Have you talked about this with your T? Have you talked about what you wish your T would/could do when you cry? (You won't be directing them to do something, but you will be exploring your feelings about it.)

[stopdog]

That one I see has assured me she will not touch me should the highly unlikely event I were to cry at her office occur. I was reassured by that for awhile, but after she ****ed up the dog thing, I am no longer as confident and would probably just leave if I thought crying was unpreventable.

[precious things]

I haven't let myself cry in there yet but I imagine my t would sit back and just let me experience it.

I was spilling my heart (and tears) about some of the more horrific abuses I'd endured as a child to this one therapist when I glanced up and noticed that she also had tears trickling down her cheeks too.

I was very moved by that. Finally ... A therapist who wasn't afraid to show empathy, compassion and feeling ... !!!

She was the best one I ever had, and because of her I made more progress in the 1.5 years we worked together than I did with all the others I worked with over a 16 year period.

[lifelesstraveled]

I've never cried in session (in 5 years of therapy with 2 different Ts), but I wonder what would happen if I did.

I freaked out once and thought I was about to have a panic attack. I said I needed some silence to pull myself back together before we could continue. She as I had my head down and covered with my scarf. When I was back together again she was watching me very intently. It sort of scared me because I wondered what the heck I looked like--Im sure I looked crazy!

If I did cry, I think I would want the same thing--silence. I wouldn't want her to say anything, I wouldn't want her to come sit near me or touch me. I think that would make it worse for me.

[precious things]

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

I've never cried in session (in 5 years of therapy with 2 different Ts), but I wonder what would happen if I did.

I freaked out once and thought I was about to have a panic attack. I said I needed some silence to pull myself back together before we could continue. She as I had my head down and covered with my scarf. When I was back together again she was watching me very intently. It sort of scared me because I wondered what the heck I looked like--Im sure I looked crazy!

If I did cry, I think I would want the same thing--silence. I wouldn't want her to say anything, I wouldn't want her to come sit near me or touch me. I think that would make it worse for me.

Is this intentional? Do you cry when you are alone? My T and I were talking about something last week and I said I couldn't let myself emotionally go there and he asked if it was because I was afraid of crying in front of him.....I have a very hard time experiencing emotions in the moment of therapy ( I can intellectualize things, but the walls go up).....just wondering why it is you haven't cried in 5 years worth of therapy?

[lifelesstraveled]

Originally Posted by precious things

Is this intentional? Do you cry when you are alone? My T and I were talking about something last week and I said I couldn't let myself emotionally go there and he asked if it was because I was afraid of crying in front of him.....I have a very hard time experiencing emotions in the moment of therapy ( I can intellectualize things, but the walls go up).....just wondering why it is you haven't cried in 5 years worth of therapy?

Thanks for asking! I don't know if I would say it's intentional. It's more automatic I think. In T or with other people I tend to put walls up and disconnect emotionally pretty quickly. There's some sort of disconnection that exists. I can't seem to bridge the gap between the words I'm saying to the emotions I'm talking about or should be feeling I guess.

I have cried alone, but usually stop myself bc it starts to scare me or I can hear myself saying "shut up stop crying"--so I will stop on a dime.

Im not sure if this makes sense. I don't really know how to explain it.

[precious things]

Originally Posted by lifelesstraveled

Thanks for asking! I don't know if I would say it's intentional. It's more automatic I think. In T or with other people I tend to put walls up and disconnect emotionally pretty quickly. There's some sort of disconnection that exists. I can't seem to bridge the gap between the words I'm saying to the emotions I'm talking about or should be feeling I guess.

I have cried alone, but usually stop myself bc it starts to scare me or I can hear myself saying "shut up stop crying"--so I will stop on a dime.

Im not sure if this makes sense. I don't really know how to explain it.

I completely get this. I'm just surprised that in 5 years one of the T's has managed to penetrate that wall!

[Anne2.0]

I'm more of a weeper than I am a crier per se-- I don't bawl, I just leak. The first time he got up and moved the tissue box that was out of my eyesight to within my eyesight. After that first time, it seems to me that he sits very still and quiet if I cry. He has teared up and a few weeks ago I thought he was going to crack and start crying, but it was just a fleeting moment across his face.

[Willowleaf]

I don't really cry properly as have a thing about crying but my t will do what I ask. So if I say nothing she will just sit and watch as usual but if I ask she will hold my hand or hug me. I often wish it could be spontaneous but I understand why it can't.

[stopdog]

I don't think everyone does cry in therapy. I never have with any of the ones I have seen.

[Willowleaf]

I once joked I should have a discount as I never use her tissues. When will I learn not to make jokes like that in therapy!

[stopdog]

I do carry my own handkerchief should the unthinkable occur. I cannot see myself using her box of tissue.

[Nelliecat]

Like Anne I'm more a quiet leaker than a full on sobber but last Thursday right at the end I told T something very shameful and couldn't control the crying. It was noisy - for me anyway, snotty, and I buried my face in my scarf so I couldn't see T. She usually stays quiet when I cry up to a point then she'll gently say something comforting which I think she did on thursday but I was so distressed I actually can't remember Oh man, this Thursday's going to be a challenge....

[bluemountains]

I have cried a couple of times. I hate it because I already feel so vulnerable as it is. The only thing my T would ask is if I wanted to go on with our conversation.
Bluemountains

[Perna]

I keep working, thinking, talking when I cry and my husband laughed delightedly the first time he encountered it and was thrilled because with his ex-wife she could only cry and he didn't know what to do but I, in a sense, take care of myself/responsibility and keep trying to move forward, even though it hurts so bad. But with my husband's response, which I value, I feel more comfortable "looking dumb," (what I think I look like) crying and continuing to talk at the same time (like being cut and bleeding but still trying to fight?) and the other person, my T, psychologically/emotionally reaching out to help me, obviously listening hard and responding warmly, etc. makes it worth while to me.

[~EnlightenMe~]

Ugh. I totally forgot that I cried in the first session with my current therapist. I was shocked that I did that. I had been sans therapist for a month after termination. However, the thing I cried about was that I had called another therapist that xT recommended, and scheduled an appointment, then cancelled, then wanted the appointment again, because I was really crazy stressed. This T called me and left a message that reminded me of what my xT would at that point say, and this devastated me. He said, "I don't want to waste your time, and I certainly don't want to waste mine." So, I was telling my T this, and I was surprised when out poured this massive pain and tears? I don't remember what he did, I'm pretty sure that he sat with me letting me feel how I felt. He asked me how I felt afterward, and I told him, and he told me I looked afraid. I was afraid that then new T felt like this T that called and my xT, and in telling new T this, I was afraid that would believe them and not me. I was afraid I would forever feel unheard, misunderstood, and insignificant. Luckily, that wasn't the case, quite the opposite.

I cried a few times, not much, with xT. He did the same, just kind of sat with me, then asked me about it afterwards.

Rabbit,
I suspect that your T is sitting with you mindfully as you cry, I suspect that she is there for you and that she feels for you, and that she is teaching you that it is safe to be in pain and to express it while she is there with you. That way, when you do it alone, hopefully the feeling of safety will transfer. I'm not sure, though, that's kind of just what I think.

Thank you for your threads, I enjoy them!

[healed84]

I am not really sure what he would do. I did cry once, but it was in the midst of a panic attack (I always shed tears during bad panic attack) and he used some grounding techniques with me then.

I suspect if I ever do cry, b/c of some strong emotion.. he would sit there and let me do it.. Then ask about it afterwards.

[Raging Quiet]

Once I was crying so hard and couldn't stop, T asked me to sit on the floor near the fire (I was soaking wet from the rain) then T sat down next to me and half picked me up and rocked me; it really helped (but I feel embarrassed when I think of it now!) it saved me then.

[harvest moon]

He does nothing...

[critterlady]

I'm also more of a leaker than a sobber. I've often cried with my T and he usually sits in silence. I can feel his empathy for me without him saying a word.

I read somewhere that if a T comforts a crying client, it often causes the emotion to tamp down. Since the goal is usually to encourage the client to feel emotions fully, it would be counter-productive to shut them down by comforting.

[ShaggyChic_1201]

Mine makes soft comforting noises and then asks if I can share what the tears were about.