Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

nope

hey ready

I am popping in an out while doing laundry, making soap, and cleaning the house.
I made eucalyptus hand soap. Well, it's cooling right now in a big pot. By tomorrow morning it should be ready. My house smells amazing right now.

I'm here too

ooh I bet it does smell wonderful

Okay time for normal human interaction poll:

H: I'm so tired...can't wait till 10pm to take the dog out so I can go to bed.

Me: I can take the dog out for you so you can go to bed now.

silence.....silence....silence.....

is this normal? would most of you had responded if you were H?

i would have said thanks and went to bed or no thats ok i can take the dog out. if he didnt respond i think i would have said something like ,ok ill take no answer as you are taking the dog out but thanks for offering ,

Yes, I would have thanked you and gone to bed. I might even have blown a kiss at you. My H will do that sometimes -- refuse to answer. He will talk INCESSANTLY about the most ridiculous, unimportant stuff on the planet (and I mean INCESSANTLY), but when I have something to discuss or want a response - total silence. I feel for you RTS.

I really really like this honey whiskey. Like it so much it scares me a little. I feel all warm and happy and like I don't have to worry about anything.

I feel like T called my H while I was driving home from T tonight and said H ignore RTS when she talks to you.... my T just asked me if I have ever shared how it makes me feel not to be heard.... the irony...

So after 3 minutes... I actually started to doubt if I said it out loud... so I asked did you hear me... H said yes.. you offered to take the dog out... then nothing more not that sounds good or thank you or I'll take you up on that... just silence...

So then I said you know its rude and disrespectful to not acknowledge when someone has spoken to you. Not a grunt or a uh huh...nothing..

So he breathes heavy and in an annoyed voice sorry... then when I said "well?" meaning do you want me to take dog out or not...

He yelled at me...and went on and on... He said didn't I already say I was sorry... Ughhh... sometimes I don't even like him...

that is why I don't drink.... because I think if I found something that made me feel numb... I would never ever be able to resist it..

MKAC.... so did you like having people to talk to other than H at work?

Enjoy the ride darlin!

This is one of my main issues.

Wanting to feel numb?

or

not resisting something that makes you feel numb?

(therapy took away my ability to totally numb out)

The latter of the two, I'm afraid.

No, not really. LOL. I'm not usually a big talker. I get on jags where I want to talk to my friends a bunch, but I usually only talk when I have something to say. Like thanking my spouse for offering to put the dog out for me.

Yeah, that is my least favorite thing about therapy.

I told both xt and T that they should make you sign a disclaimer... like a warning label that things will get worse before it gets better... that the majority of your defense mechanisms to feel normal will no longer work....etc...etc..

MKAC - What is this honey whiskey you speak of? It sounds good.

Rts - i think i would have started with the "well??!" to the h, otherwise you sounded more like you were lecturing a kid on manners. Is that an issue between you and h, that he's like a 3rd kid? That's not a happy situation for either of you, and I can see how you would both feel stuck in the role, blame the other person, and feel powerless to change it. But maybe it's a discrete separate problem you can work on together.

RTS - Hmm, that does seem a bit odd. Although, it would certainly have a lot to do with the relationship that you have with your H, I'd imagine. With my exH, if he were to offer something like that - I'd probably be stunned, thinking what he was expecting from me, what was the ulterior motive, etc. I would be very cautious. But that's just me with my exH.

He may have taken it that way but it really hurts my feelings when he does not acknowledge me .... Silence speaks volumes more than words.

absolutely he acts like a 3rd kid... I've tried not to get sucked into the parental role but I still do at times....

I've told him a long time ago that he lives his life like he is a single person living in an apt and if he doesn't change he may be a single person living in an apt....

Honey whiskey is a new thing in our area. Honey flavored whiskey. It reminds me of the hot toddies my grandma used to give us.

I'm really struggling with this whole "celebrating your body" jewelry thing with T.

He told me a while ago that he wanted me to make something for his wife from his kids for mother's day. So, it's not a surprise to me. But to say he wanted the theme to be "celebrating your body"....after having this discussion about how much I hated my body....just feels cruel.

I asked him if he was mocking me....He said no, that he wanted me to spend time thinking about celebrating my body.

Now, my rational mind says, 'ok, it's a jewelry project, it's business and he wants me to learn about taking care of my body and figuring out ways to love my body'....

But my irrational mind says, 'eff u, T. How could you possibly think that I would want to spend a SINGLE MINUTE considering making something for YOUR WIFE about CELEBRATING HER BODY?"

I am trying not to get overly upset about it. I just can't help feeling that it is a sick, cruel joke.