Couch 48 - All are Welcome - really!

Yes perhaps my H doesn't trust me and was wondering what my motives are...guess that could take more than 3 minutes to try to figure out how to respond...

That would bother me so much MUE. If nothing else, his timing for this sucks. I am so sorry that you are struggling with this. Could you possibly refuse to do this or maybe to choose a different theme?

I had a friend who was quite demanding of her husband, always arguing with him, ruling the roost, so to speak. One day, she was complaining to me about how she has to tell him to do every single little thing - like he couldn't do anything on his own.

I mentioned that it's possible that he fears that he will be criticized for doing something wrong and that it would cause her to blow up at him. It was an a-ha moment for her. He was walking on eggshells around her because of her explosive behavior, so his erring on the side of caution was seen as just incompetence and laziness on her part.

I'm not suggesting that's the case with you and your H, RTS - just saying that it's hard to know what the other person is thinking.

Ughhh.... this is why T's should have better boundaries... the highlighted item above is what I would have SAID to my T....and it would have been the rational mind...

I would have told my T...do not mix my therapy with a jewelry project? that is so minimizing the issue.... you are supposed to learn to appreciate your body by May 12th.....ughh..I would feel like you do...

personally I would make 2 things...my first one would be a sarcastic thing for my T like a noose rope thing or maybe a big penis... then I would make a nice regular - not based on any theme jewelry item....

sorry maybe this wasn't very supportive...it just upsets me... feels manipulative...

Thanks. I think I'm going to email my T about it.

I'm wondering, though, if I'm just instigating a rupture because we're touching on some difficult subjects in T. Or, if this is really a valid thing to be upset about. I'm not sure.

This is too much boundary crossing for me. I would have to tell him to back off, he's crowding me. I did in fact tell my t he was crowding me this past winter. He was a little pouty, but he thanked me for speaking up. It was something I offered to do, then I wanted to retract my offer. But this is totally dual relationship, and he does not have a right to ask for it.

Dam we're good! Are we not??!

I do think it is something valid to be upset about MUE. Definitely.

I like this:
wild turkey american honey in hot toddies.
I like the wild turkey better than the jack daniels one.

For me it would be valid...yes the subject is difficult and that is just the point. I would feel pressurized and manipulated into working on a therapy topic his way and in his time in order to accomplish the jewelry project... something he knows you take great pride in and would work very hard on to be nice for him... ugh...

MUE...this is one of those times when you need to go with your gut...not others reactions...wait a day or two to see if the feeling sticks and isn't a knee jerk reaction...

MUE... if you want to do the jewelry project that is your right and its up to you if that feels like crossing boundaries... for me its him telling you what and how you need to do the project that is upsetting to me... He could tell you her favorite colors or a charm of something the kids and her like to do together or maybe the kids birth stones, etc... but not this way...

ETA: sorry if this is sounding too bossy ... I just found it upsetting

Thanks, PC peeps....

And you're right, RTS, I need to go with my gut. I guess I just don't know how to handle it. I feel sick to my stomach.

Usually, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. He wants to support the things I do in life - he attended my comedy show and brought other Ts with him, bought some of my handmade products for his kids, etc. I've met his wife and one of his daughters. Seen pictures of his cat. Know about his family, some of his likes/dislikes. But it's always in the context of supporting me in my therapy. He's very good at what he does.

I'm sure he views this as helping me with my business while getting me to seriously consider taking care of my body. It just doesn't feel good to me. It feels shameful, actually.

Speaking of boundary violations....WTF????

I just got a call (which I let go to voicemail) from the agency manager...she wants me to do an emergency job tonight. Umm, I already informed her that on school nights I can no longer do emergency work unless I am notified by 10 PM. It's 11:30 PM, and my daughter is asleep.

Every few days, she sends an email out asking each of us our availability. I specifically said I can do emergencies and overnights IF I receive the call before 10 PM....I am not answering the phone after that time.

As much as I need to progress in this job, I cannot put my daughter in the position of losing sleep on a school night.

AAAARGH!

Good job sticking to your guns MUE.... I know you need the money but you also said you don't want to be the "go to" person for emergencies forever.... now they know you do good work...maybe they will assign you some day hours.

Thanks, RTS.

Since I'm still on unemployment, whatever I make right now gets deducted from my unemployment - so unless I get a significant number of hours in a week, it's not even worth it for me to work.

...and I'm kinda ticked at the moment, because I earned less with this job over the last two weeks, but got zero unemployment anyway....so it basically hurt me, financially, to be working. So frustrating.

Could you tell him this?
I personally find his request about this to be extremely off.

Thanks, SD. I will tell him. I am going to try to get a decent night's sleep and then see how I feel about it tomorrow.

Honestly, I'm ticked that he asked me to make something without giving me any kind of parameters - what she likes, dislikes, etc. Some people like petite jewelry, some like bulky jewelry, some prefer crystals, some prefer stones. He suggested earrings...and I have no idea at all what she would like.

AND I really don't want to spend my time thinking about what his beautiful wife would like. That idea makes me want to spork myself.

((MUE))

It's a challenge, for sure. And I wouldn't like my T to do that to me.

Does Wild Turkey go with cranberry juice? Just a thought.

You could probably use the wild turkey american honey or jack daniels tennessee honey
in cranberry juice. I would use unsweetened cranberry juice if I was going to do that. These are sort of like Southern Comfort.

hey everyone.

I am going to be pathetic. I am sitting here crying at 7:30 in the morning. I am alone today, and my thoughts are really bad. I went into Southie yesterday, and walked around my old neighborhood that I haven't been to since dad died 12 yrs ago. I avoid that place. I went to the graveyard, and even went in, but the caretaker's office was closed and I couldn't get exact directions to his grave. I have an overwhelming fear of graveyards, so just going in was huge. There was no way I could walk around and find his stone. So I left. I dissociated most of the way home, drank several wiki-tini's and went to bed. Nightmares all night. Right now I hate myself. I feel gross, ugly, stupid. I feel like scum of the earth. And my urges to si are taking over. I haven't si'd in over a year. To make matters worse, i just realized it's my birthday. Daughter is away, H and son left for work before I got up. So I am alone, hurting, feeling very old. My brain is scrambled and I am hearing things I shouldn't be hearing. Feeling very very alone.

wiki you are none of those things at all. i think you did an awsome thing going to southie if it had all those feelings attached to it. it was so much more then just going on a field trip. Yes it is ok to call TT if you need to. it would be ok (just putting that out there for you) wiki after all you have been through and having to be strong and positive and hold it together to fight this cancer i am surprised you are not a bigger mess. you know all these emotional issues did not go away as you were dealing with the cancer . maybe put on a shelf but not gone. it isn't any surprise that they are surfacing again to me . i think going on this trip yesterday brought all that back.i dont think going was a bad thing .i just wish that the feelings it brings up were not so strong. wiki horrible things happened to you and as much as you try to ignore them the memories will always be there (I know now i sound like my T) i'm sorry they are messing with your head. you don't deserve that .i wish that you could feel ok about contacting TT about it . if she isn't going to be able to be your T for whatever reason i hope at some point you will be able to look for another one.

Happy B-DAY WIKI


love you bunches

Aww, wiki, I am so sorry you are hurting.

It's sooo understandable to have these feelings stirred up in you, and it doesn't make you stupid or any of those awful things you've said to yourself. It makes you human (as if that's any consolation).

My T tells me that rarely is anything accidental, so I wonder if by going to Southie and visiting the graveyard that your body is trying to tell you something....telling you perhaps to work through these feelings that are trapped inside you.

I'm so sorry that your family is not around, especially on your birthday. I hope you can find a way to make meaning of the thoughts and feelings you are having - but also to be able to find some time to do something good for you.

I care about you, and I wish there was more I could do.

Still feeling kinda yucky about the whole T/body stuff from yesterday. Yet, I'm still no closer to figuring out what I feel and what I plan to do about it. *sigh*

I have plans to visit a friend today who lives about an hour away. It'll be good to be distracted from it, because at the moment I just have very destructive thoughts and impulses surrounding it. I hate therapy.