[precaryous]

****May be triggering to trauma survivors***

Do you feel your T gets it?

I guess this question is aimed for trauma survivors...or anyone who can relate-

Do you feel your T understands what you went through? How difficult it was? How it affected/affects you?

Is it important for T to understand what you went through?

For clarity, "Pdoc" is the abusive psychiatrist, "PrevT"is the therapist I saw during the abuse years ago. "T" is the therapist I see now:

The anniversary of the abuse has come and gone but it's affected me worse this year than last. Maybe it's because T and I are in a different place in our relationship. Maybe this year I feel more confident talking about the abuse...maybe not.

I'm not trying to dwell on the abuse but I get flashes of certain things. I can look back on it many years out and discover I still have questions that I have not thought to ask before. I have feelings that I have not explored before.

I'm trying to tell my story to T, again, and I feel I am not explaining it accurately. I feel that T does not understand what it was like...and I desperately want her to understand. Do you feel that way like you can't explain the abuse accurately? Do you feel like your T doesn't understand?

I have come up with- it is impossible for T or PrevT to know what it's like - now or then- because they weren't there. It didn't happen to them.

This might come off as disjointed, but I want to add...I saw PrevT for five years. At the end of that time, I realized she never expressed much anger at all toward PerpDoc. I called her on it and she said that she did feel angry- but she didn't want her feelings to dilute my memories or testimony for my legal cases. She admitted she might have waited too late to express her feelings.

I needed her to be angry, too...

Recently, I thought of questions about the abuse to ask PrevT...thinking she would, at least, have input about the matter. She was there right after it happened...and she was there throughout the legal proceedings...and during my many hospitalizations. But PrevT doesn't know the answers. I accept that.

But I feel so alone in this madness.

[RedSun]

I don't feel angry, and my T gets angry and that feels very validating.
I think she gets it, I think she has had some experience....
But she doesn't seem to get that I need her to oppose me, and my view. I don't need her to agree with me, because I'm saying its my fault etc because I'm scared to say anything else.

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone with this Pre.

[stopdog]

The first one I see does not get me at all. But in sort of the opposite way of what OP is talking about. I have no idea why one of them would get mad about something that happened to me and in fact I would not like it if they did - it happened to me not them - it is not theirs to get mad or anything else about.

I don't think anyone can completely "get" what any individual went through. Even members of the same family often don't "get" what other members of that family went through even though they experienced the same family dynamic.

I think my therapists DID "get" how much I was suffering and struggling because of my experience and abuse. They could see that. They were constant witness to that. They validated my pain and struggle and helped me get through it and move beyond it. I think that is honestly about all a therapist can do.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by RedSun

I don't feel angry, and my T gets angry and that feels very validating.
I think she gets it, I think she has had some experience....
But she doesn't seem to get that I need her to oppose me, and my view. I don't need her to agree with me, because I'm saying its my fault etc because I'm scared to say anything else.

I'm sorry you're feeling so alone with this Pre.

Ty.
That's how I felt in the beginning, too. I couldn't access my anger. Intellectually, I knew if this had happened to most anyone else I would feel angry. It took some time before I felt angry. I remember feeling sorry for him, I didn't want him to go to jail. I remember feeling very afraid.

I hope your T helps you find your anger.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by stopdog

The first one I see does not get me at all. But in sort of the opposite way of what OP is talking about. I have no idea why one of them would get mad about something that happened to me and in fact I would not like it if they did - it happened to me not them - it is not theirs to get mad or anything else about.

Thanks for this.mit hadn't occurred to me that it might be unrealistic to expect T to feel angry about it. Really. Maybe what I need is for her to help me express my feelings about it more. Thinking.

I think I expected them to feel angry because the abuser is/was in the same profession. Still thinking.

Thank you.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

I don't think anyone can completely "get" what any individual went through. Even members of the same family often don't "get" what other members of that family went through even though they experienced the same family dynamic.

I think my therapists DID "get" how much I was suffering and struggling because of my experience and abuse. They could see that. They were constant witness to that. They validated my pain and struggle and helped me get through it and move beyond it. I think that is honestly about all a therapist can do.

I am struggling with components of not feeling like I am explaining it well enough, that T doesn't understand what it was like, and wishing upset that they might not feel angry, too.

I'm very glad your therapists did get it..and were able to help you move beyond it.

[stopdog]

For me, I don't think I would (I never have before) get or feel mad because of something someone else in my profession did to a client. I might feel sorry for the client, I might feel relief I had not screwed something up that badly, I might be grateful I was not in jeopardy of losing my license, I might think the other professional was an idiot or a jerk etc - but I doubt I would feel mad myself about it. Again, I would consider that not my place (or I would if it came up in any sense which I can't see happening).

Do you know how it would help you to think the therapist felt mad also?

Originally Posted by precaryous

I am struggling with components of not feeling like I am explaining it well enough, that T doesn't understand what it was like, and wishing upset that they might not feel angry, too.

I'm very glad your therapists did get it..and were able to help you move beyond it.

They might feel anger about what happened to me, but it will never be the same kind of anger that I felt. Their anger would be from a completely different standpoint than my own (and obviously not nearly as intense, lasting, or rageful).

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by stopdog

For me, I don't think I would (I never have before) get or feel mad because of something someone else in my profession did to a client. I might feel sorry for the client, I might feel relief I had not screwed something up that badly, I might be grateful I was not in jeopardy of losing my license, I might think the other professional was an idiot or a jerk etc - but I doubt I would feel mad myself about it. Again, I would consider that not my place (or I would if it came up in any sense which I can't see happening).

Do you know how it would help you to think the therapist felt mad also?

I don't know? Maybe validation? Now I'm thinking T needs to help me express my anger about it...?

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by lolagrace

They might feel anger about what happened to me, but it will never be the same kind of anger that I felt. Their anger would be from a completely different standpoint than my own (and obviously not nearly as intense, lasting, or rageful).

This is a revelation. Thank you. I have had the idea/feeling that T needed to be angry, too, for years.

[Out There]

Originally Posted by precaryous

I don't know? Maybe validation? Now I'm thinking T needs to help me express my anger about it...?

Two of my T's understood and got it ( one didn't ). One said he could feel the anger and the trauma - it was in the room. That was important for me. I did need help to express my anger about it. And validation was important as well. Wishing you well.

[ruh roh]

I'm not sure if my therapist gets how it was, whether she thinks it was worse or less worse than I do, but I do believe she gets how it is for me now because she sees when I have meltdowns. Even so, I have no way of knowing how things look to her. I do think most people experience their own life more acutely than a person on the outside would, but then again, she has used terms that I think overstate the severity of some things. It's kind of a muddle. Overall, I think you just have to know if your therapist is generally in the ballpark.

[Argonautomobile]

Yes. I do feel my T gets it. This was the one topic (not that we've gotten into details, but still) where he showed incredible attunement. Ironic, really, given that the man can't ever seem to remember what meds I'm on or my husband's name.

I guess you'll just have to be explicit in what you need, what sort of response you're looking for. Easier said than done, I know, and I imagine it must be incredibly disappointing and frustrating to not have your T just instinctively 'get' this of all things. Wish you the best.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I'm not sure if my therapist gets how it was, whether she thinks it was worse or less worse than I do, but I do believe she gets how it is for me now because she sees when I have meltdowns. Even so, I have no way of knowing how things look to her. I do think most people experience their own life more acutely than a person on the outside would, but then again, she has used terms that I think overstate the severity of some things. It's kind of a muddle. Overall, I think you just have to know if your therapist is generally in the ballpark.

You're probably right.
T has told me she can look at me (in a meltdown) and see my pain.
For me, it feels like it's my fault: I don't feel I am telling my story right. The enormity and awfulness of what happened to me growing up, AbusivePdoc1 or AbusivePdoc2... I can't even contain all the hurt and pain in my head- all at the same time- to be able to relate to her just how awful everything was...how I feel about it and how all those things affect me.

That's why I don't feel she gets it.

[ruh roh]

I know exactly what you mean. There was one thing in particular I shared. It took most of a session to walk her through it. I had never talked to anyone about it before, outside of those who were involved, and I had carried it around for 19 years. She got it. It was palpable in the room, in her whole being. And her getting it on that level allowed me to discharge it somehow--not sure how else to explain it. And that particular thing lost its power. So I understand the need to have the experience felt and shared on that level because it's almost transformative in a way.

Even though I haven't had that experience with other things, I feel she gets it enough. I recently gave drawing a shot--I had always resisted that. And it has helped communicate and get those things across. Because I agree with you. It matters to me, too. I just don't look for it in terms of her needing to get everything. Not sure if that makes sense.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by Argonautomobile

Yes. I do feel my T gets it. This was the one topic (not that we've gotten into details, but still) where he showed incredible attunement. Ironic, really, given that the man can't ever seem to remember what meds I'm on or my husband's name.

I guess you'll just have to be explicit in what you need, what sort of response you're looking for. Easier said than done, I know, and I imagine it must be incredibly disappointing and frustrating to not have your T just instinctively 'get' this of all things. Wish you the best.

I feel confused about what I need.
I don't know what to do with my feelings... i have conflicting feelings about what T and PrevT feel about it.
I didn't realize I was this confused, but I am.
Lots to talk about in therapy, now.

[precaryous]

Originally Posted by ruh roh

I know exactly what you mean. There was one thing in particular I shared. It took most of a session to walk her through it. I had never talked to anyone about it before, outside of those who were involved, and I had carried it around for 19 years. She got it. It was palpable in the room, in her whole being. And her getting it on that level allowed me to discharge it somehow--not sure how else to explain it. And that particular thing lost its power. So I understand the need to have the experience felt and shared on that level because it's almost transformative in a way.

Even though I haven't had that experience with other things, I feel she gets it enough. I recently gave drawing a shot--I had always resisted that. And it has helped communicate and get those things across. Because I agree with you. It matters to me, too. I just don't look for it in terms of her needing to get everything. Not sure if that makes sense.

This^^^^^

Sounds like you have a very perceptive, gifted T.

[Cinnamon_Stick]

Yes, I think my T really "Gets it". She gets what I have been through better than anyone and validates my feelings.