Couch 51 - They also serve

Baseball practice is over. Apparently my son needs to work on yelling louder lol...that's it. Baseball skills are great, he's just too quiet. I have no idea WHERE he would get that from lol.

It's seriously looking like I'll not get marks good enough to study next semester. Looking for a job. If I didn't have so many restrictions listed on my nursing licence I could apply for a few jobs. I'm just not qualified for anything much else.

OMG! Just found a job for a full-time wildlife keeper at the local wildlife park. All those years rescuing and looking after wildlife may come in hand after all.

Wow, BPA! That sounds like it would be an awesome job! Are you going to apply?

My anxiety level is increasing....ACK.

Why am I so dang nervous about this call? I hope I am not a blubbering mess while talking to her. Maybe I'll take a xanax so I can be more calm through it. It's an objective discussion, right? *sigh*

Starting to get heartburn too. Great.

Hi MUE. I think I'll apply as it takes several weeks to get an interview then several more weeks to start the job so if I do pass my exams i can just decline the position IF i am lucky to be offered it.

MUE have you tried meditation with xanax. I'm starting mindfulness meditation just to try it out. As you know anxiety reaches a certain level and all hell breaks loose in your body and mind then nothing seems to help.
Remember to breathe.

I hate the days that the emotions just show up at work without an invitation. Maybe though, it will make tomorrow a good t session? I hope that you are now relaxing at home, and through with work for the day.

Maybe 8 hours a day in the hot Australian sun and balancing my lithium levels might need some consideration and medical consultation.

BPA, I hope it works out how you want it to!

And thanks for the feedback. I haven't been very successful with any kind of calming method - other than medicating and SI'ing. *sigh*

I don't have time for anything right now cuz my call is in 2 minutes. OMG.

Good luck MUE...

hey ready do you have T tomorrow

We have been doing dieting and chores pretty steadily. He doesn't understand why I feel like I have to eat when I have to eat. Idk. I'm like, I can only be hungry for so long, then I have to eat. This is why I admire normal eaters so much. I don't know what is normal. I don't know what is right, I don't know whats wrong. I think he is afraid of insulting the fat girl or making me mad, but he's okay, really!

MUE - I hope that the call goes well.

Hi Granite... no I'm not scheduled with current T until the 13th but it looks like I will need to reschedule that because my son has a special ceremony thing I need to go to. I have an appt on Thursday with xT....very nervous... not sure its the right thing...

what is the reason you want to meet with him???

Well... there are lots of reasons...the first one is that I never said goodbye. I just disappeared.. I do that in relationships with other people and its something I promised myself I would not repeat so I feel like even if this meeting is all I do it is something I need to do...

I was talking with current T about something I realized I have done in past... with other people and with xT and she specifically asked if I felt I could go back to xT and it would be better...so I just wanted to see if I felt it would be...

I miss him so much too.

I see T tomorrow and am a bit nervous about it.

Well, ended up watching C this afternoon, since my inservice got out early. I fed him an afternoon snack (chicken tenders, reduced fat cheese doodles, and whole wheat pretzels), did some of his "tasks" with him (filing, sight words, etc.), had him read me 3 books, and took him on a bike ride. After the bike ride he wanted more food, so I made some more chicken tenders and gave him some more cheese doodles. It was fun.

Mom came home a little early, so I didn't stay as long as I will other days. But I wasn't supposed to work at all today, so it was extra hours anyways.

Still waiting for my background check to come back for the senior care place. Hopefully it will tomorrow. My dad has another job to measure on Wednesday and asked me to help him. I don't have to watch C that day and I assume it is too soon for the senior place to need me, so I agreed to work with him. Hopefully he will keep his opinions about Ts and pdocs and meds to himself. If not, I'll just have to try my best to ignore him.

Good luck to everyone who has T tomorrow. Hopefully it will be productive for all of you.

I'll pop in and out tonight.

Until then, I hope everyone has a decent evening.

ready i think it is so brave you are doing this. do you think you might go back to seeing him.

i get it murry..what do you have planned for T

Good question Granite. Not a clue.
I normally just go in without a plan...of course, I tend to send him emails so he has a pretty good idea of what I am dealing with and where we need to go before I even get there. Considering I had to have an extra emergency session last week I have a feeling it might be an intense session...

I'm not thinking that way at this time... i just want to go see how it is...if that makes any sense.

RTS, I hope the session with xT goes well for you. (( HUGS ))

Murray - I certainly understand being nervous, especially anticipating an intense session. (( HUGS ))

MUE how did the call go? did it provide any clarity?

Just got off the phone with xgrpcoT....Holy moly. It was certainly an eye-opener. And I feel awful. SO awful.

Because she works with my T, she was able to validate some of my feelings and experiences with my T going off the deep end when I touch on something that makes him angry. She said that she's had similar experiences with my T too - and that she has heard of many others who have gone through it as well. She said that apparently he has issues with women who are smart and assertive - and that he tends to want to put them back in a place of dependency. That he's very controlling when things don't follow his plan - and that he's so convincing that he makes you doubt yourself. It doesn't seem intentional on his part, but she has seen it happen time and time again - and it even happened with her and my T on a business level. He very good at his job and is a good T, except there are these times - especially when faced with someone's anger or his own anger - where things don't tend to go very well.

OMG. I honestly don't know what to think right now. I feel awful.

There was more to it about my decision about group T. I took notes as she was talking. So, I have a lot to process before really coming to a place of making a final decision about this.

I am in such an awful predicament right now.