Couch 54, Where Are You?

Persistance pays off BIP

Ok RS , but I still love MKAC even with those boots!

Congrats BP... Ok seriously bed time after Chinese food!

I'm off to bed too.

I just don't want my choice of footwear mocked by the fashionistas on here. I am kind of old school lesbian shod.

But I agree that knowing me in real life might take away some of my forum famous charm.

Ok I apologize about the boot comment... and fashionista? Seriously me? Lol

It was a joke and I think MKAC knew that.

Oh oh. I must admit, where i live, i have more than ample opportunity to sharpen my wit about birkenshtockenzuzen. But if I tried, they'd run me out of town - if they could run on those corky shuzenshitzen. but we're all too busy eating hagen daazen.

I'm not mocking you SD, but do you mean Doc Martins? I remember as a teen all lesbians were supposed to have worn Docs. Just read Hankster post and Birkenstocks? I thought they were fvoured by the elderly.

I was teasing about not wanting to be mocked for my footwear.
I am elderly by the standards here, Hankster is older than I am but that may be it on the couch.
I have birkenstocks, doc martins, men's teva and keen sandals and boots and some clark desert boots, a lot of sneakers named for dead tennis players, and those australian pull on boots.

I see nothing stereotypical lesbian here, just someone who likes to be comfortable or like me is slightly disabled.

Note to self 5 hr energy at 8 does not help bed time at 11. SD I have most of the shoes you mentioned.

I was joking. And around here, sensible, comfortable shoes are equated with lesbians.

LC - you have your stereotypical lezzie moments. And then you have your straight girl shoes.

See I don't understand that. why do people equate that sort of things with sexuality?

Well, there are all sorts of GLBT/women's studies articles and books that might give you an idea, particularly if you go back and look at the studies and archives on old butch/femme stuff from the mid-twentieth century and the movement forward to today. Some to many lesbians took to adopting shoes (and clothes in general) that were strong and comfortable and practical versus flimsy, delicate, uncomfortable, hard to walk in (ever heard the term victim shoes?). There is more to it of course.

and here is a fun discussion:
Lesbian shoes? | AfterEllen.com

Thanks SD. It was just a passing thought as I don't feel people's sexuality is a great concern. At least with lesbians if you say you're not way inclined they will leave you alone, but men take it as a challenge.

A lot of people have agreed with me on various threads. I find that very validating.

Obviously, that isn't an issue here. I don't have an ongoing relationship I need to save. With some exceptions of people I interact with regularly, it makes no difference to my life if people on this forum hate me or get angry at me for telling the truth as I see it. I would prefer that someone hate me forever for something I said, if it means that they actually take the action they need to protect their children. I don't care what it takes to get a person to the point of protecting their children -- support, niceness, meanness, guilt, shame, anger, WHATEVER. I had tried both nice and supportive, and saw a LOT of people trying nice. Nice clearly isn't working.

If your child was present while you were abused, and being mean to you was what it took for your T to convince you to get out, then in my opinion, he was totally justified. I'm sorry if that offends you, and your child may not have been in danger, but statistically speaking, the majority of men who hit their wives end up hitting the children also. I think the last study I read said that 85% of men who beat their wives also beat the children.

On a lighter note:

I knew it was a joke and felt comfortable talking about it because we had also joked about it when I was thinking of buying turquoise boots. In fact, that was the time when I finally learned to spell turquoise after having to right click to get spell check to fix it, over and over and over. LOL

Seriously, though, CE, isn't it MORE validating when you know that the person agreeing with you isn't just blowing smoke up your butt to be nice? You know when I agree with you, I truly and sincerely mean it. LOL.

Gads...lots of catching up.

1) I agree with MKAC about the abuse thing. I am known for being kind, but I can also get very ugly and opinionated when I have to protect someone, especially if it's a child.

2) If we met IN PERSON first, I don't think we would all get along so well. It would indeed be an interesting study. I have some traits that turn people off, and I don't get along well with many women IRL.

3) Lola, as much as I would love to see you kick my selfish pizza gulping a-hole, I still choose to remain anonymous on this site. Sorry love! But if I change my mind you will be the first to know.

4) Maybe it's because I lived in a predominantly gay town for so long, but I own all of those shoes as well. Why do lesbians get all the cool stuff? NOT FAIR.

5) As a professional with a tattoo, I must say that I don't get turned away frequently because of it. My business suit hides it though. My voice is what turns people of the most, but fortunately I've been in business here for almost 30 yrs and my name carries some weight.

I had a rough night. I managed to keep from self abuse, even though that was the forefront of my mind. I always want to punish myself when I am reminded of my own stupidity.

Wikid, you are not stupid. Having a speech issue has nothing to do with your intelligence.

I agree lesbians commandeer all the best stuff. Comfy shoes, flannel shirts, short hair, no make up, trucks and power tools. I can remember a time when all of those things just meant you were a farm girl. LOL. I have a friend who said that she went to college in another State and had no issue with coming out. Everyone just sort of knew she was a lesbian. When she came back to our little community, she had to tell everyone because we all just assumed she dressed like that because she had been doing something on the farm.

grrr. Honestly though, to hear someone do an impression of my voice put me right back into my place. Who am I to think that I am seen in any other light? I will always be that kid. Always. There is no overcoming it.

Sorry...I should just get over it.

How are your ducks?

You are not that kid. That is not your world. You have a choice now. You are not trapped. Anonymous or not, you know we love you. We all know you are not stupid.

And the ducks are good! The people who had them had really little kids so the girls are used to being cuddled and getting smooches on the head. Where they were, though, the dogs were really friendly and would lick them and lie with them. I took my young dog in to try to train her not to be too rough and Cocoa (the brown hen) was like, "OH, HEY! Hi, Dog! Be my best friend," and walked up to the dog. I was a little concerned, but the dog was good. Kind of subdued because I think she was expecting a "RUN AWAY" response and disappointed she didn't get it. LOL.

ha...that's so cute! I've seen what Sadie does to field mice and stuffies, I wouldn't allow her anywhere near ducks! But, dals are ratters and hunters, so it's in her nature to attack critters. My older dal has been trained a bit better!

Good morning!

Yes, it was obvious that saving a relationship wasn't the case here....I was merely pointing out that it has impact in other ways AND that even my own T lashes out and says things strongly every now and then in order to try to be heard.

And please don't jump to conclusions about my situation. My example had nothing to do with this type of thing. I was not physically abused by my exH.

I understand you feel strongly about this - and I do too - I just don't see the reaction as helpful to anyone other than getting the pent up feelings out. I don't see coddling and niceness as helpful either. Unfortunately, I don't think any approach right now is useful.

I did say I didn't know about your situation. You have described your ex as abusive, so I guess I leaped to the conclusion that is was physical abuse.

So everyone knows, my approach has actually worked in my real life at a few times. For what that's worth. Two women and one male client have told me that my straightforward "here is how it is and here is what you are doing to your children" talk with them was the impetus to actually get out of their various situations and do what it took to protect the children, regardless of their feelings for their abuser.