Couch 54, Where Are You?

I should have added: dont take advice on money, romance, or decorating from me!! But im trying to listen and learn...

Sooooo tired this morning. Keep remembering little bits and pieces of my session, and then promptly forgetting them again. Like I told him about the time my mom shot at a neighbor lady, and then her kids were super mean to us at school and told everyone what freaks our whole family is. [when the sheriff came, my mom claimed she was shooting at the dogs that were with the woman, so nothing happened because under open range law, you're allowed to shoot at animals that are on your property. The woman was on the road, the dogs were just a little ways into the pasture next to the road.] Anyway, that doesn't seem like THAT big a deal such that I would keep forgetting it. My brain hurts.

can i complain for just a bit and then i promise i will not for a while . with all the crap going on with the mother that just continues on .she wont listen to me and is just screwing things up even more for herself. but that is not all.the rest is kind of personal and tmi but i need to say something to someone to just maybe get it off my chest. the last 3 or so months it seems like my husband doesn't really want to be around me .like i usually stay up late because i cant sleep but now when i go to bed he gets up and goes back downstairs to sleep on the couch. if i stay up and don't go to bed he well stay in bed upstairs. with everything going on i am so so so hurt. i feel like a hideous person already and the fact that he is now doing this it just hurts so so bad. i just feel like everything is falling and i cant stop it. thanks for tuning in and now back to our scheduled program.

that sounds so scarey to have seen and then to have the kids be so mean.

Old boy T is finding me a new T in Fort Worth, that's nice of him. W is crying all the time and the finality of things, movers, packing, new services for new place etc... Combined with my work project Is all coming down on me like a ton of bricks. I'm still not turning to drugs and alcohol and trying to hold it together. I'm glad I have couch support. These next few weeks are gonna be rough, I need this to be over. I just needed to vent. I'm scarred for my future and being alone, glad my dogs coming. I'm gonna catch up on the couch now. ((((Friends))))

granite, can you talk to your hubby about it?

As I've said before with the mother -- repeat after me, "NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility. NOT my responsibility."

The stuff with this horrible woman is NOT your responsibility. If you want my advice (and ignore this if you don't), if you feel some obligation to her, send her a letter (and keep a copy), and tell her EXACTLY what she needs to do and tell her that if she does not wish to follow your advice, you are washing your hands of the situation and you will not be helping her further or having any further contact with her. What's the worst that can happen? She doesn't live anywhere near and cannot hurt you anymore. The worst that happens is she's mad and doesn't talk to you -- or calls and yells and you can hang up.

DOMA was overturned, that brightens my day !

Granite you know you gotta talk to him. Maybe he's worried what's gonna happen with your mom is out of his control. Maybe your high blood sugar gave you both a yeast infection and he's freaked out. Could be something simple, that's what my t has taught me. It usually is a lot more simple with normal people than with our impossible old families. and im not surprised your mother isnt listening to you. Mine never listened to me. We are just not real to them. Let them live their own lives.

yay for overturning DOMA! Woot.

Granite...It's a loose/loose situation with the mother. She doesn't listen, screws it all up, then tells people you didn't help her. I get it. Sorry it's so bad.

With the H...could he just be having a hard time sleeping? Maybe he's a little stressed out? Think about maybe talking with him about it, figuring out the issue. My H sleeps on the couch when he's stressed out, because he is afraid of keeping me awake.

Working on a picnic for Saturday...doing a kind of "steam punk" theme...old music from the 40's etc.

I was reading this article and thought of us all. Granite, you in particular, because you equated your T talking about self compassion with you being like the mother. I think this might be helpful. http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weight...lf-compassion/

Granite I'm sorry your mother continues to jack with you, your not little Granite anymore and you need to put your foot down and not hold your tounge any longer. As for H, you know he loves you, just talk to him. Let him in. ((Granite))

thanks MKAC

you know the only thing i asked her to do was to find the seinor services center for her county and go ther to talk to someone about help that is available.especially free financila counceling. i went to the center here and talked to people about what is available here and the person said she has the same stuff availaable there .anyway .instead of that she goes to the bank to see if they will be able to give her another loan against the one she already is paying on if she needs money to fix the car .this is instead of buying a better newer one .so she will spend 5k on fixing the one she has that is over 15 years old and i can guarentee the moter will blow or something and then she will have no car no way to get another loan and will still owe on the loan she got .but she now feels better that she will be able to get that money. instead of going to talk to the people at seinor services about finances for free she went and talked to some company that will arrange to have her intrest rates lowered and she will send them money every month to pay her bills for her for only 20$ a month.the seinor center would have people to help her with this for free but will not go talk to them would rather pay this company. i asked her to change her to change the deductable on her car and home from $100 to maybe 1k but nope she wont do that to lower her payments . anyway in a way i am glad she is not choosing to take any of my advice because it will be easier for me to tell her to go to H.E.L.L when once again her world comes crashing down around her financially. no more money from me ....

oh oh oh oh and self care alert i think. part of what is making me feel like such a horrible person (wiki i know you will understand this) i finely told her on the phone that living with me is not an option .i am a horrible daughter .i feel like she was right all this time about her thoughts about me . so so confused .i know it was the right thing to do but OMG i feel so much like crap.

My mother would rather take financial advice from my brother who has filed for bankruptcy TWICE, then me who has financial stability from making wise choices all of my life. Go figure.

wiki you are probibly right about the sleeping .i have kind of talked to him about it and he keeps comming up with differnt reasons for it.that worries me .it just hurts mixed with everything else.i have gained a huge amount of weight in the last year and i am worried that might have a lot to do about it.i am stress eating and i cant seem to stop

Can you try to re-frame it in your head as feeling like you are STRONG and triumphant and finally, finally FREE of her?

ugh granite...I get it. It's like we were trained to take care of our mothers no matter once, and any veering from that creates extreme guilt. Even though we know that we are right.

is this just for your family?? i love steampunk. i craft a lot of cards in the steampunk theme lol

Well...speaking of mothers...it's mine's birthday. I have a niece coming in for the weekend whom I adore, so I opted to throw a big party. I have siblings coming (ick) but I invited a lot of our friends because I wanted to even out the playing field by putting people who love me around. The bad thing is H accidentally invited big assed pizza wolfer's husband! So maybe I should quadruple the food?

wow i think i might have to get the book this person is talking about .great article.thanks MKAC

is this the woman from the buffet? omg how horrible. sounds like you are making lemonade out of lemons. is your niece going to take your mother home for a bit???

Tell big assed pizza wolfer's husband that the party is vegan and all food will be beet based.

no...next weekend there is a baby shower, and my sister from CT will take my mother home for a few weeks. So, yay!

H feels so bad. He was talking to a good friend and this woman's husband was like "cool, I love steampunk...where and when". H just told him, this was BEFORE the buffet ordeal. I told H that he'd better keep them off my good deck chairs, I don't think that they will hold the weight. Not to be mean, but they are pricey chairs. The 12 yr. old is the smallest, and she weighs 320.

Is she going to have the face to come to your home after what she said and did?? Bring me my smelling salts!