Text me, call me, or email me....

Does anyone have a T that encourages contact between sessions? and supports the contact?
Things like letting the client text, giving multiple phone numbers to call, and email addresses to write?

I read here about lots of people who don't have outside contact with their T, or have it stopped because it gets out of control...

....but do you think it is a technique for clients who are more fearful of T?

I wish my T would do that.....

I can contact my T by phone whenever I wish and he will get back to me the same day. He doesn't do texts or emails which is perfectly fine for me. I much prefer to actually have a conversation with him. I detest texting (anyone, not just a T), and the problem with emails is that without voice inflection and the ability to immediately discuss ideas with the person you are corresponding with, emails can create problems that don't exist in the first place when things are interpretted wrongly.

Have you considered keeping a journal and choosing certain entries to share with your T? I do that from time to time when what's on my mind doesn't warrant an actual phone call but I want to be sure to share what's on my mind with him when I do see him. I particularly do this when the topic is one that I know is hard to verbalize for some reason.

nope, no contact between appointments; if I am in crisis she says go to the ED

Email only. I can call the office in an emergency. The emails are usually closer to the business type. If they aren't t usually offers a brief message of reassurance or praise, instructs me to call the office, or states we'll talk about that at the next appointment. Usually they are about two lines long.

I can call him anytime - I have his office, cell, and home numbers. He's just recently started texting and also just gave me his email address. He encourages contact, even if it's just to feel connected to him or hear his voice.

I rarely contact him between sessions. I think the last time I did for anything other than a scheduling thing was at the very end of last year, when he basically instructed me to call him.

I have one that does not object and early on gave it as something to do if it felt useful. Calling never was. I usually write that one. The second one has encouraged calling and has two contact phone numbers. I usually do not call - probably 3 times in three years.

Yes, I can call and leave a message or email at any time, and she will get back usually within a day but sometimes longer. I used to think my emails were annoying but she's always said they were helpful.

My old t did that... Emails texts phone calls all the time... It was wonderful. It really helped me

I think having frequent outside of session contact with one's T tends to cause more harm than good. At first, it makes the client feel cared about and it seems like it's helping. Then, the client texts/e-mails more and more in order to seek reassurance, to express their thoughts to T right away, to try and get a response from T, and/or to "do therapy" via text/email. It becomes excessive. It becomes a way to get out of "sitting with" the hard feelings. It becomes a way of depending on T for reassurance rather than using coping skills and becoming more independent. The client feels like T is more of a "friend" than a therapist. The boundaries become too blurred. And, when the T can't (or won't) respond to all of these texts/emails, or doesn't respond quickly, or doesn't respond in the way the client wanted-- the client feels rejected and obsesses about T's response (or lack thereof). I think it's safe to say that a good 1/3 of the posts in the Psychotherapy forum are about distress over e-mailing T. I think the issue here is that clients *want* to e-mail T. They say that it helps because they want to be able to continue e-mailing and/or receiving e-mails from T. They don't want to lose that outside of session contact. But, in my opinion, that contact is actually not in the client's best interests. It feeds into and increases transference and an insecure attachment to T. It creates this whole drama around the T-client relationship (outside of the therapy room) which detracts from the client actually working on their presenting issues. Some transference in the T relationship is normal or even beneficial-- but I think increasing that transference (and dependency) through e-mail is a hinderance to the therapeutic process.

My T allows calls, texts, and e-mails, but I do not use them on any kind of a regular basis. I use them almost exclusive for scheduling purposes. I've e-mailed T 3 times in 3 years and have texted her maybe 10-12 times in 3 years. I certainly think it's okay to let T know if the client is in crisis, to ask for an additional session, to get truly time-sensitive information to T, or something of that nature. I think it becomes "too much" when it is once a week or more, outside of session. I should also point out that I'm referring to clients who are functioning satisfactorily in their daily lives, and are going to therapy on a voluntary basis. If a client is in-patient treatment or in a day program, I'm sure the rules and needs are different.

(I'm sure some will disagree with me; this is purely my opinion. However, I think a lot of Ts are adopting this opinion as technology (email/text) becomes a bigger part of our lives. A lot of Ts who previously gave out their cell numbers and e-mail addresses have since changed their accounts, and no longer give that information to clients. I think there is a reason why this is happening more and more frequently. My T said that she has had a problem with clients "abusing" their text/e-mail privileges and she has taken them away. She says she wants to keep those lines open for clients who are truly in crisis, but she does not want regular contact from clients).

ETA: I think it is helpful, though, to bring in things I have written to discuss in person. It's like e-mail, except it is brought into the session and discussed then-and-there so that I can get T's response in real time, there's no misunderstanding, and it does not create dependency.

T allows calls and email but he limits it if it gets excessive or if I'm in crisis.
His responses are short but usually effective

My T allows contact by mobile phone (txt or call). He has made me promise that if I am desperate I contct him and not the psych ER, which was really nice of him I think. I've txted him three times between sessions when I was feeling rather low. He will only respond that he read the message, but that has been enough to make me feel grounded. (The first time I txted he didn't reply at all because he figured he'd see me in a few days anyway. That didn't feel so good so I asked him to acknowledge that he gets a message.)

I've got his number and his email adress. For the first 3 years, I didn't use either of them.

Lately I've been calling him when things get tough(usually once a week but there are weeks I don't call), but I have only emailed once(when I was out of my country).

He has told me that I can call him between sessions.

I remember one day I called him crying, I was in a terrible mood. He told me to come in that same day for a session, despite his full schedule. I really appreciated that.

One or two times, when I called him and was in a crappy mood, at the end of our conversation he told me "Call me back again when you feel better, let me know what happened." That was nice too, it felt like he cared for me.

I am grateful my T is not afraid of contact between sessions and I was no longer required to "sit with my feelings" like T#1 did. I never improved that way. The contact has helped me trust, be more open and made me feel like I am supported and he actually cares. I have made progress and I am starting to understand what triggers me and how to deal with it myself. Yah I have felt abandoned at time because I did not get the response I needed or expected which activated child parts in me but I learned how to recognize that. It taught me that I need to step away from my feelings, talk to the wounded part....telling her we are not his only client and he is busy with, workshops, chart notes, other clients in crisis, new clients, wife, dog life. It took a few months but I am starting to be able to stay in adult phase and not need and seek such attention.

Yes, my t encouraged me to email or texts between sessions. And I can call if necessary (but I do not like phone calls) I email sometimes and get a short response back. About difficult topics I can also mail. She keep the mails for the moment I'm ready to read them in session. I mail and call not much.... But we texts every day and usually she is the first to send a message to me. Asking how I slept and to wish me a good day I text her back for an update and wish her a good day. In the evening the same, an update and a good night wish. Sometimes we text during the day and sometimes not.

if I'm not feeling well and I need support I can ask for it. But if I had a bad night she will text me during the day to ask how it is going. And even if i had a good night and I feel good she will text during the day, i think to let me know that she is still there.

Bloem

I can email and phone my T.

I hate using the phone, so in the past I've emailed and she's called me a few hours later.

I sometimes email to rearrange an appointment. She's given me her mobile but doesn't use it so told me to phone if I need anything.

My T generally doesn't allow email or texting. He does say people can always call him and he's pretty good about calling back. He started allowing me to email about a year ago. Two days ago something upsetting for me happened, and I tried calling yesterday, but the receptionist was in the office and said I had to leave a message with her and she could not put me through to his voice mail. There was no way I was leaving the message with her, so I emailed. He called me back and said he was glad I let him know what was happening, no matter how I did. He just doesn't like to email back because he doesn't feel he expresses himself well in email, and he wants to be sure he's addressing what I actually need for him to address.

My T allows me to email although he has expressed his distaste of it. I can also always call his office line. He is alerted to voicemails outside of the office so he can call back if he's not there. I struggle with reaching out by phone and would much rather email. His preference, when I'm in distress, is that I call to set up an extra session.

I used to email more frequently (maybe 1-3 times a month, ongoing exchanges though) when I was in distress. The emails would be troublesome because I would have no idea what I needed and T would have no idea how to react to what I wrote. T would sometimes respond, "What do you need right now?"....and I would struggle with trying to figure it out. *sigh*

One time, T responded something along the lines of knowing that receiving an email from me is surely to let him know that I am in distress. I then started judging myself and putting myself down for the idea of needing T to know I was in distress.

Before he left for his vacation, we talked about having a back-up T....and we talked about how it's important for me to be very clear and direct with what I need. He believes that most times we just need to be heard, reassured and reminded of steps to take to work our way out of the distressing place we're in. I thought to myself, gah, why on earth would I bother T with that - that's something I should be able to do on my own.

It made the idea of reaching out feel yucky to me.

I sometimes email T just to let him know something that I either can't seem to muster enough courage to say in session - or feels too distressing to hold onto until the next session. I keep that to a minimum, though.

When I 1st started seeing my T she didn't really set boundaries (so boy did I develop transference!)
I never called her but texted and emailed a lot,I started to realize that T was one of the 2 people I was texting the most in my contact list (had to stop that)
Then I felt transference kick in and T pushing me away and I was distraught,I hated the woman,felt like she was abandoning me.
We worked through it and now I can go an entire week without any contact only to reassure our schedule appointments.
I absolutely never email her anymore but when I was in crisis mode she did call me&did text me to check on me the next day.

I think after a while,I realized,like she said,that I didn't need her as much as I thought!!

Calling, all of my T's have allowed this. With my last one a few years ago I was supposed to when I was suicidal, or having thoughts of S/h and other coping skills weren't working. I never did, I always felt bad calling when I was at that point.

I ended up having some episodes of psychosis and was really out of my mind and scared, that was when I called. I have never been more thankful to have someone there during that who at least knows me and could tell me what to do. This was with a T I had a few years ago. The one I have now allows calling as well, which I'm very glad. I'm not a phone person, but when whatever was going on happened and I called I was so relieved that I could get a hold of them. I didn't know what was going on, no one around me understood, my T didn't even know but he made sure I got help. For me it felt better calling them when you trust them, rather than calling an emergency department and trying to explain to a stranger something you don't even understand yourself but need help for.

I think contact between sessions makes boundaries that much harder to learn. I did write my T and snail mail, but we rarely discussed that. It was when I quit writing and stayed "in the room" that I started to make the most progress.

for the first year and half i didnt contact her between sessions and i didnt even know if she allowed it cause it was never really talked about. she may have mentioned it but i was so disassociated that i dont remember. i knew i could call the office emergency # if i had a crisis/emergency. at some point she gave me her email for something and her cell phone number. for awhile i emailed her weekly but i told her i didnt need a response...it was more of a place for me to "dump" all the stuff that flies through my head and was overwhelimg for me to hang onto by myself. i have texted sparingly and asked for a phone call 1-3 times in 2yrs. im very grateful for that contact. its made a huge difference for me.

Well, we all have different things to learn from therapy. Those who need to learn to live with boundaries may not benefit from close between-session contact. Those who find it really hard to talk in session may make much more progress if they are allowed to submit their thoughts between the sessions, in writing. Those who are suicidal and need a lifeline may need the contact in order to stay alive.

It's all different.

what mastodon said.

Very well said, Mastodon!

T has mentioned on a number of occasions that I have a good sense of boundaries and that's not one of my issues. Instead, it's being able to have needs, reaching out to ask to have needs met and allowing others to care for me, help me or meet my needs.