Looking for books on this

Stopdog, this really isn't your style. I am surprised that your therapist suggested it, does she know you at all or has she cracked through to all the warm fluffy stuff instead �� like a Cadbury cream egg!
Here is a link to a woman's website who appears to know a bit about it
Reparenting the Wounded Child
They all seem to talk about a wounded child and how to heal them.
To me I don't think I would allow a therapist to try this as I would be handing over my whole self, adult and child and the idea terrifies me!

The therapist might just be saying...: Instead of paying me to stay away and you trying to control and interlectualize the situation/relationship, look at me as the " good mother"..." I am not the "bad mother" who hurt you" I am here to help you.

It could be as simple as that

....

...And she could be hinting that she won't be a "smothering mother" either

Yeah that's kind of what I thought too--not so much a particular technique as a relationship style. Have you read Alison Bechdel's book Are You My Mother? It's a pretty brilliant account of her relationship with her mother, her therapists and her understanding of various psychoanalytic theorists (especially Winnicott) all in a comic/graphic novel format. (You'll remember Bechdel from Dykes to Watch Out For, yes?) It'll help explain the idea in a more vibrant way than a more theoretical book, I think.

Stopdog, I'm newish here and obviously only know a limited side of you so I'm somewhat presumptuously going out in a limb here (forgive me if I'm overstepping!) when I say that much of what you write here suggests that you really don't see the benefit in having a trusting emotional connection with your Ts. Maybe you haven't met the right T for that but it sounds more like you're either mystified or horrified at the thought of that kind of relationship. So much so that I wonder if you doth protest too much!

I think your T might be saying that if you allow yourself to be vulnerable enough, your relationship with her can help you heal some of the hurts of not having having had a good enough mother. She wouldn't "re-parent" you or replace your mother but with your consent and trust she'd respond to some of your early unmet needs with sensitivity and compassion. It would be a shift from just discussing the issues that come up for you and assuming that what you need is to just understand them. It would mean acknowledging that the relationship itself can be healing (and allowing it.)

In a recent thread I think you said something about not trusting your T more than you're willing to lose. Which struck me as be a very well-defended approach to therapy. The thing is, that you also trust her as much as you're willing to gain.

You need her to be your therapist. I would ask you exactly what she means. We can't be re-parented, whatever that means. We can have people in our lives who treat us well, but it cannot take the place of a bad parent.

Deleted to not stir the thread in another direction.

I don't think it's about taking the place of a bad parent or rewriting history. It's about engaging in a relationship that can heal the wounds of the past by opening us to new experiences. I think within the context of a parental transference, it becomes re-parenting. If the transference takes a different form, it becomes that form.

I find some articles after an online journal search. I really don't think this has anything to do with reparenting.
Thanks.

That would be my understanding also.

Favorite jeans, I love alison bechdel! Thanks for the new book ref! And the title is so great. For a while I was wandering around saying that. I knew it was the title of a children's book, then one day I was shopping with a gf who is a counselor and while she was trying on stuff, I was getting tired so I sat down, and they had the kid's book in their guest basket!! Thx again

SD, I know nothing about theory or technique in what you're asking and I also do not have any books to recommend.

But, I thought I'd share with you my experience. My T told me at one time that I was developmentally delayed in my emotional self-awareness. My mother was aloof and was a disciplinarian. There was no overt abuse but I believe I was emotionally neglected.

Although my T never threw out the idea of re-parenting or looking at her as a mother role [it would have turned me off and felt weird to me], I believe that is what she did do by her method of therapy.

With her I was able to become 'small' and vulnerable. With her I was able to feel dependency... but it was a nurturing and healing dependency. No matter how I acted out, I knew and FELT she would not abandon me.

When I challenged her with my occasional distrust of her, she stood solid. She did not waver. When I collapsed in emotion, she was there to soothe.

She encouraged me. She supported me. She offered the kind of unconditional love that one would hope from a mother. She met the need that I had.

And now, I feel more like an adult than ever. I know it sounds strange and my T is younger than me so it has nothing to do with age - it's about consistency and 'known' unconditional positive regard.

Was she perfect? Heck no. I recognize some mistakes she made. She's human. Although initially it rattled me when she made mistakes, she WOULD apologize and remind me she is human.

So, was this the definition of reparenting or having T model a good enough mother? I have no idea. But it sure felt like it to some extent.

Having experienced the kind of trust I have in my T has been invaluable. Being able to accept her humanity and all the flaws that accompany humanness has been so healing. To have been accepted and heard and nurtured is an experience that I will value the rest of my life.

I think this is a really valid option. It's quite similar to what I worked on yesterday & I felt like my inner stopdog was activated most of the time.

[quote=growlycat;3273282]found this:

GOOD-ENOUGH
It stands in contrast with the "perfect" mother who satisfies all the needs of the infant on the spot, thus preventing him from developing.

Her failure to satisfy the infant need's immediately induces the latter to compensate for the temporary deprivation by mental activity and by understanding. Thus, the infant learns to tolerate for increasingly longer periods both his ego needs and instinctual tensions. (Winnicott, 1977, p. 246).

Sorry, OP, but this intrigued me, so commenting on Winnicott:

I highlighted the two parts I'm referring to. This seems precisely where so many patients and therapists butt heads: satisfying *all* needs vs some and satisfying needs *immediately* vs not. I get the wisdom of what Winnicott is saying here, though. If the therapist attempts to be 'perfect', attempts to satisfy all needs and immediately, then this will inhibit the growth of the patient, if not stunt it... But when this, I'll call it 'delayed and incomplete satisfaction,' does not correspond to patients' expectations, or, on the other hand, if the therapist attempts to be 'perfect' rather than 'good enough' it seems that, sooner or later, all hell can break loose.

No worries from me. The discussion goes where it will.

I read Bechdel's book when it came out. I don't see it as applying here, but it was an okay book to read. I liked the other one she wrote about her dad and the Fun Home better.

I am having better luck with finding articles that discuss what I want to know about.

Stopdog, I hope you find what you are looking for. I am not sure what your T means if she wasn't meaning reparenting

Thanks. From the context of the conversation and from what I have found out about reparenting - that is not what she was talking about.

I'm glad.

I ordered both bechdel books. Interesting about her dad. AND her relationship with her mom. Both sound similar in many respects to my parents. So now im not so surprised i enjoyed her pov so much in her other books.

I wonder if she understands just how special you are. From what I'm hearing, not.

A bold and original plan!

stopdog if you find any articles online that help explain it well can you please share them? I'm wondering what your T meant as well

Did I mention how much I hate that?

But maybe Madame T's frustration was not optimal. She had it dialed too high.

SD, do you plan on asking your T what she meant? If you do, could you share with us her answer?

I will if I get an answer. This one is not known for her stellar powers of explanation.

As you are a person in the teaching profession, maybe you could give her a few tips on sharing knowledge in a clear and concise manner.

WEll since she lacks in the communication department, I hope she adequately makes up for in the personality department.
I think I like your ts style- mine tells me too much and explains everything in great detail.