Psychodrama...here I come.

[someone321]

Bad (why does the post have to have at least 8 characters?? Bad means bad - 3 letters are enough...)

[ready2makenice]

. . . . . . Broken and tired

[looking4polaris]

frantically trying to stay ahead of the last straw

[Lamplighter]

Been away for a while and now suffering from that 'I don't want to be here' feeling. Was a great holiday and it only served to point up the desolation of my normal life. Not helped by getting some sick bug or another which is making me feel physically a hundred times more crap than usual. Do things ever actually change?

[misskrome]

I've been up for almost a full 24 hours (bipolar1). It's routine but a bit annoying. I want nothing more than to feel the soft, soothing blankets and pillows and drift off into a nice, deep, restoring sleep and have another weird dream. I've struggled with insomnia my entire life, so it's really nothing new, just a little irritating. *sigh* Mood-wise, I'm alright. Not too good but not too bad, either. Just whatever. I've been passing the time doing some obsessive editing on random projects here in hopes that it would tucker me out but I think it's doing the opposite because when I finish the first one, it inspires me to begin another. I'm also trying not to get worked up because my adrenaline can get set off by the slightest trigger and I hate the way it feels. It's very unpleasant to me. My body is so achy and my spine so compressed that I've had to take several Naproxin pills just to take the edge off of the pain. They aren't working. I'm on Ambien and it's a joke. I take it and... nothing happens. It's not even strong enough to make me slightly drowsy. Don't worry. I only limit myself to one a night so there won't be any ODs. Gotta ration them carefully. Pharmacy doesn't do early refills. Next appointment isn't until the 11th. Can't wait to get on some mood stabilizers again. This is driving me insane. I've been so gd manic that I'm getting on my own nerves. I want to leave the room to get away from myself but I follow me everywhere I go. I have a bad feeling that this mania is going to keep me awake for another whole day. Boooo! Not looking forward to it. I give someone permission to bop me on the head and knock me out so I can finally sleep. Things are starting to get a little weird.

[AutumnForest]

Good! A bit busy, but good!

[rep97]

I am really struggling. I feel bad things are going to happen. Ugh

[healingme4me]

On fire, assertive and well, kinda bossy

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[healingme4me]

And if I EVER hear again, you never showed me that, better watch your neck because heads will roll

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[willowbrook]

Super excited about my next session with Pdoc, but sort of nervous as well.

Hubby got a day off work, because we have clothes shopping and other stuff we need to do (we're setting up a new fish tank!), and he'll be coming with me to meet Pdoc. He won't be coming to the actual session with me, but I'm still heaps happy that he's going to meet Dr T.

I'm nervous as well though, because in the Southern Hemisphere recently the Pagan/Wiccan community celebrated the festival of Lammas/Lughnasadh, and part of the festival, for me at least, is to give thanks for that which we have previously sown that we are now beginning to harvest. I consider therapy with Pdoc to be seeds that have been previously sown, and and am now thankful for the benefits (harvest) I am receiving. With that in mind I have a very small (almost no monetary value) gift that I will be presenting to Pdoc in our session. It might not be big in value money wise, but it's something that has a huge amount of meaning, and I'm really hoping he will accept it in the spirit in which it's being given. He's accepted a (belated) Christmas/New Years gift of chocolates from me (we were talking about snorkeling in a previous session, so I bought him a box of chocolate sea shells to share with the girls on the front desk (because they are lovely and awesome as well), but this is a gift that's a bit more personal*, hence the nerves.

(* and by 'Personal' and 'Meaningful', I don't mean in a transference-y kind of way, but still it's the first time I've given a gift of this sort, and I'm sure it will be fine, but still, nerves...)

[Freewilled]

Like I'm on thin ice.......I am nervous about what's going on in T because Im really worried that it's just another relationship repeating its pattern. My T hasn't "figured it out" I guess and God knows I can't do it alone! ( or else I would've by now ) this is so infuriating!!!!!!

The week went well, except I've been late a lot, and I'm never late. PsychoD was wonderful and I look forward to the rest if them. The party was perfect, everybody had a good time. And, everything is on schedule, yet all week I felt a child's need for safety—what my ex therapist use to provide for me. I wonder if its our get together that has me a little unsettled? Though we've been to events together, this will be our first lunch date, and I picked the restaurant. I haven't had time to read the novel we both wanted to talk about, and I hope that I don't make her feel like she's still doing therapy. Just thankful I'm good at handling and enjoying my life now. After all she taught me well.

I've had a really busy week and it continues into the weekend. I saw a superb play last night. My psychD trainer was there with a friend. She said hello to me, and gave me a great big warm bear hug. Dr. A. said she would see me next Wednesday. I'm lucky I have no shame or embarrassment that other people know I do and have done therapy. My trainer, a psychologist will also be my go to person if I need a therapist down the road for whatever. I really don't think I'll need her in that capacity, even though she has great skills.

Today is the day. Me and my ex therapist will meet downtown for lunch. I didn't finish the book we planned to discuss. Oh well, yesterday I saw her in passing, and I told her about being on PC toomuch. 'Well, you know what you have to do, GTGT."

She just sent me an email saying she would see me at 11. I'm really excited and honored that we are friends.

My best friend and her family arrived in town unannounced to see their kid in college. So I've got to find time, and want to find time to go out with them. This is another reason I need to work on my procrastination.

Here's to a good day and weekend!

[healingme4me]

Didn't anticipate working on this part of me, once more. May or may not come up soon in session. But I've got these two tapes that replay in my mind, sometimes. One tape, led to resolution of childhood animosity with my late stepdad. When my dad and stepmom brought to my moms, most of the rest of my belongings, stepmom told stepdad and mom, 'Good Luck with her, you are going to need it.' Stepdad said, 'I don't know where you come off, she's a good kid, she's never been a problem for us.'
Other tape, couple years ago, my dad was visiting. Topic briefly came up. I said, 'look dad, it was for the better, i was suicidal living there.'

(if a trigger icon, needs placement, can't do those, from phone)

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[Rzay4]

I'm feeling alright went back to work for the first time in three and a half months. It went well.

On cloud nine after having lunch with my ex therapist. Food was just okay, but the company was A plus. I'm glad to see she is just a regular person.

[Unrigged64072835]

Excited--we may be able to let go of the rental early, so we won't have to make payments on two houses for two months. Waiting for a call back from the rental office though.

[withoutthelove_]

Overwhelming myself with thoughts of starting the new school year, recovering and having week-long or fortnightly breaks between sessions with T. I'm trying to ignore the transference-y thoughts and fantasies of T and I being close (in a mother-daughter mentor way) - keep belittling myself for believing she could care about me in the same way ..

Wrapped myself up in my sister-in-law's cardigan right now, like a self-comfort kinda thing.

[AutumnForest]

Extremely sad. Had to put my dog down today.

[someone321]

... Terrible... At the last session T asked me if, when she's not around (she's gone for some days), I can make a timeline with all good things which have happened in my life. Automatically I asked if I can do also another one with all bad things... She was surprised that I thought about it but said that we'll do it together... I think she thought that I'm not ready and I couldn't handle it now...

Why do I always have to challenge myself?! Of course I made a "good" timeline but there was a hole in it - something was missing... So I've made also a "bad" one (I can't do that?! I'll be in a crisis after that?! No way!). It was yesterday and after creating it everything was fine... But today... I just hate myself, first for all these things which I had to put in a timeline and second for this that it was T who was right, not me... stupid, stupid, stupid... But it's good, now I have to suffer till she's back (> 2 weeks) but this is all my fault....

[ready2makenice]

lonely and depressed,feeling like such a bother so have shut myself off from my real world

[someone321]

surprisingly good it's already a week since I saw my T and it's more than a week till I'll see her again but I'm calm and okay, like everything is coming back on the right track... I think I'm relieved...

[tametc]

Originally Posted by someone321

surprisingly good it's already a week since I saw my T and it's more than a week till I'll see her again but I'm calm and okay, like everything is coming back on the right track... I think I'm relieved...

I just wanted to say it's so good to hear how well you're doing with this new T. No more confusion and fear! I'm happy for you.

[SKB025]

not so good. feeling pretty alone