It's complicated..

I won't know for sure what I will do until I find myself in that spot in time. I may end up coming clean. Part of me wants to, and if it was just for me I would, but there is a lot riding on what I do, my family depends on my check. But I hear what everyone is saying

When I was in a major depressive episode, i experienced the things you're describing. I couldn't concentrate and I couldn't remember anything to save my life. I would get to work and stare at my computer monitor or at the wall and not remember what I should be doing. Getting a good psychiatrist and getting properly medicated made a world of difference. I hope you can get the help you need.

You can't avoid their "games" by playing games of your own. You will only lose your own game in the end.

If you need this much help to save your butt/job, then you need to be up front about it and work with the doc to figure out the best med changes/solutions to get the best results. It will likely take more than one trial or med change to figure out. You can't just say "it is concentration," throw a stimulant at it and expect a cure. You won't really get results until you know why you have the problem. Your posts indicate ADHD is only one of many possibilities.

I hear you saying that you think Adderall will be a good fix for your (possibly) ADHD problem and you don't want to risk anything slowing you down more at work. You really need to work with a doc to #1) nail down your problem and then #2) fix it because, I gotta tell ya, I am the gold medal ADHDer and the whole reason I can get through the work day at regular human speed is because Adderall SLOWS me down so I can focus and concentrate. It does not reverse the effects of my other sedating meds.

I also have a history of opiate use/abuse and I will tell you straight up that Adderall will not perk you up from the post-high sleepies. I used to take Provigil (a drug used to treat narcolepsy among other things) and even Provigil in large quantities was not enough to counteract large doses of pain meds. Believe me, I tried plenty of stimulants...they don't work. You only end up grumpier, more forgetful and less able to concentrate than you were to start and it will toast your heart. The only thing that works is not getting high...go figure.
Trust me. When you have that feeling like you can only move at a snail's pace and your eyes will only stay open if you staple your eyelids up, even an entire bottle of Adderall will not help at all.

And, yep, when you're getting off the opiates, it will be intolerably hard to concentrate. If you are up front with your doc(s) about EVERYTHING, they should give you something that can help with that.

Sorry to get all long and lecture-y. Your posts could have been mine a few years ago. Good luck. I hope everything works out and your web doesn't spin out of control.
Sending you good vibes...

By slowing me down I mean making me feel like a zombie. Over the past 3 decades I have had my share of "trials" that only succeeded in making me feel like a zombie. Each visit costs me $30-$50 and then I have to pay for the script which I will end up throwing out because it makes me feel worse. I been down that road more times then I can count. I am sick of playing their game. They have no clue what it's like to take the junk they prescribe. I have had them treat my 2 main issues I do need help in, depression, and anxiety. And it's taken a long long time to find a combo I can tolerate the side effects. It is essential for me to be 100% functional. I am very good at hiding my issues and well manipulating doctors is no harder then any other person. I am convinced I know more and better then they do.

Then you need to advocate for yourself find a couple of non-stimulants that treat Anxiety and depression. Both those things have the ability to mess with your concentration.

I have tried them all. My depression and anxiety is not in question or the issue here. I have the depression and anxiety under control for now any ways. I even have complete normal days. With no meds! The nice thing about Wellbutrin, I only take it when I feel bad and it kicks in. It's not like any of the zombie antidepressants out there. And .25 xanax as needed, again, days with none! I assure you I am prolly more functional then most here. I do need to address the adhd. And in case some where not aware, people can have depression, anxiety and adhd. It's very common to be on wellbutrin, adderall and xanax. This is not a unreasonable combo.

I understand co-morbidity but all you have to tell the Psychiatrist is your on welbutrin PRN, and xanax PRN but you need a PRN for your ADHD.

Unfortunately, I don't think you can hear yourself. Until you hit the wall--which will really put your kids at risk--or hurt someone else (reckless driving?)-- I doubt you'll find the help you clearly need.

Those of us who have experienced addictive behavior in ourselves or loved ones are very astute in reading the signs.

No wonder my pdoc keeps asking me if I have trouble concentrating! I can concentrate okay, I just keep falling asleep. I eventually came off wellbutrin because when I got less depressed (ie stopped being around my mother bringing ne down), it felt like the drug was trying to lift something that didn't need lifting any longer. And I wonder if you aren't used to the xanax, even at that low dose - that's what I was taking and coming off even one pill still makes me sweat. Have you tried prozac? It just seems you sound like I used to, bouncing all over the place. I used to have two speeds - fast and off, nothing in between. Now I can be calm, more normal.

It is scary you blatantly talk about playing and manipulating the doctor to get stimulants for your supposed ADHD.

But from what you say you are a heavy drinker? And you use opiates. Do you inject opiates?

You come across as drug seeking in regards to getting the Adderall. This is NOT a good sign for someone who abuses alcohol and opiates for euphoria, even worst if your injecting the opiates.

It really comes across that you are playing games with the doctors to score pills. It seems to be you are chronically prone to addictive behavior, and anyone that has read this thread will be worried that if you get Adderall, it will end up being abused.

I'm new to medication but I've never heard of anti depressants just bein taken when you are down for a pick me up. I don't think they work that way. They have to be taken regularly and they need to build up in your system to work. I'm sure other people here know better than I do but that is my experience.

I would bring a list of every medication that you have tried in the past with the side effects that you did not like. Your pharmacy can print a list of the past few years of rx's. This way the pdoc can have info on how you react to different types of drugs.

Read between the lines much? I actually said the opposite of what you just wrote I said lol.

I worked as a research scuentist in the pharma industry for many years, including the company that invented Wellbutrin and I can tell you that it is not a drug to be taken "as needed." You need consistent blood levels for it to be effective. If you are getting any benefit from taking it irregularly, it's placebo effect.

You seem intent on simply finding the most easily manipulated physician out there, even if it's not to your own benefit. Good luck with that. I hope it works out for you, I really do.

Welbutrin takes effect in about an hour, with the first dose. It is not like SSRI's that take several weeks to begin working. 150mg Wellbutrin lasts for approx 3 to 5 hours, you deny that?

Actually, like the SSRIs, Welbutrin does take several weeks to reach clinical efficacy. And how long it lasts depends on what form of the drug you take (immediate release, SR, or XL) and how you define "lasts." The immediate release form reaches peak blood levels in about two hours, with detectable blood levels up to 24 hours. The SR and XL forms take longer to reach peak and stay detectable longer.

You know... it really isn't complicated at all.

Be honest with the doctors. About everything.

Ta-da. Problems will be solved.

Lying and manipulating them? That won't end well. You aren't a doctor and you do not know what your diagnosis is without being honest with the pdocs.

you keep comparing it to SSRIs when there is nothing similar to it.

Depending on how severe condition is, it could take up to 6 weeks for patient to start noticing improvements and 1 to 2 weeks to get used to side effects.

BUT unlike SSRIs it BEGINS immediately one hour after first dose and lasts about 3 to 5 hours. A person is given this once a day for a week for them to start getting use to the side effects, insomnia mostly. Then usually increased to twice a day 6 hours apart.

I indicated I can stop any time and start when needed, you then compared wellbutrin to ssri's which was 100% false and then made the claim I was merely experiencing a placebo effect. Also false.

Despite your obvious more experience in all this I correctly identified how wellbutrin works despite my lack of experience

Alrighty then.

Wellbutrin also has the potential for abuse...
If you've "tried everything" and you think you know more than the doctors and you already know exactly what you want, just get a dealer or shell out for an online pharmacy.

I agree with whoever said show up with a list of all the stuff you've tried before, what you are on now, etc.
Be honest. You'll have to when you crash and burn anyway.

I don't see what you hope to gain from further game playing other than the obvious...scoring the pills you want through manipulation.

But yeah, it sucks to have to be on meds that make you a zombie and go through trying different combos until you find some that work and don't. And sometimes you have to try a few docs until you get a good one that hears you, too. And having to work and take care of a family through all that bites the big one. No doubt, you are in a hard place. I'm sorry. I hope it gets better for you.

This chemical balancing act that you are trying to manage though, is going to FAIL. I don't care if you have Nobel prizes in medicine and chemistry wrapped in an Rx pad.
Accept help.

i'm sure you are not the first person to these issues and if you are honest with your doc I am sure you both can come up with some plan .or i'm sure you will be able to find some doc who will give you whatever drug you like it really isn't all that complicated.it seems all you need is drugs to fix the issues so im sure there are always some docs who are pretty much pharmacies and have no real interest in helping you emotionally or otherwise that might serve your purpose. just keep looking

I've decided to come clean because if they are able to find my hospitalizations and bipolar diagnosis they will never be able to trust any thing I say. I'm going to be completely honest and hope for the best. I really don't care what diagnosis they give me, I just don't want my boss to find out as I work thru the same hospital network. Since I am highly functional and have had many full time jobs some over 7 years, I'm thinking I won't be considered a risk or danger. My appointment is on Dec 2.

Great news! For me, being straight-up was easier than trying to keep up with my own b.s., anyway. I hope things go well for you at your appt on the 2nd.
I never had any issues with work or bosses paying attention to my medical/mental health stuff and I even called from the psych hospital to reschedule a bunch of shifts one time I was inpatient. My bosses always had too much other stuff going on to worry about my personal crap. Maybe yours will, too.
Like you said, you are highly functional, holding jobs...I hope you get a great doc that you like and is able to help you. If not, keep trying!
Will be thinking of you on the 2nd

Damn, all I can say is wow, I am surprised. I came clean and it's like they already knew!!! They hinted they knew some thing over my last visit when I insisted with staying on Zoloft, my doc is like "I don't know, I'm concerned you might go manic". What I don't understand is what happened? They gave it to me in 1998 no concerns. I'm guessing they must have searched for old records on me recently. I asked her, why would you think I could go manic? And she answered I'm bipolar. All this time I'm wondering if I should say any thing and they found out any ways. Damn. So now they are suddenly all concerned about me on Zoloft with Wellbutrin. They are ok with the Wellbutrin but are concerned about the Zoloft. I talked them in to giving me another script and I will see them again in 3 weeks. I'm sure I will be ok, after all I been ok for the past 2 months on it.

I should have seen all this, the signs were all there! The visit before last my gdoc requested I get a psych exam. Why did I not see the clues? Any way it's ok, my doc is pretty cool. I went to my first T visit in years and we spoke openly and honestly. I held nothing back. Stupid me or good thing not sure yet because now we must figure out if my psychosis is dependent on my mood disorder or independent of my mood disorder. If it's independent, I may be schizoaffective bipolar type. I was assured it would be the same treatment. Because I have delusions I can't be BP2, so it's either BP1 with psychosis or schizoaffective bipolar type.

I told you it would be complicated! I just don't care any more.

OMG, I am so embarrassed and kind of shocked. Spent a hour with my T my last recent visit and will see him in 2 weeks again. We spoke about a lot of stuff and I told him how I was convinced I was BPD and a narcissist for a couple of months. He asked me were did I get that idea from. I told him talking to my friend who is a psychiatrist that I've known for a long time. He asked where she practices, I didn't know, he asked what her name was, I only knew her first name. He asked when did I meet her and where. I couldn't remember. He asked when was the last time I spoke to her. I couldn't remember. He asked what she looked like. He asked how many times have I spoke to her or seen her. I described her, but could not really pin point how many times we spoke or the last time I seen her. He asked me if it is possible she really does not exist. I was stunned! I had no answer. He said to think about it and if I remember any thing about her we can talk more. It bothered me I couldn't remember any details, important details. Then it hit me like a frying pan. She really does not exist! That is by far the creepiest delusion I have ever had!!! It's kind of scary actually. She can't exist! The pieces do not fit or make sense even to me now. I am too embarrassed to bring her up again at the next visit.