Why can't some T's be more gentle

Why can't they get the message about boundaries across in a kinder way so we can learn instead of feeling shamed once again, out of sight out of mind, a nuisance at best, not a good enough mother like the MOO. I feel as if mean T's see this bear coming, suck up to me long enough to manufacture positive transference (so they can be sure of a regular pay check) and then they change the rules and I'm once again out in the grrrrrr

No disrespect to all the good T's out there. I'm from the UK . I know there are good Ts in the UK too.. I think they probably "misdiagnose" me at first and then can't deal with more early traumas. Ugh I should probably delete this. Can anyone relate?

Because unfortunately they're human and have their own issues and problems. Sorry you're hurting.

Can I just say this has not happened yet with my T but I am SO scared it will. She is kind and gentle and giving.....and I'm just waiting for the moment I do something and change it all

Sent from my SPH-L720 using Tapatalk

Has something upsetting happened with a therapist recently, Fuzzybear? Would you like to share any of the details? It sounds like you've had some appallingly bad luck with Ts.

I was always worried that one T would be "mad" at me, and I asked this T a couple of times if he was ...his reply? "I feel like this is my analysis" and "Yes in fact I am mad at you"..

Sorry there aren't more details, I could write a book on this topic, but I'm scared to speak

Fuzzy
That's not a nice thing for your t to say, even if he meant it. This is about you- your therapy and telling you that he was mad at you was not helpful to you. I am so sorry you are hurting.

I don't know. I think sometimes they either don't realize or don't care how much of our lives they hold in their hands. I gave my therapist way too much power.

I agree. They don't know what power the have in our lives. Some thing tough love is the way to go. Sorry Fuzzy if you got one of these.

I've been lucky and only had one I didn't like and seeing her left me feeling unheard and that she disregarded my story. I finally found someone who so the connection between my story and my mental illness. I will also be thankful to that therapist. But I had to move and say good bye.

I think that most Ts recognise the power they have and they don't mean to be 'Not gentle'.
But sometimes, as clients, we need to hear things that we don't like. Sometimes, no matter how 'gentle' the T tries to put it across, we cant see it as such because we don't want to hear it.

please don't delete this, Fuzzy. Your voice deserves to be heard

I wonder this all the time

I think I have this figured out. "...some T's..." refers to some therapists, correct?

((Fuzzy)) I'm sorry. I wish I could take your pain away. I need a T that will get in my face, and call me on my BS. That's what I need. I know that some people wouldn't work well with that sort of T, but I do. I couldn't work w/ a T that is all nice and sweet.

But I do completely understand your pain. And I send out some of my happy thoughts to you.

Hi GardenLady, yes that's correct T stands for 'Therapist'.

I wish you could find the confidence to tell us more because I want to listen. I think I can relate, I get so angry at my therapist sometimes as she makes me feel she cares then asks me to leave. It hurts me. I'm guessing I have to hold on to the fact she cares but this is so hard to do when i'm away from her.

I've learnt people don't like it when I ask for constant reassurance, but with a therapist it's the one place we have the right to ask and check out our anxieties which can be so high most of the time! In time i've found myself 'knowing' my therapist cares so I don't need to ask so much...still leaves me confused why I feel pain though but that's a different issue! What happened when he said he was mad at you? What was your reply? My therapist said the same thing once, except I don't think she said she was angry at me but was simply angry. It hurt me a lot but I realised she was owning her feelings and they weren't something I needed to fix or help her with. In the end it was better she was honest because then I could be too.

I can imagine there are a fair few bad therapists out there so I feel for you. It isn't your fault. Can you find recommendations?

Because they aren't good at their job lol its true that might be their passion doesn't mean they are good at it

Sent from my myTouch_4G_Slide using Tapatalk 2

And Pdoc stands for Psychiatric Doctor, so Psychiatrist.

Sometimes I think it can be good for T or Pdoc to talk about his or her own countertransference with the patient, if it's done in a way to strengthen the therapeutic bond or the work they're doing. Like if my Pdoc said he felt mad at me, he'd then go on to explain where that feeling was coming from - like he wasn't 'literally' mad at me, but maybe I'd done something that triggered off something from his own past/psyche/current situation and he was projecting that onto me. But he'd explain all that, and he'd do it in a way that didn't make me feel scared to trust him, or pushed away. This was just an example, but a T or Pdoc just telling a patient 'I'm mad at you' without exploring where that anger comes from, doesn't sound like they have much in the way of people skills when it comes to clients.

Because they care too much, one of my previous Ts sent her final email which really hurt.i miss her so much and was looking forward to her private practice. Oh well.

(((fuzzy bear))))

I hope it makes you feel better to know that there are others that feel the exact same way. I could have written your post myself and I understand how much it hurts. I am scared to go to appointment this week b/c I don't feel strong enough to deal with T's issues on top of my own. I'm really sorry for you. I hope things get better soon.

Me too.

Some Ts (yes Madame T, I do mean you) aren't flexible enough to deal with the full range of patients. They go with what they know and sometimes that doesn't work.

My main T has told me when he is furious with me, but it does help when they say: "I'm only angry because I care. Anger is not possible without emotional investment."

I believe that T's can be both warm and fuzzy AND confronting.

Please tell us more fuzzy bear. You always support PC people, accept a little in return if you can .

T's are meant to be experts in human behaviour so its really their job to know what to say & how that would make a client feel. Sorry your having a difficult time

I believe that it is OK for a T to be angry on your behalf, eg if someone hurt you.

I believe that it is OK for a T to be angry if you are hurting yourself.

But if a T is angry with you because of what you said to them, a line has been crossed and they have failed as an empathetic listener.

I expect there's a context to this statement because you seem to have a good relationship with your T. But I don't think anger has any place in confrontation. I have to say this phrase gave me chills. Way too close to the sort of excuse I'd hear my parents say to justify their abusive displays of anger.

My T once said to me in response to my literally begging him to not be angry with me before telling him something (a rare and overwhelming expression of negative transference from me), "I could never be angry with you, FKM." And another time when I said I felt he was angry with me (I was wrong), he responded that I'd never seen him angry--and immediately apologized for his wording because he felt it might have sounded to me like a threat (and I did hear the echo of a threat for a split second before putting it aside as not coming from him.)

I can't think of a situation in which anger directed at a client by a T doesn't represent at least a momentary failure of the therapeutic alliance.