Not sure if it is her or the therapy she does.
Tonight was my second session and I really am conflicted about it. I think it's going too fast and I am not ready to go there with her yet.
So we worked on my inner child and how I need to nurture her. T stood up and asked me to stand up, she told me to push her, I wouldn't she said so you don't push anyone else but why do you let others push you? I told her that she was too close to me and u didn't like it.
It's too confrontational and I miss old t, I miss her hugs and how she knew not to push me. I don't want to talk to this t, I can't the words won't come out. At one stage she said I notice you swallowing your feelings back down. She said I depress my feelings and our goal was to get them out but I can't with her. I really miss old t

[Asiablue]

You're being pushed in ways old T never did and never will and honestly... i think you need this mona. I agree it's maybe too much too soon, maybe the trust and the relationship needs to develop before she starts pushing you. You need to tell her and give her the chance to modify her technique.

[HazelGirl]

This is definitely the reality of Gestalt. It's tough and pushes you a lot. If things are going too fast, then say so. But it's a very fast-paced and intense therapy in general.

[Wren_]

((((mona))) i can imagine doing some of that with someone i trusted a bit already but on a second session ... no way agreeing with the suggestions to let her know it is too fast too soon and see if that helps; i really hope this can work out for you

[ImNotHere]

Just be honest and let your therapist know how you are feeling. I was in a sort of similar situation where my therapist was focusing on things I didn't want to focus on and pushing the things I did want to focus on to the side. Finally I told her how I felt last week and while she didn't seem completely receptive to what I said I think this weeks session will be better.

I also agree with the other posts, being pushed can be a good thing, it can really help you, but don't let the T push you too hard. As for missing the hugs and things like that, that is rough, I have never had a therapist hug or really touch me so I am not sure what that is like.

Give it a few more tries or try talking to her.

[RTerroni]

I do think that this was a lot for only the 2nd session, maybe you should find another Therapist who will move a little bit slower.

[Raging Quiet]

I remember my t doing the same exercise to me (she is gestalt to)

[Leah123]

It seems early to me, very early, for that type of physical, confrontational work! I would feel the way you do about it. I mean, yes, we need some challenge in therapy, but.... it needs to be paired with trust in my experience, deep trust and a better understanding of my issues than someone could have by the second session.

[blur]

that sounds hard. do talk to her and see if she will slow down a bit. have you ever tried client-centered therapy? you sound to me like you'd like something that goes at a slower pace and is very gentle/humanistic.

Thank you for all of your replies
Blur, I love client centered therapy but there is no ts in my area that practise just that. I really need a t who is gentle and kind more than to be pushed because I just close up. Something in me just closes up with her.
She kept saying how she was sad that I had been treated badly in my past and wanted to acknowledge it, she uses a lot of her own feelings and intuitions which is different. I think we haven't established a relationship or trust yet to be doing all of this deep work. It was only second session and to do the empty chair technique is way too early. She. Wanted me to get angry at my mum, yes I need to do that but I had been with old t for nearly two years and still hadn't done that. Yes I need to be challenged but not so early. I think I can't do this with her.

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

I remember my t doing the same exercise to me (she is gestalt to)

And did you push her? I couldn't and would never physically push someone.

[blur]

Oh, that really is too bad about not having client-centered Ts there. You could come to California--we have tons of them. We should do a home swap. I loved Ireland when I was there.

Originally Posted by blur

Oh, that really is too bad about not having client-centered Ts there. You could come to California--we have tons of them. We should do a home swap. I loved Ireland when I was there.

House swap = deal! Would love to live in California! I have two tutors that are client centered and they are the nicest women I have ever met! I wish I could see them but I am lucky to have them as tutors.
Ireland is beautiful but for therapy it is not the best.

I got very anxious just reading your post... It would make me very uncomfortable...

My T and I were talking about Gestalt therapy when he was singing praises about group therapy and he said he'd love to do group and I asked what about gestalt and he said that would be very hard on him and it would be very challenging for him to do empty chair work but it probably shows he should do it.

but just as an outsider.... I am very shut down emotionally about past abuse... I don't talk about it with any feelings... although I can say logically that it was sad and yes I would be sad for another child if it were happening to them now...blah blah blah.. but I don't feel it for me nor do I get outwardly angry at my abusers... and Im not sure that I will ever be able to do that without being pushed...

so whether you like your T and her methods... might not be what you base decisions on...maybe you should ask yourself... can this T take me to where I want to be? (of course this is so much easier to say to someone else than it is to do for myself )

[HealingTimes]

(((Mona))) That sounds really hard for a reasonably new T, no wonder you felt uncomfortable
re what you said about the 'Empty Chair' thing. If you need to do it, and after 2 years you hadn't done it with your old T, then maybe a bit of GENTLE pressure by this T is a good thing.
but the key word there is GENTLE.
I am not really familiar with Gestalt Therapy, but are you able to tell your T that you need to build a bond/relationship with her before going so fast?

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I got very anxious just reading your post... It would make me very uncomfortable...

My T and I were talking about Gestalt therapy when he was singing praises about group therapy and he said he'd love to do group and I asked what about gestalt and he said that would be very hard on him and it would be very challenging for him to do empty chair work but it probably shows he should do it.

but just as an outsider.... I am very shut down emotionally about past abuse... I don't talk about it with any feelings... although I can say logically that it was sad and yes I would be sad for another child if it were happening to them now...blah blah blah.. but I don't feel it for me nor do I get outwardly angry at my abusers... and Im not sure that I will ever be able to do that without being pushed...

so whether you like your T and her methods... might not be what you base decisions on...maybe you should ask yourself... can this T take me to where I want to be? (of course this is so much easier to say to someone else than it is to do for myself )

Thanks ready, I appreciate your input.
We sound very similar as I also shut down about past abuse and find it very difficult to acknowledge my emotions let alone own them or get them out. She said that therapy is a safe space for me to explore me emotions with her but I can't. It would feel too forced. She is on the right track and she has been from the start , this is only my second session with her but she has a great sense of what I need already. She started this week by saying she wanted to acknowledge all of my hurt and pain I have been through and I suppose that was nice of her. I think that maybe she is too close already and it scares me because i want to run for the hills.
I was telling her about my mum yesterday when she said, you knew back then that your mother wasn't treating you well.. all you needed was a hug and to be told that you were loved. When she said that i don't know how to react so i say nothing and she asks what's happening to me and even I don't know because I just want to run.
Anyway ready, Thank you for sharing that

[unaluna]

Can you tell her it FEELS like it is too fast, and you feel like you want to run? Do you understand WHY you feel that way? Maybe she can help you figure it out. My t is always asking me, what am i thinking right at that moment. It always feels like its going to be horrible to say whats on my mind, but it usually turns out okay.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( mona ))))))))
Second session That would be too fast for me too

Originally Posted by HealingTimes

(((Mona))) That sounds really hard for a reasonably new T, no wonder you felt uncomfortable
re what you said about the 'Empty Chair' thing. If you need to do it, and after 2 years you hadn't done it with your old T, then maybe a bit of GENTLE pressure by this T is a good thing.
but the key word there is GENTLE.
I am not really familiar with Gestalt Therapy, but are you able to tell your T that you need to build a bond/relationship with her before going so fast?

Right now, I just want to run far away from her. I would like to tell her that it is too fast to be doing all of this but maybe this is the way Gestalt is supposed to be but she is a relationship counsellor and that is why i went to her in the first place. I need to be treated gently and maybe she isn't the one to do that. Maybe its just me because I haven't connected to a t yet, I don't trust them and it always gets in the way no matter what the theory or approach.

Originally Posted by hankster

Can you tell her it FEELS like it is too fast, and you feel like you want to run? Do you understand WHY you feel that way? Maybe she can help you figure it out. My t is always asking me, what am i thinking right at that moment. It always feels like its going to be horrible to say whats on my mind, but it usually turns out okay.

I feel like that because I dont like being forced into doing these exercises with her, it feels too fast. I will have to tell her next session but if this is the way she works perhaps I ould be better with a different t. She said, I am still a little child and a part of me wont let go of my childhood and embrace my adulthood. i think she is going too deep and it scares me.

[blur]

Originally Posted by monalisasmile

And did you push her? I couldn't and would never physically push someone.

you know, i probably wouldn't be able to do this either, but i also don't think i would because it seems aggressive. i think it is one thing to learn to be assertive, but acting aggressively is usually considered a negative thing. i guess it is just supposed to be role play, but i'd find the exercise a bit troubling. also, i wouldn't want to push a T. that would be weird. i did the empty chair once and it felt so awkward. it didn't really do anything for me because i didn't feel free to do it. maybe i could have done it more effectively with practice. i wonder if this is similar to what psychodrama is.

maybe this is a good time for some old fashioned T shopping. you could try out a few Ts and see who feels like the best fit.

[Freewilled]

I don't know if I could push my current T either, and I've been meeting with him for a whole year! I have done the empty chair technique a few times, though. It was really weird, but worked for me in some ways. I was able to touch on some feelings and almost (almost lol) forget that my T was there. It was a way to tell someone how I feel without really doing so and process some of the emotion. But I wouldn't have been able to do that on the second session. I probably did it about 3 months or so in....

[stopdog]

May I ask what it is about pushing the therapist who asked to be pushed, that is difficult? I could push a therapist who said to push them and would not be bothered by it or think twice about it unless they tricked me somehow, and I so although I get that it is tough for you, i don't understand. Not that you need to tell me, but I am trying to understand.

[tametc]

Originally Posted by Readytostop

I got very anxious just reading your post... It would make me very uncomfortable...

Same here. Just reading the post was difficult. I think she is going WAY too fast.

[tametc]

Originally Posted by stopdog

May I ask what it is about pushing the therapist who asked to be pushed, that is difficult? I could push a therapist who said to push them and would not be bothered by it or think twice about it unless they tricked me somehow, and I so although I get that it is tough for you, i don't understand. Not that you need to tell me, but I am trying to understand.

SD, I always enjoy reading your posts. I finally figured out who you remind me of sometimes--Spock from Star Trek. May you live long and prosper.

[unlockingsanity]

Originally Posted by tametc

Same here. Just reading the post was difficult. I think she is going WAY too fast.

I agree.

You know, pushing is not what some people need. I thought I need to be pushed into talking about certain topics. It turns out, that really screwed up one therapy relationship.

Don't be afraid to tell your T that pushing doesn't work for you or telling her what does work. It's your therapy - get the most out of it! A simple "I think we're going too fast" would probably be super helpful. Remember, therapists can't read our minds. It's possible she doesn't realize she's pushing you too hard.