[Raging Quiet]

This was a one off session: t wanted to meet my h to "get the full picture" It was so weird.

She pointed out how I don't listen to my h, told h that "people with my anxiety can't be told" and she took a real shine to my h (turning to me telling me how great my h was every few minutes)

I felt 'ganged up' on, even though my h was his lovely self and t was okay; I lost my voice, I felt like the weird girl at school.. all my worst bits talked about. It made me feel deflated.

Sorry to moan.

Raging that sounds awful

[HealingTimes]

Oh Gosh, that sounds really awful and uncomfortable for you.

Have you made any decision about changing to a new T? Every time I read a post about how she has treated you, I just want to give you hugs. Glad you asked for them, here is one for you (((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Raging)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

please take care of yourself and get yourself a nice T.

[sweepy62]

Im so sorry, I would have walked out.

I'm so sorry, RQ.

I know how you feel, I took my hubby with me to T last year and it was awful.

RQ, I am so sorry this happened to you. I had a similar experience with a female therapist. She wanted to see my H and talk to both of us. She thought my H was so sweet and so amazing and ended up YELLING at me during the session. For me, it was a deal breaker in the relationship. I already struggle with trust issues and interacting with other women, and I just would not return. I have often thought that I, personally, really dislike the way your T treats you. My heart goes out to you.

[Lauliza]

That is so uncomfortable, I'm sorry it didn't go well. The one time my h went with me, it didnt go well. He was uncomfortable, not me, but either way it was unpleasant. I'm sorry your t behaved that way.

[snarkydaddy]

Oh my, that sounds like a horrific experiance.
On a more positive note, my life partner invites me every time there is an opportunity and we find it useful.

My therapist wanted me to bring my husband in and REFUSED to see me anymore because I wouldn't. I knew it would go badly though and wasn't going to put myself in that situation. I have been brokenhearted about losing therapy, but there is NO way I was going through something like that. I am so sorry.

[photostotake]

I've been there, done that. I've brought my DH into two of my sessions before and felt dumped on the entire time too. Nothing like having your T tell your DH just how messed up you are. Plus, it was my safe space and now he had somehow invaded it. I know my T had good intentions bringing my DH into the sessions, but it sure didn't feel that way. He even told my DH he's welcome to join us any time he wants to. I didn't feel the same- still don't and he hasn't been back since. He blindsided me with that comment.

(((Hugs))) I'm sorry it was so difficult for you.

[Leah123]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

This was a one off session: t wanted to meet my h to "get the full picture" It was so weird.

She pointed out how I don't listen to my h, told h that "people with my anxiety can't be told" and she took a real shine to my h (turning to me telling me how great my h was every few minutes)

I felt 'ganged up' on, even though my h was his lovely self and t was okay; I lost my voice, I felt like the weird girl at school.. all my worst bits talked about. It made me feel deflated.

Sorry to moan.

I can see how you'd feel ganged up on, I'm wondering though if her intentions weren't simply to help him feel comfortable by praising him as it's not easy to come into therapy in that circumstance, and if the 'can't be told' comment was one about him understanding that arguing with anxiety doesn't do much good, as it often doesn't.

That weird girl at school feeling may very well be an old one, or partly, which will hopefully fade and you may feel more objective about it later- maybe you can discuss your perceptions with your T next time and let her answer your concerns?

Conversely, if you're positive she was just trying to make you feel lousy, well, then like the other posters mentioned.... you'd probably want a new T!

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

This was a one off session: t wanted to meet my h to "get the full picture" It was so weird.

She pointed out how I don't listen to my h, told h that "people with my anxiety can't be told" and she took a real shine to my h (turning to me telling me how great my h was every few minutes)

I felt 'ganged up' on, even though my h was his lovely self and t was okay; I lost my voice, I felt like the weird girl at school.. all my worst bits talked about. It made me feel deflated.

Sorry to moan.

The fact that your therapist wanted to meet your husband to get the full picture makes me suspicious. My therapist only met my fiance because I brought him in with me. May I ask what your diagnosis is?

[nottrustin]

That is horrible... I have brought hubby in 2x. Both times she recommended it but totally left it up to me...we had a specific agenda. First time was to tell him about childhood abuse and she left me to tell him and then she tried to help him deal with it. The second was also about talking about our relationship...only thing was if she asked hubby a question I had to allow him to answer...if I tried she would put her hand up and make a little joke...both times though I knew I was the one in control.

[Lauliza]

Ive only heard of a spouse going to a session when they need to be directly involved in your care. Or if there are problems in the relationship that your t can help you communicate. Is that why you brought you h? That's why I brought mine, becasuse of marital issues. We were considering seeing a (different) provider for counseling and went to him for advice first.

[Raging Quiet]

She wanted to speak to him about us communicating and how we were going to support each other through ICSI IVF. I suspect she did this as she has hinted she is taking a long break and retiring soon and wanted to make sure I'm supported outside.

T has said he needs to be in different therapy to deal with everything and me.

(The fact my h (who is a College lecturer) could only go with me in half term break should have been a clue. H is lovely, but I seldom see him to get support)

[leomama]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

She wanted to speak to him about us communicating and how we were going to support each other through ICSI IVF. I suspect she did this as she has hinted she is taking a long break and retiring soon and wanted to make sure I'm supported outside.

T has said he needs to be in different therapy to deal with everything and me.

(The fact my h (who is a College lecturer) could only go with me in half term break should have been a clue. H is lovely, but I seldom see him to get support)

This doesn't make any sense to me, you can try and rephrase it please. Thank you.

[Lauliza]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

She wanted to speak to him about us communicating and how we were going to support each other through ICSI IVF. I suspect she did this as she has hinted she is taking a long break and retiring soon and wanted to make sure I'm supported outside.

T has said he needs to be in different therapy to deal with everything and me.

(The fact my h (who is a College lecturer) could only go with me in half term break should have been a clue. H is lovely, but I seldom see him to get support)

Ok it makes sense to bring him then, although she did act a little odd. You therapy is about you, especially if you may be lacking in support. My h was the one who felt ganged up on. I supposed the dynamic is thrown off regardless when someone else is brought into the room.

[roads]

Your T sounds just a shade this side of unethical. They aren't supposed to take sides, yet she seems to have set you up to do precisely that.

Just my humble opinion ...

((((((( Raging Quiet )))))))

Roads

[CantExplain]

((RQ))

I'm sorry you went through such an unpleasant experience. I can't say I'm that surprised though. That's pretty much how it was for me with an earlier T (not Madame T this time).

But I did forgive her and we went on OK.

[leomama]

What about couples therapy?

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[Raging Quiet]

Originally Posted by leomama

What about couples therapy?

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That's the strange thing, t just wanted to meet him (probably to check I'm not lying or something)

[leomama]

That is very strange that your t wanted to meet your h.

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[nottrustin]

[quote=roads;3598816]Your T sounds just a shade this side of unethical. They aren't supposed to take sides, yet she seems to have set you up to do precisely that.

Just my humble opinion ...

((((((( Raging Quiet )))))))

I would be angry if I felt T took hubby's side in MY session. When hubby has gone in it has been about me. We discussed prior to my session everything that she would talk about and how it would be handled.

[healingme4me]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

This was a one off session: t wanted to meet my h to "get the full picture" It was so weird.

She pointed out how I don't listen to my h, told h that "people with my anxiety can't be told" and she took a real shine to my h (turning to me telling me how great my h was every few minutes)

I felt 'ganged up' on, even though my h was his lovely self and t was okay; I lost my voice, I felt like the weird girl at school.. all my worst bits talked about. It made me feel deflated.

Sorry to moan.

What does that mean, people with your anxiety, can't be 'told'?

A later post, you mention, concern about seeing, if you are 'lying', by bringing in your h?

Was that can't be told comment, a positive, for you, where your h is concerned?

T's way of asserting a need for you?

I reached a point, a few years ago, where I realized a way that certain people talk 'down', to me. It's not often in a conscious manner, but I've learned to address it, case by case.

How does your h, speak to you, when he does? As though, lecturing, in his own way? As compared to an equal counter part?

((otherwise, that is about the only positive spin, i can pull away, from this))

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