Do you hold back on sharing things with your therapist? Is there something you really want to tell him/her, but you can't get the courage to say it? What if you could lay aside all of your fears and inhibitions and just do it?

Therapist,

I want you to know __________________________________, or I need you to help me _____________________________, or Please don't hate me, but ______________________________. etc.......

Wouldn't that be great to just get it out? If you feel like sharing it here, just to practice, will you do that? You may find relief and you may also be helping someone else.

Dear Therapist,

I want to confess to you that I have pics of you that I look at everyday. They are important to me.They make me feel safe and secure in our relationship. Please don't hate me or think I am weird or stalking you.

Help me understand why I do this. I do have sexual feelings that surface at times. I am so embarrassed to admit this to you. I am attracted you, but I don't want to be. I do not want to feel this way, but I do.

Please don't terminate me.

Squiggle

I do wish I could open my mouth and tell T the things that are bouncing around in my head right now. I guess it's coming out bit by bit by bit, SOOOOO slowly. Sometimes I just want to blurt it out and get it over with - like ripping off a bandaid - but I don't know if I would be okay.

[Squirrel1983]

There's things that I needed to tell my pdoc for a while and I just did within the past month in letters because I as too afraid to in person. I'm dreading my appointment in a few weeks now.

I just started T, and there is some things I haven't told her yet because I don't fully trust her yet.

[Chloe2]

Yes, In time Im sure I will, but until I get to that place its buried deep inside me.

[dizgirl2011]

I think I would like to be able to say to my therapist -

"I love you lots, not in a romantic way but like a child loves its mother or how someone loves a friend. I know I don't fully know you but I love the you that I know...no matter how limited that is."

[scorpiosis37]

Dear T,

You tell me I am a healthy, independent, well-adjusted and high functioning grown-up. I think you are wrong. I may look put-together on the outside but, inside, I am still the needy, obsessive, and pathetic adolescent I always was. This is extremely embarrassing to admit but, almost every day, I play this game called “talk to T in my head.” Basically, I have silent conversations with myself and pretend you are there listening. I think of questions I would like you to ask me, and then I answer them myself, pretending you are there to hear them. I fully realize you are not actually there but, for whatever reason, it makes me feel comforted to pretend you are there. I do this more than I care to admit. Is this obsessive behavior? Am I obsessed with therapy? Am I obsessed with you? I worry that it is and that I am. You know my maternal stuff comes up with you, but I don’t think you realize how strong it is. I’ve tried to tell you, but I don’t think you get it. You see, I want nothing more than for you to hold me, kiss my cheek, and tell me that you’ll give me all the things I never got as a child. I fully realize this will never happen—it’s not within the boundaries of the therapy relationship—but I want it nonetheless. I’ve told you before that there are times when I feel like a kid and I want to cuddle up to you. You’ve told me it’s normal to feel that way. But you didn’t say: “You know, Scorpio, I can’t hold you the way you want me to. That’s beyond our boundaries. However, I can do X, Y, Z instead.” Because you didn’t bring me down to reality and tell me I CAN’T have what I want, it gives me the hope of “well, maybe, just maybe, someday, you will actually hold me and comfort me the way a mother does.” You see, my irrational, childlike self still fights with my rational, grown-up self. As much as I can push aside my childlike yearnings, comply with therapy rules, and function successfully in my professional life, I can’t make my neediness, my clinginess, or my pathetic-ness go away. I can’t seem to outgrow them, to move past them, or to release them. I worry that they will always be a part of me. I worry that I will end up married, with my own children, and then grandchildren, and STILL feel like a little girl who wants to be held and taken care of. I worry I will always attach myself to the nearest adult who seems like, just maybe, she will give me some of what I am looking for. I worry that this pattern will repeat itself, over and over, without end.

Well, T, it looks like you got your work cut out for you.

Oh yeah—and I’m sorry that I am a weirdo who wants to cuddle with you.

Love,
ScorpioSis

P.S. We didn’t even address the fact that I spend time reading and posting on online psychotherapy message boards.

[nannypat]

There are things I wish I could tell him. I have told him more than I ever thought I would ever be able to so I guess there is hope. I am still struggling with finding the words to say certain things. If I can at least formulate the thought I know he will help me with the words. I had no emotional language for so much of my life as we were not allowed to express emotion in my house, never mind talk about them, so I still have difficulty matching words to feelings. I guess I am happy with the progress we are making. Slow and steady.

[crazycanbegood]

Scorpiosis, your letter is so moving and sums up how I feel and probably many others. You would be very brave to share this letter with your T, and I think you should! I know, easier said than done. I told my T how much I want her to be my mother and how much I love her. Though she can't really be my mother, it's nice to know that she's accepting of these relationships. I carry on with fantasies in my head too. Even though the therapy relationship is so limiting, at times I do feel T fills up that vast void within me. I often close my eyes and use the warmth that she can give me to help heal the pain I feel at having not had nurturing and loving parents.

Originally Posted by scorpiosis37

Dear T,

You tell me I am a healthy, independent, well-adjusted and high functioning grown-up. I think you are wrong. I may look put-together on the outside but, inside, I am still the needy, obsessive, and pathetic adolescent I always was. This is extremely embarrassing to admit but, almost every day, I play this game called “talk to T in my head.” Basically, I have silent conversations with myself and pretend you are there listening. I think of questions I would like you to ask me, and then I answer them myself, pretending you are there to hear them. I fully realize you are not actually there but, for whatever reason, it makes me feel comforted to pretend you are there. I do this more than I care to admit. Is this obsessive behavior? Am I obsessed with therapy? Am I obsessed with you? I worry that it is and that I am. You know my maternal stuff comes up with you, but I don’t think you realize how strong it is. I’ve tried to tell you, but I don’t think you get it. You see, I want nothing more than for you to hold me, kiss my cheek, and tell me that you’ll give me all the things I never got as a child. I fully realize this will never happen—it’s not within the boundaries of the therapy relationship—but I want it nonetheless. I’ve told you before that there are times when I feel like a kid and I want to cuddle up to you. You’ve told me it’s normal to feel that way. But you didn’t say: “You know, Scorpio, I can’t hold you the way you want me to. That’s beyond our boundaries. However, I can do X, Y, Z instead.” Because you didn’t bring me down to reality and tell me I CAN’T have what I want, it gives me the hope of “well, maybe, just maybe, someday, you will actually hold me and comfort me the way a mother does.” You see, my irrational, childlike self still fights with my rational, grown-up self. As much as I can push aside my childlike yearnings, comply with therapy rules, and function successfully in my professional life, I can’t make my neediness, my clinginess, or my pathetic-ness go away. I can’t seem to outgrow them, to move past them, or to release them. I worry that they will always be a part of me. I worry that I will end up married, with my own children, and then grandchildren, and STILL feel like a little girl who wants to be held and taken care of. I worry I will always attach myself to the nearest adult who seems like, just maybe, she will give me some of what I am looking for. I worry that this pattern will repeat itself, over and over, without end.

Well, T, it looks like you got your work cut out for you.

Oh yeah—and I’m sorry that I am a weirdo who wants to cuddle with you.

Love,
ScorpioSis

P.S. We didn’t even address the fact that I spend time reading and posting on online psychotherapy message boards.

[crazycanbegood]

Dear T,
You know so many things about me, but there are still more things-things I'm very afraid to share with you. I fear if you knew some of the darkest parts of me, I would lose you, and you are the only person who has ever truly loved me unconditionally. I know that you haven't judged me in the past for the terrible things I have shared with you. Yet, I am still afraid that I will lose my sole support and comfort. I hope one day I find the courage to tell you everything so that my entire whole can heal.
Love,
Crazy

[crazycanbegood]

Squiggle, I can relate to this too. I really, really want my T to be my mother, but at the same time, I often feel a sexual attraction to her. It is very hard for me to understand! I also have a picture she gave me that I look at occasionally.

Originally Posted by Squiggle328

Dear Therapist,

I want to confess to you that I have pics of you that I look at everyday. They are important to me.They make me feel safe and secure in our relationship. Please don't hate me or think I am weird or stalking you.

Help me understand why I do this. I do have sexual feelings that surface at times. I am so embarrassed to admit this to you. I am attracted you, but I don't want to be. I do not want to feel this way, but I do.

Please don't terminate me.

Squiggle

I am not sure what kind of relationship I have with my therapist. It is not a mother type thing, nor it is one of authority or mentor. Maybe "friendly life coach"??

Thank you to those of you who have shared in this thread. I think it helps others to see that we all have hang ups and insecurities about the therapeutic relationship. I know that I do. One of these days I am going to get past this!

Okay... scary

Dear T, i need help saying "bad" words. please help
v e r y s l o w l y... thanks

[with or without you]

I've pretty much told T everything, including a few things in the past year that I had previously been unable to reveal. One was a multiple page "dissertation" on how attached I felt to her and how I always wondered what her life was like, followed by my theories on why I was feeling those two things. She told me I "dug deep" on that one.

I really can't think of anything anymore. I've been seeing him so long that I'm pretty much an open book to him.

[jazzy123456]

Therapist,

I want you to know that therapy didn't go well when it first started, you really should have done somethings differently but, I let that go for the sake of NOW and the present, for the sake of getting well and I want you to know that I understand your personal faith is a big part of your practice but, I don't have the kind of faith you have and sometimes talking about faith really bothers me and makes me angry ( I have a lot of personal/family baggage ) over this and I want you to know that something in me is terrified that because of your recent marriage, and the fact that you are 28 without kids, worries me, I worry that you will go on maternity leave ( thats what many woman do after marriage--Have Kids.)/ or in fact never come back to the practice, and abandon me out of nowehere. I haven't told you this because, you told me once not to worry or think of your life and we're HIGHLY offended because you needed me to know that you we're in charge of taking care of you, not me.. because of that, I've kept quiet. I've also always wondered who exactly abused you and how long it persisted.... you told me you we're abused, but, You never told me the STORY. I think I'm only human for wanting to know more... curiosity..., or I need you to help me by charging less for these 90 minute sessions, when you know I am a college student who can't afford it., or Please don't hate me but, the only reason I email less is because one, I'm stronger but, two, and most importantly, I know if I do it too much it bugs you..and in an effort to not see the privlege of email being taken away from me, I email less. Don't hate me but, I wish I could email you every single day, with how my day is going, whats new, all the important things, because I am a writer and it truly helps me process all of my moods and thoughts when you respond... Please don't hate me but, I want to email every day. I would hate for you to go on maternity leave.I want to know how, when, and where--the sTORY- of your abuse and i wish you would charge me less.......

Sincerley,

The Acronym....

P.D.T.M

(A.K.A.-please don't terminate me) lol.


. etc.......

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

P.D.T.M

(A.K.A.-please don't terminate me)

WOW Jazzy! That was a great letter. It was honest and to the point. Don't you wish you could say that to her? Wouldn't it make you feel so much better?

But then there is the fear of what she may say? That is the kicker in all of this. Worrying about how much to disclose.

[spacebound]

Dear Therapist,
I tell you so many things but i am ashamed of so many others. I never have the courage to tell you about my drinking when things get out of control the meeting guys online for sex or the extreme spending or how i imagine disapearing in the middle of the night and how i can never feel like im "in love" but yet have 4 kids with someone,you have asked and maybe soon ill have the courage,
me.

[spacebound]

Dear Therapist,
I tell you so many things but i am ashamed of so many others. I never have the courage to tell you about my drinking when things get out of control the meeting guys online for sex or the extreme spending or how i imagine disapearing in the middle of the night and how i can never feel like im "in love" but yet have 4 kids with someone,you have asked and maybe soon ill have the courage,
me.

[PTSDlovemycats]

Dear T

Why do you do so many things with me and for me and then tell me that we need to practice stronger boundaries so that I can grow into myself and become less dependent on you and you created all these new rules that you said that I would have to follow, only to turn around a few weeks later and completely go back on everything you said? Do you think what you are doing is wrong? Or do you think it is helping me? Why are you so ambivilant with this?

Cats

PS It really pisses me off when I phone or text you and you don't reply for like a day -so stop it.

[crazycanbegood]

Originally Posted by PTSDlovemycats

PS It really pisses me off when I phone or text you and you don't reply for like a day -so stop it.

LOVE this!

Cats, I'm sorry your T gives you mixed messages. I had a pdoc who did the same thing. It was so hurtful to me. I don't see the pdoc anymore because I (and I think she ) couldn't take it anymore. But you have a very deep relationship with your T, I imagine she would be open to hearing your thoughts.

[jazzy123456]

Yeah, I didn't realize that I wished I could tell her all that SQUIGGLE till I finished writing it... and then i was like dang, i wish! but, THANKS for starting this thread, I agree that it is good for us to realize that everyone has there own hang ups and insecurites throughout therapy... and it's all a learning experience...

[suzzie]

id like to be able to tell my t its ok to make our sessions more frequent. but im too scared to make that change. im pretty sure she wants to. she tries every so often.

[with or without you]

Originally Posted by jazzy123456

Therapist,

I want you to know that therapy didn't go well when it first started, you really should have done somethings differently but, I let that go for the sake of NOW and the present, for the sake of getting well and I want you to know that I understand your personal faith is a big part of your practice but, I don't have the kind of faith you have and sometimes talking about faith really bothers me and makes me angry ( I have a lot of personal/family baggage ) over this

I thought the therapist's own beliefs on religion, spirituality and the like aren't supposed to "come into" the office??

[rainbow_rose]

to my therapist,

can u really help me? ... or rather ... can i be helped?