[Annie's mind]

I'm giving this question much thought.

I mean, for me it's really hard to know what's the real me. The authentic one. I know it's both part, the adult me and the "child inside" (as they say...)

But in therapy I don't know who I'm supposed to bring. It seems that like for every question and situation I have 2 possible answers/reactions.

For example:

*I get into her office:

My adult-part would say: "Hi, how are you"
My child-part would say: "I've missed you so much I thought I'll hardly make it through the week"

*We sit down, and she just looks at me expecting me to bring something up:

My adult: would bring something up.
My child: would go: "I hate it that you just sit there and not talk to me this is fu**### hard, I can't deal with it."

*If I go blank and t asks what's in my mind:

My adult: relate to what we where talking before rationally, making sort of smart insight.

My child: cry and go "this stuff is really touching me and I am scared and don't know what to say."

*When the session is over:

My adult: smile and say "see you!"
My child: "I hate that I have to go back to the real world were I feel alone and abandoned, and I hate I pay you to make me go through this every week"

I could keep going, but I bet you guys get the point...
Basically I try to keep it to my adult-self all the time, but really feel like my child-self.

Can anyone relate? How do you guys think I can bring this up in therapy? I feel so ashemed...

Annie

[kimmydawn]

((((((((((((( Annie )))))))))))))))

Do not feel ashamed for such honesty.

Please print out your original post and take it to your t. It explains what MANY experience so well. She will understand and your child self should not be "dismissed" there.

Let us know, OK?

KD

Hi Annie, That is so true! That is exactly how it's been for me also. I felt and still do feel shame about this and found/find it so hard to talk about, to have to Tell T my feelings toward her. I just start with 1 small thing to tell her and go from there. I wish I could just say it once and the shame be removed, but its not like that, it takes time, but each time I have revealed a bit more of my "child" and seen T's kind and compassionate response, the more courage builds for me to reveal a bit more another time. Baby steps is best for permenant change,.

[jacq10]

((((((((((((((Annie))))))))))))))
I completely understand what you are saying. Most of the time i put up that "adult" part of me ... actually i've only ever been with one T that i've let myself express that inner child.... but it was the best experience with a T i could have ever asked for. There is definitely a huge trust issue, but if you can feel comfortable enough with your T to give them even a little bit of insight towards your child self ... well i think that you would really benefit from it - as hard as it is. If anything its worth a shot because then at least you'll have it out there, and who knows it might grow into something that becomes really helpful.
Best of luck
Jacqueline

[sunrise]

Annie's_Mind, that's such a great question. I could so relate to some of those "inner child" comments you were thinking.

I arrive at my therapy sessions as my adult self but sometimes we work deliberately with younger ego states. One we have worked with a lot was me at about age 5. And we have also done infant and me as a young woman about age 18. T wil sometimes prompt me to hold conversations with them during our sessions: adult me talking to younger ego state me. Or sometimes my T will ask, what is she feeling right now (the younger ego state)? Or what does she want to say to you right now? This has been helpful to me at getting at some core issues from my past.

Maybe it could help in therapy to acknowledge your competing adult and child statements if you "name" them. Like say to your T, "I want to say 'hi, how are you?' but my child wants to say 'I have missed you so much!'" Then you have expressed both points of view and your T will understand these competing views that you experience.

sunny

I don't want to hijack Annie's thread, but I wrote something for my T to try and explain what it was like for me, struggling with my different "pieces" when she gave me a flower one day.

I'll post it in Creative Corner. T was very enlightened.

[Perna]

I'm a "blurter" and never got too embarrassed about it, accepted both me's (and fortunately they were both in the same body :-) so whoever's comments showed up. Sometimes I was the adult conversing with the T about the child with the child in the room and occasionally commenting; sometimes I'd deliberately encourage the child and other times I'd work with the adult taking care of the child and getting "practice" so I could take over from the T. But the feelings are the same/all one? If you child doesn't want to leave the T then you know you like the T both child and adult? There's nothing "childish" about enjoying being with someone and letting them know! That's part of the whole purpose of therapy.

[(JD)]

From my POV, taking your adult self to do therapy is a good idea. Obviously, the child part doesn't handle feelings well, and can't comply with some of what is necessary to progress in therapy.

The child part will come out, and that's ok...but on an ongoing basis, you won't get much work done until the child part learns to cooperate and do what she/he can.

TC

[pegasus]

Dear Annie's mind,

First of all, welcome to Psych Central!

I can really relate to your experience.

It is very good that your adult-self is aware of how your child-self feels.

I don't know how long you have been in therapy but this is a very good thing to bring up in therapy and imo your T will give both adult-part and child-parts chance to talk things through at a pace you can cope with.

You definately do not need to feel ashamed, in my opinion this will be good for the healing process.

Good luck!

[SeptemberMorn]

Annie, most of us know how you feel! Don't feel ashamed in the least. Sounds like your inner child needs loads of attention. Don't silence her, not by any means!

If it helps, do like KD says and print out your original post... keep a journal of what your inner child says to you and share it with your T! That's what Ts are there for!



PS Question: Have you read John Bradshaw's "Homecoming: Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child"? That book, along with the help of my T is what finally brought me healing to a great degree.

hey. i have a similar thing going on for me too. it reminds me a little of linehan's notion of an 'emotional mind' a 'rational mind' and a 'wise mind' (where the latter is some kind of sum of the others). though the mapping probably isn't perfect.

sounds to me like you are ambivalent...

part of you is very small and vulnerable and fairly emotional and part of you is very informed by a rational knowledge base etc.

i think that different people are a bit more at home in one of those or the other. i personally am fairly aversive to the emotional / vulnerable side. i do try and allow a disclosure or two to come from there, however. something about missing him or something. that i do want to work for him. that he does mean something to me. just little bits. i think that other people find it easier to express this side and they have trouble integrating the rational knower with that in order to check some of the emotions.

gently does it.