[melania]

We go to t who listen to us and dont say anything bad to us, we pay so much for an hour.
Then we attach to him/her but we are just raindrop in water.
T is the only one for us but we... we are one of clients.
We think much about our ts but our t.. have he/she ever think so much about us? Have he/she ever attached to us as much as we attach to him/her?

We sit here in this forum and talk all the time about therapy and stuff like that. Isnt it silly? Dont we have better things to do?

Arent we miserable when we text or send emails to our ts and saying how we miss him/her.
All these broken heart stories...

I often feel like im miserable patient who fell in love with her t.
I feel so miserable that i sometimes send emails where i say how i feel for him. I always apologises for sending him emails. I feel like i bother him. I feel like his nightmare.
Im not obsessed anymore, i feel okay but i feel miserable for loving my t. I think we all are miserable and stupid.

Im really sorry if i hurted your feelings saying this but its how i feel. Maybe i am wrong. But if im wrong i need to know why.
Do you also feel miserable for being in therapy or loving your t no matter what kind of love it is?

[NowhereUSA]

I'm not miserable or stupid when it comes to therapy. I won't speak for other people (and I don't think you can either) but I go to my t for help managing a mental illness. I do care about him, six years is a long time but I'm not in love with him (he's a good looking guy LOL I won't pretend I haven't noticed). I have a life and I want him to help me live it fully. I will miss him at the end but I think that's just human. Idk but maybe in some ways a t should work himself out of a job. Help you fill your bucket so he's just a drop in yours.

I talk about therapy here so I can gain insight into the different ways people interact with their t. Sometimes I want feedback. Sometimes I need support taking about something difficult.

If therapy is causing you more harm then good maybe it's time to find another t

[melania]

Originally Posted by NowhereUSA

I'm not miserable or stupid when it comes to therapy. I won't speak for other people (and I don't think you can either) but I go to my t for help managing a mental illness. I do care about him, six years is a long time but I'm not in love with him (he's a good looking guy LOL I won't pretend I haven't noticed). I have a life and I want him to help me live it fully. I will miss him at the end but I think that's just human. Idk but maybe in some ways a t should work himself out of a job. Help you fill your bucket so he's just a drop in yours.

I talk about therapy here so I can gain insight into the different ways people interact with their t. Sometimes I want feedback. Sometimes I need support taking about something difficult.

If therapy is causing you more harm then good maybe it's time to find another t

You tottally dont understand what i wanted to say by this.
I dont talk about one t i talk about therapy and attachment or call it transference.
My t is on long vacation and i feel okay but i feel miserable for being in therapy. No matter who is my t it doesnt change that i feel miserable.

[granite1]

if im miserable it isn't because of my T it is because of things that went on in my life that my T is trying to help with and I don't need my feeling of being stupid reinforced by someone here .

[tealBumblebee]

I'm sorry that you feel so deeply hurt. I used to think of things in the same respect as you did, but I realized that my T is fairly attached to me as I am to her. She has told me how she's thought of me out of session on multiple occasions and proven time to time that I'm 'important' to a large degree to her. I don't know if she attached similarly to all of her clients in this way, but she's suggested to me she doesn't. I don't really think about that part because I wouldn't want to take away a good relationship from her and any of her other clients in order to be "her favorite", etc. I understand that she could hurt me if she wanted to, she's even told me this, but I allow her actions to be all telling and she's proven time and time again that she cares for me. My insecurities won't let me 100% positive that she's not going to hurt or abandon me but...really there's no guarantee that anyone we meet in life won't.

I think everyone deserves to find a good T like this and it's worth "shopping around" if the one someone see's isn't providing the connection that they need (assuming it's within the realms of healthy boundaries).

[melania]

Originally Posted by granite1

if im miserable it isn't because of my T it is because of things that went on in my life that my T is trying to help with and I don't need my feeling of being stupid reinforced by someone here .

I didnt want to say that people for sure are miserable for being in therapy. I just wanted to know does anyobe else feel that way.
But like always people dont understand me and feel like i say that they are miserable. Okay maybe not people but their actions. I always felt that way and still feel. I cant find any reason why its not miserable. Sorry.

[melania]

Originally Posted by tealBumblebee

I'm sorry that you feel so deeply hurt. I used to think of things in the same respect as you did, but I realized that my T is fairly attached to me as I am to her. She has told me how she's thought of me out of session on multiple occasions and proven time to time that I'm 'important' to a large degree to her. I don't know if she attached similarly to all of her clients in this way, but she's suggested to me she doesn't. I don't really think about that part because I wouldn't want to take away a good relationship from her and any of her other clients in order to be "her favorite", etc. I understand that she could hurt me if she wanted to, she's even told me this, but I allow her actions to be all telling and she's proven time and time again that she cares for me. My insecurities won't let me 100% positive that she's not going to hurt or abandon me but...really there's no guarantee that anyone we meet in life won't.

I think everyone deserves to find a good T like this and it's worth "shopping around" if the one someone see's isn't providing the connection that you they (assuming it's within the realms of healthy boundaries).

So you are lucky one.
I dont feel hurted, i feel stupid and always felt. I feel so miserable fir being in therapy, seeing pdoc (who isnt my t) and taking meds. I always thought that its miserable to attach to t but it happened to me too.
I dont know how to change my thinking.

[granite1]

im sorry you are so miserable in T melania some day I do hope you are able to figure out a way to move forward .

I am afraid to sugest things to you but ill try anyway. maybe next time you post something use I statements instead of we . maybe just ask if others if they have had this experience. please dont attack me for trying to tell you what to do it is just a suggestion that might or might not help you communicate here better.

I think I get what you mean, but I might be wrong of course. And yes, sometimes I feel more or less the same way. It doesn't feel good to depend on therapy, when it feels as if it's the only thing in your life that counts, when you can't imagine a life without it. It sucks.

Honestly, I wonder whether it really matters whether we're 'just' one of our T's clients, while they to us mean the world. What I mean to say is that the helpful part, the benefit of therapy is in what it means to us. It may sound egoistic, but after all that's the only thing that counts. What it does to you and how you experience it. If the connection doesn't support you, it's worthless. Does our T have to see us as unique? As their favorite client? It's not necessary to help you, you know... Even though it might be what we wish for sometimes. It's not rational and maybe wouldn't even be in our best interest.

I think that as long as we expect this, as long as we're too attached to our T, we're not where we have to be yet. And it's exactly the same with spending all your time here, talking about your therapy or your T. It's simply because you need it HERE and NOW. But that doesn't mean that there can't be an evolution, that there's no space for improvement, that you'll never get where you have to be, that you'll never heal and feel like you can go without your T. This is a phase.

You may hate that phase, but I hope that one day you can look back at it and see your improvement and feel like you've healed.

[melania]

Originally Posted by granite1

im sorry you are so miserable in T melania some day I do hope you are able to figure out a way to move forward .

I am afraid to sugest things to you but ill try anyway. maybe next time you post something use I statements instead of we . maybe just ask if others if they have had this experience. please dont attack me for trying to tell you what to do it is just a suggestion that might or might not help you communicate here better.

Im not attacking you. When did i?
Its all in your mind.

I just said what i thought- i cant find any reason why being in therapy isnt miserable thats all. And as i see no one could sver help me.

When i say my thoughts after reading comments i want to die. Okay i wont say anything what i feel and think about therapy anymore.
Im hopeless.
All i need to do is run away from this forum because it destroys me when i talk about myself except if i answer to random quuestions about therapy or say something about other people threats.

[melania]

Originally Posted by Forwardinreverse

I think I get what you mean, but I might be wrong of course. And yes, sometimes I feel more or less the same way. It doesn't feel good to depend on therapy, when it feels as if it's the only thing in your life that counts, when you can't imagine a life without it. It sucks.

Honestly, I wonder whether it really matters whether we're 'just' one of our T's clients, while they to us mean the world. What I mean to say is that the helpful part, the benefit of therapy is in what it means to us. It may sound egoistic, but after all that's the only thing that counts. What it does to you and how you experience it. If the connection doesn't support you, it's worthless. Does our T have to see us as unique? As their favorite client? It's not necessary to help you, you know... Even though it might be what we wish for sometimes. It's not rational and maybe wouldn't even be in our best interest.

I think that as long as we expect this, as long as we're too attached to our T, we're not where we have to be yet. And it's exactly the same with spending all your time here, talking about your therapy or your T. It's simply because you need it HERE and NOW. But that doesn't mean that there can't be an evolution, that there's no space for improvement, that you'll never get where you have to be, that you'll never heal and feel like you can go without your T. This is a phase.

You may hate that phase, but I hope that one day you can look back at it and see your improvement and feel like you've healed.

At least one understood what i meant. Thank you.
I can live and feel okay, do things what i like and work, everything is fine with me. But when remember im in therapy i feel so miserable. Im sick of fact that i cant feel okay without meds which i hate so much. I hate to be sick.

Im asking myself all the time is it miserable to say my t what i feel for him. I was trying to get boyfriend just not be so miserable and be "normal" but everything got worse.

I hope that my thinking is wrong and im not miserable because it makes me want to die if im just stupid and miserable patient.

My t is away for more then a mounth and i feel so miserable that i sent him two emails and esspecially that i said that i long for him etc.

I asked my t not to told my current pdoc that im in love with him thought he wanted to say and thinks its important but i would die from shame if she knew it. Im afraid she knows.
This is how i feel... my mind is torturing me, my mind and nothing else.

[granite1]

Originally Posted by melania

Im not attacking you. When did i?
Its all in your mind.

I just said what i thought- i cant find any reason why being in therapy isnt miserable thats all. And as i see no one could sver help me.

When i say my thoughts after reading comments i want to die. Okay i wont say anything what i feel and think about therapy anymore.
Im hopeless.
All i need to do is run away from this forum because it destroys me when i talk about myself except if i answer to random quuestions about therapy or say something about other people threats.

I didn't say you were attacking me and you didn't .I just was asking you not to in regards to suggesting something . ill no longer respond to your posts as I am not helpful best wishes and hope you well

[HazelGirl]

Therapy isn't miserable for me because, despite the transference (for me, it's motherly, which can be just as difficult), my T is still her consistent self. I can count on her, know she won't take advantage of me, and trust that she won't cross boundaries.

[someone321]

I think that I can get what you mean, I understand and by logic know all these reasons why therapy isn't miserable etc. but it doesn't change the fact that pretty often I still feel miserable because I should just move on and live happily instead of self-pity...

[pbutton]

I really think the issue is the 'we' vs. 'I'. Whatever is happening to you is not necessarily happening to all of us. Maybe it's a language barrier? Your experiences are not universal, they are things that you are thinking and feeling.

A person can only speak for his or herself; not for other people.

I do not feel miserable or stupid about therapy. I have never fallen in love with my therapist nor do I pine away when I am not with him. I have never felt like I bother him nor do I have a broken heart about him.

What Granite was trying to say, and others, is that your experience is your own. Perhaps some here can relate and perhaps others cannot, but do try to speak in terms of your feelings and experiences being your own rather than speaking for the rest of us. That's the "I" versus "we" others have spoken about.

[stopdog]

I do not love the therapist, but I do find therapy to be torture that I pay for.

[melania]

Originally Posted by pbutton

I really think the issue is the 'we' vs. 'I'. Whatever is happening to you is not necessarily happening to all of us. Maybe it's a language barrier? Your experiences are not universal, they are things that you are thinking and feeling.

By "we" i meant people who feels like i do. I never said that everyone is the same.
Okay i think that being in therapy and attaching to t is miserable. You all just say why its not miserable for you. Does it change something to me? No. Iif you dont feel this way its great of course but does it prove that therapy abd any attachment to t isnt miserable? No.
At least i understood that the biggest problem is that im sure its miserable and i always thought this way thats why i felt so bad. I tried to kill myself because i felt too miserable and hated myself for this.
I lied to my t that i feel nothing for him when he asked me and i was sure i would kill myself after my confession that im attached to him.

Now i look at my pills and getting sick of it. Im too young to taked meds, its so miserable that i cant sleep without xanax.

And there are people who has the same issues and i call them "we". But you just think about youself and prove that you are better (i dont talk about specially you, i meant some of people here who says things like that). Do i need this? No. I dont need arguments why YOU arent miserable but why IT is or isnt miserable.

I still feel the same. I still ask myself am i miserable? Is my actions miserable? Is it miserable to say "i love you" to person who is a t? Is it miserable to bother him with my emails?
My t of course says its not miserable but i still feel like a junk.

[melania]

Originally Posted by someone321

I think that I can get what you mean, I understand and by logic know all these reasons why therapy isn't miserable etc. but it doesn't change the fact that pretty often I still feel miserable because I should just move on and live happily instead of self-pity...

You got me right.

[Petra5ed]

Originally Posted by melania

Im really sorry if i hurted your feelings saying this but its how i feel. Maybe i am wrong. But if im wrong i need to know why.
Do you also feel miserable for being in therapy or loving your t no matter what kind of love it is?

Well, you probably know if you read some of my posts that yes I also get miserable about this. But... I do know something about it. I think saying we are all miserable and stupid is a bit harsh, we might all be miserable, but probably for a reason!

Here's where you might be "wrong"...

We think much about our ts but our t.. have he/she ever think so much about us? Have he/she ever attached to us as much as we attach to him/her?

First please don't take this as a personal attack, it's definitely neither of those because as I said I feel the same way as you frequently. Do you think you are really thinking about your T more than you are about yourself? I think we are all trying to get our needs met. We might obsess over fantasies of T, but we aren't thinking much of our T's as real people, more about what they can do for us. As it should be, therapy is a lopsided relationship. And yes, T's do attach to clients, and they should spend the entire hour thinking about you. Unless your T is a sociopath they have some degree of attachment, it's just that you should never hear from your T how attached they feel, because yada yada it's bad therapy for some reason.

T is the only one for us but we... we are one of clients.

Well this is true maybe for you and I, however why does T have to be the only one for us? We are in a world full of people, even people who are sad and lonely just like us. This chat room should go to show you there are people out there who do understand and can connect with you, the challenge is forming that connection. Your T should help you form more connections outside of therapy, but this work is obviously done solo, so it's on us to go out and try.

I think the misery in therapy is longing for what we will really never have, and that's not a connection with T (we can have that), it's something much deeper that the T reminds us of. We are not just stupid, because we are troubled. Everyone is troubled in some way, this just happens to be one of ours. The path to happiness is oddly expressed in all the major world religions, and that is selflessness. If you meditate on your T, or on the ones you love, focusing on their interests it might start to slowly help. For example, if I am jealous of my T's partner, I might do a thought process in my meditation that goes like this "I love my T, I want my T to be happy, when my T is happy it makes me happy, I want my T to love/feel loved in a romantic relationship, may my T find love and happiness, may my T's partner find love and happiness." Parts may seem like a stretch, but in time this becomes easier to do.

The other thing you might want to try is starting the meditation first for yourself. Sit and meditate on the thought "I love Melania, I want Melania to be happy, I want Melania to love and to feel loved in a relationship, may I find love and happiness, may my friends and loved ones also find love and happiness."

[melania]

Petra5ed thank you. I didnt believe that someone will say sonething useful.

Thanks also Someone and ithers who tried to understand me not judging me.

[kororain]

I understand what you're saying, Melania. I just don't feel like that. Pretty sure I have close to zero transference with my T. I like her. I trust her... sort of. But I don't love her or anything of the sort.

I don't think you're wrong for your feelings though. Your feelings are just your feelings. Not right or wrong.