[nushi]

Hello, I hope everybody's fine…

I'd like to ask something, maybe somebody knows, maybe…

I've been having psychological problems, OCD, since I was a child. But me & my family didn't recognize it until it exacerbated in 2000 when I started high school. And now it's 14 years later… 2014, & everything is just getting worse!

I've got Pure Obsessions, OCD, bipolar, perfectionism, delusions of persecution, & I don't know what else.

Yes, I went to doctors… I went to over a dozen psychiatrists since 2000, but here in Egypt most of them seem to only give me drugs, & no psychotherapy, that I've given up on going to them or finding one who makes psychotherapy anymore…

I've even searched for online therapists, but they all seem so expensive. Like the least is 80$ per email!

I've even said to myself I'll make psychotherapy with myself by searching over the internet & reading psychcentral & other sites… But I just can't seem to keep on depending on myself & reading! I always say like I'd start searching & reading by myself from tomorrow, like 1/2 hour everyday, but then after a week I stop & I never continue, I don't why!

14 years of my life have been wasted, & I don't have a life anymore, no friends no family no degree no nothing, & I can't find proper therapy! Or is it that I don't have enough will to find therapy? Or is it that my OCD keeps stopping me from continuing to find proper therapy? Or what or what or what? I don't know what to do anymore with my life…

[H3rmit]

Hi. I can relate to your feeling of having wasted your life and not knowing what way to turn.

Help is good if you can find it and afford it. Many are helped. That never really worked for me, as people don't get me and I don't have unlimited funds or motivation to keep trying another and another and another one.

So, anyway, what helped me was looking within, using meditative breathing techniques (mindfulness and so on), and just keeping at it. You seem to be trying to push yourself in the right directions, but then not very motivated. I find sitting still (like meditation) helps find directions. It's your life, and you can do what you really want. Not saying it's always easy or fast. I don't know if this will help you, and I don't know anything about OCD, really, so I'm for sure no expert. Just can relate.

Sometimes it's good to keep a journal of your intentions and followup, and then, since you say you don't know why you stop, that is a good focal point to dwell on and seek those answers, and make a note of whatever you find. The struggle at least gives a focal point and something to care about, helped me to find my emotions at times, which are often a mystery to me.

[Leah123]

I'm so sorry you're struggling. I can imagine it's incredibly tiring it is to deal with those issues so long.

If it helps, there are some relatively affordable online services for therapy: here are a couple I looked up recently: For Talktala, the rates run $100 a month for email if you pay for a month in advance, less if you pay a year in advance, more if you pay by the week, with a one week free trial. Therapyq charges $140 per month, also with a one week free trial. That's for email type exchanges, as much as you and your therapist are willing to do. Talktala also offers face to face online sessions at $29 for 30 minutes, so $58 an hour.

I hope you get some relief soon!
.

[nushi]

Thank you a lot H3rmit.

I will try this out, but I don't think it will help my OCD though, but it will definitely help me in my anxiety.

The problem is that my OCD & perfectionism make me start & stop, start & stop, start & stop & never continue anything, even if I start mindfulness techniques, the problem is that I'll stop them again & so on

That's the reason I never continue even finding therapy for this problem too, it's like I'm stuck in a vicious circle

[nushi]

Thanks a lot Leah123

I'll definitely check out those sites. It's been really a pain to keep searching for online therapy. Thank you so much...

[quote=nushi;3875558]

14 years of my life have been wasted, & I don't have a life anymore, no friends no family no degree no nothing, & I can't find proper therapy! Or is it that I don't have enough will to find therapy? Or is it that my OCD keeps stopping me from continuing to find proper therapy? Or what or what or what? I don't know what to do anymore with my life…

Hello Nushi: Unfortunately I can't speak knowledgeably with regard to mental health services in Egypt. So I can't comment with regard to the difficulty you've had finding affordable therapy services. It is the case that psychiatrists in the U.S. also mostly just prescribe medications. They don't do psychotherapy.

It sounds to me as though you are struggling mightily with various forms of OCD. You're also isolated having no friends & no family. So I would imagine you are also probably struggling with depression & possibly with anxiety too. All of those things put together are a heavy load to bear under the best of circumstances.

You are certainly to be commended for trying to do your own therapy through self-education. But I would suspect that the depression & anxiety you experience, along with your OCD probably do make it difficult to keep up a sustained effort. However, personally I think trying to address your mental health struggles only through self-education is probably just not enough. You need professional help. Most of us do. This is not a failing on your part. It's just the way it is. Don't feel badly about it. You can feel proud you tried!

I noted, in your post, you mentioned the cost for e-mail therapy. I don't know if this is the way therapy is typically done in Egypt. But, if possible, I would encourage you to try to find some in-person therapy services. I guess some people do have success with on-line therapy. But I think, for the most part, in-person therapy is generally more effective. Are there therapists you could see in person where you live?

You don't say, in this post, if you have a job or other source of income. You did mention you have no degree. In the U.S., depending on where a person lives, sometimes there are clinics that offer either free mental health services or services provided on a sliding-fee basis depending on a person's income. Might there be such services available in Egypt?

This is about all I have to offer, Nushi. Do keep posting here on PC too. It helps to write about your struggles. And perhaps there will be other PC'ers who will have better suggestions to offer than mine. My best wishes to you.

[nushi]

Thank you a lot for your beautiful & supportive message Skeezyks, you're so friendly

Well Skeezyks, I'm graduated from college, & I work. But I have higher ambitions; as I applied for Master's since 6 years ago & didn't finish it yet 'cause of my condition, & I want to one day in the future get a PhD, but with life like this, I don't think I'll achieve anything realistically speaking!

People here in Egypt who deal with mental illnesses are only psychiatrists, & they only give me drugs, & I've searched like forever here in Egypt for someone who actually makes psychotherapy but can't find one. That's why I searched online for American therapists who make psychotherapy online but they charge very expensive which outweighs my income. Maybe because incomes in the US are much higher than in Egypt

So I don't know where or how to find professional help, meaning psychotherapy not just prescribing drugs

One suggestion would be to open a new thread in the Psychotherapy Forum, here on PsychCentral, asking if any other PC'ers know of any on-line therapy services that are trustworthy & not too expensive. However, I do think you're correct. The difference in income levels between Egypt & the U.S. is probably going to be a factor. I'm not familiar with what on-line services cost. But, based on my experience with in-person services in the U.S., I would guess that $80 per session is probably about what one can expect.

[quote=nushi;3875558]
14 years of my life have been wasted, & I don't have a life anymore, no friends no family no degree no nothing, & I can't find proper therapy! Or is it that I don't have enough will to find therapy? Or is it that my OCD keeps stopping me from continuing to find proper therapy? Or what or what or what? I don't know what to do anymore with my life…

One possibility might be to check out Douglas Bloch's on-line depression counseling services. You will find his website at: Healing From Depression, Overcoming Anxiety, Self-help Books, Mental Illness, Portland, Oregon Depression Support Groups . Mr. Bloch is a depression survivor & author who now counsels others with depression. I don't know what his fees are like. This is something you would have to find out. Earlier this afternoon I opened a Thread in the Depression Forum with a link to a playlist of his YouTube videos. You could take a look at these & see what you think.