What do you want in a therapist?

I am writing about incompetence among mental health professionals, and I'm curious: what makes a good therapist, from a patient's prospective?

For me, empathy and compassion are among the most important traits a therapist can have.

Also, what makes a bad therapist?

Thanks for helping!

I look for those who will stay back, respect my boundaries and not try to get too intimate, not be condescending, who will explain what is supposed to go on and what is happening and why they are saying what they say or ask - what the point of it is - what are they trying to get at and how is it supposed to be useful for me. Ideally they would actually listen and hear me. I accept them simply pretending to do so as long as they don't talk and blow the illusion.

A bad therapist gets too close, does not listen, thinks they know what is best for me, thinks they know me, tries to impose their will or ideas upon me, thinks they have a stake in me somehow.

I want to feel the other person is engaged, is "present" as themselves, authentic rather than playing the part of a therapist.

I want someone to be understanding and not try to push me. Anytime I had therapy I had a lot of therapists that tried to get me to move on. Abuse is a serious thing and it takes awhile for anyone who's been a victim to move on.

A bad therapist treats me like I'm their child, I don't want to be treated like that. I want to be treated like a individual, not like somebody's child.

I've only had two therapists and one of them treated me like I was a child. The other tried to push me, they stepped over my boundaries.

Someone who does not read from a script and adapt a pose straight out of the college handbook.
The stuff the do some times is ruddy annoying.

Someone who cares and is willing to spend the time to really understand me.

Many things.
At the top of my list is-the therapist has my best interest at heart.

Patience with me, is huge. And my current T definitely has that one down!
I do NOT want a therapist to sit there and try to put words in my mouth. T2 tried that and I pretty much told him where to stick it and walked out of my first and only appointment with the jerk. And knowing how to build and maintain a good therapeutic relationship is very important too. I didn't know that at first, with T1, I saw her for 6 months or so before I just stopped going. I know now, that it never would have worked because we had absolutely zero connection. With T3, current T, we connected almost immediately and have developed a deep therapeutic relationship that has been the basis of the healing that I have found through therapy and continue to experience.

A good therapist to me:
cares about me in a genuine way
has a sense of urgency about relieving any pain I'm in
does what they say they are going to do
has humility
has a sense of humor and hope
will explain the process without dumbing it down
has patience
has practical advice when needed
has firm but flexible boundaries

A bad therapist:
is distant, cold, excessively silent
doesn't care if I leave the office in pain
forgets about me after our 50 min is up
is directionless
is forgetful of vital facts
is dismissive or blaming
is suspicious of what I say
dislikes me openly
is arrogant
talks down to me
excessively rigid boundaries
doesn't care about me or the outcome of therapy

Wow I think I knew that T a while back, what a terrible time that was. She told me when I pushed her to make accommodations for my disability that I was trying to control the therapy relationship.

A good T to me is someone who doesn't try to fit me in to a frame work. I've had a lot of T's who seem to think that I fit in such and such box, or that if I just do XYZ I will get better. This really irks me. It makes me think that they aren't paying attention to me, and that they don't really want to interact with me, they just want to interact with my "illness." I want to feel like the T is really invested in understanding who I am, and will help me find the way that works best for me.

I once saw a T for only a couple of sessions who told me that if I didn't start meditating I wasn't going to get better. I told him that when I meditated I just relived my SA, but he didn't seem to care. Truly one of the most insensitive people I have ever met.

A good T for me:

Individualizes his approach; isn't a one-trick pony
Is honest and direct
Is active; I would detest a passive, silent therapist
Is available and adept at handling emergencies; it boggles my mind that some T's just tell clients to call a crisis line.
Is consistent
Is real

100% agree.

I agree with much of what has already been written, in particular with points such as consistency and not treating all patients as if they are clones that require the exact same approach. A sense of humour and a healthy dose of humility are also important.
Most of all, I think, I want a therapist who is interested and engaged in his job. Such a T will keep up with current developments in the field, and he is also more likely to treat me with interest and respect than a T who isn't really interested in the job he's doing.

The ideal T for me would have to be the one I have. She is kind, compassionate, sincere, gentle, soft-spoken, has soothing voice, even typed words in her Emails can calm me down. She doesn't treat me like "her job," she treats me like she truly cares, and wants to see me succeed. She was able to read me well right off the start, after only a couple of sessions she knew me better than I knew myself. She has surprised me by her memory, remembering things, and peoples' names, etc....since I only saw her take notes on our very first session. My T also gives amazing hugs. After a tough session, there's nothing better than being invited into a long, tight hug before being sent back off into the world again. She is also accepting, and encouraging, of Emails between sessions, in fact, just last night, after not hearing from me after our last session, she sent me a Email telling me she was thinking of me and hoping I was ok after that tough session (since she hadn't heard from me). Actually, I was absorbing the session some, but also have been very busy with home duties sine that appointment. That made me feel good. At this point there is nothing I would change, except that I would have gone to see her sooner than I did.

Gauging by my current situation: I want a Therapist who is calming, warm, trustworthy, reassuring, and provides closeness and hugs. I'm not sure I'll ever find this. With my luck there is a 98% chance I will have a Therapist with these traits once I'm only attending therapy for maintenance. lol

i want a t that helps me take what i learn and apply it to everyday life. like whatever relationship learning i get with him, he encourages me to do this in my personal relationships.

i also need him to screw up sometimes and be okay with that. idk. i like my t's to be human. i want to know they have problems and hurt. some might think my current t over shares (tho it doesn't interfere with therapy), but it's helped me connect and care which is something i struggle with. i think that's why he started opening up more.

A good therapist should care about their patients as individuals. They should genuinely like them. They should be on time, consistent, and reliable. They should explain boundaries from the beginning, but not be rigid with them. They should adapt their treatment to each patient depending on their needs, not try to use the same cookie-cutter approach. They should be willing to work hard to understand the patient and what they need. They should be patient and kind, but direct when necessary. They should strive not to take things personally, and be willing to talk and resolve problems when they arise. They should be willing to take extra training if necessary to understand their patient's condition more fully and adapt the treatment to them. If the patient has attachment issues, they should know how to help the patient learn healthy attachment without either encouraging overdependency or making the patient feel rejected. They should keep in mind that they often play a very important role in their patient's lives, it takes alot of trust to open up to them, and they should handle the relationship with care and respect, never adopting the mental state that they are "just another client" or "my 2 'oclock." They should always give patients plenty of notice if termination is necessary, allow the patient time to adjust to the impending change, express their feelings, and assist them to find a suitable therapist who is suited to their needs.

I would say lack of experience makes for a bad therapist, both therapy experience and life experience. For me along with being competent good therapists usually have decades of experience, they have strong ethics, they love their jobs, they spend time continuing to read and study in their field well beyond college and beyond any continuing education requirement, they take their own mental health as a #1 priority and are stable in their own lives, they are not driven by money but more by helping people.

For me a good T is requires a lot. I need somebody who is caring and compassionate, and consistent like many here have already said. I need somebody who is:

*There for me more than the 1 hour a week we have sessions.
*Understands my insecurities and lack of trust.
*Is not judgemental
*Knows when I need her to push me and when to back away a little bit.
*Is able to change the subject when I really need it.
*Can work with my stubbornness. Don't make me feel like an idiot until "get it"
*willing to try different strategies when necessary

If he/she is going to abandon me I would like to know why and also if they abandon me I would like some referrals. I have no other expectations or hopes or wishes.