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  #26  
Old Feb 09, 2007, 10:03 PM
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((((echoes))))

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey...

maybe your t and my t are having an affair!

;-)

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  #27  
Old Feb 09, 2007, 10:07 PM
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Ha!: Then I hope it's going like this therapy models/orientations

Thanks. (((I thought of you when this happened today)))

Dammit! therapy models/orientations

ECHOES
therapy models/orientations
  #28  
Old Feb 10, 2007, 12:22 AM
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((((((((( Echoes & Alexandra ))))))))))))

That has to just stink. I'm so sorry that happened to both of you.

Hugs,

Jan
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  #29  
Old Feb 10, 2007, 09:33 AM
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((Jan))

Stink it does. Thank you very much for your kind words.
therapy models/orientations therapy models/orientations

ECHOES
hanging in..
therapy models/orientations
  #30  
Old Feb 11, 2007, 07:28 PM
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Talulah Talulah is offline
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THAT many cancellations??? Hmmm, you're right, even IF your t goes the route you want to go (or suddenly makes you very happy with the direction) then you have yet another problem, the fact that she may be unreliable.

I haven't faced a cancelled appt (yet-ugh) but I would be upset the first time, so twice more I dunno if I could take it.

What r u gonna do? Sorry you're dealing with this crap!

((((((((((((((((((Echoes)))))))))))))))
  #31  
Old Feb 12, 2007, 08:00 PM
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Tallulah, I don't know what I'm going to do...

We have an appointment scheduled for this Friday. When I think about it, I feel... nothing. If it happens fine and if it doesn't, well no surprise there.

A friend suggests it is not right that I'm not angry with the t but I'm not. I don't like that she's cancelled, but she's sick and how can I be angry at someone for being sick? If I am sick and can't go to work I don't want my employer to be angry with me because I'm sick. Yet part of me wants to lash out and strike back; cancel on her or stop seeing her altogether...but would that be helpful or kind to me?

It is making me think that if I can go 3 weeks without seeing her, then maybe I don't need to go at all. If I want to continue then I have to decide if she's available enough, healthy enough to be available to me. She is a network provider on my insurance plan, she is reachable by bus, and those are major concerns for me.

Sometimes... this is all just too exhausting.
  #32  
Old Feb 12, 2007, 09:01 PM
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sunrise sunrise is offline
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
A friend suggests it is not right that I'm not angry with the t but I'm not. I don't like that she's cancelled, but she's sick and how can I be angry at someone for being sick? If I am sick and can't go to work I don't want my employer to be angry with me because I'm sick.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
ECHOES, that's how I would react too. I would not be angry and in fact would be very reasonable. Stuff happens, people get sick, it's not personal. But inside I might be thinking, "I deserve this. He doesn't care enough to show up. I'm not interesting enough that he wants to keep his appointment, etc." But I definitely would not be angry. I don't do anger very well--sometimes I think that is a flaw, other times an advantage.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
It is making me think that if I can go 3 weeks without seeing her, then maybe I don't need to go at all.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
That is indeed a thought-provoking question. Maybe you can raise that with her next session and see how she responds. At the very least, she will see the effect her absence caused.

therapy models/orientations

sunny
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  #33  
Old Feb 12, 2007, 09:19 PM
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from what I can see you are experiencing normal reactions to this situation. I'm glad you aren't also angry, as some become. I'm sorry your friend thinks you should be. I agree that you can make this a good topic in therapy...it will be more than just whining or complaining, but a good relationship builder, imo.

With regard to the maybe you don't need a T at all is, well, illogical from it's root, imo. How is that possible? The hope of getting help in 3 weeks is far different from trying to have hope forever. Why would you come to the conclusion that you needed a T's help with coping 3 weeks ago, and because you haven't received that help, you don't need it now?

I hope you don't keep mulling this over, but leave it for therapy. ((hugs))
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  #34  
Old Feb 16, 2007, 06:59 AM
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Thank you Sky.

A topic in therapy? Not with this one since she doesn't want to talk.

I called yesterday to cancel today's appointment. I needed more time to think. The receptionist said I was saving her a call, as the doc is out sick yet/again. 3 Fridays in a row now. I'm so sorry she is sick and I can't do therapy on my own. I need someone more available and who will talk with me, so I am going to move on.

I received a referral from a psychoanalytic institute yesterday and will call and check that person out today.

I hate starting over again. It's tiring, exhausting, and it's making me want to give up.

I want a therapist I can count on and who I feel is there for me. Reading Mouse's thread about intimacy and affirmations in therapy sounds like something I'd like to have but never have.

Wish me luck with this one.
  #35  
Old Feb 16, 2007, 01:08 PM
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Good luck, ECHOES! therapy models/orientations

I think you have learned a lot from your latest T about what you do and don't want in therapy. Can you articulate that in your first interview with the new T? That you want someone who is willing to talk to you (seems so basic)? Someone who can give affirmations? Someone with whom you can establish a close therapeutic relationship? Please don't settle for someone who cannot provide those basic things. It is much easier to tell a potential T "no" at the outset than after you have invested a few months. So if this new one doesn't seem right, move on to interview another one.

At the very least, please hold out for someone who will talk to you!
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  #36  
Old Feb 16, 2007, 06:03 PM
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Echoes...............I'm so sorry about this, on a positive note it took the decision making part on an easier path. I think you deserve someone you can rely on, someone who is reasonably available and you NEED this to help you establish a comfortable and trusted relationship. They exist for you, they do....

You will find them, I know you will. It's a very frustrating predicament for you to find someone new and start again, but you can do this! You deserve this. I wished you were here to visit my t, too long of a trek for you! Have faith and push forward echoes....
  #37  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 08:56 AM
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Thank you Talulah. I agree, it was good timing. therapy models/orientations I was already questioning if this was what I wanted and I ended up with time and distance from her to think more about it.

I contacted a psychoanalytic institute and a therapist was recommended to me. Only one in my area and a female, so yay! I spoke with her yesterday and have an appointment at the end of the month.
  #38  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 08:58 AM
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I sure do hope you now have someone who will be able to help you. Good wishes!
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  #39  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 09:07 AM
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Thanks sunny!

I have an appointment with someone new at the end of the month. She is an analyst-in-training. Not covered under my insruance, of course. We'll see how it goes.

Yes I did learn more about what I want and don't want by seeing this therapist, even though I did like some of what we did together and that she introduced me to guided imagery/relaxation and meditation. I will miss that part of it and I did like her. This is hard for me even though I'm sure it's what I want to do.

I appreciate your energy, curiosity, upbeat attitude, sunny!

therapy models/orientations
  #40  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 09:09 AM
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((Sky)) Thank you very much. Me too!
  #41  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 10:12 AM
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awesome!

i feel really very excited / nervous / anxious for you...

um... it might be nice to send your old t a card or something? to thank her very much for the things that you got from therapy with her. i think... therapists really appreciate that. you could say what you really liked and learned from her and say that you have decided to move on because you need to learn other things now... i think that she really will be appreciative and it can feel a lot better to know that the parting is amicable.

(up to you of course, just a suggestion)

i really hope that your new t works out well for you

((((echoes))))
  #42  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 11:04 AM
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Echoes, I think you're doing the right thing with getting the new therapist. I had psychoanalytic and wouldn't do anything else. Sort of funny story; I saw my T for 9 years in the 70s and 80s then didn't see her for 9 years then saw her again for 9 until summer of 2005. I told her a few years before I terminated that in 2014 I'm doing Jungian analysis because I want to and it will be 9 years again :-)

I was going to suggest spending some time saving up some money specifically for the kind of therapy you want while you looked around and found what you wanted. I paid out-of-pocket (had to go back to work full-time specifically to pay for it). I haven't used work medical insurance for psychotherapy since the 1970s when they changed it so badly; my T had me write my Congressman at that time they made such ugly changes and started all the not very good stuff they have now. I have fantasies of figuring out ways to make the mental health system work better or be paid for better, etc. I use to fantasize about how I'd spend the $10,000,000 I was going to win in the Publisher Sweeps but now do puzzles like health care instead :-)
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  #43  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 01:24 PM
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thank you alexandra_k!

I am excited / nervous / anxious. Thanks for keeping me company in that!

I have an appointment with the current t scheduled for this Friday and I have decided to keep it and tell her in person so I can thank her. I worry about my resolve, since I do like her.. 2nd-guessing myself. Sometimes it doesn't seem right to get what you want, you know?

If she is sick again/still then I will send a card.. great suggestion, and I appreciate it.
  #44  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 01:55 PM
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Perna

Have you had other types of therapies to compare them? How did you know that was what you wanted? What analytic orientation did your T use, if I may ask? Did you have a preference?

Funny story about your 9-year cycle. Nice to have your time mapped out! lol therapy models/orientations

Yes the expense is going to be an issue. My lifestyle is already very bare-bones. I don't even know yet how I'm going to get there! lol

I am looking forward to you revealing the solution to the health care puzzle! It's such a shame that we have such good medical and mental health care available here in the U.S. but it is so limited in who gets to benefit from it. I have often wished the health professionals would group and use their collective numbers to demand changes, like unions do or used to do. Well when you get it figured out... let us know!

Thank you for your encouragement!
  #45  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 02:45 PM
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I'm so glad you're moving on this echoes! I can't wait to hear about this new person and see if you click. Also, you may want to abolish this idea altogether but it's just a thought......if you miss the guided imagery and your new t doesn't do any of it, perhaps, and just maybe, you could visit the old one (if you handle it casually and don't get caught up in the rejection if/when they cancel) once in awhile to get you "fix"......just a thought as I know you are closing the book on this one, but just a thought....

So, will you let me know how it goes with the new one??? I wish all the goodness in the universe that you fit together nicely.....hugs to you echoes..
  #46  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 07:36 PM
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said:
I appreciate your energy, curiosity, upbeat attitude, sunny!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
Thanks, ECHOES. That really means a lot.

My T is also not covered by my insurance plan. My last one was, but was not nearly as good. This guy is worth the out-of-pocket expense to me. And it is great to not have to hassle with insurance, submit claims, etc. It's a drain on the finances, but I have cut back in other areas to be able to afford this.

ECHOES, I think you are very brave to see your old therapist one last time.

((((hugs))))

sunny
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  #47  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 08:13 PM
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I don't think any model or type of therapy is necessarily better than another but what the client and therapist want is important. They've shown that I think, that it's mostly the relationship and how the "pair" work together? That's pretty much what I believe. I had 4-5 therapists before finding the "right" one for me. My T probably tried bits and pieces of several methods/orientations and learned from me what worked best or what I seemed to like best? I think that's how therapy should work. If you want to talk about your past, I think you should be allowed to talk about your past and have a therapist "clever" enough to be able to make that work for you! One of my life proverbs is, "I'm the right size, it's the pants that don't fit!" and I think when you want/go looking for a specific teacher, they'll show up and be what you need; seek and ye shall find :-)
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  #48  
Old Feb 17, 2007, 09:00 PM
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Thanks Perna! I agree, and this is what I really want, after researching it and speaking with someone for many months who has an analytic education/background. I have had a number of therapists and therapy models in the last 10 or so years also. therapy models/orientations
  #49  
Old Feb 25, 2007, 02:54 AM
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Echoes, I can relate to your situation.
I was working wth a therapist who is trained eclectically, but we did mostly psychodynamic work. I did a lot of healing and was doing very well emotionally while in treatment. A few years into treatment she began employing cbt. She and I had our 'argument' about it...for details you can pm me... we struggled for a year, and then I left her. I met with five different therapists. I, as you, was looking for one who would be willing to engage with me on a psychodynamic plane.
The fifth one, I seemed to like her personality, and I asked her about her treatment plan. She said she works mostly with cbt. I then posed this question to her, ''Would you be ok to work with me using a psychodynamic model of treatment?'' She said that she would be able to provide that. I am not trusting her, though, cuz of my fallout with my previous therapist. Oh, of course, my not trusting her is grist for the mill, and I shall bring it up next time we meet, as we've only met twice so far.
She referred me to Dr. Sarno's works. As you stated you like psychodynamic treatment, you might enjoy reading his book, The Divided Mind.
I strongly believe that cbt serves to mask/prolong the repression of emotions for which clients enter therapy.
  #50  
Old Feb 25, 2007, 11:01 AM
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Wow, in reading this thread I've realized that I don't know much about types of therapy. I have no idea what type my therapist practices and I've been seeing him for a year now!!!

ECHOES, it sounds to me like the old therapist just wasn't right for you (and all those cancellations would have really been upsetting to me). I'm thinking that it might be easier to just describe what you want than ask for a specific type of treatment. Just say you want to talk more etc. and ask the new one if they can do that and then see where it goes. I'm realizing that not knowing what type of therapy my own therapist practices isn't really a problem for me. I know that it works and that's what matters. I'd go so far as to say it may be better that I don't know because I don't want to try to analyze what his technique is since that might distract me from learning from him.

I've never had a therapist suggest guided imagery. I don't think I'd be interested in anything other than regular talking myself. That's just me.

I hope the next experience will be better for you!!! Best of luck!!!!!!

Sidony
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