Couch 78: Put your feet up and stay a while

So sorry, Leah. Hope you can get some good rest and feel better soon. Please take good care of yourself. Big hugs. Xxx

So, I got to go to my T appointment today!! He knew I was sick, we commiserated, as we both have asthma and it has been bad lately.

Then, the bulk of the session we did a lot of talking about the "therapeutic bond," dual relationships, my hang up on how manufactured the relationship feels. It was really a good talk. I knew a lot of what he was saying, thanks to hanging around the boards at PC. He said all the right things, though at one point he was like, ohhhh you want to feel special and I was like HELL NO that is not what I was getting at all.. I really love that I have a T that is open and honest with me and the fact that our dual relationships works because we can both talk about our concerns.

I'm anticipating seeing T. I can't wait, but I don't want to feel too overzealous about things "going right" life has that rug it pulls out from under you. I want to master this and just laugh when life throws me walls and obstacles and such. So I'm trying to remain... Calm lol

Dieting makes me stupider.

My dogs has some sort of a 'discussion' at 5 am and woke me up. I haven't been able to get back to sleep. One would think that with as little sleep as I have been getting, I would be able to fall right back asleep -- especially since what little sleep I have been getting has been interrupted with nighttime feedings for the orphan kittens. But noooooo. I am awake. Exhausted, but awake.

This litter of orphans has been harder somehow than the last. The last litter, one kitten was ill and kept almost dying. This litter is healthy, but just so much more demanding than the last. They have not moved to solid foods as quickly and get so much more desperate acting when we try to space out their feedings. I don't want to get up with a litter of neurosis kitties, so I have tried to accommodate them on continuing the formula and bottle feedings, but man, it is getting old.

Apparently my emails to my T are getting lost in cyber space and that is a weird feeling. I sent him a really craaaaazy email earlier this week, and then called because he hadn't responded, and he said he had not gotten that email or the one the week before. I emailed him Friday about something I know he would have called me back about, but he didn't, so I'm guessing he didn't get that one either. So now I kind of half want to write down stuff I know I need to tell him, but have been avoiding for the last 4 years, just to practice writing it down and sending it, but with my luck, THAT would be the email he actually got.

Dieting makes me meaner. My friends call it being "hangry."

CE, I have lost a fair amount of weight over the last three years. What worked for me was not to diet, but just to keep a log of my food. I used weight watchers at first, and then found an app for a food journal that really helped. I had to be able to eat cake and donuts, or I wasn't going to be able to keep the weight off. So I had to learn how to sort of budget food to accommodate for junk. I used Pts.PlusDiary

If you want, we could PM about it some.

A queen size bed doesn't seem that big with two grown adults, 4 and 6 year old, and a dog.. That was why I was awake at 6am this morning.. just not enough room!

As sick as you've been I'm surprised anyone would be willing to sleep near you...

You should have used the quarantine excuse to get the whole bed to yourself.

Feeling very alone. H came home at 5am from a curry night....
Friends have disappeared. What have I done wrong?
Well I guess it's just me. Being me.
I'm sorry - hope everyone's having a good weekend? Xxxx

I'm getting addicted to this new app. It's called HomeRoutines. I can use it to set up to do lists for the day week or month. You can also set up daily tasks that are repeated either morning or evening and weekly tasks... It also has your home set up in zones that you can tailor it to your home..so that you clean a different zone in your house daily or weekly. Every time you complete a task you get a star...and it shows you the stars you earned that day... Who knew that a chore chart and star stickers would still motivate me.

Oh, thanks for sharing I am going to check the app out. Cleaning goes by the wayside during the school year, but I need to not do that. I spent some time this morning cleaning my living room, which is now looking acceptable enough for people to come into. For now, I am heading back to bed without the kids!!

Just dropped past for the first time since July 2013(!!!), and thought I should say hello! I doubt anyone remembers me though, haha...

How's everyone getting on nowadays?

AAA, you have mentioned before your theory on why your friends have disappeared. Have you actually confirmed that theory with them? It might be a possible idea to just try to openly talk to your friends about what the problem is. If your theory is correct, then you know what the issue is, and you can decide whether it is something you want to do something about. Or propose possible solutions, like not discussing your marriage or your H with your friends so they do not feel so angry on your behalf and so frustrated with you.

Hey, how have you been? Why has it been so long since you've seen your T? One of the last things I remember you saying was you were upset about a lack of a response from the T. Did they never respond?

ETA: if I'm completely misremembering, please forgive me.

Hey MKAC!

I've missed your posts... and your avatar/icon - your pup is so gorgeous - makes me smile every time!

How are you doing?

I've been doing pretty well on the whole, thank you Unfortunately things have gone pretty pear-shaped in recent weeks, but what can you do? It's just life, hey.

That probably was me! We had to abruptly stop seeing each other sometime in March 2013. I then made a one-off double appointment to see her again following a big surgery in July 2013, and she said she'd really like to work with me regularly again (my work schedule was the issue) and to please email her everything/anything I would be able to do, which I did... but she just never came back to me. Broke my heart. So much so that I couldn't summon the courage to try and follow it up.

Very casually contacted her again at the very end of July this year, just to say that I'd thought of her, hoped she was well, and that I don't suppose she would be available anytime soon for a catch-up. She did reply and we have managed to meet twice since The complete lack of response from last Summer hasn't been brought up or discussed... not sure if it should be? Not even sure what's going to happen yet as she is 2 hours away from me and money is very very tight right now.

Yeah, if it happened to me, I would need to address it before I could return. But that's me. I'm told I'm pretty confrontational.

I don't feel that makes you "confrontational" at all, in fact, I think it makes you quite sensible. Finding out the reasoning for it shows that you're interested in protecting yourself as well.

It is bothering me now that I've brought it up and am remembering/thinking about it again... I somehow managed to just push it to the back of my mind.

Trouble is, I don't know that I'm going to like the answer, whatever it may be. Even if she were to say she never actually received the email her end, or that she did actually reply and she's sorry that I don't seem to have received it. She should know by now that if I say I'm going to do something, I do it, and if I do reach out and ask for help I sure as heck don't ignore what is offered, so I would be upset that she clearly doesn't know me well enough (or perhaps even care enough).

Perhaps we will broach the subject. I just don't know that I want to upset myself and risk angering her in any way. What's that I hear you say? Coward? Yep, that's me!

Anyhow. How are things with with you and your lovely T? Things seemed pretty intense last I remember!

I waited in vain for Madame T to tell me that.

So sorry if reading that was painful/upsetting for you, CE, and I'm sorry Madame T doesn't appear to have come through for you!

Hope it was ultimately your decision for that relationship to end, and I hope that you're now seeing a new T who's a a much better fit for you and is more attuned to your needs.

Good thing I had some warning because he was even closer than I'd assumed. He was in the row in front of me. I'd have seen him even if I hadn't have known he was going to be there.

Wow, how ironic pbutton.. T and I were supposed to go the same concert last night too, but because of being sick, and lack of a babysitter we gave our tickets away. T brought it up and we both had a chuckle, that we were both going to the same concert an hour away, after we had talked about the fact that we have a couple of dual relationships, and a lot of contacts outside of his office.

It's looking more and more like I will try to go back to school (hopefully to get a Master's) next Fall (Fall 2015). I'll be 32 by next Fall but I guess still fairly young for a Grad Student. The only issue with me is that I don't have that much money right now (since I lack a job that is more than a few hours a week if that), so I think that I may try to get a job soon and save up some money so I have enough (hopefully with a scholarship to pay for some) to go next Fall.

I am a little bit hammered right now. Playing with kittens and not hurting myself. I am so pissy at myself. Why the **** do I not learn not to leave my kid alone with my mother ever? Also both of my sisters seem infected with my mother's insanity to one extent or another.

omg leaving in the morning went scrapbooking with peeps and had a major melt down .store owner probably hates me because I ruined her special day

Hang in there, Mkac!