How much do you know about T's mental health?

No, it's not funny. These statements would concern me more than the unconventional approaches she favors. She appears to be deeply unstable.

agreed. i'm already unimpressed with this t based on other threads

I dont know anything and would like to keep it that way.. Therapy is about me not her

I actually said this to previous T once and she got really offended, or so it seemed to me. Damn maternal transference. Bad enough I had to take care of my mother. I don't need the same sh^t from my T.

I agree with this. I could not handle that type of behavior from a therapist. The therapist I see now is very stable and had a good childhood and can also admit when he's made a mistake. But therapy is about me, not him. And that's how it should be.

The first therapist I ever saw did things like sky-diving and hang gliding with her grown children. As long as the therapist can appear less crazy than I sound for the 50 minutes I am there and paying for, then what they do the rest of the time just doesn't concern me.
I have never thought therapists were not particularly crazy in their personal lives.

Oh thank god, I was losing my marbles. I'm really afraid of upsetting her when I talk to her, but that's probably the best course of action. I really hope that she doesn't feel like I have been spying on her. I feel like by detecting these kinds of things I'm doing something wrong

Did you talk to your T about any of this? How did he react?

I know I'm not preaching what I practice here but I haven't talked to him about it because part of me doesn't want him to stop being open with me (that's the naughty part of me that enjoys feeling closer to him, not the sensible, levelheaded part that worries about its impact on the effectiveness of therapy)
At the moment therapy is going so well and I am working through some serious issues, so I kind of feel it's better to let it slide than risk jeopardising the relationship.. I think if it was affecting therapy to the point where I was thinking about quitting, I would have to talk to him about it. It definitely wouldn't be good to quit without talking it through.

I don't really want to quit, I think that it is just stomping all over my abandonment issues because my mom was not mentally healthy, and it seemed like that was what caused her to abandon me, and then I'm pretty sure last T abandon me because of her issues. I think I'm just clasic BPD with this where I want to abandon her before she abandons me

I totally empathise with this. My mum had a lot of mental health issues too, I think that's why I wanted a male t (I don't trust women not to screw me over emotionally)

From what you say I don't think you need to worry about abandonment from your t, and its great you've recognised the potential pitfall before its has a chance to ruin the relationship. Its a real opportunity to prove to yourself that the pattern doesn't have to repeat itself

I am unaware of any psychological issues in my therapist's life. She exudes a well-adjusted, stable image and I personally do not get the vibe that she has struggled with any serious mental health obstacles.

Maybe some anxiety, or depression in her earlier years. She works primarily with adolescents who have anxiety and mood disorders, and I think therapists tend to pick their area of expertise based on what they have either struggled with themselves or are passionate about, or both. If she had something like trauma, I think her practice would have more of a focus on that. Those are my thoughts anyway.

It would make me ill at ease to learn she had any sort of severe mental disorder like BPD or PTSD, recovered or otherwise. I would not like it. I have enough people in my life with mental illness who try to "support me" when they're really just adding to the damage – I'd like to have just one person who is well-balanced and so far she has been that sure thing. To find out she really isn't would make me feel tricked.

Mine acts like he's never dealt with struggles in his life lol. I wonder because it makes me feel bad knowing that, for all I know, I could be whining about how much my life sucks to someone who's been severely abused. You just never know.

Does anyone have any ideas for how I should bring this up with T, I really don't have a clue. And just having to do it is kind of triggering. I had a ton of terrible conversations with my mom during my teens about how she wasn't being a good mother to me. I always ended up getting blamed for not accepting her. I'm really afraid of T having a similar reaction. If you were me how would you start such a conversation?

she has said it only when I've asked her to promise me something and she says she cant "because she might die," she doesn't know the future. I don't think shes unstable (I do think she has severe counter transference though and is in serious denial about it.)

I know T as in therapy when she went through her divorce (many years ago)

I also suspect something horrible happened about 26 or 27 years ago with a client. She mentions that she will never work with a registered sex offender (meaning rapist or such) as they can't be cured. I know she moved from one end of the country to the other around this same time.

In discussing parents I found that she never had a close relationship ship it sounds like she might have bordered on verbally abusive. Her mom is still alive but they have now contact. However she had an amazing relationship with her father who died at a young age (50's)

I know nothing. I'd like to know. If only to know what it's like. But I'd like to think I was under the care of a competent professional, not a basket case, if that makes sense. I can't have someone having a breakdown or not doing their job properly.

Mine has always talked about the anxiety she has dealt with, but has never been too specific or personal about her life. But I did accidentally find out she had PTSD.

My T seems like one of the world's more stable, well-adjusted people. I get the sense that she is a calmer person by nature than I am (even though I'm stable, I tend to be a bit high-strung). I do know that she's dealt with anxiety, and with a period of depression. She seems to have a really good support system, and from what I can tell, a full and stable life.

I once had a T a few years ago who just seemed like a mess-She told me waaaay too much, and there were a few times that I downplayed or hid the way I was feeling bc I remember thinking "someone has to try to keep this lady together!" She couldn't handle me at all.

Working with my T now gives me a feeling of calm and consistency-I know that she's dealt with things, but I also know that she is a very stable and healthy person now.

Everything you have posted about your T is a mass of contradictions. So either she is unstable, and perhaps incompetent, or your perceptions as you describe her are mistaken. No one can know which it is. But Ts choose their words carefully. It isn't even "normal" in my experience for anyone in my life to add a qualifier about dying to their statements. Serious denial about counter transference or anything else is yet another sign of instability and/or incompetence. I understand the impulse to defend your T, but I've never seen you post anything about your T that isn't problematic.

It sounds like you view this as accusing/criticizing your T which is understandable from what you say of conversations with your mother. But it needn't be that way.
Try to be specific about situations or statements that were upsetting to you, rather than general statements (like "You always seem so X"). Keep the focus on the feelings you notice in yourself when she says or does these things. As long as the focus is on your thoughts and feelings and reactions, it won't be accusatory.

Actually I'm a lot more worried about how much care taking I should do during this conversations. I'm also aware of some of the erotic undertones that can occur when telling someone all of the parts of them that you can see. There's obsessive erotic transference in this relationship already for me. Having access to someone's emotional vulnerability whom I'm attracted to comes with a high desire for seduction. I'm really worried about a mutual feeling of vulnerability in the session. I'm very worried that I might behave badly. Taking someone apart, and getting down to their core, and then making love to them, is something I enjoy so much. I'm trying to figure out a way to approach the situation with her, that will help me avoid this tendency, its so hard. I just want us to stay safe, but no one ever really gave me the tools to accomplish that. So I feel like I'm looking around for the right wrench in the dark, and I' worried that I won't find it by Tuesday. Thank you for continuing to talk to me in this thread. I do need it so much. btw there's no more than three years between us.

He's licensed so he must have been in individual therapy for at least 5yr... He never talks about it though.
He has his problems, like anyone, but he keeps them out of my therapy room. When I ask he says he's fine and if he wasn't, he'd take a day off.
I would not be with a T who shares his emotional troubles/mental illnesses with me. I would not go to a T who advertises overcoming some. Sounds cruel, I know but I had a T who did and it did not work to say the least. My money, my time and I need a T I can tell everything to without worrying how it might influence him/her.

This changes things a bit. I wasn't aware of the erotic transference and the pattern you recognize in yourself. And you're right to be cautious as this could get very complex very fast. It's difficult to know if her behavior activating your pattern (psychologically, not behaviorally!) is a route to healing or disaster. A lot would depend upon her training, competence, and stability. I would be very tempted to seek out a consultation before engaging this issue. I'm not sure that you can trust your judgement when you're operating under such a transference. And while you believe you've progressed, and that you have a good alliance, it's difficult to assess objectively when your transference is so strong. Is she aware of the transference? Has it been discussed at all?

The transference is on the table, we have been talking about it for the last month; and she has know about the obsessiveness since the beginning (it's a long standing pattern). What do you mean by consultation? Are you suggesting another T? I don't know if I can afford that, and I see her tomorrow. Maybe I should just raise my concern at the beginning, I mean about the vulnerability seduction thing? Maybe I should just step out of a few minutes after I tell her?