[Depletion]

I'm a rather intuitive person, and I can often figure out what other people are sensitive about, or what kind of issues they have going on. I can usually do this with very little information. And right now I see a T who doesn't use much of a persona, so I feel like I'm getting a lot of information about her. I know some stuff from her just telling me, like that she has been in therapy before, and we have discussed our weight issues together, and that's rather obvious.

But I know other stuff from things that she says, like that she is working way, way, way too much and is not giving herself enough time. I know that she is binge eating regularly, and I know this because she brought it up as an example when it really didn't have anything to do with what we were talking about, and her inflection suggested that it was personal. She tends to talk more about something when it is personal to her, and becomes much more expressive and animated. This happened another time when she started comparing something that I do to OCD. And she suddenly had tons of opinions about it, and had huge amount of emotional inflection and talked about it for several minutes. She doesn't treat OCD by the way. She also disclosed that she doesn't have many friends. Oh, and I know that she is not currently in her own therapy, but she does have supervision.

In some ways I like seeing a T who puts so much of herself in her work, but I'm starting to have a hard time not worrying about her too much, and as things stand I have a hard time accepting the one way nature of the therapy relationship. Allowing someone to really connect with me and care for me is hard for me, I have a much easier time caring for others.

Has anyone else her deduced or found out that much about T. How did you feel about it. Have you ever talked about it with your T?

P.S. please don't respond telling me that I'm reading the T leaves, T supports the idea that I am a highly intuitive person, and I know from personal experience that I am often right (although not always, of course).

[HazelGirl]

Can you bring all this up with her?

My T has been very open with me about her struggles, and I am glad because it makes me feel like I can be more open, too. I know a ton about her mental health history and how she spent YEARS in therapy. I know she has PTSD (and I worry that sometimes my story might trigger her...although years of therapy seems to have helped her because she doesn't react to my story in a "triggered" way), anxiety, depression, and troubles sleeping. I know she is human and has her own problems.

She also knows I'm a very highly sensitive person and would be able to pick up on her being "off" if something wasn't right, so she always tells me if she has something major going on that might affect how she does therapy (even just minimally).

[Raindropvampire]

I've even had a T comp me my hour because we spent it talking about her. I came to session and she was so sad it made me cry. So I just hugged her and asked why she was so sad. At first she said she was fine but I called BS and told her how she was making me feel. Then she broke down crying lots of crap was going on and she probably should have taken a personal day. I don't know whether it's intuition or what but I'm HIGHLY sensitive to others emotions. I also have severe trust issues and deflect a lot. I tend to learn a ton of personal stuff about my Ts and Pdocs because of this.

I've actually had a T I was seeing for the first time wig out on me and pretty much boot me out the door because I kept getting her to divulge personal info. It's not something I do on purpose it's just purely a defense mechanism.

I know for a fact that every T I've ever seen has been in therapy themselves. Only one of my Pdocs had regular therapy. The others just went as needed.

[stopdog]

I know they both have had therapy. I don't really want to know more about them. They are outside of my life.

[growlycat]

I know lots about my longtime T--he was in analysis for 9 years. He has a phobia that he struggles with. He had a very difficult time with his parents' passings.

CBT T alluded to wanting to understand his emotionally stoic parents better, but he never admits to his own issues unless it is something small in the present. I suppose that is to help normalize it for me.

[feralkittymom]

I knew enough to feel confident that he is very stable and self-aware. I would not have wanted to engage in therapy with someone exhibiting the sort of behavior you've described.

Nothing and i want to keep it that way.

[ThisWayOut]

I think I would be very uncomfortable knowing too much about my t's mental health, especially if it's a current struggle. I tend to want to take care of people, so if I know something will effect them negatively, I don't say it. This is really counter productive in t. That said, I'm pretty sure previous t had her own trauma issues and eating issues. I know some previous t's have been in therapy, but I never asked why. A few wee open to answering why if I wanted to know, but I chose not to ask. I had know the mental health of some of my very first t's, and it caused a lot of roadblocks for us. I try to stay out of their personal lives as best I can...

[growlycat]

My main T has it together pretty well, even if some issues are ongoing, I feel he hast mastered them in general. He has a lot of credibility for me as someone who has experienced psychological issues yet came out on top.

I am less trusting of the T who hasn't "been there".

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Can you bring all this up with her?

My T has been very open with me about her struggles, and I am glad because it makes me feel like I can be more open, too. I know a ton about her mental health history and how she spent YEARS in therapy. I know she has PTSD (and I worry that sometimes my story might trigger her...although years of therapy seems to have helped her because she doesn't react to my story in a "triggered" way), anxiety, depression, and troubles sleeping. I know she is human and has her own problems.

She also knows I'm a very highly sensitive person and would be able to pick up on her being "off" if something wasn't right, so she always tells me if she has something major going on that might affect how she does therapy (even just minimally).

Well I could but I don't want to be intrusive--I've kind of been under the impression that T's don't really want to share about this stuff, and I'm not really sure what I want any of it confirmed. And I honestly can't tell if knowing that she was having a bad day would help me at all. But on the other hand I'm not good at ignoring that when I know it's going on.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

I knew enough to feel confident that he is very stable and self-aware. I would not have wanted to engage in therapy with someone exhibiting the sort of behavior you've described.

Can you say more? Do you mean the things that I have found our in session directly like she is working a lot, or do you mean the kind of issues that I have deduced like the binge eating?

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I think I would be very uncomfortable knowing too much about my t's mental health, especially if it's a current struggle. I tend to want to take care of people, so if I know something will effect them negatively, I don't say it. This is really counter productive in t. That said, I'm pretty sure previous t had her own trauma issues and eating issues. I know some previous t's have been in therapy, but I never asked why. A few wee open to answering why if I wanted to know, but I chose not to ask. I had know the mental health of some of my very first t's, and it caused a lot of roadblocks for us. I try to stay out of their personal lives as best I can...

I have this problem too, I want so much to care about her, and I know I can't. This is all made more difficult by the fact that I feel certain I could a strong friendship with this person it I had met her in another context.

I know he has been in therapy because he would not have a licence to practice if he didn't. He's acknowledged that he has been through therapy himself - and said that he doesn't think anybody could be a good therapist if they hadn't - but I know nothing about any issues, past or present. I don't read other people well at all, and T seems very calm, stable and unchanging to me. I would not want to know, either. Not because I'd want to take care of T, because I wouldn't, but because I would feel even more guilty for wasting his time with my minor non-issues when he had more important things going on in his own life.

So for me it is a very good thing indeed to have a blank slate-ish T.

[Ford Puma]

I am often surprised with how therapy works else where in the world. Here T never gives a thing away and its impossible to know anything as a result.
I am thinking I have been with the wrong T from day one at this stage. it is almost depressing. I am not expecting T to list of their life story's but been a bit open and trusting would help. By the look of it over here T's follow a different line of training.

[IndestructibleGirl]

I really wouldn't like the stuff that you're hearing about binge eating and not having many friends if it's current stuff. Wouldn't mind at all if it is from the past.

Last week a woman died of the eating disorder that I used to have and that I now am involved with professionally, my colleagues knew her but I didn't. She was the same age as me but left behind a tiny baby this stirred up some pretty awful feelings in me (guilt and confusion at why I've managed to be in recovery for many years now) which I could only say in my therapy, because of what I know about my colleagues and their struggles and how it's all too recent and too raw. I know that in the past, my therapist has had her own demons with disordered eating, but I was fine bringing it up with her because I believe those days are well behind her.

I feel as though I know a substantial amount about my therapist's mental health, and to me it is sensitive and personal information. For the most part it's been very useful to know that somebody else could've been in a similar place to me and escaped.

What I will say is that in my opinion, knowing a lot (or what feels like a lot) in general about your therapist makes it harder to reconcile the idea that it is purely a professional relationship with no place outside the therapy room.

[feralkittymom]

Originally Posted by Depletion

Can you say more? Do you mean the things that I have found our in session directly like she is working a lot, or do you mean the kind of issues that I have deduced like the binge eating?

Both what she's said and what you've deduced. It sounds like you're reading behavior, rather than simply speculating from thin air. I would be uncomfortable with a T who has on-going struggles that are "leaking" into the therapy. For me it adds a layer of complexity to a process that is already complex enough without.

When you notice her animation around certain topics I think that is telling. I've never wanted a true "blank slate" T, but that sort of animation feels more emotionally invested than I would want around an issue.

I admit that I have firm beliefs about this sort of issue and others may not be so concerned. I never wanted a T that had struggled with my same issues. I certainly wanted a T who was well-trained, and that includes a substantial therapy experience. When a T has that sort of experience, it should lead to self-awareness. Everyone has struggles; the only difference is that some glide through life unaware of them, or act them out. Personal therapy would address both. I don't need, nor draw security or comfort from, any matching of struggles. I don't believe the appearance of a matching struggle equals greater therapeutic understanding. But it does create the possibility of a lesser therapeutic experience if the T is not both well-skilled and well-healed. So for me there would be risk with no reward.

[MoxieDoxie]

Enough to know that he has experienced his own demons, done the work to recover so he can truly sit in a place of understanding with his clients.

[Depletion]

Originally Posted by feralkittymom

Both what she's said and what you've deduced. It sounds like you're reading behavior, rather than simply speculating from thin air. I would be uncomfortable with a T who has on-going struggles that are "leaking" into the therapy. For me it adds a layer of complexity to a process that is already complex enough without.

When you notice her animation around certain topics I think that is telling. I've never wanted a true "blank slate" T, but that sort of animation feels more emotionally invested than I would want around an issue.

I admit that I have firm beliefs about this sort of issue and others may not be so concerned. I never wanted a T that had struggled with my same issues. I certainly wanted a T who was well-trained, and that includes a substantial therapy experience. When a T has that sort of experience, it should lead to self-awareness. Everyone has struggles; the only difference is that some glide through life unaware of them, or act them out. Personal therapy would address both. I don't need, nor draw security or comfort from, any matching of struggles. I don't believe the appearance of a matching struggle equals greater therapeutic understanding. But it does create the possibility of a lesser therapeutic experience if the T is not both well-skilled and well-healed. So for me there would be risk with no reward.

Well this really sucks. There's a lot I really like about this T, and I have been to so many T's already. I'm bpd, so finding a new T is going to suck, and I move in like a year assuming my education moves forward. I wish there was some way to work this out with this T. Maybe I'm wrong about what I think I know??? I really wish my brain would not spend time thinking about things like this. I do feel like I have been making progress in therapy, but this is hard.

[feralkittymom]

Whoa! Have you talked with her about your observations? If not, then you have very little on which to base changing Ts. You also need to think long and hard about how much these sort of issues matter to you. There is no such thing as a perfect T; what's important is having a T with whom you can pursue therapy free of unrecognized and unacknowledged biases.

[NowhereUSA]

i think i know a fair bit about my t's mental state. he's told me he's never dealt with depression, tho i know he's had rough times. i know he's going through a difficult time right now, some family issues and the death of a client but i also know he's in therapy currently or at least was a few months ago.

he's one of the people that got into it because he's a good listener and found himself in that role with friends and not because he had a mental illness himself.

[JaneTennison1]

Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie

Enough to know that he has experienced his own demons, done the work to recover so he can truly sit in a place of understanding with his clients.

Same 100%. She told me in session one she was in therapy and she told me all that therapy had provided her. She used this as an example of what she hoped I would gain,

A bit too much sometimes I think. Like you I am quite intuitive and he can say one or two minor comments over a long period of time and I have been able to piece them together to work out a few things that have gone on in his life. I never forget anything he tells me so sometimes it's easier than he might imagine for me to do the math. For instance he once told me he had used a certain type of therapy to treat PTSD and other times he has mentioned other things about his life allowing me to piece together what caused the PTSD. I don't particularly want this insight into his life (like others said, it's harder when you care about your T) but I can't help myself trying to work him out.
I agree you shouldn't rush into changing Ts without trying to work it out first. In a sense a sort of friend-like attachment might prove helpful in working through it.

[InRealLife45]

My T tried to kill herself in her 20's, she used to be bulimic and she cut lightly (all in her 20's, now she's in her mid 40's), and is currently obsessed with yoga and energy healing and she is a SERIOUS thrill junkie, and all her hobbies kind of revolve around that. I think that in itself says a lot about her now bc she puts herself in danger so much and calls it fun.

Therapists should not be allowed to engage in such dangerous past times. It scares me. She always says "____ unless I die." It's not funny.

[JustShakey]

I don't know if it's reality or just maternal transference speaking, but I suspect previous T had too many issues in common with me and my mother to be comfortable treating me. She sometimes felt forced to me, like she was struggling to contain herself. Or maybe I'm projecting. I really don't know.
With current T I know only the few bits that he's told me. He comes across as very together, which I'm glad of. I always felt like I needed to take care of previous T and to try not to annoy her too much. I need to learn how to put myself first, and picking up too much on my T's needs is not helpful to me for the most part I think.

[lostwonder]

It may be an act to put me at ease, but the man is neurotic.