trouble feeling "real" unless interacting with t??

I'm not quite sure what this feeling is today, but I feel like I am going to disappear from existence if I don't talk to T about the stuff I disclosed on Saturday... It's as if I'm a ghost that is only more "real" when talked about, like I have no real physical form and am in danger of being sucked out into the blackness if we don't talk about this soon... Kinda like needing acknowledgement to be made corporeal again... I think it's maybe stemming from having disclosed (in writing) about the severity of my dissociation and not having talked about it because I gave it to her at the end of the session with the request that she read it before we get together again next week.
It's also weird because interactions with other people are not filling that need to be "seen" by T... :/ Does anyone else ever get like that? as if other interactions don't count, but those with T do? It feels like I wear a mask for the rest of the world, but try to let it down in T. Then once I do, I am desperate for that continued "genuine" interaction, and for being accepted "as is"...
Next Saturday is way too far away...

This hasn't been something I have experienced, so I can't give you much advice.

Could you call her and ask to talk to her or ask for an earlier appointment?

Yeah, it use to be like that for me too. Over the years in therapy it changed. I exist wherever I am.

There have been times when I have felt this way for sure and very strongly. Having dissociation in the mix doesn't help either. It can make things feel less real by itself as you know. After years of intensive therapy with someone who really is extraordinary, I am convinced that this is the best way I will ever be truly known, seen, and understood. That puts other relationships automatically in a lower status. I realize that I may be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. But at the moment it seems true to my life. It is hard when other relationships do sometimes feel like a facade and lacking in authenticity or openness. I understand that craving for interaction that is meaningful and satisfying. I wish I had something useful or soothing to say. All I can say is that I understand.

Hazel, unfortunately she does not have other available times. I've tried another time (more urgent things) and been told that the only time she has available is the time we have scheduled... it kinda sucks.

_Mouse, how did you get past it? Intellectually, I know I exist either way but emotionally, it's a whole other story.

archipeligo, yeah, makes other realtionships a let-down of sorts... but I am not sure I am ready for the risk of being that genuine with people that are not as "gauranteed safe" as T is... ugh.

I need to figure out how to ground from this today, because it's going to be a really long week if I don't.

Have you ever tried hypnosis? People who can experience dissociation are usually able to experience hypnosis. I have recordings on my phone that have a variety of inductions. I have one that is specifically for grounding that is mostly a de-induction. It is simple to make one. I tend to freeze when I am not grounded so my de-induction from this dissociative type state is an account of me doing active enjoyable things in a pleasurable setting. It's just the power of suggestion but it works more often than not. The other things I do are journaling or something physical. In particular I like doing Tai Chi because it is between exercise and meditation.

I'm trying to do some art journaling, and talking to my wife on the phone... I am also listeing to music. I tend to not be able to listen to anything too chill when I am this keyed up, but it does work before the intense panic hits.
I might also try heading out to a park later with the dogs.

I don't think I'm close enough to my T yet to feel that way, but I can relate to feeling "unreal" around people in general. It's hard when you have a lot of intense stuff going on, but you can't really share with people (it's not always appropriate, they may not be that supportive, they may not care, etc.). It makes me feel very unreal too... even just talking to people about what's going on, and not being comfortable telling them about therapy (since that's the biggest, most important thing going on for me right now!).

I wish I had an answer for you! I think your ideas (journaling, talking to your wife, playing with the dogs) are great... does your wife know about the stuff you revealed to T? Is she a good person to talk to about feeling "unreal"? I hope she can help you feel heard and solid and real.

she knows some of it, but doesn't understand it. she tries though... it's just not something either of us feel comfortable talking about...
trying the art journaling now and it's kinda helping. I'm also getting distracted with a technical issue with my phone that has now spread to my computer... having to take care of concrete things helps (as frustrating as it may be).
I think I may bring up feeling "unreal" to T next session, especially since it applies ot what I showed her.
I keep running inot this feeling of urgency when addressing important things, and I keep hitting walls/boundaries around it. it's annoying to say the least, but I do understand it to a degree.

I totally relate to this. I think I am in this place at the moment. It is so painful. It is made more intense as nobody else knows I am seeing a T so inhave to hold it all in each week. I've had an 8 week break with limited email contact so it has brought a lot of these feelings to the surface. I just don't know what is real anymore. I function as in go to work, feed the kids, etc but it is as if it isn't really me... It's like I am performing and then I show the real me to T. But is that real ? All I know is that I can't keep,up the pretence much longer. I feel for you THisWAyOut.

hope you get to see t soon and address this. it's a crappy feeling...

I'm sorry that your wife isn't able to understand more of what's going on with you... though glad that she cares enough to try. It can be tough, for anyone, to try to get your head around someone elses' experiences if it's not something you personally experience as well...

And, glad the concrete things are helping - I totally know what you mean. Sometimes when I'm in a weird mood or depressed, something very concrete helps me focus and get to a saner, more solid place.

And, yeah... it sounds like talking to your T about the feelings might be useful... good luck with it! I hope it goes well!

I feel this all the time, I stare out into space and just zone out. I believe it's called derealization. I'm not sure. I hope this helps. xo