Waiting

I emailed 8 T's. I said my name, that I'm in college, that I'm looking for a T accessible female T comfortable with childhood trauma work. I asked about my insurance and asked for a consultation.

I'm scared. None of them will probably write back. I'm just not that interesting. People don't like me at first. DBT T said so

While it is possible none will respond, it is not probable.

DBT T can go shove it. They will get back to you.

Waiting sucks... also does dbt t for saying that in that way. If the intention was to help you ease into a more accessible initial contact, that statement failed miserably.

I don't know what his intention was nor do I care. He said I'm a difficult person to get to know.

Difficult to get to know is one thing, calling a person unlikable upon first impression is another. Sorry he was so mean... I've been told I'm difficult to get to know, but not that people don't like me upon first meeting. You would have to be really asshole-ish to not be liked that fast, and you certainly don't come off that way here.

He went into more detail than that. I get told that I'm hard to get to know all the time. Childhood psychologists used to tell me I'm like a melon with a really prickly and painful to the touch outer shell but sweet and tender beyond that. My mom says I'm hard to love.

growlithing

Well no you wouldn't have to be an asshole. Just be highly critical of everything. I stopped doing that and I just sit on all of my feelings pertaining to want to challenge the material. I hate DBT and I want to stop.

First of all Growli, I just want to say that I'm so proud of you for contacting all of those T's, that's really amazing that you had the courage to do all of that. And I do think that some of them will get back to you.

As far as DBT T is concerned that is just a terrible thing to say to a person--and it is just flat out wrong. I have always liked you, and I genuinely feel that I connect with the way that you feel a lot of the time. You seem like the kind of person who would make a terrific friend. And I think that any therapist who's worth their salt would absolutely want to get to know you.

And once again I think that it is so terrific that you reached out.

Well, you should tell that to all of the friends I've already lost this year. Moving back into the dorms I already knew would end my friendships with my old roommates, I just tried not to think about it. And now I only have two friends which is fantastic but I lost most of the "family" I made for myself.

And thank you. You're great too.

I'm sorry Gowli. I've always had a hard time with friends too. I know that this is the internet, and its not the same as real life but you can always PM me if you want. I'm so sorry you feel like you lost your friends...maybe now that you don't live with them you'll just have a different relationship with them?

Yes. None at all. They won't make an effort to see me or invite me to anything. They barely made a effort when I shared rent with them. They were so harsh on me for having problems but so tolerant of my other friend for almost the same problems but she has an excuse because her mom is dead. Great. Didn't know that even though I don't have a mother who does anything remotely motherly to me beyond paying my rent and continuing the years of emotional abuse that's better than having no mom at all. **** them. It might seem that way to people with parents but it's not.

they will all respond. you think t's want interesting? no. interesting means hard. theyd love clients who are simple.

when i email t's i do so with a very long laundry list of symptoms, my diagnosis etc... to make very clear to them what they'll be dealing with if they see me, that i am bpd and dont want them to feel tricked into seeing me. everyone responds whether they want to see you or not.

you did good contacting all those Ts.

finding a T doesn't really have much to do with likability. it's whether or not the T has availability and thinks they can help you. it's a professional relationship. if for some reason you don't hear back from some try not to take it personally as it isn't. it's business.

I didn't include any of that. I wouldn't say I'm simple at all. I also have BPD but don't really find it relevant.

Well Growli, I don't think those are the kind of people you want in your life anyway. I find that people in general are so poorly educated about abuse that it can make it hard to have a deep supportive relationship. I think that its best to look for someone who can be a little open about their own problems (eventually, as the case maybe), and who wants to empathize with and understand other people. I think that's the only shot you have at a real friendship IMO.

Why wouldn't it be relevant? I see the symptoms in a lot of what you do and say. I think it's very relevant.

I have at least one real friend. We talk 100% of the time and we are open about everything. It's just finding people to do stuff with during the day

It's not relevant. It's a dumb diagnosis that means nothing but collecting a bunch of "traits" on a page.

Well that's really good! Close friends are invaluable. Maybe you can just find some people with similar interests to hang out with. I did some service stuff, and joined a few clubs when I was in college. That seemed like a helpful way to find things to do with other people.

I have BPD, and I would not disclose it first thing (I might look for therapists who treat it), but I think that it is the kind of thing that you should get disclose when you want. It can be part of therapy to trust the T enough to disclose such a thing, and I don't think that all T's will see it as relevant or necessary to focus on a DX in treatment. What matters most is the person who is there, and the way that they feel.

Sorry. I've had this diagnosis officially for a year. I've suspected it for nearly 5 years and I hate the stigma attached to it. I don't want to be associated with the stigma attached to it. I find the diagnosis extremely invalidating and my mom told me that people with BPD are just crazy unpredictable assholes.

I feel like my symptoms really only show up when I'm dealing with LCM or alone late at night and I don't need some idiot T thinking I'm not worth her time because some annoying psychiatrist put a label on my patterns of behaviors. Meet me first.

I don't even want someone to treat it. I just don't care about it. I know when I'm being emotionally volatile (like right now) I know every time. It's just the way I am and I have bigger more important things to work on. And DBT doesn't help me for ****. Annoying little acronyms and condensing worksheets. Like I have an attachment disorder, not a brain injury.

And I don't have a "personality disorder". My personality is a little sharp to the taste but get over it. I'm not "bordering" on insanity or whatever the hell it's supposed to mean. I'm under control.