Waiting

Sometimes I think people who are the most honest and open about themselves get more slack here and elsewhere in life. I give you credit, Growli, for putting yourself out there all the time.

My guess is that many people wouldn't dare admit < 1% of the stuff you talk about here.

I think it was proposed: Emotional Dysregulation Disorder? I don't know why they didn't change it. Borderline is as incorrect as Hysteria.

Hey Scarlet, That might be out of date but used in other nations? As you kniw, Borderline is about so much more than regulation; this simplifies it too much. BPD is also about insecure attachment, sense of self, and so much more that we only see in the CPTSD diagnosis, aside from the literature.

Developmental Trauma Disorder is the most recent I know of. Its for adolescents according to this article, but this could have such a positive impact on children, that I want to advocate for this. I cried reading this thinking how kids with these problems end up in jail later because there is rarely intervention, mostly punishment, which digs a deeper hole in their self worth, then their future.

I thought it was going to be proposed for adults too? I'll have to look into that.

http://m.traumacenter.org/announceme...ers_Oct_09.pdf

Wow, with all that variation every single adult on Earth can be diagnosed with BPD especially if they are going through a nasty breakup. The DSM-IV TR warning states (which in now obsolete):

"A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts..."

- This is meant to prevent all that variation or over diagnosis.

Most literature on BPD lists the following common traits: impulsivity, affective dysregulation, unstable sense of self or identity, fear of abandonment, and interpersonal problems. Fear of abandonment is the root of all those other issues and behaviors.

Calling a person with a trauma history personality disordered seems to imply that the person is responsible for the actions of others and that they are nasty and difficult people that clinicians should avoid. That is not right.

Which is why my ex TT preferred to refer to what I have as cPTSD.

But these labels aren't for me anyway. They are for mental health workers so they can quickly identify some likely traits.

I might be reading posts wrong, but I was simply posting information I was recently told. Not that I agree or disagree with any of it.

Sandy Boone, founder of BPD Global, also worked(s?) for NAMI. She's the one who informed me of 400 different ways BPD can present.

I agree that 400 ways of presenting basically labels everyone with BPD. Then again so does the DSM IV's criteria. Most people have experienced those "criteria". Professionals are trying to clarify the diagnosis of BPD, but I honestly don't believe there will ever be a solution. As an added note, in Linehan's book (her main one...for professionals, she lists the evolution of the BPD criteria...very interesting).

As for Emotional Dysregulation Disorder, yes that was a proposed alternative name. I originally learned of this quiet awhile back. The most recent time I heard it mentioned was by a psychologist at the hospital about a year ago. Again, I don't think there's any solution to an alternative name.

The problem is that if you widen the disorder it can encompass everyone. If you make the name/criteria more concise, you might discount people who are BPD.

I truly believe you should be treated based on symptoms; not diagnoses. And I also truly believe the theory that EVERYONE has mental health issues; it just the degree to which it affects your life is how/when society places a diagnosis.

The problem with this is people are getting diagnosed with a major psychiatric disorder because they have one or two BPD traits. As soon as a psychiatrist detects one BPD trait they will then interpret other symptoms and behaviors from the BPD perspective. This is especially true for people who self-injure since it is only listed in the BPD diagnostic criteria. The psychiatrist will then interpret other symptoms from the BPD perspective even if the patient doe not have the disorder. Since the disorder is so stigmatized it may be hard for them to seek psychological treatment in the future. - This is one of the reasons why I am so vocal about psychiatrists doing a proper assessment.


I agree with this. I really wish therapists and especially psychiatrists would think like that.

I can relate to Growli's issues with the label and not wanting to discuss it with therapists. I have the BPD listed in my records and I don't reveal it all when I am asked about my psychiatric history. Anyway it was a misdiagnosis. I don't think it is important to mention because it doesn't come close to describing my issues. I want the therapist or doctor to focus on the present rather than some hospitalizations that happened twenty years ago when I was a teenager.

When I had the label I felt like I was a terrible and diseased person. It was a lot worse then getting a schizophrenia or psychotic disorder diagnosis.

I dont know why this thread bounced over to the bpd diagnosis .. I am just glad the OP went through with her emails to find a T .. Maybe the focus can go back to the original topic?

A lot of people don't respond well to blunt confrontation by just anyone, it is difficult enough to accept it from people with who we have a trusting relationship.

If the desire is wanting to help then we need to choose what is effective and not just by what we feel like what we should do. I believe your intention to help, but there is enough literature around this subject and it is mostly not a good idea to just do that with a stranger when we haven't earned the right yet. This is the whole reason therapists try to establish a good relationship first, else-wise no one's going to be able to take in their criticisms and suggestions.

The thing is, we're not exactly strangers and we're not therapists. We have read the OPs threads for a very long time, been invited to engage with her, and we're entitled to respond. We aren't going to respond like trained mental health professionals. We aren't and we're not being paid. This is a peer support forum and the reality is, we have to be open to varying perspectives and varying ways of expressing them if we want to participate.

I have received feedback I appreciated so much it made me cry. I've received feedback so painful I wanted to sock somebody! And lots of feedback in between: when we go fishing in open waters, no telling what we'll catch, but that's life.

The OP mentioned earlier something about wearing out her empathy on this forum, and I hate to say it, but I think that's true to an extent for some. I think sometimes there needs to be room for empathy but also for honest feedback. Will it be given in the most perfect form? Probably not. Will it be heartfelt and valuable, yes, it absolutely can be, if the OP is open to learning and not just hearing self-serving comments all the time.

However, I think we all can try and reserve the right not to engage in open discussions. If someone only wants to get a pat on the back or a hug or a kind word or something, they can certainly say that, keeping in mind though, it's still ultimately a public forum.

I do understand how hard it is not to challenge someone to grow when reading so much about a person illuminates patterns and issues so clearly. And for posters, it's hard online, you know- one has to have a tough skin but we also often come to forums like this because we don't. A paradox.

Anyhow, for what it's worth, I think it's great that you have reached out to eight therapists Growlithing and I hope that one of them will be your 'just right' therapist and help you deal with the things that pain you so that you can develop insights into how to be happier and healthier.

About the tough skin- I'm a musician. I get direct constructive criticism on a daily basis. I actively seek out teachers who do not pat me on the back but instead air on the side of being a little harsh because it's the only way I can improve. A softer teacher would not fit well with me because I need someone to push me into a very high level of performance. I do have thick skin and the problem is not that I'm oversensitive or unable to take criticism. It's also not that most people only post to pat me on the back and I can't handle the one person who doesn't do that. The majority of responses I get is either neutral, constructive or nonconstructive criticism with one or two people chiming in to agree with me.

The issue is that I have a very hard time taking anything at face value. I challenge or try to clarify the mass majority of people who respond to me with a point of view that differs at all from my own. That may come off as me not handling the other side well, but in reality, I just have a very hard time trusting anyone's opinion including my own which is why I seek out a debate. I feel that the only way to truly know if an opinion is a good one to have is if it can hold weight when challenged.

I have a hard time letting anything fly by and I will use almost anything as an anecdote when I feel like I need to clarify myself because although I ran my mouth about not caring if anyone likes me, I think we all know that's full of crap considering that I'm currently giving a long winded response explaining myself to someone that didn't post anything that I took a real issue with beyond maybe implying that I'm soft skinned. And I don't even know if you're implying that I'm soft skinned. I just feel that way and wanted to clarify for anyone that might think that although responding to something so minor and unimportant is making a big deal out of nothing and therefore doesn't exactly help my case.

Anyway, the issue with what happened here wasn't a matter of constructive criticism. It was a matter of unsolicited, tangential, pointing out my flaws. I mentioned a fear I had and mentioned that I lost some friends. People took that, drew their own conclusions, and said some really nasty things to me that were nasty even outside of the fact that I was immensely triggered by it. I would have been called out for being so blatantly aggressive by people for really no reason. I'm not even just talking about MKAC but others as well. Yes, I made this stuff public, yes, that means people are therefore able to say what they want, no that doesn't mean that ganging up on me on an innocent, positive thread is okay.

I said some things completely out of anger and spite and that was wrong of me and I apologize. It was completely messed up and rude and I can't excuse it. But no one can come accusing me of being unable to objectively see myself or being immature when I can already tell you that the people who were out of line will not admit to being out of line and will only respond to this by telling me how they were right, and I was wrong, I'm still wrong to say this, and then on the next thread I create, those same people will come hijack it and do it again.

Yes I know that by saying anything, I effectively bumped this thread and restarted a dialog, and potentially made this argument live again, but I have been a scapegoat every time I've posted here recently and I'm not going to be quiet about it. I'm going to stand my ground regardless of how many people come try to assassinate my character for doing so.

I've also noticed that you are a lot less combatitive when you haven't been drinking. It just makes everything worse.

That and I'm a lot more polite. I know. I'm drinking less just not yesterday.

in addition to this i think timing is key. growli had just taken some very positive steps on a difficult issue, so that really isn't the best time to confront her about a completely unrelated topic, altho she did bring it up, and go all commando on her. imo that is the time to encourage and praise her for doing something positive. if one just gets "constructive criticism" no matter whether they take positive or negative steps then it can be rather disheartening. also, she can't deal with all her problems at once especially when she isn't even in therapy yet. getting a T will likely make it easier for her to address other issues like the friendship issue so it is good to keep the focus on that.

growli mentioned, in i think her last thread, that she really just wants to "share". i read that and sort of scratched my head thinking okay how can i support someone if they only want to share. i figured she just wants to blow off some steam and probably doesn't want advice right then. that can be quite difficult when the OP is doing self-destructive things and why it is easy for the rest of us to get frustrated and concerned. i don't think any of us want to support self-destructive behaviors but maybe we can try to understand a bit where she's at. when she's in a calmer or more sober place then maybe she will listen as to other options.

At this time, as the thread has turned into fighting among members and arguing about diagnoses, I'm closing this thread.

Please be mindful of the guidelines, that we do not allow discussion of interpersonal issues and we expect all posts to be supportive.

Thank you.