Waiting

im reporting this you don't need to threaten people with how mean you can be and swear at anyone .just wow growly.

No you got it. It was just a moment for her to take a thread where I'm sharing something. I did right because everyone needed to be reminded how I'm actually a **** and then using a liter of cats and a dying hourse to justify it

Good. I don't care. Thrilled that every damn thread I make turns to ****.

People who have been through multiple divorces have one thing in common: they're in all of them. The same goes for your threads. The one common denominator: you. BPD makes it nearly impossible for you to look at yourself objectively. And I think that's coming into play here with your responses.

you know I have read this thread and was yay growly for moving forward .then the tread about not caring about people etc... now no one called you names and I don't like someone I care about being called an A ss etc...or threatened about how mean you can get im not impressed . not that I believe you care but she didn't do any threatening or anything . it may not be what you wanted to hear (it never is ) but she did care and is saying it the best way she knows how .why she even bothered is beyond me but that is her choice . but she doesn't deserve names or threats . please I hope this thread gets closed .and it was not her that started the swearing and negativity it was you in this thread talking about BPD.

Depletion I have read your responses about BPD and as I am someone who has BPD it is nice to see someone with some empathy with this struggle . but it isn't all one sided and there is a light at the other end of the tunnel with a lot of work .

Yes everything that has ever happened to me was my fault because I'm the common denominator. Reasoning like this is why I blame myself for everything anyway.

I don't understand how you think that I can't see myself objectively when I objectively can tell that I am stand off ish, treatment resistant, combative, and defensive. I fight with people a lot instead of accepting help. I appear to get emotionally wrapped up in stuff way easily and come off as emotionally fragile when in reality 90% of body language is nonverbal and while my words are direct and melodramatic, I'm in reality not moved at all.

I didn't threaten anyone. I said I can get mean. So not threatening.

I have a hard time fighting with the label. I hate the label. That's what I objected to. It wasn't directed at anyone until MKAC decided to call out my flaws.

I don't know what you are implying at the end. It isn't all just one sided? Of course not. Maybe I drank too much and got overly aggressive too fast. Maybe MKAC was out of line for dragging that into that conversation and saying I'm not a good friend. It's probably somewhere down the middle. I just know that I handle and regulate my feelings very differently irl and saying you know how I act across the board is just false.

I'm just sick and tired of how all of my threads have been responded to recently. I ask a question or need support like everyone else from time to time and it's just a giant cross section diagnose me session. Get rid of LCM, change your language, go out and do x. All of them have been derailed and hijacked and to be honest, I'm not sure if the reason is I've overstayed any empathy I had here, or because I am too reactive or if I've been too soft. I will not accept that I am the sole problem ether.

Wow.

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In MY opinion, it is good to be as thorough and honest with a therapist as possible. If a previous T had given me a diagnosis, but I did not think I had it/did not want to work on it. I would simply state "I have been diagnosed with X in the past, but I don't think it fits me well/I do not want to address X, Y and Z issues"...and see what the therapist suggests.

Is it objective to twist what I said from "your threads that turn into a combative argument all have you in them" to "you're horrible and everything is your fault"? That's not objective at all. I know I can't reason with you so I will stop.

I'm not denying that I have it in some form. The only symptoms that I don't have are identity confusion and unstable interpersonal relationships. I'm solely objecting to saying it is my primary issue, plus saying that I'm generally well in check. This thread wasn't a good indicator of me being emotionally in control. I've had plenty of other threads where I have gotten into arguments and maintained posed. This one wasn't a good example of that. But I'm actually not a clear cut BPD case because I'm not trapped in my own head the same way that people with symptoms as extreme as mine. I don't mean to offend anyone in saying that. It's no one's fault. I've had several psychologists/psychiatrists say that people with BPD tend to be less able to see themselves or the world objectively which is why I found MKAC or whoever said that a little off base when she said I couldn't see anything objectively. I'm diagnosed with it for insurance purposes but my real diagnosis is c-PTSD which has similar results but is different. My argument is that it is not my central issue. I need to work through trauma in order to improve other issues. I didn't talk about any of my diagnoses in my emails to Ts because I don't want that to be my very first impression because I'd like to think that I'm more than just that.

This thread quickly turned into a cluster and I know me being drunk and making the decision to lash out at MKAC didn't help. However, I do feel like I have been getting a lot of heat recently for no real reason. Perhaps my topics trigger a lot of people because I talk about my mommy issues and people who feel further along than I am get triggered by remembering how it was at one point. I am very combative and I will disagree with someone or shoot down an idea a lot because I either genuinely don't agree or I'm scared. Someone said I get hostile when people disagree with me. That was true today, but usually, I feel that most people feel attacked whenever someone disagrees with them at all. My counterargument feels like it's a personal attack because I'm making a case against what you are saying plus this form of communication does remove all kinds of nonverbal communication which absolutely leads to misunderstanding. Had I been sober and MKAC and I were sitting in front of eachother to discuss that issue, I doubt any of this drama would have happened.

And referring to my friends that I lost, that was my fault. I decided to distance myself from them. They mocked me for being a little off sometimes, were very impatient with my problems, and treated me like some sort of alien when I got back from the hospital. I'm hyper alert to sounds and they would find it amusing to pop balloons to watch me jump. They also like to trash talk friends behind their backs which I do not like. I thought we graduated high school. I didn't bring it up my issues with them last year because I was living with them, I knew they weren't going to change, and I was/am super lonely. All bringing it up would do would be is create drama. I'm using my change in housing as an opportunity to let them fade away while still on good terms. Yes I did "lose" friends. I lost those people who I perceived to be great, loving friends and I lost the placeholders that they became when I realized how obnoxious they really were. I'll still complain about it even though it was my choice to get rid of them though.

Just want to put this out there: there is no such thing as clear-cut BPD. Think the founder of BPD Global, Sandy Boone, told me there are over 400 variations...

I have BPD. I find that I don't fit in with most others who have BPD. In fact, I don't really display any traits unless under emotional duress. And I told my T and Pdoc upfront about the BPD. They have never judge me for that diagnosis/label. It simply gave them a general idea about my issues. And both have agreed that I'm nothing like the stereotypical BPD. I am however, very similar to other people with BPD who are at a similar point in treatment.

It's your choice what you do and don't tell T's, and how you view yourself. Just wanted to explain that nothing is "black and white".

Maybe the DBT T is the one with issues, not you.... Just because they are a therapist does not mean they don't have their own issues... best you got away from that therapist and are looking for a new one....
Trust me, I had a quack for a first T (that is what my new T calls him.. Dr. Quack, she won't even call him by his real name.. not all T's are perfect!) good for you, to look for a new one.. waiting is tough!

You ask for support and argue and defend yourself and ignore suggestions over and over. MKAC is correct - and you create your own drama. Classic BPD behavior.

God! Get a T that can help you. You make yourself crazy. Now I'll be booted fron PC forever but I had to get that out.

Growlithing,

I have BPD traits. But they live 90% in my head. They don't affect my relationships because I don't let them. But they affect me and how I see myself and how I feel. Would someone diagnose me with clear-cut BPD? No. But would someone look at my symptoms and know they need treatment and I need to deal with them? Hands-down, yes.

perfectly said . this is how I see my BPD these days .

I asked for support not suggestions... and this thread was about my progress finding a T so I'm working on it..?

Which btw, I've now talked to 6 out of the original 8 and contacted the one I was referred to.

This is how I work to be honest. I let them come out in therapy relationships and on PC. Maybe I can't help from them coming out in those settings. Maybe they are only under control in my daily life because I don't let anyone close enough to me to see them. But that's not true because with my real best friends, I actually have a healthy secure attachment.

Good. We all need a good therapist to help us sort out our *****. All of us.

Gwolithing,
I don't know you, just what I have read in this thread... with that being said, I can tell you I am married to a man dx'd with BPD, he is a good loving man with a wonderful heart, who has many supportive friends, who at times need to take breaks from him, because of his black and white thinking and believing that everything is his fault or everything is someone elses fault.... seems there is no in between with him. Now I realize that there are numerous different types of BPD out there....

What I see is you asking for help and being very nervous about taking a step out there to ask for help and afraid of the rejection that may happen.. thus expecting no one to return your emails. By expecting this, then you can't be disappointed. What I see is you trying to reach out for support and what I see is others trying to reach out and support you.
I would try to see what they are trying to do... I know that my husband gets very angry at me at times when all I am trying to do is support him, and then he feels so guilty later... hang in there, be proud you are looking for someone to help you.
And so what if you prior T said you are difficult to deal with! T's should be able to deal with people who can be difficult at times, it is part of our defense to protect ourselves from more hurt... we didn't get this way by not being hurt somehow, somewhere in our lives.

You made a great step reaching out for a T that you can relate to and support you, if this step doesn't work out, it does not necessarily mean it is you. After all it is an email, they don't know you.. to make that determination yet.

Give it a chance. You have some great supportive friends based on what I have read from the responses.

I don't like talking about me having BPD or black and white thinking or anything even related to it. The real issue I got upset and argued with BPD and probably even DBT is partially because I do genuinely find DBT patronizing. But also a lot because I am ashamed to just have that label. I feel like it is a crazy person's diagnosis because I grew up being told that. I don't think that anyone here with it is crazy. It just makes me feel insane to the point of needing to be put down whenever I think about having that label. Which is dumb but that's how I feel.

I got a lot of responses. I have no choice but to give it a chance.

Great! I am glad to hear that you will give it a chance.

The fact that they come out in your T relationships mean they will have to be dealt with eventually. I would hazard a guess that if you got closer to your friends, these behaviors would come out there, as well.

I have a BPD friend, and although he can be challenging, I don't think he's crazy at all. I think the borderline name needs to be redone to something more accurate because I have never met someone who was borderline who was really and truly crazy (unless they also had a psychotic disorder of some sort). You're not crazy, but you do have interpersonal problems that therapy can help with.

My husband has BPD and is not Crazy, I love him very much, I have been with him 20 years!
Labels are just labels... believe me, a lot of people think I am Crazy based on my original DX... DX is just a title who you are is what matters.

Glad you are going to give it a chance