[StillSearching11]

At my last appointment, I was getting frustrated because my therapist just kept telling me to think positive thoughts and to force myself to stop whenever I start to worry about life circumstances. All I was doing was being argumentative by saying that I disagreed that those things would fix my depression. I felt bad because I felt like all I was doing was making his job hard and being a difficult, stubborn patient. So finally, I blurted out, "I don't even know why I'm here." He seemed kind of taken aback and later told me he didn't want me to waste anymore of my money or time if I felt therapy was unhelpful.

I feel like I was a giant jerk and came across as insulting someone trying to help me. My reason for saying what I did wasn't to suggest that I think he's stupid or his approach to therapy is stupid. I just felt bad because nothing he was telling me was resonating with me, and I couldn't find better words to express that I felt like I should probably just leave because I was just being an annoyance and I hate being a bother to people.

[UnderRugSwept]

First, you weren't being argumentative at all. It doesn't sound like his methods were working for you...and I don't think you were being rude at all...it just sounds like you were frustrated. I would be frustrated with that approach as well. Real depression isn't about "worrying about life's circumstances"...depression needs real therapy and real treatment because you can't positive-think it away! And you are not being a bother to him; it's his job to help you. Can you find another T better suited to help you?

[StillSearching11]

Originally Posted by Elsewhere

First, you weren't being argumentative at all. It doesn't sound like his methods were working for you...and I don't think you were being rude at all...it just sounds like you were frustrated. I would be frustrated with that approach as well. Real depression isn't about "worrying about life's circumstances"...depression needs real therapy and real treatment because you can't positive-think it away! And you are not being a bother to him; it's his job to help you. Can you find another T better suited to help you?

Maybe, but I think I'm going to try to go without one for now if I decide to stop seeing this one. I'm honestly exhausted from starting anew with therapists, as this is the fourth one I've seen. I don't seem to have much energy lately, and the entire process is just wearing me out lol. The current one said he was going to discuss my situation with his supervisor, so I'm going to see if he comes up with anything else before walking away.

[ThisWayOut]

I have been annoyed by t's that insist I needed to think positive and that that will fix everything. It's bothersome that they don't seem to understand how difficult that is. While it's a great concept, it doesn't work for everyone (actually, I don't know anyone personally that it had worked for). It's very invalidating to me, and I had reacted in a similar way when a t pushed the issue.
I don't think what you said was rude, it was simply the best way you could communicate your frustration at the time. I would bring this up with your t. If it helps, bring in your post and show him. Hopefully talking about it would clear things up. If he is not receptor to that, perhaps finding a newt would be in order? Or maybe look at and talk about what's behind the resistance to therapeutic interventions if you find yourself unable to do anything at all to pull out of the rut. I know I go through periods of time where I feel like I'm simply saying no to everything my t suggests (including things that have worked in the past). That's usually the time we talk about what makes it difficult for me to engage with anything...

[StillSearching11]

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I have been annoyed by t's that insist I needed to think positive and that that will fix everything. It's bothersome that they don't seem to understand how difficult that is. While it's a great concept, it doesn't work for everyone (actually, I don't know anyone personally that it had worked for). It's very invalidating to me, and I had reacted in a similar way when a t pushed the issue.
I don't think what you said was rude, it was simply the best way you could communicate your frustration at the time. I would bring this up with your t. If it helps, bring in your post and show him. Hopefully talking about it would clear things up. If he is not receptor to that, perhaps finding a newt would be in order? Or maybe look at and talk about what's behind the resistance to therapeutic interventions if you find yourself unable to do anything at all to pull out of the rut. I know I go through periods of time where I feel like I'm simply saying no to everything my t suggests (including things that have worked in the past). That's usually the time we talk about what makes it difficult for me to engage with anything...

He's not really the type of therapist to analyze things like that. He's a solution/action-oriented type of guy. We don't really discuss what's causing me to feel a certain way, we just discuss what he thinks I should do to feel better about my life. I guess it's his CBT focus. Thanks for the suggestion, though.

[HazelGirl]

Maybe find a T who isn't CBT focused? Your problems might have a root that CBT can't get to, just by positive thinking.

[StillSearching11]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

Maybe find a T who isn't CBT focused? Your problems might have a root that CBT can't get to, just by positive thinking.

Perhaps. I chose someone who does CBT because I don't want to do all of that digging deep into the past stuff psychodynamic people do. It feels like more than anything, I just need someone to talk to. At the core of it, I just feel very alone. I don't really think anyone can "fix" me right now; I just want to not keep it all to myself. There doesn't seem to be a type of therapy like that haha.

[HazelGirl]

Originally Posted by StillSearching11

Perhaps. I chose someone who does CBT because I don't want to do all of that digging deep into the past stuff psychodynamic people do. It feels like more than anything, I just need someone to talk to. At the core of it, I just feel very alone. I don't really think anyone can "fix" me right now; I just want to not keep it all to myself. There doesn't seem to be a type of therapy like that haha.

The less you want to talk about the past, often the more it needs to be talked about. Look at it this way: if you had an infection on your arm causing a fever, would it make sense to take some Tylenol to make the fever go away when it's the infection causing the illness? No, of course not. It will just come back, probably worse, when the Tylenol wears off. It's the same in therapy. Whether you want to believe it or not, our past affects us greatly. And it can cause anxiety, depression, and a whole host of other problems. Treating those problems doesn't solve the cause because it's got to do with something deeper than those problems. Just some food for thought for you.

[SabinaS]

Originally Posted by StillSearching11

Perhaps. I chose someone who does CBT because I don't want to do all of that digging deep into the past stuff psychodynamic people do. It feels like more than anything, I just need someone to talk to. At the core of it, I just feel very alone. I don't really think anyone can "fix" me right now; I just want to not keep it all to myself. There doesn't seem to be a type of therapy like that haha.

But 'digging deep' will slowly enable you to understand your depressive symptoms, and to relieve them. It's not a walk in the park but it's thorough and lasts. Skimming the surface won't lead to healing.

Regardless of method, sounds like you and your T might not have the best fit though... so might be best to move on anyway.

[Can't Stop Crying]

Originally Posted by StillSearching11

At my last appointment, I was getting frustrated because my therapist just kept telling me to think positive thoughts and to force myself to stop whenever I start to worry about life circumstances. All I was doing was being argumentative by saying that I disagreed that those things would fix my depression. I felt bad because I felt like all I was doing was making his job hard and being a difficult, stubborn patient. So finally, I blurted out, "I don't even know why I'm here." He seemed kind of taken aback and later told me he didn't want me to waste anymore of my money or time if I felt therapy was unhelpful.

I feel like I was a giant jerk and came across as insulting someone trying to help me. My reason for saying what I did wasn't to suggest that I think he's stupid or his approach to therapy is stupid. I just felt bad because nothing he was telling me was resonating with me, and I couldn't find better words to express that I felt like I should probably just leave because I was just being an annoyance and I hate being a bother to people.

Sounds like you were just being honest....if positive thinking was a cure- all, T's would be out of business. I do agree with the cognitive aspect of looking at things from a different perspective for clarity, but it doesn't end there. You have to believe what you are trying to convince yourself. And that is where addressing the core of where these thoughts/patterns/feelings are coming from is essential. Tip-toeing around the real issues might provide temporary relief to a certain extent, but I heard (maybe on this site?)somewhere that if you bury something - you bury it alive.

These are just my thoughts - from someone who spent years avoiding the hard stuff and tried just to function....

[ChildlikeEmpress]

I don't think you were rude at all, either. I think that's just how CBT therapists are with the action and solution stuff. I mean, it's helpful but it is not always the best kind of therapy for everyone. I had a CBT therapist too long ago and I just hated it. I quit after a few months and took a break for a year, then found a therapist who mostly just *listened* and helped me process things -- I absolutely loved her and did well with that style. So maybe that is more the type of therapy that would help you. Even with the hard stuff, they are there to help you through it and it gets processed. I hope you are able to find a new T that will have a more helpful style for your specific needs. Hugs!

[Bipolarchic14]

One, it's not rude. Most people who are there are having a difficult time. When you are in a bad place it is hard to think of positive thoughts. I have started journal writing. On days when it's bad I simply state what I did for the day. So I don't force myself to have happy thoughts but I also don't concentrate on the negative ones either. Automatic thoughts have a way of twisting facts.

Secondly, I would not ignore what you blurted out. You may have slipped in saying that to him, but if you find yourself asking this, maybe this therapy is not working for you. I would look into another form of therapy. Maybe the cbt therapist can give some advice or maybe he can give you some advice on how to make this therapy work. Has he provided an example for you, on how he thinks you should accomplish this task?

Originally Posted by StillSearching11

Perhaps. I chose someone who does CBT because I don't want to do all of that digging deep into the past stuff psychodynamic people do. It feels like more than anything, I just need someone to talk to. At the core of it, I just feel very alone. I don't really think anyone can "fix" me right now; I just want to not keep it all to myself. There doesn't seem to be a type of therapy like that haha.

I don't think what you said in frustration was rude at all, StillSearching. You were simply expressing how you feel about how things are going. . . not real well from the sounds of things I do believe that CBT is a very goal/action orientated type of therapy, and for some people it works really well; for others, not so well. I definitely get what you're saying about perhaps avoiding a more psychodynamic approach as you're a bit reluctant to "dig deeper into the past stuff", but one thing I've learned about being in therapy, a good, skilled therapist never forces the issue by brutally ripping the bandage off the wound(s). The best therapist I've ever had has allowed me to come to the point that "I" was ready to talk about the painful things at my own pace. I'm not saying that a good therapist doesn't probe a bit now and then to see where we are in the whole scheme of things, but he/she knows that demanding a client "open up the can of worms" before he/she is ready is counterproductive. We reach that point or we don't. It doesn't matter because all work in therapy is work and valuable.

You mentioned in another post that you really just want someone to talk to, to hear you--perhaps your frustration comes from a feeling that your current therapist really isn't listening, he's jumping too quickly to developing a plan and giving you advice (ie. think positively). Some therapists have a hard time just giving their client the space and time to let their story unfold naturally. If you're not at the point that you ready to make an action plan, then his efforts to force that on you can be frustrating and unproductive. I know that I left a therapist who I liked personally (he had a great sense of humor and a calm demeanor), but he just couldn't not try to come up with an action plan at every appointment. I wasn't ready for that yet; I just wanted someone to hear me at a deep level. His need to plan and push for action frustrated me and made me question whether or not I was actually equipped to do therapy "normally". Everyone is an individual and moves at a different pace. A good therapist recognizes that and adjusts the pace to meet each clients need. Some can and some can't. I sure hope you don't give up on finding what you need in therapy.

[Alone & confused]

I don't think you were rude. Depression tends to bring out things like that. I'm sure t's run into that allot with patients. After all, that's why people go to them, to work out their feelings & emotions. I know of people who say they've had complete meltdowns, screaming, yelling, cussing. All because they were triggered or highly emotional. Surely he would understand if you explained why you reacted like that.