[rainbow8]

I see my T tomorrow. I don't know if she can help with what I think is anticipatory grief. There is no cure for my H's disease and what I read and what the drs. say about how it progresses is terrifying! Right now he feels okay but time is ticking away. I think we're both in denial because it was such a shock and we still can't believe it.

I don't feel like business as usual in therapy but I don't know what I want. Maybe I just want to sit there with her chair close to mine and hold her hand. I want her to protect me from what I will be going through when my H gets sicker. I know she can't do that. I wish I could cry with her but I still can't. She will ask me to go inside and tell her what I feel and where, like she usually does. Hopefully doing that will help but I'm not sure.

[unaluna]

I think you will see how your prior work in t has changed you. Thats how it worked for me. You may find yourself confiding and connecting with her in ways you never did before. Last week i was just eating lunch in a diner, and the busguy (a little old to be called a busBOY) was talking to me. Even a few years ago, friendly and outgoing as i am, i would have been secretly wondering why he was talking to me. Now i know why people talk to me - im as worthy a human as anyone else. I didnt always know that, or feel that. It doesnt sound like much, but its like taking off cement overshoes.

Maybe she could help you...help your H think about what he would like to do with his time left while he is still feeling okay...visit people ...travel... Go through pictures ...talk about the past...go down memory lane...

We all should do that...no one knows how much time we have left

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by hankster

I think you will see how your prior work in t has changed you. Thats how it worked for me. You may find yourself confiding and connecting with her in ways you never did before. Last week i was just eating lunch in a diner, and the busguy (a little old to be called a busBOY) was talking to me. Even a few years ago, friendly and outgoing as i am, i would have been secretly wondering why he was talking to me. Now i know why people talk to me - im as worthy a human as anyone else. I didnt always know that, or feel that. It doesnt sound like much, but its like taking off cement overshoes.

Thanks, hankster. I like your post, and you ARE as worthy as anyone else.

Originally Posted by Readytostop

Maybe she could help you...help your H think about what he would like to do with his time left while he is still feeling okay...visit people ...travel... Go through pictures ...talk about the past...go down memory lane...

We all should do that...no one knows how much time we have left

Thanks, ready. My H does not want to travel; he likes to read so basically that's what he's doing. Yes, we never know when our time is up. I don't know how to balance what I want to do vs what I have to do. Maybe that's a good topic for tomorrow. Plus, I just got triggered by not being told something by some one in my family. Some of my triggers are always there, making me feel bad. So now, LOL, I have too much stuff to talk about, but I want to "sit in T's lap" just a fantasy and have her tell me everything will be all right. Except it won't be.

[growlycat]

Maybe T can help you make a plan for each stage of what you and your H are going through. I know that you can't plan for everything, but maybe T can help structure the time. What maybe to expect as much as you are able? How to say what you and H need to say to each other.

I hate that nice people have to go through such painful experiences.

[unaluna]

Rain, i know what you mean about wanting to sit in her lap. After my hellacious day yesterday with my family's impromptu visit, when i saw t today, walking out we didnt have our usual hug - i just stood there a moment leaning my head on his shoulder. His saying "see you next time" sounded so dependable and secure - he always says it but it sounded different this time.

[Wren_]

(((((((Rain)))))))))
Even though your T can't change things with your H's health ... sometimes it helps just expressing those desires
letting her know you wish she could protect you ... letting her know you wish she could change what is going on ... letting her know how you are feeling
it is one place you should be able to be safe to share what you are really thinking without needing to worry about taking care of other peoples needs (which whether we really need to or not can come up with other family)
I hope that the two of you can find ways for her to keep giving you support and comfort; letting you know she is there as much as she can be

[JustShakey]

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by hankster

i just stood there a moment leaning my head on his shoulder.

This sounds... lovely...
I wish I could do it with my T. Actually hugging him would be a little scary. He's kinda extra large and I'm extra small...

Mind you I'd probably have to stand on a stool to reach his shoulder

[sweepy62]

I'm sorry rain, it's a tough road but your a strong woman. It won't be easy , I just got through dealing with that, if you need extra support feel free t pm me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[JaneC]

I'm sorry rainbow. What a horrid time to have to face.

It would be wonderful if your T could just hold your hand and help you to find some reassurance. Can you ask her for this first before facing the rest?

[Aloneandafraid]

I am so sorry Rain - sending you hugs.
Keep posting/sharing. We're all here for you.

[Brightheart]

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Rainbow. I think it's good to keep reaching out and expressing yourself, lean on friends for support as much as you need... I hope you will allow your feelings, all of them. Life can be so hard. We are here for you.

[blur]

rain, i'm so sorry about your husband's health prognosis. while your T can't protect you from what you and H will experience she can walk with you through it.

[StillSearching11]

I'm sorry you're going through something so rough. I feel that way about therapy sometimes too. Sometimes things just suck, and I don't need a therapist to try to make me think more positively about the situation or to try to fix the situation because it's just a crappy situation that doesn't need sugar coating. It would certainly be nice to just talk and be heard in those circumstances, but I guess a lot of therapists don't view that as therapy.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by growlycat

Maybe T can help you make a plan for each stage of what you and your H are going through. I know that you can't plan for everything, but maybe T can help structure the time. What maybe to expect as much as you are able? How to say what you and H need to say to each other.

I hate that nice people have to go through such painful experiences.

Thanks, growly. My T brought up hospice today and I kind of spaced out. She also suggested talking to my adult children but I am panicking about that. They know, but she means to ask how they're doing/dealing with it.

Originally Posted by hankster

Rain, i know what you mean about wanting to sit in her lap. After my hellacious day yesterday with my family's impromptu visit, when i saw t today, walking out we didnt have our usual hug - i just stood there a moment leaning my head on his shoulder. His saying "see you next time" sounded so dependable and secure - he always says it but it sounded different this time.

That's nice. I'm glad your T gave you what you need!

Originally Posted by tigergirl

(((((((Rain)))))))))
Even though your T can't change things with your H's health ... sometimes it helps just expressing those desires
letting her know you wish she could protect you ... letting her know you wish she could change what is going on ... letting her know how you are feeling
it is one place you should be able to be safe to share what you are really thinking without needing to worry about taking care of other peoples needs (which whether we really need to or not can come up with other family)
I hope that the two of you can find ways for her to keep giving you support
and comfort; letting you know she is there as much as she can be

tigergirl, I wanted to tell my T those things you wrote above, but I couldn't! I wasn't totally present in the session. I didn't want to here her talk about hospice, and learning how to do the financial stuff my H has always taken care of. It's just hard to hear the practical stuff and I couldn't express my feelings too well either. Maybe next time....

[QUOTE=JustShakey;3986492]QUOTE] Thank you for the hugs!

Originally Posted by JustShakey

This sounds... lovely...
I wish I could do it with my T. Actually hugging him would be a little scary. He's kinda extra large and I'm extra small...

Mind you I'd probably have to stand on a stool to reach his shoulder

Originally Posted by sweepy62

I'm sorry rain, it's a tough road but your a strong woman. It won't be easy , I just got through dealing with that, if you need extra support feel free t pm me.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Thank you. Maybe I will PM you.

Originally Posted by JaneC

I'm sorry rainbow. What a horrid time to have to face.

It would be wonderful if your T could just hold your hand and help you to find some reassurance. Can you ask her for this first before facing the rest?
:

Thanks, Jane. My T holds my hand during every session but we didn't do it until the end. I somehow didn't ask for what I needed today.

Originally Posted by Aloneandafraid

I am so sorry Rain - sending you hugs.
Keep posting/sharing. We're all here for you.

Thanks, alone.

Originally Posted by Brightheart

I'm so sorry you're going through this, Rainbow. I think it's good to keep reaching out and expressing yourself, lean on friends for support as much as you need... I hope you will allow your feelings, all of them. Life can be so hard. We are here for you.

Thanks, Brightheart. I'm having trouble expressing feelings but I know I have to try.

Originally Posted by blur

rain, i'm so sorry about your husband's health prognosis. while your T can't protect you from what you and H will experience she can walk with you through it.

Yes, that's what she's going to do, and I'm grateful.

Originally Posted by StillSearching11

I'm sorry you're going through something so rough. I feel that way about therapy sometimes too. Sometimes things just suck, and I don't need a therapist to try to make me think more positively about the situation or to try to fix the situation because it's just a crappy situation that doesn't need sugar coating. It would certainly be nice to just talk and be heard in those circumstances, but I guess a lot of therapists don't view that as therapy.

My T lets me do what I want in therapy, and she also tries to get me to see the reality, like talking about hospice. Thanks for replying to me.

I had to delete some hugs; it wouldn't let me post with them.

[rainbow8]

I'm depressed and angry because my T mentioned hospice. I know she was trying to help by telling me I don't have to do it myself, but I didn't want to hear that word. Not yet!

I didn't tell my T all my feelings. I want to cry with her but I don't cry with anyone. I emailed her already but don't want to take advantage and do it too much now that she said she'll answer them.

I'm also worried about her. She looks thinner when she sits closer to me. Maybe something is wrong with her since I asked her a few years ago. I don't dare bring up her size because of the time I hurt her by doing so. My h also thinks she's way too thin. I guess this came up because she had to rush out to an appointment yesterday I need her to be healthy so she can help me cope. I can't email her my concern either. She will probably tell me she's fine but what if she isn't?

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by rainbow8

I'm depressed and angry because my T mentioned hospice. I know she was trying to help by telling me I don't have to do it myself, but I didn't want to hear that word. Not yet!

I didn't tell my T all my feelings. I want to cry with her but I don't cry with anyone. I emailed her already but don't want to take advantage and do it too much now that she said she'll answer them.

I'm also worried about her. She looks thinner when she sits closer to me. Maybe something is wrong with her since I asked her a few years ago. I don't dare bring up her size because of the time I hurt her by doing so. My h also thinks she's way too thin. I guess this came up because she had to rush out to an appointment yesterday I need her to be healthy so she can help me cope. I can't email her my concern either. She will probably tell me she's fine but what if she isn't?

I'm sorry Rainbow
Do talk to your T about being worried about her, maybe you're right that something is wrong, but you may be projecting too. Talking about it will help. Maybe she's just worried about *you*. And I would tell her about your fears about hurting her about her size.
FWIW, people tend to think that I'm too thin too, but I'm not, it's just how I carry my weight (on my legs, while my ribs and collarbone stick out). I'm weighed regularly because of my meds and it's never been a problem.

[likelife]

Rainbow, I haven't been around for a long time, and am just catching up. I'm so, so sorry to hear about your husband. I can't imagine how jarring it must have been to get the news.

Your worry is an old one. I say that not to diminish it, but to remind you that your T has been there to support you for a long time. She will be there for you. She is there for you. Hugs.

[peaches100]

((((((Rainbow))))))

I was wondering how your therapy went. I'm sorry you had a hard time concentrating and asking for what you need. I know it's very hard for you to express your emotions in person with your t. I'm glad you did finally hold her hand at the end of your session though.

Try not to take on the worry about your t's thinness. She has always been thin. Most likely, she is not sick. It's possible that she may have lost some weight due to the recent of divorcing not that long ago. Don't worry about losing her right now. She is right there with you, both on your session day, and between sessions she lives in your heart. Draw on that strength and caring!

Remember too that you have many people who care about you here, as well as in your 3D life. You won't be alone with this. You're going to be OK. We'll help any way we can.

Peaches

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by JustShakey

I'm sorry Rainbow
Do talk to your T about being worried about her, maybe you're right that something is wrong, but you may be projecting too. Talking about it will help. Maybe she's just worried about *you*. And I would tell her about your fears about hurting her about her size.
FWIW, people tend to think that I'm too thin too, but I'm not, it's just how I carry my weight (on my legs, while my ribs and collarbone stick out). I'm weighed regularly because of my meds and it's never been a problem.

Thank you, JustShakey. The thing is I DID hurt her by something I once said in a phone message to her about her being thin. She told me it hurt her, and I still feel bad about it because what I said was cruel. I could have said it differently. Maybe now that I want to bring it up because I need to be sure she is healthy, it is acceptable. I learned my lesson before that, just because she is my T, and I pay her to listen to me, does not mean I have the right to say something horrible to her, about her. She has feelings too, and sometimes I've forgotten that I can affect her too.

Originally Posted by likelife

Rainbow, I haven't been around for a long time, and am just catching up. I'm so, so sorry to hear about your husband. I can't imagine how jarring it must have been to get the news.

Your worry is an old one. I say that not to diminish it, but to remind you that your T has been there to support you for a long time. She will be there for you. She is there for you. Hugs.

Thanks, lifelike. Yes, my H's illness is quite a shock. I know my T has been with me over 4 years, and has been thin all of that time. She hardly ever gets sick, either. What worries me is that, while younger than I am, she's getting to the age where she could also get cancer. It scares me.

Originally Posted by peaches100

((((((Rainbow))))))

I was wondering how your therapy went. I'm sorry you had a hard time concentrating and asking for what you need. I know it's very hard for you to express your emotions in person with your t. I'm glad you did finally hold her hand at the end of your session though.

Try not to take on the worry about your t's thinness. She has always been thin. Most likely, she is not sick. It's possible that she may have lost some weight due to the recent of divorcing not that long ago. Don't worry about losing her right now. She is right there with you, both on your session day, and between sessions she lives in your heart. Draw on that strength and caring!

Remember too that you have many people who care about you here, as well as in your 3D life. You won't be alone with this. You're going to be OK. We'll help any way we can.

Peaches

Thank you, Peaches. I wish I could have told my T more of what I felt. I think it's because I'm still afraid to cry with her. I feel very close to her, but I don't cry with anyone. I was holding back. You're right that she is probably not sick but that's how my mind works. There could be a lot of reasons she had to leave on time for an appointment, not necessarily even a drs. appointment. It's an example of how my mind jumps immediately to the negative! Still, I sensed that she was getting a divorce. I am very attuned to her; she told me that after I guessed about her divorce.

I'm trying not to take advantage of T's willingness to respond to my emails. I emailed her last Tuesday after the session, and once more just to send a photo of a painting I'm working on. She emailed me back once. There's nothing new to report about my H, so no reason to email her except to connect, and that's "old stuff".

[RTerroni]

I sort of feel the same way, which is why I only go once a month right now.

[rainbow8]

Originally Posted by RTerroni

I sort of feel the same way, which is why I only go once a month right now.

I think you misunderstood me. I need my T very much now because my H is terminally ill, but I don't think it's right to email her and expect a response "just for the connection".

I'm glad you're doing well with seeing your T once a month.