Possible trigger....when its called something else in your head

It has been a while since I have posted, I haven't really had the nerve lately....

I was hoping to get some feed back to this current situation I find myself in with T. After taking a few months break from talking about it he wants to get back into childhood stuff...I wasn't exactly thrilled on the idea but he seems to think its important to discuss not just the details but even the idea of it. So I was extremely uptight a few days after my last session, like tense and I started to realize I was having a hard time with what he said about it. I have always referred to it as the game we played as kids, and I noticed he has been using worlds like abuse and consent and its like he's replacing all the words I used to describe it before with these new words.

So I started getting upset and have been trying to convince myself to start using the other words again. For the life of me I cant figure out why this has gotten me so worked up and why I feel the need to change what he said back, am I rebelling against him with it? I didn't want to admit it to him but I think I was getting angry when he was starting to use those words...no idea why. anyone else ever experience something like this ? What did you do to get past it? I honestly feel stupid that I was even thinking it....

Maybe it's easier for you to think it's not a big deal when you use your words, but the reality that it is a big deal hits you when you use his words.

It is never easy to think about what we do inside our own heads with another person. We have things so neat and the way we like them? Then these other people come in there and don't seem to understand and stomp all over our neat order like a muddy dog coming into a just-cleaned kitchen and not only is our work ruined but the kitchen itself is no longer comfortable for us but the dog has moved on (or been moved on :-) But we can't just reclaim the kitchen and deny things were ever dirty. We have to clean everything again, with care, and we begin to see the grotty stove can't really get clean like we'd like and we have ants coming in over in this corner we didn't notice, etc.

Hazel Girl, I think that may be part of the problem, his words are like a foreign language at 1st and now more of a harsh reality? Im just not sure why I want to rebel against him with it, I know logically he's not saying it to upset me but another part of my brain is saying he is...its kindv confusing.

Perna, that was actually a really good analogy, I might use it if I need to address this with him as a way of getting him to see what im seeing on this side of it.

Hello peppermint1 I really "feel you" on this one.

I feel like I came to therapy with a picture in my head of how things went and what happened in my past. It was quite a nice picture. Some not so happy moments but everybody has these right? I mean there were no big deal really...
Unfortunately everything changed. I talked about things and was told I got a lot of the names (labels) wrong... very wrong in some cases. My therapist calls things very different names. Names I don´t like at all. They are ugly and scary and heavy to carry around and I don´t want them to be mine or have anything to do with me!
When my therapists says them out loud it makes me angry because they hurt. They make me a victim of something and I hate it.

It is not therapists fault but living in denial can be a bliss.....and they take it away.

Rationally I know one day I have to look at it and see the truth and change the labels myself ...it will hurt but then it will get better .. it is a process and we can do it.



Best wishes on your journey

I understand too. I don't like the words abuse and neglect because i want to believe that the people who did those things loved and cared for me, and they should have.

I totally get it...his words seem harsher and not in line with your life and experience.

I can totally relate to this! During EMDR, a whole bunch of crap came out about my childhood. A time that my brain had mostly blocked out. Then T was discussing the effects of neglect, abandonment, and abuse at the hands of my parents - two people that i just wanted to love me.... This has been very hard to deal with, denial seemed much simpler but actually did keave me with too much self doubt. I was taking responsibility for things that happened when i was a young child. I have carried around guilt and felling like i was a bad person for many years because I felt responsible for how things played out. Dealing with reality is helping me put my earlier, bad childhood in perspective. I was a little girl, my mother didnt neglect me because i was bad or because i was unloveable. No amount of overachieving to the point of mental collapse will change that past and mom is never going to do a 180• and say "hey, i am really proud of you and i love you."

The labels do confuse and hurt, but facing the truth can also help you become a happier, freer adult. (That is how this all better turn out... because right now therapy is hard as sh#%^!! And PTSD has stopped my normal life dead in it's tracks....)

In our heads we can be less guarded, we are in control of our story.
When it begins to get talked about than we lose control over it, hearing it spoken about in unfamiliar terms is scary. Feelings can be triggered that we don't know how to control.

Thank y all for the responses, I think im starting to realize I don't want to admit that him changing the words has started to confuse me, to the point where the angry may be that I didn't want him to know that it hurt that he said it...I think it made me want to shut down in a way because they way I viewed it before I started to realize wasn't right but it was easier than what he was saying about it.