Afraid to leave T

Okay, you're going to think I'm nuts. After all my posting about what kind of therapy I want... I found an analytical psychotherapist with whom I have an appointment this Wednesday.

Hooray, right?

Well... the current T has been out sick the last 3 Fridays. I had an appointment yesterday but called Thursday and cancelled it because I didn't know how to handle telling her, to her face. The receptionist then called Friday morning and said T was concerned because I didn't have any more appointments scheduled and asked did I want to schedule some? Told her I wasn't sure what to do, that I was thinking of seeing someone else. She said the T would call me that afternoon.

So, she called and we talked and talked. NOW she talks. lol. Actually when I have called her between sessons is when she's talked the most, often calming me down from a very panicky state. Anyway, yesterday we talked quite a long time about a lot of things. I said a lot of things I should have said in session (we both agreed that I should have) and clarified more things with her. I told her the hypnotherapy scared me and asked (again) would I be in control and she reassured me (again) that I most certainly would and that we don't have to do that. She encourages me to see the analytic T and take whatever time I need to decide what I want to do. She also said she would continue to see me evem if I choose to see the new T, if the new T agrees.

I can't believe I'm feeling this way, but I am not wanting to leave her. I have always liked her and trusted her. We talked so much and it was so good! The things we talked about were important and if I were to continue with her, we would be picking up at a good place. I think we both understand each other better.

I don't want to leave her, yet I really do want the analytical psychotherapy.

I guess I will meet the new T as planned on Wednesday and see what she's like.

I can see some relationship to old patterns in my wanting to stay with this T who wants to do 'to' me (hypnosis) rather than with me (talking) .

,.. although the way she explained it when we talked on the phone made it clearer to me what she is attempting to accomplish and that is trust in the process, successes using the imagery/hypnosis to make positive changes such as reducing my anxiety. It has helped that just recently. In fact, I didn't know if I'd been feeling better this past week because her method is working or because I had found another T. ????

Grrrr. and LOL.. Did I mention that I have difficulty making decisions?!

So the dilemma (again!!) is what to do!!??

Am I nuts to be thinking of not leaving her after all my grief?

Nuts to think I can see both?

Or just plain nuts?

Not nuts at all!

IMO- I would at least go and see your old T face-to-face, sounds to me like you both managed to clear the air a little and have paved the way forward for better communication between you. As you have said before- you do trust her, and it would be good to talk things through a little more before making a permanent decision to switch to the analytical T.

I would also go and try out the new analytical T, and see what you think, and also explain the situation to her too.

Best of luck!...............and let us know how you get on.

ECHOES, no, you're not nuts! Change is hard and scary. Even though you have been dissatisfied with your T for some time, at least she is known and familiar.

This may be just me, but I have always been so uncomfortable when you said how your T wants only to do guided imagery and hypnosis and not talk to you or let you talk to her, despite your wishes. I know you got a lot of positive from the guided imagery, but it seemed like she just wasn't listening to you and forcing you to do a therapy that was not your choice. Now by telling her you may not be coming back, you forced her to see that your concerns were very important and serious, and she had the great phone talk with you. Maybe she learned something from it and will pay more attention to your needs now. So if you do have some aspects of a good relationship with this T, maybe it would be worth giving her a second chance and meeting with her again to see if she is more accommodating to what you want from therapy, rather than able to give only what she wants. I have a feeling that when you see her again, it will become clearer as to whether she really can change and provide you with what you want and need.

And it can't hurt to see the new analytical T also to see if you like her.

((((hugs))))

sunny

Thank you Pegasus.

This is geting so layered. lol. Started with the online person, then the current T who I talk to about the online person, now the new T who I will have to talk to about both of them...

Thanks so much for your support!

I will let you know how it goes.

((sunny))

Thank you for your thoughts. You are always so articulate and you make a lot of good points. You help to explain what I think I was trying to get at, but I'm not very good at it.

Talking to her made me feel even better about her and I think I want to see what will happen now. The worst that can happen I guess is that nothing will change and I'll be back to square one.

It's good to learn to share things with her; that is hard for me to do. See, even though I keep wanting to talk, it is something that is hard for me. The person I talked to online was easy to talk with because it was writing. But whether in writing or in person, I have a very hard time disagreeing with someone or speaking up and correcting a perception the other person might have. I just "go along' and it can get me buried too deep to be able to figure out how to get out of it.

Thank you sunny!

Not nuts!! Yay, I say keep the appt with the second t and perhaps both together could provide the perfect mix.. One could easily complement the other and you could get the best of both worlds!

The only problem I see: Insurance and co-pay etc if u are using insurance.

But in the end, if you get sick of the hypnotherapy t (or dissapppinted in her ever again) then you can decide whether to leave or stay.

It sounds great and like there's no hurry to make a decision, maybe you need not to put so much pressure on yourself regarding a choice. Perhaps you might gather more info (as you're currently doing) to arrive at a more natural decision, but ceratinly sounds like nobody is prompting you for one.

I can't wait to hear how wednesday goes!!!

Thanks Talulah!

Talking to her on the phone reminded me of the trust I have with her. She talked more about my childhood trauma and I know she is very understanding and knowledgeable about it. She talked about how the memories are stored at the level of the child and we can get them processed (or whatever she called it) at the level of an adult and then I won't feel like the frightened child about it. It was comforting just to listen to her talk about it and it gave me hope that things could be better and she can help.

She is an insurance company provider but the new T isn't so they won't even know about her.

Other things to consider are that I've been feeling less anxiety and it could be beause of the imagery we've done about anxiety and her suggestion during that I will feel good; and when I looked at my reactions over the last month or so, I wonder if I am just reacting to getting near the hard stuff. A way of trying to back off. Definitely it is about control and feeling I have none.

I wonder if, in thinking of not returning to her, I think that I won't have to go there (to her office for therapy) and I won't have to "go there" (to the hard stuff).

We are wonderful and complex people, aren't we?!

Thanks for your encouragement, Talulah!

(((hugs))) I'm glad to hear that you and your T have reached another level of understanding. I sure wouldn't bail on her now!

Maybe you could use a session discussing WHY you think you really want the other analytical doctoring? Perhaps the current T could assist you with understanding your real intent in all this, for I'm sure it's all connected.

TC!

((Echoes))I'm glad you feel more settled again!

(((((((( ECHOES ))))))))

I worked with a therapist who for the most part employed a psychodynamic model of treatment. However, she is 'eclectic' in her approach and therefore did not hesitate to offer other treatment modalities as well, as needed. So at one point she taught me how to relax doing visualization. To this day I still do it when I need to relax, it helps me fall asleep many times. She also taught me some self-talk to help me through some rough times, (yeah, that's a cbt thing).
The point I am trying to make is that my therapist was basically giving me the psychodynamic stuff but threw in the other stuff as needed. And that if your therapist employs cbt for the most part, and you want the psychoanalytical stuff, you've got a prob there. Have you considered asking your current T if she is trained in psychodynamic therapy?
Do keep in mind that although you want the psychoanalytic therapy, there needs to be a foundation of trust between you and your t. There needs to be a foundation of trust bet. therapist and client no matter what kind of therapy model they employ; this is a given. But I have this idea that you might meet with the new analytical therapist and expect fireworks at your first session. Bear in mind it will take a few sessions for you to start to trust her enough to be able to make use of the psychodynamic approach.
I know I have mentioned this before, but figured i'd throw it in again: When i met my new t (three weeks ago), at the end of the session she wanted to wrap things up and she stated that ''ok, so the way i work it is i do cognitive behavioral therapy.'' I was like, ohmygod, for this I just spent 45 minutes and $150 bucks?! I said to her, ''I wish I had asked you if you do psychodynamic therapy..." Then I asked her, ''would you be able to work with me doing psychodynamic work and not cbt?" She responded that she mostly works with cbt as that seems to be what most clients want. However, she is trained in psychodynamic therapy and she said she is willing to provide that for me.
So I think being that you are fortunate enough to know what kind of therapy you want, it sounds like a good idea to ask your new t if she could provide that for you.

Ironically the current T said she did psychodynamic psychotherapy when I was initially calling around to see who did what. Then she offered the imagery for relaxation and, like you I like it and continue to do it. (I ordered from a site after borrowing several of her tapes: www.whoeperson.com) . I will alwaysy be thankful for her introducing me to relaxation/imagery. Anyway, I understood the psychodynamic therapy to be something different than what she does. Then, when I was looking for a different therapist and going over the online list on my insurance company's site, I clicked on her name and there is was: CBT. How I missed it when I knew that wasn't what I wanted is beyond me. lol. I had considered asking her to work with me in a different way but I don't think I would trust that. She has said, about her use of imagery and hypnosis that "this is what I do" and I feel as if she is saying accept it or not. Well we'll see what another visit brings. At least I think I will go for one more. Just not sure...

The new T is an analyst-in-training who was referred to me by an analytic institute. However, she said she is eclectic so I have to clarify that when we meet. At least I know now to clarify because I know what I want and don't want. Thank you for warning me not to expect fireworks! That is good advice.

I'm hope you and your new T work great together and she can provide you with what you want and need!

Gosh, it's sometimes a long road just to get the T, isn't it?!


.

echoes, i clicked on the link you provided and can't seem to get to the imagery stuff. I am very interested in it. can you please check the address for me? Thank you so much!

http://www.wholeperson.com/list-relax.html

try this. if it doesn't work, let me know. I was just there to copy and past the address so it should work ok.

Hey Echoes,

I'm really glad that you had a good chat with your therapist and that she was so understanding about your seeing another therapist. I'm also really pleased that she didn't try and talk you out of it and that she said she would be happy to keep working with you whether you start working with the other therapist or not.

I figure that... It will take a bit of time... But that after a while you will know what is best for you to keep on with. Sounds like you have had some really good discussions with your therapist but that you do have different ideas on whether the focus should be more on the imagery or more on the discussions. I'm glad she explained her rationale to you and that you could see where she was coming from. I guess that time will tell whether this other therapist has a way of working that seems to fit you better or whether you are in more of a position to embrace your current therapists way of doing things.

You don't have to decide yet. You could tell this new person that you are unsure... Most of my life I haven't had a decision about who I worked with I just had to work with whoever I was seeing or see nobody at all. This time I did get to choose, however. I think that because of my having the choice I'm a lot more of a willing participant in the process than I've ever been before. There is something empowering about that :-)

Hi I just joined today. I went right to the psychotherapy forum so you are not nuts or alone.

I've been with my T for about a year. He's awesome and I have grown so much because of the work we are doing together.

The problem? I'm attached. The thought of eventually ending sessions makes me very sad. We've talked about it and he knows of my attachment and I'm wondering if he tried this week to break it a little bit.

For the first time, my session for this week was cancelled twice. Eventually, I got one for tomorrow but this has never happened before and just recently I said my husband and I both think I'm too attached. I think of him as part of my family and he acknowledged that it is okay to feel this way

The office said it was due to conflicting court dates but I'm not so sure...we'll see tomorrow I guess. I'm wondering about the timing of this but then again, I did end up getting an appointment so maybe its just me.

I'm really glad to hear she's willing to address your childhood issues as I think that is very important to you and so it must be done! ( your old T)

Ya know, maybe she was hoping to control the anxiety a bit more before proceding into those memories etc. And I am glad you're reporting less anxiety becasue that can be hard to get under control. I know that's what my t did with me and at first ot felt as though she were minimizing the importance of that history but really she was trying to get me prepared with going there.

Good insight as well into the possibility of you avoiding the topics you wish to explore.....that is a huge possibility that you may have been doing that.....keep an eye on that.

Yay, I'm so happy you're figuring this all out!!!!! Right now you're at the top, and you are gonna go into some heavy stuff. I am here and I am supporting you!!

Yes, finding a t is soooo hard. You are wise to put this much effort into the process. I'm glad though, you have some options here and hopw between the two, you can find a balance that you wish to achieve...

It can be hard accepting a t's "way" of helping, I sometimes want one way, then another and so on. So yea, eclectic is what I like but sometimes I am still longing for more......even though I don't really know what that is...

almeda24fan,

what you are experiencing is transference and there is a lot of information here and on other sites about that. one site I like in particular is www.guidetopsychology.com.

your attachment is very natural and most of us experience it; you aren't alone with that. it's perfectly ok to have happening and many believe it is a necessary part of therapy.

grrr. cancelled sessions do make us think dark thoughts. i hope you'll tell him how you felt when he had to cancel so you two can talk about it.

i'm glad you have an awesome T who's helpful to you!

thanks so much for your post.

P.S. Is Tony still on 24?
(I can't watch anymore: it is too intense and anxiety-provoking. But I was a big fan for several years!)

xoxoxoxo Echoes

Thanks Alexandra_k,

That is very good advice for me to take my time with the decision. That is something I don't do, give myself time and room to think. I really like your idea of telling the new T that I'm usure. A perfect example of how I tend to let things fester inside instead of putting them 'out there' and looking at them with someone. I'm learning....

(((Talulah)))

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
ECHOES said:
P.S. Is Tony still on 24?
(I can't watch anymore: it is too intense and anxiety-provoking. But I was a big fan for several years!)

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">
ECHOES, unfortunately, Tony died at the beginning of last season. Also his wife Michelle. I really liked Tony. We learned this season that Jack's brother Graham was responsible for Tony's death.

Thanks Sunny!

I remember the car bomb that killed Michelle but I didn't see when Tony died. I liked them both.

I tried watching this year. I watched the first episode they showed on that first Sunday, but then couldn't watch the 2nd episode. Just too much for me.

Darn it ! LOL

Oh I'm sorry, I missed her 24 question, how is this possible?

Tony and Michelle both died. I hate that they are not on anymore but I'm still addicted.