getting emotional at the END of a session

I WON'T continue a hard topic at the end of the session today. I will make sure of that. I'm nervous for today.....and have no clue how it will go. But I know I'm going to need to take control over my sessions so not to put me in teh situation I was in on Monday.

Today's the day. 6 hours from now. I'm nervous. ALmost like the first time I saw her. But proud of myself for not canceling.

Don't self-monitor too diligently, musinglizzy If you don't say the things you want to say about the situation, you won't get what you need from the situation. And yes, you have every reason to feel proud of yourself for not canceling. I can't say I'd be so brave

Good luck and stay strong!

You can do it! You will probably feel better a few minutes into the session. Maybe you're like me and haven't grieved like we should have - seems easier not to sometimes.

I survived the session yesterday, and it was quite obvious she wasn't sure if I'd cancel or not. She asked how I felt about being here. Told her I almost canceled. And that when I got here, instead of sitting in her waiting room, I sat downstairs. She said I am ALWAYS welcome to take a break if I need one.

I mentioned bringing up a topic like that so late in the session, and she didn't agree with me that it should not happen. She said it moves things out, regardless of when I'm upset. I said I didn't like the feeling of crying in my car waiting till I could see enough to drive. She said something about the fact that I keep my defenses up fairly well and don't like to cry in front of her, either, so she figured alone is better than nothing. Ok, she has a point. But I think we both see where each other is coming from. I wasn't up to talking....so there was a lot of silence, she asked questions, I answered them. She finally asked me 10 minutes before session was over if I wished to leave, or sit there together for the last 10 minutes. I said it didn't matter at this point, but that I didn't want to waste her time if she had something better to do, because I wasn't all that involved yesterday. She said if it were up to her, she'd like me to stay. I stayed. I wasn't UNCOMFORTABLE... but was just in my "I don't care" mode. She said for therapy to work, I've GOT to let my defenses down so we can work through these issues. I know that.....and that's only something I can do.

The last several minutes of the session are what really surprised me. She came over to sit on the love seat with me. She's never done that before. I was facing the clock, with her only seeing my right side, with my hair covering my face. I tried not to cry through the session and the questions she did answer, but hid myself when I did. She came over, sat right next to me and held me....rubbed my back and stroked my hair. I felt comforted, but at the same time, made me want to cry even more. My head was on her chest and I could hear her heartbeat. I focused on her heartbeat....to keep from losing it completely. Now my kid's gonna make me lose it.....so off I go.

So.....I go to therapy twice a week, and tomorrow is another visit..... I've decided I need to try to let that barrier down she feels is there. It's slowly been coming down, but goes up again, down, then up.... I trust her, I guess I'm just not used to having someone there to just listen to me...JUST me. And want to hear what I have to say.

So after the last two sessions, (which I've mentioned in this post), I think I am going to do my very best to just be open, honest...and ready to talk. Otherwise, it's just a waste of time. Will just the will of wanting to be like this work? We shall find out.......I've been mentally preparing myself all weekend.

It's definitely a step in the right direction! The more you can talk and feel, the more she can help you, the closer you get to processing everything and becoming a better YOU! Definitely not easy but, I would think it would get easier over time. You can do it! Let me know how it goes!

I know it's easier said than done....but if I keep the mindset........

I wasn't this so badly I'm so glad your t was willing and able to do this/comfort you this way. I wish my t would do something like that.