Relationships with our Therapists

Hi Emily,
This is a good topic for us to discuss and for me now.
How did you choose your T?I am from the uk and I have my therapy on the NHS which means it state funded so I don't really get to choose the T but I do choose what sort of area I have wanted my therapy to be in. I have psychoanalysis, dynamic talk thearapy.This has been a mixed experience. My first appointment I was quite nervous and the assemnet was for 3 weeks, this lead to me being 'advised' that I should go to a theraputic community, which is a modern mental health hospital. I was horrified at this decision as I didn't feel unable to function, I wasn't any danger to myself or others and I'd certainly not implied I needed this kind of treatment. Needless to say this did not get my therapy off to a good start. I became defensive and guarded. I put forward a rational and thought out discussion of why I refused this advise and carryed on with weekly therapy, whilst living in my own community.

I was given another T whom I eventually clicked with and felt like I had moved on from the wobbly emotional position I had been in.
Male of female T? I asked for a female T. I think this works for me because i feel like they might relate to me better.
Age? doesn't matter,.I thought older would be better but then I got a young T of about the same age and we developed an understanding.
Style? Open, informal, friendly and non judgemental.
Type? Dynamic, talk therapy.
Here is a question. I am now going back to the original therapist who advised me of the theraputic community hospital. I feel nervous again, I arming myself with a list of the things I amdoing at the moment which show I am leading a normal life despite my personal issues. How would you approach this? Should I state how I feel at the begining of our new session? I would be grateful for anyones thoughts on this

well, my first experience with a therapist was really bad, but as I sat crying my eyes out over the way that therapist had treated me I decided to call a friend of mine who was a drug and alcohol counselor, she gave me the name of the therapist I am seeing now and whom I have been seeing for 2 years. When I first saw her I just didn't have any trust because of what happened with my first therapist. I saw her once and then didn't return for 4 months. When I did return I told her of my trust problems and she understood completely. Her and I seemed to click. We are the same age and what I like most about her is that she doesn't seem shocked by some of the things I have told her and she believes me.

Carol

Carol

I'\ve only had one doctor. My psychiatrist i've had her for 7yrs and still continuing to see her.

Guess i'm lucky, not too many people can say they've been with one this long...

she is wonderful ...glad to have her, she has helped me out so much, and she still continues too.

<font color=red>~Sundance~</font color=red>

<font color=blue>"Never react emotionally to criticism. Analyze yourself to determine whether it is justified. If it is, correct yourself. Otherwise, go on about your business."</font color=blue>

<font color=black>Norman Vincent Peale</font color=black>

Emma, thanks for your posting regarding transference. It can be extremely embarrassing to talk about. A few times in the past I have had very intense feelings for my therapist. It took me a long time to talk to her about it. I love my therapist and want to live with her. I've never felt this invested in a relationship - not even with my family. I'm really scared feeling this close to someone. She is compassionate, sincere, honest, fair, dependable and caring. She doesn't judge me or make me feel stupid. She is encouraging and supportive. I HATE WANTING TO LIVE WITH HER AND KNOWING IT CAN NEVER HAPPEN! I talked with her on the phone last night and she reassured me that what I was feeling was okay, but it's not okay with me! I feel like I need to leave therapy so I can get rid of these feelings. I know that's not the right choice, but I don't know how to handle this. Has anyone else ever felt this way?

Kim

The first I saw 3 years ago, I had been looking for help from my youth pastor and he finally convinced my mom to let me see a T, who he found for me, I think based on her being a woman who worked w/ adolescents through a Christian agency. I think the first time she alternated between combinations of talking with me, my mom, and my youth pastor, and when I was with her I think she asked some evaluation questions. I was extremely anxious, and continued to be anxious every visit, although I think it was getting better after a couple. I was nervous when cutting came up, afraid I'd let on how suicidal I felt. And I was afraid I was just some horrible person making up problems for everyone. It didn't last very long, and I don't know what her style was, although I remember she tried to give me homework, which I really wasn't ready to do, and didn't go too well. I was never very comfortable with her, although I was feeling more optomistic about the idea when my mom suddenly decided to pull the plug on it. Mom had been very difficult w/ the subject ever since my YP first brought it up, and it threw me when she told me I wasn't going back. Made a feeble suicide attempt that night or the next, ended up going back one more week, but felt horrible with my mom and just gave in to her ideas on the whole thing, stopped going, although the T was very much against that idea. Don't know how old she was... 30's, maybe.
Second professional I saw was through the ministry I was working at, this was a year ago. No one to choose from, so that's irrelevant. I was very willing to trust her at first, although I felt pretty uncomfortable, but that's me in everything. I don't know how long I'd been talking with her in person, but I got the idea she didn't like me much. And I was always afraid she'd decide I was fake and shouldn't be there or something. I still think that. We met for a few months, but she often cancelled the meeting. She assigned me homework, too, but it was little things I was already doing, which didn't make much sense. She would often tell me I wasn't making an effort in some area, but it was always something I felt like I was doing/doing the best I knew how, or didn't know how to do, which usually lead to a homework assignment that really wasn't relevant to the concept I wasn't getting. She was formal, and it felt like she talked down to me, and viewed me as being immature and incompetent. Ended when I left the ministry - which I secretly suspect had a bit to do with her, and at least may not have become necessary had I been able to talk with someone else. Age: under 30, had recently finished her masters in social work.

kim - I think this is such an important topic that it should be it's own thread in this forum. Wanna start it? You could just copy/paste what you already wrote.

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

I had a session with my therapist this evening and talked with her about my feelings for her. I told her how painful it was to want something that there is no hope I can ever get. It was so embarrassing. She was really great about it, though. When I told her I was thinking about quitting therapy so I could get rid of the feelings, she said the solution was to keep coming and learn to accept the feelings. I told her that would never happen. She just winked, smiled and said "It will. You'll see." For a minute I thought that she didn't understand just how intense my feelings are, but then it was very comforting. She knows me well. She knows what she is doing and I trust her. If she says that it will get better, I'm sure it will. It's funny...I've never had this much confidence in anyone.

That's great, Kim! It's a very comforting feeling to have confidence in somebody like that, isn't it?

Wendy

<font color=orange>"Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2."</font color=orange>

It really does feel good. It's comforting and reassuring.

That is wonderful Kim! I wish I could find a therapist I click with. The ones I have found are good but I haven't felt that connection yet I guess.

I was assigned most of my Pdocs and Ts too. My most recent T, who I've been with 5 years, I was referred to and just got lucky. I know what you mean about relying on your T too much. I want to talk to mine everyday. I don't, but I really want to. I want to be her first priority. I feel so selfish. I've talked to her about all this and she is very understanding. I just feel foolish, embarrassed, sad, angry,...you name it.

It sounds like you haven't had good experiences with therapy. I'm sorry. I feel strongly that you need to feel comfortable with your therapist to make progress. I was in therapy for 16 years with therapists other people chose for me and made very little progress - in some ways even got worse. It wasn't until I worked a long time with my current therapist, that I've been seeing 5 years, that I made progress. My advice to you is to find someone you are comfortable with and feel like you can build a trusting relationship with. Don't expect to trust them right away, just feel them out for a month or so and see if you feel like they understand and are interested in you and won't judge you. I'm praying for you.

Kim

>>>> How you found yours, did you shop around?

Picked her name out of a list of health plan providers. That's how I've picked all of them.

>>> What the first appt was like?

I don't remember!

>> When did you know it clicked, or not?

Right away. She let me bring things that I had written and read them during therapy and has let me progress at my own pace while still challenging me.

>> Male or female selection and why?

Female. (I'm female). Otherwise I'd be offering to have his children by the third session.

>> Age difference and did it matter?

I didn't know her age but she turned out to be the perfect age. Slightly older. I get along better with people around her age, so it's been wonderful.

>> Their personal style...open, warm, formal,stiff, etc.

I told her about how my last therapist yawned and cleaned her nails during session and she's always asking me if this is when she's supposed to start picking her nose. That sums her up. She's the best thing in my life right now.

>> Type of therapy; CBT, psychoanalytic, eclectic (little bit of everything),
>> couples, group, who-knows-it-helps, etc.

I don't know. I mainly write and she mainly reads

>> Transference issues, if any

I'm about to tell her on Thursday that I love her (not romantically or sexually, just as a human being). I was going to tell her last session but I chickened out.

>> How long you've been going

This Thursday will be my 15th session.

>> Anything else you feel like sharing.

I spend half of every day thanking G-d for allowing someone as wonderful to come into my life and the other half thinking I'm not worthy of such good luck and it's bound to end.

Emmy, I've had quite a lot of therapists. Would you prefer to hear about multiple or about my current one? I don't want to overload anybody past what they want or make the community hate me for posting too much, but I'm up for talking about all of it.

Wait a second. My phone is saying all these posts are from 2004. Why did this just pop up in my feed as new? Nvm. I'm confused.

The original post is from 2004. It was resurrected

Resurrected here?

Thanks, junkDNA, that makes more sense. I don't know why I ended up on this thread instead of the new one.