Would you judge your t?

Trigger SI

I'm a trainee t, believe it or not. I've SI in the past, and recently, and am really trying to stop.
I have a couple of scars on my arm, I think sometimes people notice them. I'm still a couple of years away from qualifying so I'm hoping they'll be gone by then, but I am working as a trainee with clients.
I always cover up, but just wondering, what would you think if you saw SI type scars on your t? Would you be disappointed? Would you think them less able to help you as they have clearly had issues themselves? Has anyone experienced this with their t?
Thanks
Red xxx

Depends if the scars were recent enough that they are obvious new cuts or if they are old permanent ones. If they obviously were recent, I would really worry about T and I think the therapeutic relationship would suffer. If they were definitely old scars I wouldn't really know i they are SI or something else so I wouldn't think too much of it.

Hi, I SI in the past too so maybe I'm a bit prejudice. I wouldn't think much of the scars as I would think you been through a tough time and see how you recovered. I wouldn't worry about it. By the way, my T is always cold or says that so I rarely see her arms as they are usually covered. My T said she did her own therapy so she's knows what we go through. That would be the same for you. Good luck!

As much as I'd like to say I wouldn't judge a T who had visible self harm scars, I think it would be hard not to. I'd make sure to keep them covered, if it were me. T's are supposed to keep the focus on the client - this would be something that would detract from that.

Yeah... I've S.I but don't have any scars. Although logically I know than anyone can recover from self-harm and that it shouldn't matter if they're old scars and actually a sign that a T has been through stuff and come out the other side... I dunno, it would put me off a bit. I think I need to think/know that my T is strong and capable and has enough ego strength for the both of us.
It would matter less if I saw the scars once a trusting relationship was established, but if it was a very new T, I think it would bother me, rightly or wrongly.

I would not want a therapist with this kind of past, but that does not mean you could not be a great therapist.

Thanks for your honesty everyone.
My t says all the best T's are messed up but I guess it's important that a t comes across as strong and together now, and any issues are past.
Hmmmmm
*puts really long sleeve jumper on*

I'd not feel comfortable with a therapist who had self injury scars, I want a therapist who has it more together than me generally speaking.

I'm sorry but yes, I would not go to a T with a SI history... I am one of those clients who need their Ts to lead a happy/sunny life if they don't I don't wanna know about it. Their stuff needs to stay out of my therapy. Sad but true.
However, many clients appreciate Ts with same/similar history to their own, showing them it's possible to overcome, I guess?

I'm in a class of fifteen trainees, many older than me.
I think that there is not one who doesn't have some past 'history'....abuse as a child, mental illness, alcohol issues etc. I've seen a lot of people on here say that they are/want to train as T's. many T's and counsellors are drawn to the profession because of their own experiences in therapy.
Is it the visibility of SI that makes it worse? Or does it suggest a more extreme issue, or less ability to cope?
Thanks, this is helpful..if depressing

I would not see a T if I saw SI scars or knew upfront they used to SI. But... after seeing current T for a year now, if I now found out she used to SI, it actually wouldn't bother me. I know her well enough that I can accept her and whatever her past may be completely. But I'm also 100% sure my T has never SI'ed.

Red,
Scars or no scars, don't let them keep you from achieving your goals. You're a survivor (as all of us are) and that gives you strength. But to show your scars is disclosure. And just be aware that many people would not be comfortable with it.

My latest, best therapist did not have a messed up life at all and that was very helpful to me. BUT I think someone with a messed up past could be a great therapist to certain people.

Sorry! One more post.

I knew a mental health counselor who had a "past". She disclosed a lot of it to me: incest, rape, SUI attempts, SI, etc. Her disclosure did help me. But if she was my T and told me everything, I would terminate. She is now a private therapist. It makes me uncomfortable knowing her issues and knowing she's a T. I didn't think she was stable when I met her, and that is why I feel strongly she shouldn't be a T.

That is what makes a difference. We all have a lot of knowledge about the mental health field and it seems like the most logical career for many of us is psychology. But if you're not stable, then how can you be stable for your clients?

Keep following the path you're on, but remember the level of responsibility/influence you will have and why it is so important to continue to work on yourself.

There's a lot of different ways this could go with clients.

On one hand, it might be encouraging, and give a client hope for recovery, or let a client know that you had "been there", too. On the other, it might make a client scared about your stability, or worse, trigger them into wanting to SI or make them feel hopeless that they can't recover. I think it's also really different to say "I used to SI" and have them actually see the scars.

Ultimately, though, it boils down to the individual clients. It might be an interesting experiment to let them see your scars and see which ones bring it up and what they say.

I think self comfort comes in many forms and that to me is what any sort of self injury is. I would not care about it one way or the other if a therapist had scars or fresh wounds/bruises etc because I don't see it as a bad thing. I am perfectly willing to judge a therapist about any number of things, but scars and self injury are not one of them. I do not think it would be good to have them be visible mostly because of the reactions people posted here - I am in the minority on this sort of thing it seems.

I would love to say I could be non-judgmental about SI scars, but I would not start a therapeutic relationship with someone with visible SI scars. For me, because I associate SI with a borderline personality disorder diagnosis, and because I have had such bad experiences throughout my life with people with that diagnosis, I would have a real problem with the scars. I am not sure I could get past the fear and distrust I would bring to the relationship. I know that I have had good relationships also with people with that diagnosis, and I know not all SI is related to BPD, and not all folks with BPD self injure, but that is just the gut reaction I would have.

I know many Ts have history but I don't want to know about it. That's why visible SI scars would be a deal breaker for me, same deal breaker as a T sharing his CSA history with me.

In college my psych of abnormality prof was covered in scars that she didn't try to hide. I grew to really respect her, she'd been through a lot. Of course, my first thought was "wow this lady really needs this class, can't believe she's the prof." She was covered. It's how I remember her even to this day.

I would cover them up at least at first until a client gets to know you. My current t has no scars but I've come to learn he has faced issues and I appreciate that he's had some real life experience to share.

My T can handle me being angry, distressed, silent, she can challenge me and tolerate my reaction. To me this is being 'strong and together'. I know nothing about her own personal struggles. It is too early for her to self dispose anything in my opinion. I don't think being strong and together has anything to do with whether or not you have SI'd.

For me it's a visibility thing and as someone mentioned, a pretty loud visual disclosure. I kind of need to believe my T is super strong, and not experienced the things I have and especially still not affected by it. I need them to be stronger than me, I need them to be somewhat of a role model, a beacon of hope. And I hate that seeing self-harm scars on a T would make me doubt that because it is so judgemental and not even an accurate summation of strength. Cognitively, I know that actually, a T who had overcome the same crap I have could actually be an amazing T to have, but something at a feeling level just makes me not like the idea of it.

I think similarly though, if my T disclosed a horrific history in childhood, regardless if they overcame it or not, I wouldn't want to know that either so it's not the self-harm thing or scars per se, that bothers me. There's something about pretending that a T hasn't been touched by all the crap that life can throw at you, that just makes me feel safer. Even if it is an illusion.

To be perfectly honest, if the first thing I knew about a therapist were seeing the scars and just that, no, as shallow as that sounds I probably would not see them for therapy. However, I strongly believe that someone who's had issues can do great work as a therapist, and if I were seeing someone for therapy and found that out, I would probably just be concerned, but I wouldn't leave because of it. For me, the most important is for a therapist to make room for me and my experiences, just be there for me, and as long as that's working and they're a good therapist and helping me, I would rather feel empathic toward them and not judge. Besides, I'm a therapist myself and, even though I don't SI, I have my own issues and I've yet to meet someone who doesn't, therapists included. So I think it's unrealistic to expect a sort of flawless, problemless therapist.

I wish you best of luck with your training! Take care of yourself and I think you'll make a really good therapist. In my opinion, the very fact that you're asking this question shows that you care about your work and that you put a lot of thought into how clients may perceive you. You really can't change what happened, just how you use it for your own and your clients'benefit, how sensitive you can be to their issues etc. Perhaps talking about this with a supervisor and colleagues whom you trust would help too.

Wow thanks for posting this! I'm in train as well and also have scars on my arms. That's been one of my bigger concerns for when I actually practice. I'm glad everyone here is so honest.

As a client with no SI history, I'd be wary of obvious SI scars. My gut impression, right or wrong, would be that the T is less stable than me. I'd be uncomfortable with that.

@the OP.
I'm a very judgmental person.... and I've been combative in therapy. But, any judgment you may get from a client, doesn't necessarily mean it's your issue.

You'll have to decide for yourself whether or not any judgments you get are worthy of listening to.

Did you ever see Good Will Hunting? Chances are you will meet someone who treats his T's like Will's character did. But, Will had issues, didn't he?