Would you judge your t?

I have scars and I'm perfectly stable and understand it more than those who don't SI, and would not shy away from someone in real life who SIs. However, if I were a therapist I would not disclose it to clients. Allowing your scars to show IS disclosure and I do think that can be helpful, but only much later on after a relationship has been established and you really know your client.

Besides the other things mentioned, one to also think about is the admiration many clients have for their therapists. What if the scars of a therapist were seen as approval of SI, or just the nudge needed to give a client courage or permission to do that? Even old scars could be seen as permission or approval, rather than a badge of honor for having conquered the habit.

I absolutely would keep them covered and if somewhere down the line you get to truly know a client and believe them knowing would help them and not harm them, I would think about TELLING them you used to SI, but I still would not show the scars. I did out and out ask my T if she ever used drugs or alcohol or cutting to cope with the issues she told me about and she said no but she wished she had! She was also never concerned with my cutting and felt it was simply a coping mechanism that I used very carefully. If ever I wanted to stop she said she was happy to tackle it, but if not that was fine, too.

To supplement my earlier answer -I would probably not associate scars with self injury if I noticed them at all. I do not cut and don't know of anyone who has so I am not all that familiar with the sorts of marks left behind. I would probably assume some accident if I noticed at all (this is quite real that I just might not notice even were the person in a bikini - I could not tell you the color of anyone's eyes, or what they were wearing, or so on)

Self-injury scars convey so much information that may not even apply to the person with the scars. E.g., BPD, a history of abuse, fragility, depression, suicidal ideation and problems regulating emotions

If I learned my psychiatrist was doing this I would quit seeing her because it would give me the impression that she is overwhelmed with life. I have a lot of trouble heeding advice from therapists who don't have it together. It is like a suicidal person telling another suicidal person to reach out for help because they are worth it and then that same person refuses to seek assistance.

Therapists do not have it all together. I believe that the best Ts are those who have already gone through the fire AND don't feel ashamed for doing so. They feel proud of their recovery process. I don't think it's necessary to go out of the way to show the scars. Maybe hide them, I guess, if they are very glaring.

I would see a T with scars. I want a T who understands and has overcome their own demons. But mostly, I don't want a T who thinks he/she has it all together and then ends up being judgmental about the struggles I currently face, whatever they may be. I think the judgement can come from projection if a T hasn't dealt with their closet issues. And by dealt with, I mean at least admitting it. Too many times it seems like Ts can forget they have not arrived or something - there is always something to be working on because I believe we are a work in progress until the day we die.

My issue may not be Si, but I have issues I hope and pray my T can truly get because he admits to his humanity.

Like others have said unless they were new and quite noticeable then honestly I couldn't say they were from something else. But if it was an adamant problem,I personally couldn't work with someone who was struggling in that way,I think I would feel sorry and try to help them when that's not what I cam into T for. Kinda if you can't help yourself you can't help me kinda thinking

I would not judge you as I too self harm. I would instantly recognise your scars though & I would ask you outright if you self harmed. I think it would make me feel that you could connect with me, but I would probe you to make sure I felt you were able to cope & were in control. I would say to you, to expect some personal questions which personally, boundaries or not, I would 'need' to know to make me feel ok.

When I first read your post I was thinking that it could be a very helpful thing for clients to see, but then I thought of my own first session with previous T - I perceived her as being fearful and awkward at first and, well, those are my issues... It was not helpful to the relationship at all, disastrous really. I was so angry and upset. It wasn't rational and it wasn't really judgement either - or at least it didn't feel that way at the time. I wasn't even sure why I was so angry, but I can say it destroyed what potentially could have been a good working relationship.
Not that you can't disclose your SI down the road a bit. At the right time it could be very helpful and validating, but probably not at the beginning.

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The visibility of the scars would be slightly distracting, I would want to know more about your story and what you had been through, but especially if you were the first therapist I'd ever seen I probably wouldn't have a clue whether it was ok to ask about them or not.

They might concern me - because scars are a visible hallmark of the suffering, and if you were somebody I was feeling drawn to as we built the therapy relationship I would feel deeply sad about the pain responsible for the scars, and for a few sessions as I said I might find myself distracted thinking about them, but I would not leave a therapist because of scars. Nope. I think I would learn to not see them all the time, the same way with anyone you grow familiar with, their personal physical features stop being so obvious.

If they were fresh marks and it was obvious the person was still self harming, then I would leave. Reluctantly, if I otherwise liked you a lot.

Scares can trigger people but honestly if my T had a self harm history I'd feel better. It'd help me know that s/he would be less likely to over react. When I SI. My son's T was honest that she had a self harm history (all she said is she has that in her past too.) when we brought up our concerns about him. She also told our son she had BP when helping him understand our mood swings.

My son said it would reassure him that T's talking from experience.

My husband wouldn't mind but would as If T was okay now.

I'm a senior in undergrad trying to earn by BSW. Fingers crossed I'll start grad school for MSW in the fall of 2015.
I have no plans of wanting to become a therapist, but it's likely due to the lack of MSW in my area. After earning my BSW I plan to work with disabled older adults
Nevertheless... I have had issues with trauma, mental illness and SI for years. This was not the reason why I wanted to become a social worker; I wanted to because I love working with people and learning about them. I've been so good so far and I have no visible scars and I'm in treatment.
I wouldn't judge the t, but I would worry.

i don't think having scars precludes you from being a really good t. nor do i think it's something one has to hide. i think like with any relationship there are a myriad of factors that make two people compatible for whatever purpose they need to be compatible.

i wouldn't judge a t who had scars and at the same time, i couldn't have that person as a t. it's triggering. i si and don't have scars and sometimes i deal with 'does this mean i don't have a real problem?' - i would be too busy worrying that I need to "one up" my t which is ineffective on so many levels and entirely *my* problem. that said, i know it's my problem and that means I need a t who not interfere with my progress.

my t doesn't have any mental health issues. he's never been depressed. in fact, he's told me he doesn't know what i'm feeling. and for me, i need that. i don't even think i could be with a t that had my same issues. i had a t that had similar issues to me and it was utter hell.

it's why sometimes i think i'd love to be a t and at the same time, i don't think i could have a client with my issues and i have so many lol.

Hey Red, I think someone up thread mentioned self disclosure... what do you want your clients to know about you? What would you like to keep to yourself? It's about boundaries, you need to look after yourself as well as your clients.

If you think the scars are very visible, you might want to think about how a client could feel about it and how it could affect the relationship. Ultimately, what's helpful towards their treatment and what's not. It might also be worth exploring (with your T) how you feel about your clients seeing them or having them uncovered?

You're absolutely right though, really great therapists have usually had very messed up pasts, which they've worked through... it's just that the client won't know about it

Woah, I only went out for a pint!
Thanks everyone for your responses.
I guess I didn't expect it....my t said that clients 'know' if a t has been 'on their knees' and can go there with them....because in some way they've been there themselves. I really appreciated that, but it's not what I'm hearing here. She said that she knows many T's who've quit,because they couldn't go there...because they hadn't been there, and found the way back. But it seems lots of you look more for strength and stability in a t, which I understand.
I would never show my scars, and I only have a couple, but I feel like I have a lot further to go than I thought. I have counselled young people for the past seven years, and thought that I could help because I did have that empathy...okay, I obviously need to talk to t, supervisor and tutor about this!!

Your T is right... if you have been there yourself, you can go there with your clients. That's the sign of really good, authentic therapist. But , the clients won't know the details about your past, just that you are able to empathise and show profound understanding. She's right, not all therapists can do this... exactly because they haven't experienced these deep emotions before.

Strength and stability in a T is the client's fantasy/transference... it's an ideal, it doesn't mean you have to be that all the time. T's are human, and sensitive humans at that Also though, you do have these attributes, precisely because you have survived all that you have been through.

Please don't be disheartened but do talk about it with your T. I think it is more about self disclosure than who you were/are and what you've been through.

I hope I wasn't discouraging. I think my main point that I hoped to get across was that each person is an individual and that there are people out there that will benefit greatly from your journey and it's okay if there are people who don't. Because we're all different.

Yes, I agree with your T. Many Ts haven't been there. Meaning, not that they've never self-injured, binged/purged, been depressed, been abused, lost a loved one and found themselves stuck in grief, had an existential crisis, struggled with any kind of mental or emotional illness, etc. etc. etc. No. That they have never worked through their issues. Some still live in denial. Not good, IMO. Yes - I want strength and stability, too. But only true strength and stability. Not a pretend mask worn to fool me into thinking they've got it all together (or worse still, that they have always had it all together). No thanks. I already know how to do that myself I want a T who can help me to take my mask off, not help me to keep the status quo!

Your T is right. Clients do know. I knew with previous T. I didn't understand it and I disregarded my own judgement at the time but I instinctively knew that she couldn't go with me where I needed to go. I felt like I was dragging her deeper than her comfort level.
I doubt I would even notice your scars, not having a history of SI, but to someone who does it may well be triggering until they get to know you a little better and get a 'feel' for you.

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First off, good for you!

As for the question, let me imagine....I think I will have two conflicting reactions or judgments. One is me worrying if the person has mental health issues that will affect them and me and the treatment in a negative way. Other part is like: A wounded healer, cool!

I have quite a few times struggled with accepting that my Ts have understood me or really know how it feels and so if a T had personal issues, it gives me hope that people can recover from it and also makes me feel like we can connect at a deep level.

But it all depends on the T having his/her things under control. If they start crying uncontrollably when I talk about my SI because it reminds them of theirs, then this is not going to work and I would worry about getting hurt.

As someone who was 425lbs and now 200lbs. If I was to be a gym trainer I'm sure I would not be judged. I learned my lesson. Now I know the scars are obvious, but maybe wear long sleeves perhaps?

People who lived through it and beat it are stronger for it.

If this is your dream, stay on the ball and f'n don't get off!

I think therapists who have a past do make wonderful therapists. I believe they "get it" because they lived it. When it comes to SI I would have a very difficult time if it is obviously recent. For me SI typically means they are quite depressed and quite possibly SUI. When I get depressed I often feel like I can't anymore and waiting for that one more thing on my plate which will put me over the edge. I have cut only a handful of times and has always been when when I am near that breaking point. If my therapist is at the point of recently cutting I would be afraid something I said would trigger her or whatever and push her over the edge.

In the last two years I have dealt with A severe wrist injury (finally healed) chronic depression and anxiety. I am bit a therapist so it's not the same, but I do think these things have in the long run made me a better medical practitioner.

If my therapist had fresh cuts that would be concerning, but I think I could handle older scars.

One of the best t's I ever worked with admitted to a trauma history within the first two sessions. He was also very open about the struggles he had overcome, and the ones he still faced. He made it very clear that he had worked hard to get where he was. It was a relief to know that someone actually understood what I was going through intimately... that said, if my t was unstable (or I felt they were unstable) at the time, I would feel the need to take care of them and not say anything that may trigger them.
I would have no issues with scars, but I would need to know t was stable...

Hi Red, Well first off I want to say good on you for pursuing this career while working through your own stuff. I SI too. And I have a degree in social work. I will one day work with my degree, but need to sort myself out first. My CBT t - not my primary t - has shared her SI pastwith and I didn't judge her. I was telling her how hard it is on hot days to have to cover up my arms and she disclosed her past to me (even though she doesn't usually self-disclose to clients). I appreciated her sharing, it brought us closer and let me know that she understood where I was coming from. I don't judge my t's, I would prefer they had life experience in the darkness of the human mind.

If the scars were obvious I would feel that she couldn't handle me. I would think she can't be a good therapist FOR ME.

I would judge.

I am a very tolerant person, generally. I want to be counseled by people who have been in the trenches, not those who live a rosy hunky-dory life with no pain. (Denial anyone?)

I don't SI so all my scars are on the inside. Doesn't make them any less painful, just a little harder to see. My T can see them, even the ones I try to keep hidden.

I would absolutely see a T with visible scars.