[JaneC]

This week I let something slip, not fully aware initially that I had done it on purpose.

My therapist picked up on it straight away and told me he was confused by something I said, then repeated the phrase and asked why I chose today, now, to say it. That I could have kept it from him and he wondered why I said it, what I wanted.

BOY! I felt immediately under the spotlight, and realised that I wanted him to pay attention to this. I told him that I wanted to talk about it, at some stage. That in the past, maybe more than a year ago when I mentioned something related to it, he was dismissive and told me he wasn't really that worried about it.

He said that I must have felt like he had shut me down......which I agreed with and told him it is a huge issue for me even if he thought it wasn't at the time, it is. He apologised and began asking questions......and it all went downhill. I couldn't look at him for ages, drifted in and out, told him I couldn't talk about it now........finally he backed off.

Anyway........back to my question. Have you done that....let something slip on purpose? What happened then?

[Raging Quiet]

I've been learning about this in my counselling training, in particular 'door knob confessions' which is when the client spills something as they are leaving that their t doesn't know and it can be quite an important revelation.

Some t's will mention it the next week, but other t's will not bring it up unless the client does throughout the rest of the therapy.

We learned that if a client mentions something, subconsciously they are 'ready' to speak about it.

Take care

Yeah i have. My t asks lots of questions and becomes very... Relentless. Like she needs answers and she needs to engage me. I get what you mean; after i slip, i start to shut down and dissociate.

[JaneC]

Originally Posted by Raging Quiet

I've been learning about this in my counselling training, in particular 'door knob confessions' which is when the client spills something as they are leaving that their t doesn't know and it can be quite an important revelation.

I used to do the doorknob confession thing very early on....it's silly really as it left me wide open to a whole week of worry about it! But it certainly ensured I wouldn't have to actually talk about anything.

And I know I am ready, I was ready to talk about this a year ago! Heck, this I was ready to talk about my entire frikkin life it feels........until I have to! I needed my therapist know he needs to pay more attention to it.

[sweepy62]

I get what you mean, I been doing the door knob thing lately , when she writing out my next appt, she listens. She doesn't call me out on it. This past session though she said , I would like to talk about that next session , but I think she will forget as she is swamped with clients at the moment. I'm not sure if I do it on purpose or not, but I do know words just flow out easier, maybe because I'm close to the door ready to say by and knowing I won't be badgered and asked a load of questions, that she thinks I can answer.

[JaneC]

Yes they used to flow out very easily if I knew I was leaving!

I brought this up within probably the first 15 minutes, and he pounced on it so quickly. Then the more questions he asked I became avoidant, and said no I don't want to talk about this, then I was gone. He had to pull me back to the room.

See I can't even type the words here, I started and deleted 5 times just now! Pfft!

[MoxieDoxie]

I used to do the door knob thing to my CBT T. I tell him something important right when session was almost up. He look at me quizzical and say "We can't get into this right now. We don't have the time." Da T that is why I said it. It is a test to see if he cared enough to bring it up next session. I used it as an manipulative thing. I know.....bad Moxie.

[anilam]

No, I dont. My mum acts like that, lets stg slip and then tests if/how you react to it and growing up I hated that (still do, but learned not to play her games). I know this is my thing though, many clients behave like that, from what I've heard it's pretty much expected

[secretgalaxy]

I started a diary thing for T to read in sessions and quite a few things "slipped" in there. I write in it really late at night, usually when my mind is going a hundred miles per hour and I don't remember what I put in it the next day, nor do I look over it before our sessions. I noticed that I do write exactly how I feel and am thinking, so I decided that it is best to not reread anything as I would change it completely. So one time I wrote about a serious topic that I have never even hinted to her about, and she jumped on it like it was wounded prey. That was three weeks ago and I still haven't been able to open up at all. I hope that I can start opening up this week. She has been very supportive through this, as always.

[HazelGirl]

I don't think I do. If I do, it's not conscious, it's subconscious. There are times I'm talking about something, but then I suddenly realize I'm starting to talk about things I don't want to, but it's too late to change it now, so I have to keep going. That's not fun.

[ThisWayOut]

I find I can't really say the things I want to say. I try to tell t (have every intention of wanting to tell T), but then I freeze up and can't always say it. It also leads up to a whole bunch of doorknob disclosures. My panic rises the more time goes on in session and I don't say it, then it freaks me out that I am missing another opportunity to talk about what I need to. I also find I have similar problems right before T is going on vacation or right as I'm terminating with a t. I finally blurt things out because I really have wanted to talk about them for so long but I'm afraid I'm losing my chance...

[RedSun]

I play games like this, sort of intentionally. My t said it was manipulative...cos she couldn't think of another word that means manipulative but was nicer

[Ad Intra]

Last session I said, "I'm not sure if I should tell you this, but..." I wouldn't be angry if I hinted at something and my t spent time on it. Normally I go in a plan and stick to it, something just kept popping up again and again and I hadn't decided if I should talk about it or not.

[unaluna]

Im queen of the doorknob. We both just expect it now, i think. If you cant beat em, join em, right?

[precaryous]

I did. When I was seeing PrevT, I help back the name of AbuserPDoc for months while I was trying to decide what to do about him.

One day I let his name slip. Oh, god! I didn't mean to! PrevT is a mandated reporter. I went ahead and let her know the rest of it. She let me report him. I hated it being taken out of my hands.

[JustShakey]

Telling T that h hit me in front of our daughter pretty much guaranteed I had to leave. He's a mandated reporter too. I kinda knew that, though I wasn't really aware in the moment. I had to tell him though. Couldn't keep that inside. It was the right thing. I've kept so much inside for so long.

[vonmoxie]

Only you know for sure, but .. if it was on your mind to talk about it eventually, isn't it possible that you spoke the words while relaxed so that it "slipped" but not intentionally? I ask this, because I know how much therapists like to read beyond what's happening in the moment, but sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar. And sometimes words have their greatest power at the exact location of face value.

[stopdog]

No. I am very deliberate about what I say to the woman.

[Victoria'smom]

My xT always said I always left her with a question or a statement to puzzle her until the next time I came back.

[JaneC]

Originally Posted by HazelGirl

I don't think I do. If I do, it's not conscious, it's subconscious. There are times I'm talking about something, but then I suddenly realize I'm starting to talk about things I don't want to, but it's too late to change it now, so I have to keep going. That's not fun.

This is where I found myself. And I think that a subconscious slip isn't manipulative, but our real desire to discuss something coming out?

Originally Posted by Red75

I play games like this, sort of intentionally. My t said it was manipulative...cos she couldn't think of another word that means manipulative but was nicer

I like the sound of your relationship with your therapist! I don't think I was being manipulative, I hope not, but I know I did need and want to discuss this but couldn't previously find my way to making it important....if you know what I mean?

Originally Posted by vonmoxie

Only you know for sure, but .. if it was on your mind to talk about it eventually, isn't it possible that you spoke the words while relaxed so that it "slipped" but not intentionally? I ask this, because I know how much therapists like to read beyond what's happening in the moment, but sometimes a cigar really is just a cigar. And sometimes words have their greatest power at the exact location of face value.

I was feeling relaxed...he had me talking about a meditation I'd agreed to do, and had to stop because I felt so awful. And I was explaining why and what I did next....trying to justify why I couldn't stick at the full meditation!

Originally Posted by hankster

Im queen of the doorknob. We both just expect it now, i think. If you cant beat em, join em, right?

You make me laugh Hankster...thanks.

[ombrétwilight]

I don't think I've ever accidentally let something slip. Everything I say is very controlled, even in therapy. Once though, T had asked me whether I was sui very close to the end of a session. It's been something I've wanted to bring up forever but couldn't find the nerve to, so I said "yes, I am" because I didn't think I would ever have the guts to another time.

Another thing is, I realise I can be pretty manipulative and intentionally "drop" hints to make T pay more attention to me. It's such a petty trick but I crave for her attention so much that I frequently leave potential disclosures half-hanging such that she scoot forwards and get that "concerned-therapist-frown".

Originally Posted by ThisWayOut

I find I can't really say the things I want to say. I try to tell t (have every intention of wanting to tell T), but then I freeze up and can't always say it. My panic rises the more time goes on in session and I don't say it, then it freaks me out that I am missing another opportunity to talk about what I need to. I also find I have similar problems right before T is going on vacation or right as I'm terminating with a t. I finally blurt things out because I really have wanted to talk about them for so long but I'm afraid I'm losing my chance...

Yes I can totally relate to this. I go into a session bursting with something I want to disclose but the chance never arises for me to do so. T either has an agenda/plan for the day or I simply feel too awkward to bring it up. It's exceedingly annoying and I wish I had more balls to actually say what I want to instead of stewing after the session ends.

[sweepy62]

Originally Posted by JaneC

This is where I found myself. And I think that a subconscious slip isn't manipulative, but our real desire to discuss something coming out?



I like the sound of your relationship with your therapist! I don't think I was being manipulative, I hope not, but I know I did need and want to discuss this but couldn't previously find my way to making it important....if you know what I mean?


I was feeling relaxed...he had me talking about a meditation I'd agreed to do, and had to stop because I felt so awful. And I was explaining why and what I did next....trying to justify why I couldn't stick at the full meditation!


You make me laugh Hankster...thanks.

Hankster always makes me laugh I also think it's not manipulative with me sometimes, but I do it , maybe I get brave at the end since I'm waking out. I guess my t might see it as manipulative or defense mechanism , idk she will probably mention it. I need to stop though.

[junkDNA]

probly a lot more in the earlier years we worked together. i dont think i do it much now. i am much more direct these days which i like better. and i believe he likes it better too. i think it is a sign of progress for me

[lifetimemeds]

Years ago when I was in intensive therapy, my therapist had a rule that I was not to bring up anything new during the last 10 minutes of the session. I guess I frequently revealed something big at the last minute. For me it was easier to "drop a bomb and run" than face impending meltdown.

I've said things I painfully regret now that I know more about my T. If something "slips" out in therapy I can only imagine it would be unintentional.