My therapist yesterday said I was making no progress & she didn't think it was helpful for me to continue therapy with her & recommended marital counseling.

I'm afraid of going to counseling with my husband. I'm afraid of him telling the truth about what he thinks of me. He hurt me a lot last summer with a critical comment about my weight & that he no longer finds me sexually attractive--to the point that I ODed. I can just imagine what other negative things he has to say about me.

So I guess I'm on my own (except for my pdoc) to handle my bipolar & low self-esteem & crying jags.--Suzy

[Perna]

Suzy, you can find another therapist? Doesn't sound like she was working well with you. Don't give up on yourself, especially now.

Have you thought of a support group/women's group. Ask your pdoc if any of the local hospitals have a bipolar support group, mine around where I've lived often have. I was in a woman's group a couple summer's ago, it only met once a month but was kind of "fun" even. I moved so left. It's nice being with a group of women and talking about common problems; might help you realize you're not alone with your issues?

Suzy, I know if feels as if you failed therapy, but that isn't the case-- It's not a test... Rather, it's like any relationship-- two people have to mesh well together for anything to occur. I think a lot of people have the misconception that they should be able to get help from a therapist just because that person is... a therapist! However, sometimes it takes more than once to find the right therapist... Personally speaking, this is my 3rd therapist, and my 6th pdoc. I consider my T to be my "soulmate" of therapy. I can't imagine being with anyone else, we go very well together as a therapeutic team. But that wasn't accomplished in my first, or even second, try at therapy. Same with my pdoc. I have finally found one that understands the way I prefer to go about treatment.... But that was after 5 pdocs that didn't fit well with me! I really urge you to find another T. You are not on your own, there are millions of Ts out there.... Surely you will find your therapy "soulmate" as well. Good luck.

[sunrise]

(((Suzy))) I'm so sorry about your therapist not wanting to continue. But I agree with others here about finding another therapist. From your point of view, were you making progress in therapy? Or do you agree with your therapist that you were not? If you were not, then you can look at what techniques your therapist was using and learn that this may not be the best approach to help you. And look for something different in your next therapist.

It sounds like your T recognized her own limitations and felt she could not help you anymore. This doesn't mean you failed or flunked. Maybe her idea of marital counseling is a good one. You don't have to go with your husband to marital counseling. It can be very beneficial to go alone to a therapist who is an expert in relationships. I currently go for individual psychotherapy to a therapist who specializes in family counseling and relationship counseling. He sees many, many couples. But we work alone, always, and I can't imagine my husband ever joining in with us, although my T has presented that option to me. Can you ask your T and your pdoc for referrals to good marriage/relationship counselors? And just explain to the marriage counselors that at this time you need to go on your own.

Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[Soidhonia]

Hello Suzy.
I hope things get better soon. Looking for a new therapist may just be the new approach to going forward with your life. Try to think on the positive side of everything, and help yourself and keep your mental health safe. Take care I hope the best for you Suzy. Soidhonia

[DePressMe]

Several months ago my T told me she thought it would be a good idea for me to get a new therapist. She felt she had reached her professional limit and I needed somebody who specialized in my issues. At first I was heartbroken--we did have a good relationship. Matter of fact she helped me get sober and helped me thru the first year of my recovery. But, I needed to start working on other issues. She was right, my new T is great and we are making progress. So, I know it is hard, but maybe this will be a good thing. Maybe this will be a chance for you to find a T who better fits your needs.

[jbug]

I had a T tell me that he couldn't help me. He hit the nail on the head when he told me that I was borderline and I got mad at him. I think in reality I burned him out. I was always in crisis and having to call him or so I thought. He isn't even a T anymore he's an office manager for a dentist now. He didn't really help me but at the time I didn't know that. He pushed me to get the help I really needed and now I have a wonderful T. I adore him and am really disappointed when he has to cancel. I agree with the others ask for a referral to someone else don't just give up.

Jbug

[Talulah]

((((((((((((((((((Suzy))))))))))))))))))))))

Thanks for the kind & insightful comments. My T did give me a recommendation for a marriage counselor. I can't see me in therapy with my husband. I don't think I could stand to hear him tell the truth about what he thinks of me. I'm just too vulnerable. But that was a good suggestion to see her on my own (if she'll allow that) & see if I ever get to the point where I can have my husband there.

Since she is a specialist in marital relationships (& knows a lot about bipolar acc. to my T) maybe she can help me on my own.

I will give her a call. You all have been so helpful.

I did feel like I wasn't getting any where with my T. I kept asking her what I should be doing in therapy & what was her treatment plan. I was at a loss. I just went in there & cried about the same old things--never getting past anything & on to a better place emotionally. So it is probably for the best that she terminated the relationship.

But I was also kicked out of a "wellness center" where I saw a doc, a lifestyle coach, nutritionist, etc. I was going there to get help in losing weight. They said I was too distraught to benefit from their program at this time. At least my pdoc will still see me!--Suzy

[lauren_helene]

You didn't flunk, your T recognized that she could not help you and that was an unselfish thing to do. In my opinion...

[bipolar_bear]

It takes a conciencious therapist to recognize that they are not helping you heal and to suggest you find someone who is more compatible or qualified to help you. Whether this new t is a marriage counselor or someone you find on your own please find one you are comfortable with and who you think can help you. That you have stuck with it even through all the pain you have been feeling shows how determined you are. Please don't give up on yourself. There are good t out there just take your time finding the right one for you.

[sidony]

(((((Suzy)))))

I'm so sorry to hear this, but I agree with everyone else here. Find a new therapist! Even if you're not ready for marriage counseling, I think having an individual therapist is always helpful. Just sounds like you need a different one if the one you had can't help you any more.

Frankly I think I'd be angry at a therapist who said they couldn't help me any more. My own therapist said the first time that I came there that *I* would be the one to end our relationship when it ended. And I believe him on that. You need someone who will stick with you and keep trying to help you. Until you decide it's not right. I hope you find that. There are many therapists out there! Just keep trying!!!

Sidony

Maybe...

Your husband doesn't actually think that badly of you.

I mean... He married you after all.

I'm sorry that he hurt you with a comment a while back now.

But maybe marriage councelling will turn out to be more useful than you suppose.

I think that individual therapy is important too.

Seems to me that yeah, you exceeded what your therapist could offer. That doesn't mean you failed. I think it is Linehan that says that clients don't fail... It is that the therapy fails them.

[Hopefull]

One can't flunk therapy. My teachers have been trying to teach us to be able to work with a wide range of people. However, no one can be a good match for everyone. I would try to find a T that will be a good match for you. A T that seems to fit your needs can be a real God send.
As for marraige counseling, that sounds like a good idea. I suspect that you would find that your husband sees a lot of good in you. He also sees the negative traits too. However, he would probably say that the one's that matter most to him is your good traits. I hope you manage to work yourself up to being able to do marraige therapy.
Good luck.

[January]

(((((((( Suzy )))))))))))

Sometimes we have to work on one issue at a time. When we get that issue under enough control we can tackle a new one. I'm doing that with health issues right now. To work on all of it is just too much.

The marital counselor sounds very promising. I hope you go see her.

Hugs,

Jan

[purplemoon]

((((( Suzy )))))

I made an appt. with the marriage counselor my ex-therapist recommended. I do an 1 1/2 intake sometime in May, though they will call me if they have a cancellation. I'll go alone & see if I "click" with this lady & then try to get to the point where I am comfortable having my husband come into sessions with me. Although, I guess therapy isn't always supposed to be comfortable.

Maybe that's part of my problem--I'm not willing to feel any more pain. I keep everything bottled up, because I'm afraid vocalizing my emotions will cause me even more pain & I'm not good at handling emotional pain.--Suzy