Random thoughts about therapy...

Well, for first this is the third person I've seen. First male though, although I think he's good so I enjoy him. Only problem I have is that his approach can sometimes bug me to no end (then again, although I'm religious, he's in a pastoral counselling program).

Anyways, I should say I see him outside of sessions, he does his placement for his degree at my university in our chaplaincy... that's all well and good, I don't mind seeing him outside of an appointment. He seems to get more out of me that way anyways.

But ANYWAYS (Sorry, I tend to ramble) ... I asked him today if he felt that transference was necessary in a therapeutic relationship. I mean, I KNOW it is beneficial, but wasn't sure about the necessary thing because as I saw it - I never did that to him. So it mildly irked me when he went through all these ways (in general, without mentionning names and the like) he ensures that there is some level of transference.

So now I'm kicking myself. Turns out my psychology know-how and trying to not get close to him because he's gone in a few weeks AND didn't actually work. He's got in my head. blah

Funny how something that dumb can upset me, but I prize myself in usually being ahead of people I'm talking to, and realizing when they're trying to analyze me. I underestimated him, how could I be so stupid.

Actually another thing that upsets me about him ... Whenever I look at him, he's got this "comforting" aura around him and is always smiling and nodding his head and it just bugs me darnit. I cannot fathom how he thinks that A) makes me feel any better B) I think he's actually listening to me C) reassures me D) He can understand what I'm going through.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses to dislike him... just so that when he leaves me soon that it won't hurt as much as the last two people.

Why does this happen to me ... he knows I get too hurt by being abandoned and I HATE that I feel like this.

((((((((((((((((Christina)))))))))))))))))

I'm sorry that you are finding this so difficult ... I can understand though how you don't want to become too attached to him as he is leaving soon. But as hard as it is, if you can just focus on being in the present when you are with him, and trying to concentrate less on how much time the two of you have together. How long is he going away for? Like is he coming back after a while?

And try not to beat yourself up about how he is going about meetings with you ... no one can ever know exactly whats going on inside anyone's head. And he's already TRAINED in this profession so it can only be expected that he knows things that you don't know yet, or are in the process of learning. I know that i often do that myself, but just give it some time. I hope that i'm making some sense...

Thinking of you ...
Jacq

hi canders. just got to reading this. am so behind on posts.
your post makes a lot of sense to me. and i totally get the abandonment thing. i hope he is not leaving permanently?
you seem to have good insight though.
good luck to you
biiv

Thanks you both

(((((((((((((((Jacq)))))))))))))))

(((((((((((((((biiv))))))))))))))))

Unfortunately, just like my last T - he's leaving me in about 3 weeks, permanently. Which means I get to restart once again with someone else. blah

But thanks very much for you both responding.

Ouch! That sounds painful.
I told my T that she can't leave. She claimed that she has two many clients (she slipped and said patients). I hope things go good for you. I remember having to switch Ts due to the previous one leaving. I had major thoughts of abandonment. Hang in there.

oh no canders. yuck. that would really wreak havoc with my abandonment issues so i know how painful it must be. that and its just incredibly frustrating to have to start all over again.

(((((((((((((((canders)))))))))))))))
keep working at it though. it will eventually work out and you are worth it!

((((canders)))) Hang in there - I would be just devestated if my T was leaving. I can not even imagine.

(((((((((((((((((canders))))))))))))))))))))))))))

switching Ts is poo.....I'm so sorry! Keep your chin up.

You all are so great and too nice to me

((((((((((((((((all)))))))))))))))))))))

But this is the price I pay for being a "guinea pig". The previous two T's (including this one) were just finishing their training to get their official credentials, so I was a test subject. I've never had a problem with them though, until I realize they're going to leave me.

Why do I bother getting close to anyone ... it hurts too much.

((((((((((((( Christina )))))))))))))))

This too, shall pass.

Hugs,

Jan

Thanks ((((((((Jan)))))))))))

Just need to be positive I suppose... *sighs*

You can do it. I know you can.

Hugs,

Jan

i know. it hurts like crazy but i keep forcing myself to try because its the only thing i can think of to do to try to eventually lessen the pain im already in from loneliness and everything else. hang on to the hope that there is a good reason for getting close. maybe you could try go over your relationship in your head to highlight and think about the good experiences you had and what positives you can take with you to hold tight to and help you remember?

(((((((((((((canders)))))))))))))