Couch 83: In a world where...

JS-good luck on the housing etc

CE- good luck.

People have already started setting of things that go "bang". Dunno if it is fireworks or firecrackers. It's only 5.15pm.

O well. Happy end (that's an approximate translation of a Swedish expression used only on NYE.) and Happy New Year to CE and BPA and other people who are already in 2015.

I'm glad that you haven't thrown it across the room (I was the one who suggested it)

I haven't read anything else by her, but I personally got a lot of out of this particular book. Probably because I suck at vulnerability and I thought she had some really good insights with regards to shame and guilt.

Haha I only threw the dust jacket. I hate those things. Why do books need a jacket anyways?

I really suck at vulnerability. It's nearly impossible for me.

I watched her TED talk and enjoyed it. I am hopeful for the rest of the book. Now I just need to find time to read. My toddler has a thing for ripping paper so I can only read when she is in bed. I typically use that time for other non-toddler friendly tasks.

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I was thinking about her too - maybe shes on vac; her kids are home from school - maybe they are going to a football bowl game. At any rate i hope its good news.

I do not get why folks like crackers/fireworks myself. I am easily startled and the sound of one can make me jump literally out of my chair.
They are supposed to be outlawed in Ireland for the public and only council offices can authorize their use by professionals. Yet the still find their way around from dodgy guys on street corners... and folks go and buy them!!!

Anyway.. all the best to everyone for the new year and may each day bring sparkles of dust form the dim light morning sky.

I'm in hospital for nye not that i would really do anything for it anyway but i just feel that this has been the absolute worst year of my life.

~TRIGGER WARNING~

i've tried to end my life three times this year. I've self harmed, lost best friends, isolated, become debilitatingly (a word?) depressed. I've lost the ability to go out and do normal things. I've been restrained by police after a suicide attempt and carted off to two hospital visits. I have seen endless psychologists, mental health workers, psychiatrists. I have fallen into a gigantic dark hole and it is consuming me.
And now at the end of the year when im supposed to be enjoying myself... This is happening. Christmas was ruined. My birthday was awful. I lost my relationship with half my family after disclosing CSA and was accused of being a psychotic, pathological liar. I just have no idea how i am going to carry on.

My t had to look this up on his phone, and he said you were right. I said of course Mast is right!! I was pretty proud of myself for remembering to mention it to him He was wearing another Norwegian sweater. It suits him. Its sunny today but cold and windy.

(((8888))) i think we lose the ability to do normal things because we pile on so many false identities, like layers and layers of clothes, until we cant move. Or feel. Its Winnicott's false self. Really, it doesnt matter if other people believe you or not. I mean, if some people dont believe you, then off with their heads! Thats not who you need or want in your life - they will only drag you down. Start to write and believe and live your own truth. My t said today, 2015 is the year of hankster, no more gwammy.

Sorry you had such a rough year. I hope the hospital is the start of good things for you. Hang in there.

Any time I have had fireworks in my possession it has ended very very poorly. I now avoid them at all costs.

We have a local weatherman who literally put his eye out. He has a glass eye now. I dont know exactly what happened, evdn tho i googled the heck out of it. But apparently there was an accident last summer while he was on vacation in his home town. Hes lucky he just lost an eye - there was another news type guy i think in ohio, an older guy, who like lost half his face or something. Really not something to fool around with.

Hi couch. Hope everyone has a nice night tonight and a peaceful 2015. My H is struggling with losing his bro and grief has hit him badly again tonight so I'm feeling quite low with him.
I hate fireworks too. Kids used to let them off on the school bus and it terrified me.

Wow, that sucks. I have never done that. I am more talking along the lines of incidents involving the police, roman candle wars, and a smoking bottle rocket stuck in a Douglas fir.

Fireworks were banned in most states except the national capital.

People drive over our state line to go get the "good" fireworks. Although it's currently 12 degrees and dropping. Sooooo I'll be curious who the hard core people are out there tonight...

I re-installed Windows and backed up everything, but forgot about my firefox bookmarks. So beware couchies I be asking vague questions about websites you may or may not have posted.

Also had a vaguely angry dream about T I haven't had one in ages. We were in his rooms and talking in German, I started getting shouty and then it ends. There was a fair amount of gesticulation in the dream

Happy new year to all and everyone.

Happy or Happier new year to all .

Christmas trip home was a mixed bag. Mom's drinking is worse and I haven't a clue how to help her stop.

Hope things are better for all in the new year.

Happy New Year couch.

T minus 15 minutes. Biting fingernails nervously. Sigh.

Finally past midnight. It has not been a good evening, but not as awful as it might have been. Goodnight, and happy new year.

I'm ringing in the new year with a colonoscopy, followed by a dinner of oatmeal and tapioca. Oh, yeah, livin' the dream.

Just got off the phone with t. I almost just told her to shut up. I couldn't make up my mind about when to schedule again and she goes "Tick tock tick tock" Gah! Shut up woman don't you know how hard it is for me to ask you for a weekend appointment! Especially after I was just bawling about hating that I feel so needy and vulnerable and pathetic right now. Lord have mercy. Sometimes I really hate therapy. It stirs up so much from the past. She wanted me to invite my inner 15 year old into the conversation today. I told her she's hiding in the corner and wouldn't come. I think Ms. Perfect T was more than a bit frustrated with me just now.

So I'm going to jump on the couch for a little bit now and not worry about it. At least she reassured me about her health. That should calm 15 down a little bit at least. Although she said something about "psychological death" which I chose not to pursue at this time and am going to conveniently forget that she even said it because I don't want to deal with whatever in the hell she was talking about.

I have had the weirdest day...

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I was going to light a couple sparklers that I saved from July 4 tonight, but it's raining so I guess I won't be.