[granite1]

has any ones T asked them if there is anything they want to work on in the next year. my T did and it completely panicked me . I couldn't answer her so she said I should think about it

This afternoon, my T reminded me that she thinks I am underemployed and she started pushing me again about getting a better job. I must admit, I took it a lot better than the last time she started pushing me. But I still wasn't happy about it!! I was NOT expecting this at all today, since we had started out talking about something completely different and I was very emotional. I have no idea why she picked that moment to bring up the job thing. Perhaps it was because of the new year starting tomorrow although neither of us mentioned it.

[rainbow8]

T hasn't asked me but I know I need to talk more about my H's illness and the future. He is doing better than expected; the dr. is surprised! Still the future is so uncertain.

I want to do more of what I've been doing regarding attachment work. Feeling what I apparently didn't feel as an infant, and hopefully getting enough of it from my T to make a difference.

I want to work more on my fears of people dying, and loss, and my anxiety in general.

I think that's a lot for one year!

Happy New Year, everyone!

[Petra5ed]

This year I want to stop being so damn needy and just get over it already. LOL.

[jaynedough]

Yearly care plans were required where I used to see my T.

He did ask one time if I ever made New Years resolutions. I was pretty adamant about the fact that I never make resolutions. I guess he remembers. because he hasn't asked since.

[granite1]

it completely sent me into a panic. first off I am terrified of expectations . also I felt if I don't come up with something she is going to say then why continue with T if you don't have any idea what to work on. I had feelings she doesn't want to work with me any more because she feels im not doing good enough in T. I suck at T . and if I come up with some stupid thing just so she doesn't send me packing will she send me packing when we are done working on this stupid thing.

Originally Posted by granite1

it completely sent me into a panic. first off I am terrified of expectations . also I felt if I don't come up with something she is going to say then why continue with T if you don't have any idea what to work on. I had feelings she doesn't want to work with me any more because she feels im not doing good enough in T. I suck at T . and if I come up with some stupid thing just so she doesn't send me packing will she send me packing when we are done working on this stupid thing.

I think you are overthinking this and certainly overworrying about it. This isn't a test. This isn't a conditional thing. She was just checking in with you to see if there was anything in particular you want to focus on or not. Don't make it more than it was -- just a check in -- just a point of conversation.

[LindaLu]

Thankfully my T didn't ask outright about plans for new year. Self esteem is in the toilet already. But I raised the topic myself, mentioning modest goals related to organization around the house. These are not things she would have me focus on, but she knows with recent events this isn't the time to push. I might start a journal, just writing a couple lines what went well or not each day. Then again, might not!

It is probably hard for Ts to know when/how to press clients about making changes. It's hard enough for clients (aka humans) to know how much to press themselves at any time. Let alone during an emotionally charged season, in a media saturated culture. Hopefully 2015 will be better for a lot of folks on PS, and humanity generally. And that won't come down to identifying the "correct" New Years resolutions.

[granite1]

I have been thinking about it a lot . she suggested maybe I would want to work on being able to socialize better .to be able to get out and do things etc . I told her that I don't know if that is something that is possible . that I get completely overwhelmed. the truth is that I have been trying to do this. I have just not been talking to her about it much until lately. and in doing this I am getting way overwhelmed. I don't want to tell her about the things I am doing because what if it all fails. I am teaching some craft classes and so on but there is always this underlying stress and horrible feelings of people hating me and just not being honest. that it all isn't real and will come crashing down. that I am imposing on anyone I see . im stupid ,and the list goes on . it is horribly stressful. and OMG if something does go wrong my world crashes. I don't see how she can help with this .it has been something I have felt my whole life.
I have also wanted to be able to talk about my past without freaking out . to be able to talk about it and process it with some sort of comfort. don't know if that can happen either or if my T thinks it is a horrible idea to even try

Granite...I think your post about expectations would be a good one to share with T. I have a hard time telling my T right in the session how I react to something she said... It takes me a while to process it so I try to bring it up the next session... Because it helps me understand what she meant and it helps me to learn of other ways to interpret comments so I can practice using my wise mind.

[unaluna]

I found the book "Running on empty" underneath a pile on my bed and it looks like i already read it, but i dont remember it. I finished the last few pages of it last night. She talked about counter-dependence (like we need another buzzword?!) by which she means our wanting to get OUT of therapy, that other people are more deserving, that once we do the least little thing right we should be done, that we should be done by now, etc etc etc. She said that the work of the emotionally neglected in therapy is pretty much just to STAY in therapy. I was like, wow. I gotta read this book from the beginning now again.

Granite... Your T would be proud of you to hear of all the things you are doing. That is what makes a person strong and courageous ...it's doing the things that aren't easy for us... The craft part might be but the people part isn't ...

But I can understand why you don't share with her... Because you think she will react like your mom did if something goes wrong or if you change your mind and stop doing something... This would be a great way to see that everyone won't treat you like the mother did.... Lots of people really like you!

[hertha13]

Hi granite,
I completely understand about the thoughts and feelings that constantly play in the mind. I have similar thoughts of unworthiness. Often feeling like I'm a problem for the people around me. Feeling like I just can't do anything right. It's a nightmare. Currently I am practicing tuning out these thoughts / feelings, and it helps to make a list at the end of the day of the things that did go right (especially if someone else commented on how good I did).

I also realize that having a big goal to work on over this year can be daunting. Mine is to simply breathe - especially during times of stress. However, I am working on some small daily tasks such as brushing my teeth before bed, having a cup of tea in the evening, going for a walk around the block each morning, etc... If you like video games, there is a great free online game that you customize with whatever tasks you want to accomplish, along with habits you want to create and break. By doing these tasks you earn experience points and gold (which you can spend on rewards). You build up a character, which at level 10 you can specialize as a warrior, mage, rogue, or healer. There are guilds to join and quests to accomplish. It has really been helping me. The site is called HabitRPG - maybe it could help you too!

Good luck and best wishes!

[nottrustin]

Do you mean in therapy or life in general.

She hasn't asked me however, in an email this week I told her I feel like I need to work on cutting out a good portion of my family I (siblings, etc). They are just toxic for me. She replied I don't need to cut them out but put in even more boundaries and not allow myself to be responsible for them and their actions...

[precaryous]

Last session T asked if I would like to do some trauma work...something about handouts, talking about it in therapy and some homework. I guess we will try that.

I'm just thankful I have T for support as I go through life challenges. That's all I hope for.

[harvest moon]

This year I want to work towards letting myself be vulnerable for the first time in my life and freeing myself from my mother's judgmental voice and her profound distrust, which I, of course, have internalized. I want to be more free, but, at the same time, up until now, I dreaded this freedom more than feeling trapped. So my goal for this year in therapy is to try to take this leap of faith and see where it gets me.

[Partless]

Get a job or go back to school. Whatever way I can release myself from the claws of this damned PTSD that has me hiding in my little apartment, scared of the world.

[JustShakey]

Developing friendships and feeling comfortable with them. If I can achieve that this year I'll be doing well. There are a lot of other things I need to do but those are things I feel able to do...

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Coming back to this post I am thinking about my session yesterday and I just remembered that she did make the statement "You need to get more focused on moving forward." A nice way to say "get over yourself already"?? Made me wonder if she wants to be rid of me. Although at another point during our conversation when we were talking about my fear of losing her, she said that she would be a part of my life for awhile yet, whatever THAT was supposed to mean. Maybe I really do just need to get over myself already. I dunno.

[JadeAmethyst]

I would have more realistic expectations for this stage in my life.

No, I don't tie goals or plans to artificial units of time such as months or years. Sometimes one has to, at work for instance, but I wouldn't do it in therapy.

[catonyx]

I haven't seen T yet this year. However, I never set goals based on a new year or anything like that. I set them as I see fit.

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[RedSun]

Yes! I want to work on my noise anxiety, which I thought had gone til I came off citalopram last week, and wham! Back in the room.
Also, I am going to try and stop shopping so much, drinking so much, and work harder....umm....lose weight....also, I need t to stop talking about me all the time, I feel needy and guilty.

[LindaLu]

Whats not to work on in my life. Lose weight, find new job, set boundaries on volunteering, come clean with the taxman, make new friends/find a more positive social mileau.

[scallion5]

This is a great thread. I guess I want to work on

- getting out, and staying out, of a recurrent depression
- relationship w Mr. Scallion5 <3
- exercise/health
- career directions
- self-esteem