[monkeybrains21]

Just as the title says T asked me today how I feel, about all the bad stuff in my past,emotionally. Honestly I can't say. I have no idea want I feel or if I feel anything about it at all. I posted in this forum my story the whole thing, then printed it and gave to T. I have no idea what I feel or what I should feel. Since I started the meds I'm either SUI or I don't feel emotions. All I feel are the superficial that mean nothing and are short lived.

Maybe I've just been like this for so long I wouldn't know what emotions truly are even if thy could literally smack me in the face. Does anyone have experience with this or experienced it or have anything helpful for me?

[Ididitmyway]

Fortunately for me I can't recall any time I wouldn't be able to feel emotions of some kind. I am very much in touch with my emotions and usually identify them easily. But I've known people, who like you, are detached from their emotions. It often happens to those with a very traumatic history. Detachment helps some people to disconnect from the pain that may feel unbearable if they start experiencing it. Medications help do just that. They numb people to their pain, and, in some cases, this could be life saving, while in other cases, it can make the problem worse.

In any case, I suggest you to tell your therapist exactly what you told here, that you are not in touch with your emotions and can't identify them or even tell if you feel anything. It should give him (or her?) something to start working with.

[JustShakey]

I have a hard time feeling emotions - and appropriate emotions - too. I'm not sure what to do about it other than accept that that is how it is with me for now...

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[stopdog]

I thought all emotions were supposed to be appropriate. Has the woman I see done nothing but lie?
I have had the woman tell me I should have more emotion over certain things. I just don't. If I did have, then I don't remember doing so.
I don't know how to have something I don't think I do or did have.

[JustShakey]

I suppose I should clarify - I often don't feel emotions appropriate to the situation. For example: I should be exited about my new job, instead I'm depressed, even though it's practically a godsend.

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[catonyx]

Originally Posted by monkeybrains21

Maybe I've just been like this for so long I wouldn't know what emotions truly are even if thy could literally smack me in the face. Does anyone have experience with this or experienced it or have anything helpful for me?

This is pretty much how I was. I had no idea what I felt, how to identify it, or where it came from.

Originally Posted by Ididitmyway

In any case, I suggest you to tell your therapist exactly what you told here, that you are not in touch with your emotions and can't identify them or even tell if you feel anything. It should give him (or her?) something to start working with.

This is what I did. I told my T that I had no idea how I felt, if I felt anything, or what most emotions even felt like.

That issue was resolved in a few sessions. I have almost no problem feeling and identify emotions now.

[stopdog]

I was not excited over passing the bar exams I have taken. I was relieved some and depressed some at the same time. I thought it was appropriate though - so perhaps that is the difference.

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by stopdog

I was not excited over passing the bar exams I have taken. I was relieved some and depressed some at the same time. I thought it was appropriate though - so perhaps that is the difference.

That does make sense to me... Maybe I'm just too exhausted to be excited...?

Sorry Monkeybrains for jacking your thread

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I have experienced this, for most of my life, until it became a crisis and now I can't stop feeling things about the past that have resurfaced in very real ways today. All those years, I would sit in therapy and say little or nothing, or list the things that happened like I was reading a menu. It didn't do any good until I found the right therapist and could connect what was happening in my life today to what happened long ago.

You've posted before about tremendous anxiety. Could you start with that? Even if you don't have anything specific to say that connects the past events to current anxiety, can you at least talk about today's challenges and the emotional rollercoaster (mania from a while back)?

[SnakeCharmer]

I did what's called rational therapy. But my T would often start out by asking me about my emotions, what I was feeling, if I was up or down or upset or angry or sad or bored or ho-hum. At first when he asked me how I felt, I would tell him what I thought or believed or demanded or wanted. I didn't see any difference. Over time I learned to separate those things and work on them if they were working against me.

T's have to start somewhere. They often ask how we feel about things. It's okay to not be able to say or to feel inappropriate things or to just feel all confused or numb or ridiculous. Now your T's knows emotions confuse you. That's a good start.

[ragsnfeathers]

I've been long lurking but I decided to unlurk (delurk?) in order to make sure you got proper response. Clearly a case of over-controlling-ness but here I am, so...

Not feeling a lot is also an issue for me. I recently changed therapists in large part to work on trying to change this. Assuming it's not an intrinsic part of me. That would be okay, too, as long as I knew it was that.

I think if you told your therapist, that's something s/he could help you with. And naming it; getting that out into the room, could remove the secondary stress that comes from being asked to do something you don't know how to. I would also tell the pdoc to make sure your meds are working right.

I'm really glad you had the courage to write your history down and share it with a caring therapist. You shouldn't have to carry all that alone.

MB, just know I made you my first post on here because it was important to me to respond to you.

[monkeybrains21]

I did tell T that I've no idea what I feel or should feel. She said I always show ambivalence towards anything that should be an emotional response, that and I crack jokes. It's not something I really control it just happens. In a way I think I fear T will be like well ten since u have no emotional response to ur past there's nothing more to do here and she'd terminate me. I guess that's not so bad. If I had to is just find a new T, and start the cycle all over again. It'd take me probably another 3yrs to open up.

My wife and I talked about it last night. She's the same way. She says this is what T is to help me with, she should help me feel the emotions that r there just I automatically without feeling push all feelings away. Thy get buried never to be heard from again. T says I do feel though cuz I'm really protective of my 3yr old niece and 1yr old niece. I've been there since they were born. I've done diapers and feelings and naps and baths and even their comfort when they cry or are hurt or upset. Y would I not be there for them? They r te purer of innocence and I'm most definitely not innocent. Maybe it's my penance?

[ragsnfeathers]

I'm a little confused. Penance for what? For living your live the best way you know how, moment by moment? And I often feel guilty because I'm too cautious and haven't lived enough, taken enough risks, done enough.

Maybe you nurture your nieces and nephews because you love them and are capable of that kind of response?

[JustShakey]

Originally Posted by ragsnfeathers

Maybe you nurture your nieces and nephews because you love them and are capable of that kind of response?

This. I've learned a lot from my kids. Caring for others, particularly children, I'm good at.
Sometimes I say my daughter teaches me how to be a girl. She's a girly-girl and I'm getting a lot more into girl things (including being emotional). Before she was born I used to say I just wanted boys because I had no idea how to relate to girls.
I guess the rambley point I'm trying to make here is that we can learn as much from kids as we teach them if we are open to the learning...

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[monkeybrains21]

penance for all the bad things ive done. my twin used to have me do her hair and braid it and cut it. she came to me for comfort and i went to no one. i too am very good at caring for others but when it comes to me and what i need ive no clue.i dont kno what i need or what i feel.

i know when im with those little girls i feel very protective and sad at the same time. my twin loved babies and children. i am sad she never got to meet these 2 little girls. i also have a nephew i do not see due to family issues and where he lives. i feel bad that my nephew will not be able to recognize me ever yet i do believe he knows exactly what my twin looked like. my older sister straight up told me she shows pictures of her to him but never mentioned me.

i am open to learning i just dont know how to "tap" into my emotional side with anyone other than those children. my wife says she had the same issue when she started therapy 10yrs ago.now she can show emotion, and she happens to be very sensitive. and all i can do is be sensitive to her sensitivities.