The Couch Get's 86'd (it's now under the end zone at Giant's stadium)

I guess..

I sleep in baby's room so my cat isn't allowed in. I just have my stuffed giraffe.

I'm probably wrong.

That's just what my husband is like with my issues. They scare him so he avoids it.

My H just tells me I know what you should do to fix yourself so I don't know why you're paying someone to listen to you. I listen for free.... Meh.

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You could be right, I really don't know, why.. I haven't always let him be there for me, so he might not know how. However, when your wife is freaking suicidal you got effing say something!!!

I don't know why this is bothering me so much tonight..

I've never let my husband be there for me either. In fact, up until mid November I have never once shown any sign of weakness or needing anything. I have actually never talked to him about anything that has bothered me outside of our relationship. So for him it is super new. I know we've had this discussion so I know that's how he feels.

I don't know your husband's reasoning.

Of course they also somehow take up all the room in my huge bed.

lol my tiny 9lb cat easily takes up 1/3 of our king size bed.

Stbx used to punish me for showing neediness or weakness. Crying when he upset me was a good way to escalate the abuse I was experiencing. I learned to pretend that it didn't hurt, that I didn't care. He used to tell me that he wanted me to be strong with everyone else, but not with him. Translation: you are not allowed to need anyone or anything. He used to tell me that he would never trust anyone else and that he wanted me to be his therapist. He wanted me to take responsibility for him. I did for the longest time. I made him look good and I took on all his sh^t. I looked like the demon. I can't even explain here how terrible things were for a while. I nearly lost everything because he couldn't or wouldn't grow up and accept an adult's responsibilities.

Okay, that got way deeper than I intended. What I was trying to say is that I think most people's SOs are willing to listen and they love their spouse enough to try, to really try to work things out. Not mine. It was always my problem. He would say anything to get me to do what he wanted. It was just words. He never put any value in words, and had no notion of the concept of truth. The only truth that mattered to him was the reality he created in his own mind.

Sorry, got deep again. I'll stop now. Probably. Well, for now at any rate.

I'm in the wine. Can you tell?

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JS...I am really glad you left him. The whole thing sounds awful.

my valentines day

I think it's going to snow here on Tuesday. (NO NO NO NOOOOOOO.)
That means my world literally shuts down. We are not equipped for this.
ETA: I don't want to buy a snow shovel. Grrrrrr.

I agree your T did the right thing. But some would have it that he broke two rules:
1. admitting to a stranger that you were his patient, and
2. contacting your H without your explicit permission.

The point I'm making (if there is one ) is that formal ethics are well nigh useless.

I have been binge watching Grey's Anatomy recently (fastforarding through the romance nonsense and boring sex scenes) and Cristina Yang sometimes reminds me a little of you.

I don't recognise that description of love. I can't imagine any of the people who love me standing up for me or defending me. (Of course I have never been abused so I suppose I haven't needed it.) But if I mention, for instance, some work situation where I feel badly treated to H, he'll immediately and automatically defend the other person's position. It's just his way, and when I am idiotic enough to ask him not to do it, that's what he'll say: "You know that's just my way, it's what I am like." So there is no malice there - I simply have to think about what I tell him so I don't put myself in that situation.

On the other hand, I do have friends who will take my side. I could name various people on this forum, for instance. So there doesn't have to be love involved, friendship can be sufficient.

You are taking the point and running too far with it. If the ethics are useless, then those of us who are protected by such ethics are worthless.

I think that your point (if you forgive me for reinterpreting it) is rather that rigid and unflexible adherence to some of the ethic codes is a bad thing. And there we agree. (As does my T, for that matter. He has very few inflexible rules.)

Having one of those menopausal, sleepless nights again. Think I'll go have a cup of hot cocoa and just accept that I will need a nap this afternoon.

can't sleep here either.I'm in a bad sleep pattern these days

Really nice. Well done.
Cheers,
Resmas

Okay. Gave in, got up, took a shower, drinking my cocoa. One more hour-ish and it will be time to get ready for church anyway. Guess I'll do my morning Bible study before the family gets moving. Long day at church today. We play handbells and sing in both services, and then we have handbell practice this afternoon. Hard to believe that Wednesday is Ash Wednesday already and Lent is beginning. Seems like I just took my Christmas tree down.

Will this be the year I actually get my Easter decorations down from the attic? Headline at the top of the hour.

My BFF and t have met because she came with t and myself when we visited the site of my trauma. So, no breech there.

I knew t could contact my husband.. I have known since day one if t thinks I am in a bad spot at risk of needing IP care it is not breaking the rules for t to contact h.

I guess I just expected the man who lives me.. To not only see to see the depression and want to act on my behalf. Though, maybe it is a fantasy I have because it never happened after I was raped.. And I looking for ways for it to happen now? I don't know.. I just feeling hurt right now for some reason.

I'm sorry, healed. I wish you could get that from your H.

I can't sleep either!!!! It's 5 a.m. in the morning and I didn't sleep a wink!! It's so cold outside but inside same as always. 70 degrees. Maybe I'll move it up. I have things to day but no sleep sucks.

Sorry Lola and growly for no sleep, and anyone else.

Maybe cause T is going on an airplane today. I'm so pathetic to worry.