What is the point?

Ditto but i dont let it stop me. Let my freak flag fly!! I AM trying to civilize myself. I will eventually emerge a smooth shiny rock.

That can be true. But I'm not implying people should be guaranteed safety here, but why all the emphasis on freedom of speech and disregard for people's boundaries?

It's healthy to use boundaries to keep yourself safe.

I guess what i'm saying is that maybe there should be some focus on respecting people's boundaries.

I agree. I totally agree. I posted at the same time you were and then i read your post. I was actually responding to Indestructible girl. I think if someone clearly says they don't want certain types of responses or don't want to discuss a certain issue it should be respected.

But who is causing all this damage?? Where has this been happening?

Most threads on PC are incredibly warm and validating, from what I read - am I reading a different forum to you?

I really don't understand. I don't want to 'damage' anyone and I find your line about being able to live with causing damage to others a bit over the top.

And yes, I do put an extremely high value on free speech. Ignorance is not bliss. It is ignorance and pussyfooting around that cause insidious, slow rotting damage to people, imo. Talking about difficult things, trying to get the clearest views of the facts, identifying truth and possibly multiple truths of a situation - they are all really hard things to do, but that's where you're going to find the road out of hell.

This is completely different to the scenario above where the poster explicitly said she didn't want to discuss one particular aspect, and somebody railroaded over her. That obviously is totally crap. At the same time, it's quite easy to understand that by the time it gets to that stage, there might be a bunch of other people feeling unnerved or rattled or otherwise triggered by the thread and they feel what they have to say is equally important. Because of their own stuff. I don't think it's done out of badness, but from wanting to help but at the same time wanting to maintain our own individual okayness/ security when we read something that makes us feel a bit threatened? Human flawedness.

I think things - or people - here have changed since that happened to you. People are not so sure they have the right answers for other people. I think there is an emphasis on being more supportive. I hope you will give us another chance.

I find it quite frightening the number of horrible things done to others in the name of trying to help. ("You must accept my help even if it kills you") Just because one intends something to be helpful does not make it so. And when someone tells the person attempting to help to stop, I believe that should be respected - and not with the sort of shaming and blaming that the person being asked to stop sometimes responds with.

But who is insisting anyone takes their advice?

Is it not just put out there?...

I see it here all the time.
So apparently posts I see as posters insisting they are correct and if the OP does not heed their advice the OP is (any number of things like deluded, unwilling to change, various labels of diagnosis) - and you do not. It happens that people see things differently.

I think this ties in with inreallife45's post about the t absorbing the hate of the client. Its a long read but very good. Its a subtle connection but i think its there.

I agree with most of what your saying, ID, good post. It would be boring. And conflict is not 'bad' into, it can be healthy, but it can also be destructive if it escalates to a certain point.

Just wanted to add part of being grown up IS respecting another's boundaries.

I definitely do not see it here all the time.

What I might see, is somebody making a suggestion that the OP is unwilling to change, for example. I have never seen anyone being called deluded. I have seen people bring up the idea of a diagnosis - and in general it is usually clear if somebody is being a **** and doing it to be hurtful (which is obviously sh#tty) or if they are more saying, hey, have you considered this could apply to you, because it might actually help?

I have seen very few instances of somebody trying to ram their opinion down the throat of somebody else.

I have to say when we go on online forums we always run a risk of people misunderstanding us as nobody knows us on here and we are running a risk of getting hurt.

When I feel particularly fragile and sensitive I just do not go online because I know I would get too sensitive. Sometimes it is ok up take a break

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I agree with you. I have not suggested anything to the contrary.

I also think that when it comes to boundaries, they can only be respected when we know clearly what they are. And because we don't tend to operate like therapists and outline boundaries at the start of every relationship, in the real world we step on other people's toes sometimes, without meaning to, and then we know where their boundaries are and can respect them then.

I am always for changing therapists or at least interviewing other ones. It has helped me a lot to do so. The idea that I can get rid of the therapist at any point for any reason is quite useful for me.

Yes, it is like the real world.
How you described it is kind of how it happens in some therapies too. Exploring boundaries has been common to my therapies, and it works well for me.

And I'm sure you would agree, when it is clearly stated, no means no.

I'll have to go back and read it to find the connection. I loved that article! She is a brilliant writer.

For me, I see people ramming all the time. And getting frustrated/angry when the ramming and then more ramming does not change the OP.

This difference in how we see things is a reason why it is difficult to know what someone wants other than if the OP is direct and the others listen. Both parts are key I think.

Maybe the OP will come back with a dramatic finale!

That gets back what spurred the OP.

In the few cases where the ramming occurs, why do people have a problem with the thread being closed (the once or twice monthly occurrence)?

That is what is so confusing to me.

Maybe the OP just needed to vent some frustration. They're not the first and they won't be the last.

SkyscraperMeow, it's all okay.

I do agree.

No is a complete sentence

I guess I rarely see posts outlining what they do want and what they don't want, in terms of responses, at the start. By the time they're saying 'no' it will have gone back and forth and off on a tangent and got messy and argumentative, and the person who is being told 'no' might feel they are being silenced, shut down or manipulated. The person saying the 'no' is not automatically more important than anyone else either, by merit of their pain. It's not a pissing contest.

For example, if I come on here saying my head's exploding with pain and I want to cut myself and I'm not sure if I can control how deep I cut - I will probably not be thinking very clearly and not remember to put in my post that I only want supportive comments and no ideas about how to move out of this headspace. If I get a deluge of replies with advice telling me to go to the hospital if I don't feel safe, and I get upset because I don't want to go to the hospital, I kind of have to understand that people might also be upset. If I try to shut it all down by going 'No', well sure, that is my right to say it, but it doesn't invalidate the other people's feelings - their distress is as valid as mine. In all probability somebody is going to feel strongly enough to urge me again to the hospital if I don't feel I can manage the self harm, even though I have said no.

I dunno. It's difficult territory for sure.

Perhaps an icon or one of those little blinky things could be created for use.

I want to thank everyone for their input into this thread. Unfortunately, discussing other members publicly (even when not mentioned by username) is against our Community Guidelines as it becomes unsupportive.

Just a couple of points I would like to make before I close this thread:

1. Some have made mention of "free speech". Free speech is not a guaranteed right that Psych Central has to adhere to as we are a private entity. We do have Community Guidelines here that all members should be following in their posting. You will find them here - http://forums.psychcentral.com/rules...-8-2014-a.html

2. All members should be respectful on these forums. While we may not always understand or have a clear picture as to what someone is actually dealing with, support is our main function here. Sometimes the only support we can offer a member is a hug or a brief comment to let the poster know they've been heard.

3. As in real life, we are not going to get along with or agree with everyone on these forums. Arguing with one another is not supportive and is against guidelines.

4. If anyone thinks that someone has been unsupportive or posted in other ways against our guidelines, the post can be anonymously reported to the Community Support Team for their review. There is no way that the team can see all of the posts made since we usually have 1500+ new posts made within any 24 hour period. We depend on the membership to help us by reporting things that may need action taken.

5. Remember, Psych Central should be a safe and validating place for all members to come to. Sometimes we need to do our best self care by using the ignore function when we have issues with another member.

6. If ever, any of you have questions regarding the guidelines or anything else here on Psych Central, the Community Support Team is here for you to contact with those questions. We are always willing to listen and to help where we can.

Respectfully,

sabby