[ThisWayOut]

So, either T's personal emergency from last week is spilling into this week, or she just has really ****** luck at the moment. She called as I was leaving the house to say she needed to cancel for a personal emergency. I hadn't heard my phone, but got her message shortly after she left it... :/
I feel bad that she has stuff going on. I hope things will be ok for her.
At the same time, I'm mad at myself for my other response to this: I'm sad and frustrated. I was really looking forward to this session. I feel like a three-year-old who was told "no" and can't handle it. Years ago, I wasn't like this. I actually had empathy and I wasn't so self-centered. Is this what therapy does to you?

[stopdog]

I think it is okay to acknowledge disappointment in something you were expecting regardless of whether the person had good cause to cancel. I don't think that is wrong or childish.

[Soccer mom]

We are expecting another huge snow by Thursday so I'm pretty sure my T. will have to cancel my jt session. I had her last night and feel like she's frustrated with me so I want to see her Thursday to "see" that everything is ok.

As we go through difficult emotions/memories, we are going to want to see/be closer to the person who is guiding us through. So, yes, therapy I guess "does this to us" but it's just part of the process.

I've had to talk myself down from the ledge. I first thought "oh no, I can't wait another week!". But, I remembered that she had to reschedule an entire day of people last week due to a scheduling error. So, I actually have sympathy for those who were rescheduled perhaps to this Thursday and will get cancelled again. And, deep down I know I can make it until Monday. I just don't want to.

And, we are self-centered right now because WE are the focus of our therapy.

its perfectly normal and ok to feel sad and frustrated... even a bit abandoned. i would probably be PO'd actually, i think you handled it quite well.

[guilloche]

i'm so sorry ThisWayOut... this really sucks after all the thought you put into about this weeks session and whether or not you should cancel to help your mom out, or keep it.

[callisto711]

My T cancelled on me on Monday. She said she was sick. Well, her secretary did. I sort of maybe looked at her daughter's facebook and I think her dog died. I feel kinda bad now, but I had a really bad week and I was disappointed she cancelled.

[ThisWayOut]

thanks everyone.
I still feel something about the lack of session, but I can't identify what it is... I just want to cry. I'm not really sure what's behind it. I had wanted to talk to my wife about it, but we didn't talk as much today. And my mom was kinda frustrated that I didn't go with her and then had my appointment cancelled anyway (she's still thinking I should have rescheduled for her)...
I wish I could figure out what this feeling is, but it's just... meh. m.e.h. meh... I dunno...

[callisto711]

I felt angry with myself for feeling like I needed to see her that badly and not being more self-sufficient.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by callisto711

I felt angry with myself for feeling like I needed to see her that badly and not being more self-sufficient.

I can totally relate to that. Yes, there's definitely anger at myself...

did you get to reschedule with her for later in the week? Or at least get to touch base with her at some point this week?

My T said she would call tomorrow, but I am thinking that is unlikley.

I'm angry at myself for needing her, and I'm angry at myself for being sad that I couldn't see her today. I know stuff happens in life, and I know what I would want from others if stuff was going on for me, so why can't I give that to T? What maks me any more deserving than her of empathy and understanding? Nothing. So why do I still feel this way? Maybe it's all the other stupid little rejections I've had these last few weeks? One, or even a few at a time would be nothing, but all of them together just seem to underscore how awful I am a a person. And I'm really incredibly socially awkward. I try SO HARD to say the right thing and do the right thing, but i end up sounding or looking like an ***... I never seem to learn.

[musinglizzy]

I hear you. A couple weeks ago, T canceled on me on short notice. She gave me longer notice, but because I was at work and didn't get the message, I didn't find out until an hour before my session. She also has had issues she's dealing with outside of work. I was VERY bummed.... the session prior to that was difficult, and I had agonized over it for a long time, so I was looking forward to hopefully continuing that subject and maybe finding some closure. T has canceled on me since then, more than once...and although tough, at least I'm prepared. I know my T is doing the best she can, and it's neither of our faults she's having some things to deal with in her personal life, but it makes the consistency, the comfortable feeling I have in therapy, not feel so comfortably anymore.
I do hope her life changes for the better soon. For her sake, and selfishly, for my own also.

[InRealLife45]

Maybe you are building up a connection to her, a dependency, and missing sessions kind of breaks the link. Also it interrupts the flow of consistency. I hate missing sessions.

[ThisWayOut]

Originally Posted by InRealLife45

Maybe you are building up a connection to her, a dependency, and missing sessions kind of breaks the link. Also it interrupts the flow of consistency. I hate missing sessions.

grrr! stupid connection bs. lol! Yeah, I was trying SO HARD not to feel too connected to her knowing that we will be done soon, but... I don't really know how to stop it. And it's rocky. It really sucks.

ML, is there anything that made it easier to deal with? just time and it happening again? I hope things even out for your T also.

[brillskep]

For me, a better way to explain what therapy does to you is that, among other things, it can help you become more aware of your needs and emotional responses. Now I don't know you now and certainly not what you were like years ago, but I wouldn't be surprised if you felt the same then but weren't aware of it. I also find frustration and sadness to be an appropriate response, especially since this happened the second time in a row (if I'm understanding you correctly) and especially since you were looking forward to this session. As for not having empathy, well, I think you actually do show empathy when you think about her and hope she's okay - that's my take on it, at least. I hope you'll have a session soon and that it will be worth the wait!

[musinglizzy]

I was getting angry, because she's canceled several times lately. Sometimes if she had an opening she tried to reschedule. She did tell me that life is full of inconsistencies, and that this, basically, could be a lesson in learning how to weather the storm, since this is how life is. That didn't help me feel better, since therapy is the ONLY stable thing I have.

One thing I have though that some do not, my T is very encouraging of Emails, so even if she had to cancel, she contacts me either via text or Email. I guess it just got easier eventually. Has made me appreciate the sessions I do get. It's just bad timing to skip sessions, and she agrees, and is doing the best she can to reschedule if need be. My days are Mondays and Thursdays. She had to cancel on Monday, but was able to get me in on Tuesday instead. And, I see her tomorrow.

[ThisWayOut]

Ahh. I've moved into the whole "it is what it is" phase of things. Much better.
I hope whatever it is she's going through turns out ok...
in her message to me, she had said she would call Wednesday afternoon, and I had thought that unlikely. I was right. I'm kinda not expecting to hear from her till next week. But it's kinda ok. I put my walls up and am busy with other stuff.
I'm still pissed at myself for feeling any connection at all, but oh well...
it kinda reminds me of stuff that happened several years ago with a t. She had gotten really sick for several weeks, and I ended up seeing someone else in that clinic. I actually ended up clicking better with the new t and had her for a few years. I hope that doesn't happen though, because I overall like this t... and I know, that's jumping the gun a bit.
It is what it is and whatever happens, happens.