First Questions

Sometimes they ask interesting questions that make us think... What were some of the first questions your pdoc or t sent your way?
My pdoc asked on my very first visit, "Why do you think you are this way?" or "Why do you think you have this?" can't remember which way he worded it. Now that I look back I think oh maybe he meant what symptoms or experiences or such although I think we'd already gone over those things - I took it more to be a phylosophical, existential why and answered that I thought (don't shoot me - I know this is odd) that it was God's way of protecting me and that it was in a way a blessing. Surprised and pleased him. I almost knocked him off his chair that day with that response in conjunction with the rest of the interview.

Any memorable questions and answers from your sessions?

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Any memorable questions and answers from your sessions?

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WinterRose, that's an interesting question.

I'll give two questions, but they aren't from the beginning of my therapy. But they are memorable to me.

The first is when my T asks me "Why are you still in this marriage?" He has asked it more than once, and it is always to the point and very thought provoking. I ask it to myself sometimes and it helps me focus.

The second was one time just after I had told T I was feeling very self indulgent for going to therapy and what we were doing there. And he said "Do you want me to respond?" That question sticks in my mind. I answered something like "You can respond if you want, if you have something to say. It’s up to you." Toward the end of that session, he would say how significant my statement was to him. He called it “a differentiated moment” in which I gave him and me each space to exist there in the room, there in therapy. It was his choice whether to respond--I gave that to him. I always liked that question and response. He made me feel like I was contributing a lot to our therapy and alliance by giving us each space and choices. It made me feel like not so much a receiver of therapy but a partner in my therapy.

My T and I were talking about my intrusive thoughts and she asked, “can you draw that part of yourself?”…I came up with a large dark green person.

She then asked me to draw the part of me that opposes the large dark green person. I came up with a little red person sitting twisting her hands in her lap. This is the aspect of me that struggles to fight negative thinking, depression…etc.

Since then we have also added a little blue person that represents me as a child.

Assigning colors and personalities to the various aspects of me has enabled us too communicate better. We have discovered that a little bit of good lives in the negative thoughts and sometimes, they help me though the day. The small part of me that struggles to keep my head above water is actually much stronger than I had imagined. I know all this sounds a little strange, but assigning an identity to the various parts of myself gave us a whole new language…the results have been wonderful.

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DePressMe said:
My T and I were talking about my intrusive thoughts and she asked, “can you draw that part of yourself?”…I came up with a large dark green person.

She then asked me to draw the part of me that opposes the large dark green person. I came up with a little red person sitting twisting her hands in her lap. This is the aspect of me that struggles to fight negative thinking, depression…etc.

Since then we have also added a little blue person that represents me as a child.

Assigning colors and personalities to the various aspects of me has enabled us too communicate better. We have discovered that a little bit of good lives in the negative thoughts and sometimes, they help me though the day. The small part of me that struggles to keep my head above water is actually much stronger than I had imagined. I know all this sounds a little strange, but assigning an identity to the various parts of myself gave us a whole new language…the results have been wonderful.

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I absolutely love this, it is not strange at all. I love therapists who are willing to think outside the box, and clients who are willing to go along with it.

It reminds me of a question my T asked me... A couple of weeks ago we were in a different room that normal. I hated the painting on the wall. It was an abstract, but very anxiety provoking. I was starting at the painting and I told my T that part of it looked like a bridge. He asked me, "Where does the bridge go?" And we ended up exploring some of my anxious feelings through the painting.

Last week my T asked me: "How unsafe do you feel right now?" That really got me...

Well, since I'm no longer in therapy - but this might help me to remember the good times...

He always seems to ask me if I feel safe with him, in the room. I swear my answer changed every single time he asked me. Mostly when I was feeling insecure about myself and felt like my world was crashing down around me.

When I went for my first (out of two) appointments with the psychiatrist, he asked me "what motivated me to go see him". I told him I didn't have a clue. He gave me the oddest look... but it was the truth. I knew I was curious about psychiatry, and what he would say - but I didn't go in with the motivation to be diagnosed with anything.

The first session I went to with my first Psychiatrist... oh God I was so nervous.... at the end of the session he said that he would be willing to see me. Well shazam... I never knew he had a choice.

The second session I went to with the same pdoc I started by apologizing about what I said about my parents...lol... and he said ..This is not necessary. If you do this we will get nowhere.

Also, of note, before this first session I was reading a Reader's Digest and there was a little one liner at the bottom of a page that said.

Never lie to your shrink.

Well that has stuck with me and I thought that was interesting. Why go if you would lie. I tell it like it is.

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Never lie to your shrink.

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I think that is the most awesome Reader's Digest line ever. I'll have to remember that.

Struck me as funny.... and has stayed with me for over 23 years.

I like your little poochie there Canders... very cute.

That and your chipper smilie. :-)

This is amazing. My pdoc gave me a list of questions she wants me to write about & then come back next week with the answers. She's never done that before. They are:

What it (the negative comment from my husband that sent me into a depression & OD) did to you initially & now? (I'm stuck with the deep hurt feelings & can't seem to get past it so I'm making no progress with getting the depression under control.)

Feelings/fears that it (negative comment) brought up.

What he (husband) could do to help you get through this?

What you need/want from him.

What you are afraid of if you get what you want.

How you want your relationship to look now.

I went to the library cafe to start writing, but I only got the first two answered before I was crying. I was in a public place with tears streaming down my face. I had to get out of there without people staring at me.

I guess this is a project to do when I'm home alone. I go back to see her on Tues. & she booked an hour with me to go through my answers.--Suzy

Actually I just recalled what are probably the two most intense questions that T has asked me.

There was one time in which I was in a very bad state, and I was driving. I was beyond angry, and when I get angry I tend to drive a bit erratically. Anyway, I was so mad I was driving fast, and literally was thinking about driving my car into a lightpole. (Very productive, I know). When I told my T about this, he asked me: why did you stop?

Another time I was saying something to the effect of how therapy was painful and difficult because of the attachment and so on, and he said: then why do you still come?

These questions hit me like no other. I didn't even know the answers to them right away. He kills me...

A couple of thought provoking questions that come to mind right now are:

A few weeks ago, I had said that I felt suicidal again and he said "what would a new you look like"...

Then I had told him about my Aunt who passed away back in 1980. I guess I had never shared my thoughts and feelings about her to him before. She is the single most profound person in my life and she loved me 200% that I know for sure. I felt it.

He said "what would Aunt H think about how I was feeling right now"...I said she would be disappointed. He then said "he thought my memory of her was a great memory to hold on to"...and he had this warm, empathetic smile on his face that I'll never forget.

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sunrise said:
The second was one time just after I had told T I was feeling very self indulgent for going to therapy and what we were doing there.

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Sunrise - I know this isn't the point of this thread but I wanted to tell you that your comment really hit home with me. So much so that I had to get out the list I make of potential therapy topics and write about it. I realized that I feel very self indulgent about going to therapy and "letting" myself be anxious and depressed. I need to explore that further so thank you for posting that. (by the way I also really liked the rest of your post about you and your T).

One question my T asks me sometimes after I say something "Is that what you think?" She doesn't do it in an accusing way, but the way she asks it lets me know that there may be another potentially more positive or just different way to think about a situation. It really gets me thinking more than if she just told me about another way to think about something.

Sometimes it is not the questions but the statements that really stick with me. I am really insecure about "wasting" my pdocs and my T's time. When I had a rough spell and had an emergency session with my pdoc he said, "You did the right thing by coming in to see me, I am glad you came." I was such a wreck and he said he was glad I came to see him...that made me feel real good--like I really was not a burden or wasting his time. Also, it reinforced that I had made the right choice.

Yes, DePress, I agree that often it's the statements. I was having trouble in my group therapy and my individual therapist listened and then made the simple but life-changing statement, "I don't know much about group therapy, but I don't think they are out to get you." It was immensely freeing (I had unconsciously felt/been acting as if they were out to get me) and an example of how I forget to "check" reality and other people's thoughts and feelings, going with my own assumptions (very often wrong) instead.

I've gotten "Why do you do this?" or "Why do you feel that way?"

Sometimes I think "it's common sense - I'm mad!"

I remember when I was first seeing this T and I had just moved into an apartment 2 hours away from my home of 20 years where everyone I knew lived. I was miserable and lonely and one day he just looked at me and said, "so why are you still there?" The next week I told my husband I was moving back home!

Last week my T looked at me and said, "Are you here?" I said yes and he said, "Are we connected?"

He threw me with these q's but they're certainly thought provoking.

I'm loving reading all your memorable moments and questions or statements that made impressions on you. Thank you for sharing!

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sister said:
Last week my T looked at me and said, "Are you here?" I said yes and he said, "Are we connected?"

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I love that. I would actually love to discuss my connection to T with him.

On Friday, my T asked me: "What can I do to make you feel more safe in here?"

I couldn't answer.

What was I supposed to say? Hug me? Tell me that we will be in therapy together forever and you will never, ever retire or go anywhere?

I told him I was scared that he'd move some place really far like Guatemala.

He said, "Don't you think there are phones in Guatemala?"

Yes. But it wouldn't be the same.

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pinksoil said:
On Friday, my T asked me: "What can I do to make you feel more safe in here?"

I couldn't answer.

What was I supposed to say? Hug me? Tell me that we will be in therapy together forever and you will never, ever retire or go anywhere?

I told him I was scared that he'd move some place really far like Guatemala.

He said, "Don't you think there are phones in Guatemala?"

Yes. But it wouldn't be the same.

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Pinksoil.... I think that you and your therapist are a fine pair. You seem to be able to reach each other... keep with it. Phones in Guatemala.... ? Sounds like he is vested in you and you in him.... in your own special ways.

Pink, I'm totally jealous! Phones in Guatemala, I love it!! I really am happy that you have him.

I started therapy because my 16 yr old was smoking pot. The very most important question my T asked me was "Is there anything you can change at home that would help?" I told him no which was a big lie. I myself am addicted to pot. The next visit I came clean and told him I had a pot addiction. He then asked me if I wanted help with that, and I said sure. I had been smoking it for 30 years and now I have been clean for 14 months with a couple of slips in between. I am currently working on a situation where I was forced into sex and 17 yrs. He asked me if I've seen this person since then. I told him a few times. Another lie. Last week I came clean and told him it was my brother-in-law. He then asked me why I didn't tell him. I really don't know. I told him because I didn't want him to know. I'm still thinking about it and I'm realizing that's not true either. I think I was just trying not to feel the pain of that. I will have to come clean again this week. He always goes deeper with every question. He really makes me think. It is so theraputic.

RACEKA, I truly admire your honesty with your t, doesn't matter that you didn't come clean the first time, it takes tremendous courage to do so and wow, at the next session you did! That takes amazing courage! You are an inspiration. Y'see, with this kind of work you're gonna be all right....facing your dragons and taming them. (The Little Prince talks about 'taming' the fox)
Best of luck to you!

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pinksoil said:
On Friday, my T asked me: "What can I do to make you feel more safe in here?"

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My T asked me that once. I told him the lights in his office were too bright for me and I would feel safer with fewer lights on. (I had already asked him to turn certain lights off on previous occasions.) He turned all the lights/lamps off except for one. I told him it was still too bright. So he turned the last one off, and since the sun had already gone down, it was suddenly pitch black in his office. I started laughing and so did he. I said "I don't think this is going to work." And he turned that one light back on again, and we made do with that. Later, as I felt safer with him, I was able to tolerate more lights. Heck, I'm weird, what can I say! (Eventually, I was able to trace this back to a dream I had about T after I had only seen him for one session. In it, we were alone in his office and the lights were very dim. It felt really good and safe. I kept trying to recreate that.)

Phones in Guatamala!

RACEKA, my T tells me that stuff takes its own time to come out in therapy. We are never ready to share everything on the first day. As time passes, we can reveal more and more to our T's. This is typical. You're doing great!