[Fuzzybear]

I think many don't - it's just a job to them.

And can you recover or heal in that sort of a situation?

[RACEKA]

My therapist really cares. He has helped me with many things. I am very dependent on him.

I would think most do care. It would be hard for them to turn up each day not having some level of care. But on your 2nd point, no if a therapist didn't really care, then they would have nothing to offer. YOu have ot have something to be able to give it away.

I know mine does. Especially when I tell him about certain self-destructive things that I do. I can see it in his eyes.

And since I am going to school to be a T, I can also speak from that point of view. I work in mental health now, and care about all of the clients. I know that when I start my internship next month, I will be deeply invested in every client that I see. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people working in mental health agencies that really don't care. I don't know why they are there. However, I think that when someone pursues the field, to the point in which they actually want to become a therapist or psychologist, they care. They care a lot. It's a long road of school, work, and practice. I know I wouldn't be doing it if I didn't care a whole lot.

[lauren_helene]

I can see how some might wonder if our therapists care. I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I say all that I posted on my insurance rant post a few minutes ago!

My initial thought is the insurance therapists, do they care as much as the non-insurance therapists...we should discuss that!

[withit]

Fuzzybear, your question strikes me for two reasons. Firstly, what is going on for you in therapy at this time? Are you feeling uncared for by your t? What has happened to make you feel so?
Second, speaking from personal experience, way back when I began seeing a t (whom I subsequently worked with for five years) she had a tremendous amount of caring and compassion. Yet I could not absorb it. Probably due to my own deep-seated self-hatred and a history of abuse I believed it was impossible for one person to truly care about the other, and if they did I thought there must be some sort of gain for them.
However, after a few years of good therapy I am able to assess whether a person truly cares or not, and I'm able to receive the caring when it is offered.
Too, most therapists care to the extent they are able to. If their level of compassion does not match the client's need it becomes a quesion of is the therapist not caring or is the client so emotionally disturbed (for lack of a better word) that she is not able to absorb and receive the caring? If I felt my t wasn't caring I might ask myself this question, "What would I want t to do/say or not do/say that would convince me that she does care?"
Y'see, when I used to feel my t doesn't care it was with the mindset that she is just 'pretending' to care, in a kind of manipulative way....to make me feel better....and that it is not humanly possible for one person to care about another without some kind of personal agenda.

Funny how my current therapist left me a message the other day, she had a question about our scheduling and she prefaced her scheduling question with, ''I hope you had a good week...." and I was thinking, "I'm paying her to nurture me, so she's doing it..."

Bottom line, I think therapists care to the best of their abilities, and as others have posted, this kind of work couldn't be done if one didn't care.

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withit said:
Fuzzybear, your question strikes me for two reasons. Firstly, what is going on for you in therapy at this time? Are you feeling uncared for by your t? What has happened to make you feel so?

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I agree. But I also don't deify therapists. I have had 3. My first did not care. I think she had been in the career too long and resented the fact that she wasnt paid well which she mentioned. She went through the motions with me and never returned my calls. So I do think its entirely possible to find a therapist that doesnt care.

With that said. If that is your sitution, its not your fault. I'd find someone who does care. You can find that person!! In the meantime. You have us!!! and we care, Fuzzy!!!!

[pegasus]

((((((((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))))))))))))))

IMO it is not just a job, it may be that you have not found the right one for you.

PM me if you would like to discuss this further I may be able to point you in the right direction.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks everyone!!

withit, I was abandoned by two therapists - one completely changed the rules re. phone calls outside sessions when I was in crisis (that was my last therapist) and the other basically turned mean. I know I pushed them and tested them. I was left feeling more hurt and undeserving than I was before though. I guess I was just unlucky and it's a case of third time lucky? But I do know my self hatred comes out more strongly after a time in therapy and it was hard for those two therapists to deal with it

I think you're spot on that I felt they both had an agenda and so couldn't absorb their caring

Thanks again to all!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( EV )))))))))))))) thanks!! we posted at the same time!
(or rather, I took forever to write my post Don't want to get it "wrong" again (sigh).....)

[(JD)]

((((((((fuzzywuzzybear)))) My T absolutely does care! And though other ppl might say they care, I believe my T is the only one who really does know how to care.

No, for the majority it isn't "just" a job...it's a ... calling?! Usually the person that goes into these fields have a knack for it to begin with...ppl share with them and tell them how much they help etc...and they then go into one of the caring professional fields to help others while being paid.

Being paid doesn't mean they look at it as just a job. ((most that I know hate the paperwork aspect, insurance,etc) They look at it as something they enjoy doing, hopefully are good at, that pays them so they can do it full time and not have to work another job to be able to.

((((fuzzy)))

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks so much (((((((((((((((((( pegasus ))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

pinksoil, yes, I've come across some people in mental health agencies who really don't care a bit! The therapists I saw seemed to care for a while but I pushed them away

[SecretGarden]

Why did you push them away? Is it that therapy is too painful or what? Perhaps they do not have the right approach? Are you vested in the journey?

I think that sometimes when we get a therapist we do not realise that the deal goes both ways. You can interview the therapist to see if he/she meets YOUR criteria. What do you think of that? Might that help? Depends on where you are in your journey....

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks for your reply Sky, I know we've talked a bit before about your T...... he seems exceptional to me (or again, maybe the T's I saw were exceptionally "bad")

((((((((((((((((( Sky )))))))))))))))))

[Fuzzybear]

I pushed them away when they appeared impatient.... it's complicated. I think I wasn't ready to fully invest in the journey and they weren't the right fit for me also...... I knew nothing about therapy when I saw the first T and was traumatised by him when I saw the second T (counsellor) and didn't bond with her as she wanted.......

I've interviewed some other T's recently who were female. I think I need a male T again. Thanks for your insightful reply!

[lauren_helene]

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Fuzzybear said:

withit, I was abandoned by two therapists - one completely changed the rules re. phone calls outside sessions when I was in crisis (that was my last therapist) and the other basically turned mean. I know I pushed them and tested them. I was left feeling more hurt and undeserving than I was before though.

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Wow Fuzzy, I had no idea. I'm afraid I might be pushing mine. We'll see tomorrow.

It isn't your fault though. They are the ones who are supposed to set the boundaries from the start if they can't handle what might happen. I'm referring to the calls when in crisis. I'm mad that your T abandoned you like that. If you're in crisis then they need to find out why and help you get through it.

Did these therapists say they could treat you and they really couldn't?

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks almeda24fan,

I think (and hope) that a good T would be able to deal with some pushing of boundaries. Maybe I was a bit much for them and they wanted to help but got frustrated Thanks for your kind reply and I wish you luck tomorrow

[withit]

Fuzzybear, you're self-disclosing in drips and drips , so I hear now about your unfortunate experiences of those two therapists...no wonder you have this idea that therapists can be uncaring! I would two if I were in that sitch....
I can only imagine how frightening it is for you to let go and self-disclose when there's always this fear in the back of your head that your t will not care for you through thick and thin, that when you become too much of a burden for her/him the caring will just not be there. I really hear you on that one. I hope you can find a t who can be there for you through thick and thin.

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks withit!!!

(((( Fuzzy ))))

I agree with Sky.. it's like a calling, I think. Therapists invest sooo much time and effort (and expense) in education and training because it is something they care a lot about.

Nobody and no profession is perfect. I have had disappointing therapists and one who disappeared. That stunk. The last one I didn't click with but this one I do so I'm grateful that I didn't click with the last one... I wouldn't have found this one!

So, yes you can get over it, like with other things... you replace the bad experiences with good ones and that helps the bad experiences fade.

Keep looking, give it time, and you will find one you can believe in; the process of looking will help you figure out what you want and don't want in a T.

What would a therapist who really cares be like for you?

[lil_bit]

I've never had a T myself, but am planning on studying and becoming one someday..hopefully soon. I can never imagine someone taking up that career without caring. I know that i will care for every person i speak with and i'm willing to go the extra mile because it really isn't "just a job" it's a life. It takes passion to do it well.

on the second point, i honestly don't think i would ever benefit from therapy with someone who was just in it for the paycheck. I think i would feel resentment every time i signed his/her check and that this would prove to be a hindrance in the therapy itself (which i'm assuming wouldn't be progressing well at all if no passion was involved in the first place.)

[Fuzzybear]

Thanks ECHOES and lil_bit! It's a cave day today, I will answer your question though ECHOES (maybe not on here though ) Thanks to everyone who replied, I wasn't sure about this thread to begin with (trust issues) but you've really helped! I'm feeling less confused and more positive now about continuing my search

[sidony]

I definitely believe my therapist cares. If he didn't, I'd find another one! One of my best friends IRL is a psychologist -- she said she always knew it was her "calling." I'm sure she cares about her clients.

But in every profession, there are bad apples. If you find a therapist who clearly doesn't care about his/her clients, find someone else!!!

Sidony

[withit]

Fuzzy, would you take a chance on trusting us folks here... ? Would you like to share with us what in your mind constitutes a caring therapist? You just might get some validation here. I'm starting to think you're with a non-caring one....but I wouldn't know.
Also, what characteristics do you see in a non-caring therapist? What does he/she do or not do? say or not say?
If you don't feel like sharing, we understand....
Take gentle care,