Couch 91 - Forget the small change

Yes, in my head is not good! That is the thing about my job, it is too slow place. I have a good amount of down time, I need a faster pace job!!!

This is why at times I miss working. I'm a SAHM now. I think if I weren't depressed, I'd love being a SAHM. These days I just want to bury my head in a high stress job.

I get this. I am in a similar boat. I do work at home, but 5-10 hours a week. There isn't much to immerse myself in so I am stuck in my head all day long.

Yeah- depression and anxiety was one of the reasons I went back to work. Me at home, all day long just isn't good for my issues.

If I didn't live across the street from a cornfield... the problem is that financially it doesn't make sense for me to work and I *do* homeschool (and I *want* to homeschool). I'd much rather cure the depression. *siiiiiigh* *whiiiiiiiiine*

i'll be calling t in less than 30 minutes. biting-my-nails nervous. i'm ready for this continuation of our termination talk but not ready for it. part of me wants her to talk me out of it again. but no. it is time. i can do this.

right? somebody tell me i can do this. lol

it's just, how do you say goodbye to someone who has helped you so much, to a relationship that has meant SO much, I hope she can answer me that question.

You can do it!

I don't know the story though. Is there a reason you're moving on?

You got this art! You know you got this, you can feel it, that's why you've been mentioning it here. You definitely got this.

Even though it makes me feel sad about losing her, I have found my center, pulled back my projections, I'm ready to be 'out here' on my own, I have the tools and I know how and when to use them... I've grown tremendously through this process and well honestly, our talks have become something that isn't therapy anymore, even she said that; I don't feel like a client anymore. I feel like a less-experienced colleague consulting with her about a client that happens to be me. I just have this overall sense deep inside myself that it's time. I'm just getting cold feet is all. Nevermind me. lol

This is one of the coolest things I've read on this site. It's a testament to how much hard work you've put in, how far you've come, and how aware you are of it all. Brava!

Thank you KayDubs. That means a lot to me, I appreciate it!!

You're braver than me. I'd probably pay to still go chat with my T And he's even said he wants to keep in touch when I'm done!

Go for it Art!

I hear you guys on working. I'm glad I have my part time job to distract me, but what I really need is a proper highly structured work environment to make me feel safe My boss is way scattered, and she makes me nervous.

Oh good lord. I am apparently incapable of extracting myself from that woman. I need to learn how to channel StopDog, posthaste!! All this stuff about why I'm ready to stop that I share with you guys, falls all to pieces when I say it to her. Meh. We're talking again in 2 weeks. Somebody pass the wine....

I statrted a new couch just in case it got forgotten

I appreciate that!!

She was saying something about a pre-verbal abandonment wound or something which I only half-heard because I was already going "oh good lord...." in my head. But I don't think that's just rhetoric on her part, because I do have a history of night terrors as a baby, where I would scream my head off in my crib looking like I was wide awake but I was asleep, and my parents didn't know what to do so they just stood there and called the doctor who basically said "just watch her" so they really did nothing. Wonder if it stems from that. Oh good lord all over again.

I don't know. I mean, that seems like a stretch. But then I don't buy into that whole modality so maybe it's just me

*Passes wine to Art*

I wouldn't worry about it. It's a process, even termination. You'll be done when you're done. Which will be soon I'm sure

I don't know either, I just can't think of anything else.

I may have to resort to the old cut-and-run exit. Y'know, cancel the next appointment and then change my phone numbers. Ha.

Like that would ever happen.

I am forced to admit that I am committed to this process and I still trust her and if she thinks there's more work to be done then so be it. Let's do it.

I shall go play on the new couch now.

the new couch can be found here
http://forums.psychcentral.com/psych...d-my-shoe.html
thanks