Fear of Seperation!

Mama How can I do that when he is obviously trying to distance himself. It is probably my fault because I said I was afraid of being too attached. Now he is trying to either get me to rely on myself or trying to get rid of me!!! I don't feel the same I feel shame and disappointment. The only way I will contact him is if I become a danger to myself. I am proud and stubborn and I hate that he knows how I feel about him!!!

Mama How can I do that when he is obviously trying to distance himself. It is probably my fault because I said I was afraid of being too attached. Now he is trying to either get me to rely on myself or trying to get rid of me!!! I don't feel the same I feel shame and disappointment. The only way I will contact him is if I become a danger to myself. I am proud and stubborn and I hate that he knows how I feel about him!!!

Because he needs to end a session early does not mean he is trying to distance himself from you. T's know that they are in a position where people become reliant on them. They know that people NEED to feel safe and be reliant.That is a good thing. It is to early to start giving you your own wings so you can fly solo. I think you feel guilty and you are projecting that onto the situation.

Though I can understand I am not fully certain of the circumstances. If you really truly feel this is an issue, maybe a different T would be better. The fact that you fl safe with him and you are able to tell him how you feel though sounds like a positive step. For folks like you and I it is hard to be reliant on someone else, let alone let them know that as well. Folks like us see reliance as a weakness when in reality that is part of our issue to begin with.

Take things in stride, continue to come here and talk to us, let us help you deal with life's issues until the T returns. After your next meeting reassess how things are going and take it from there. Just hand in there. T is hard and it stirs up all kinds of confusing emotions. It feels like hell right now but in the long run it is a good thing and you are going to be OK. You will look back and be so much happier with who you are then who you were.

Are you sure he didn't ask if you wanted to end early b/c he thought you guys had covered everything? I've sessions early. I'm not a big talker, and I often run out of things to talk about. Heck one time, I just wanted to go home; b/c I don't know. I started grabbing at my keys unconsciously and sitting forward in my chair. She said I looked like I wanted to leave, and do you want to go home? I said yes. She said okay see you next time.

was it an accident that you posted this twice or fate

I need to know where my T's clock is. I depend on knowing how much time I have left. I am not going to bring up a brand new issue if I only have 5 minutes left. I have been experimenting with different T's lately and one of the first questions I ask is "where is your clock?"

You need to be honest with him about how you feel when he does certain things. Or how you think he is making you feel. He may not even know he is affecting you. He may not be "pushing you out of the nest" It could be your brains way of telling you therapy sucks and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm gonna quit before he does. You do not know what he is thinking until you ask.
All these thoughts you have been telling yourself could very easily be your illnesses way of getting you to stop therapy. In the past you have found therapy to be helpful. I am here to remind you of this.

You are stuck with me MF. You will get only the truth from me whether you like it or not.

Mama is right. He may not be the right one for you. He was recommended to you because he has much experience dealing with people in your field. Maybe that is not what you need. Maybe you need someone who has much experience dealing with someone like you as a whole person.

You said this is your 1st experience with therapy. Do not give up on it too soon. I became very emotionally attached to one of my 1st therapists. So attached that I could not see I was getting worse instead of better. I gave up on therapy only to return years later in worse shape than when I started.

Okay I am done. That is my rant for the day. I hope you enjoyed it.

Okay I thought I was done. How often do you see your Doctor to discuss your meds?

UMMM i DONT SEE doctor been on same meds for as long as T started. I didn't even want that to begin with. Took T awhile to convince me to take them! I am grateful to be stuck with you. I am sorry about whining. I am on negative thought overload trying to reign it in!!!! Thanks

I am not the only person who wants to say this, It is Not called whining. It can be called ranting, sharing, asking for help, etc. but what you do is far from whining.

Don't worry we will let you know when it turns into whining

Hate to break it to you, but in my opinion someone other than your therapist should be monitoring your meds. you know how goofy I can be sometimes.

I've had major problems with separation in therapy and have had some therapists who don't treat that problem. Separation /Attachment fear IS my problem but I went through some hard-hearted therapists who didn't know how to treat those problems. Everything you feel about attachment for your T is OK and should be a part of gentle therapy. A therapist should sense you have these concerns and lead you softly.

It's important to know what kind of therapy your T does from the start, but many of us don't know those things, and it isn't our fault. You need respectful, gentle inquiry about your attachment feelings for your T and it's very clear that you have feelings which need acceptance, not ignoring, asked to quit a session early, or expecting you to wait months. It sounds like your T only does brief Behavioral Therapy, when what you need is to go much deeper and learn to trust, not fear. Separation Anxiety doesn't automatically stop just because a T thinks a few sessions should do for your case. You're already attached so I know it's horrible to think of separating from this T.

I would try to deal with it by starting to see another therapist at the same time. That could cushion and help with the fear, especially if you can tell the 2nd T about this one you feel so much about. It's a lot easier to get support from another T than go cold turkey breaking away from present current one. I would try to get up the nerve to ask a new T how she handles attachment issues. If she encourages you, then maybe gradually go with her. It's really , really hard when you don't know, can't ask, and are having your heart torn to shreds.

week one has come and gone. I survived. I still feel confused about last session and what 4 weeks means for my future. Thank goodness for my pc friends to help me bridge. I can't help thinking about T and missing him. He made me feel safe. Isn't that the stupidest thing. I am a married woman with a loving family and I look to him to feel safe! 3 to go!

Same here. Before therapy, my husband was my safe haven. The past 1.5 years my T was (with my husband as a close second). I think it's the safest place - if you have a good T - a person can have. I miss that so much now I'm not in therapy anymore.

I am sorry if I YELL, but I am so tired of you using the word stupid. It drives me nuts and my sanity is important

Remember, Happy beagle = I feel better So if you want me to stay sane, you need to find a new word.

Don't beat yourself up. You found a safe place where you could pretty much say anything you had to. I am sure you feel safe with your family. Just a different kind of safe.

I am sorry Em.I would never mess with your sanity!!!lol. Did I mention my low self esteem and self hate problem!!!! I am working on those issues though so I will be careful what I post! thanks for caring!!!thanks for listening!

Originally Posted by baseline View Post
Isn't that the stupidest thing. I am a married woman with a loving family and I look to him to feel safe!

Not it is not the stupidest thing. It is a step in the right direction to know that you can open up and you can be attached to someone other then your family. That is saying alot. I used to not be able to make attachments to anyone, and it was a huge problem. If you have a T that you feel safe and comfortable with then that says alot for your mental state. It is a positive, you are not cold hearted, you are not unable to form attachments and bonds. Those are all hard things to over come.

Just because you have an attachment to someone outside of your house hold, doesn't mean you are doing anything wrong. It means you have more then one safe outlet. You have your H and kids at home, your co workers at work, your friends here, your friends IRL, you have your T.

There is little difference in having attachments to any of those versus your T. HE is human, he is a friend, he is a professional. It kinda lets your H off the hook a little to It gives him a break from being your everything or at least it gives him a chance to let someone else handle the big issues. So it is a win win for everyone involved.

Thanks so much mama! You are very perceptive thanks for opening my eyes! I have been so hard on myself lately. I feel like T is abandoning me, which probably is not true! Thank you for hushing my negativity!!! I feel a bit relieved!!xoxox

Maybe it is not fear of separation. It is fear of abandonment ! I think that's even worse.I wish my anxious mind would shut up!!!!!!

wise words from Ray BREATHE, Listen to your body. What does it feel like? Pay attention and breathe feel the anxiety. Where is it? Feel it and let it go.

Believe it or not, with practice this does make me feel better. I can't just let it go though. I have to push the crap out of my body. But I am making progress. I actually felt the fear and anger I was feeling leave my body through my arms.