Fear of Seperation!

Had a good session with T today. First time in a very long time I have felt positive about my future. Then T asked if we could end early unless I had something else I needed to discuss. Of course I said no (dam pride/ego/shame) And then btw T will be away so next appointment won't be for a month! I have trouble waiting 2 weeks!!! I have come a long way and I am doing better but I am terrified of going backwards or needing T. I am very attatched and I'm sure he knows because I told him and I wrote him a note. Yet, we never talked about it. He did reassure me that he would be there if I needed him. I am even more afraid/ashamed of reaching out before our appointment because I feel that he is pushing me out of the nest! Has this ever happened to anyone? How did you cope? I know in my heart its time to move on but its the first time I ever relied on someone for support without judgement or obligation and it felt so safe and warm and I am about to loose this. Thank you.

Please note everything I write is my opinion and only my opinion. My opinion is formed through my own personal experience.

I have never had a T ask to end a session early. What if you had said No? Would he have ended it early anyway? Did he even give you a choice to say no?

If your heart says it is time to move on, listen to it. But do not give up on therapy all together. Sometimes it takes time to find the right therapist for you. You told me he came highly recommended for what he did, but maybe you need better.

A month between appointments is way too long. I thought 2 weeks between your appointments was too long. Now he is asking you to go a month. That does not seem right.

You keep saying "move on" in your post. So do that, but don't quit. Move On to something better.

I am here for you if you want to continue this discussion. I am so not done discussing this

Hang in there Base....I can't say I can't wait till the next appointment...but it gets me out of the house.

Yes I am about to lose T in a few months and I am not looking forward to it because I rely on her for support. I don't know why your T asked to leave early, I feel that is unprofessional of him.

Hi Baseline. I have it. Major fear of separation from my T. I would have been really upset if my T wanted to end the session early and then was off for a month.

I'm wondering if your T knows the full extent of your attachment? If he had, he would have been more sensitive to your needs. My T is aware of my attachment, but I don't think he knows the full extent either. My goal for the next session is to make sure he gets it, and we find out why and then work on getting me unglued from him.

I have been trying to detach for over a year now and it seems nearly impossible. It feels as if I have no control of the situation. As soon as I decide to cut back, or to quit all together, I go into a haze of almost depression. Then when I tell myself I'll keep going, I'm back to normal.

I'm with you, two weeks seems like a lifetime, a month would be painful. I see my T every week and this seems to be comfortable. But, for how long?? It just might be until eternity, which would be ok I guess, but I would rather not.

Keep me posted on how you are feeling. If you get the separation pangs, please feel free to send me a pm. It's so helpful to vent the feelings.

Hang in there.

I thought of you all day today Baseline. I wore my Pooh scrubs in honor of you and your coworkers. I was so hoping someone would ask where I worked so I could tell them what you were doing today.

Hello Always_Wondering, Thanks so much for your support! I really appreciate it.
I believe he knows the full extent because I gave him what I wrote about it in my journal. I tore it out and gave it to him in case I lost my nerve. I also gave it to him at the end of my session, thinking he would discuss it the next time he saw me. Unfortunately, we did not and he still has my notes.tHIS WEEK HE ASKED ME WHAT i wanted to talk about and that wasn't one of them. He said did I want to end therapy early if there was nothing else I wanted to talk about. I was taken by surprise and my pride would not let me continue so I said ok. Then you know the rest. I never wanted to need him or rely on him or trust him. I feel like a loser for thinking that he might actually care about me.

Em you are so very supportive and I am so glad I have you to talk to! I know u think I should get another T. I don't think I have the strength to do this again. I haven't even been totally forth coming with this one. I mean 30 years of **** is a lot to hold on to. I feel like a burden to T and everyone in my life. I know that is my self hate talking. I will keep it together. I will be ok. i HAVE TOO MANY PEOPLE THAT DEPEND ON ME AND i WON'T LET THEM DOWN! Thanks for being my friend!!

Hi Baseline,

If my t asked me if we could end early, I would want to know why. Normally, I wouldn't ask such a personal question, but since I would be paying for my full hour, I would feel entitled to know why I was not able to receive the entire session length that I paid for.

If my t gave me a good reason (such as a client had called earlier with an emergency, sick child needed picked up at school, etc.), I would probably agree to end early. But if it was more than 5-10 minutes early, I would ask my t to give me the extra time on the following session.

If there was no good reason why my t needed to quit early, it would bother me, and I would have to let them know. Otherwise, like you, I would begin questioning whether she was trying to push me out of the nest, which would trigger my separation fears as well.

Since it is bothering you, I suggest you let your t know that this incident has made you feel uncomfortable and you now wonder if he is trying to push you out of the nest before you feel ready? I know it's hard, but if it was me, I would have to talk about it to get some clarity and relief.

PS - Until you actually talk to your t about this, I would also encourage you to resist making the assumption that he wants to get rid of you. I often make negative assumptions like this, and it makes me feel worse and worse! Most of the time, once I speak to my t about what is bothering me, I find out there is some completely different explanation for what happened, and it is usually never as bad as I imagined. But by that time, I have put myself through the ringer!

I agree with Peaches.

My T once suggested to end the session early. I said no, it was my time and money. I stayed but I felt really awkward. The next session I told him how his suggestion had made me feel (rejected). He apologized for that. I was having an off day and wasn't very talkative, so he thought he helped me by ending the session early. It would've been better if he'd explained it right away, but it was good to know he was being nice for me, instead of rejecting me.

Hi Peaches, I was caught off guard. I didn't even question. I wish I could have been smart or strong enough to question why. I won't see him for a month now so it doesn't matter. I obviously don't matter. He was always professional and helpful. I have known him for over a year and still felt awkward during sessions. I felt like a didn't deserve his help. I felt like a burden. It was so different peaches he was yawning and seemed uninterested and then early dismissal and now the wait. Maybe I am reading too much into it. I am extremely self conscious and insecure. I have major separation anxiety and apparently abandonment issues too. I am just a client and that is painful to realize too. Thanks for your response!I appreciate your input!

Coco I wish I had the nerve or sense to question his actions. I feel so unworthy and now shame that he knows how I feel about him. I do feel rejected and I will have to figure out how to stay strong. I know I am loved by my family so why should he matter. I thought he cared about me and I was stupid to do therapy in the first placE! I am so confused right now! I feel like a fool!

My T accidentally called time on a session about 10 minutes early once . She corrected herself quickly but I spent the rest of the session yelling at her.

I can imagine how things add up. You opening up and telling how you feel by giving those notes. Him neglecting them by not talking about it. And then his rude behavior in your last session. I would feel rejected and insecure too!

He handled it all poorly. He should've talked to you about your feelings. He shouldn't have yawned and cut the session short. That's not professional. He should know how it could come across.

He's the one being rude and unprofessional. Please don't take his behavior personally.

Is there a way that you can talk to him about it? Maybe you can write it down and hand it to him in the beginning of your next session? I know it's hard to talk about it. I did it, but that was only after a lot of sessions, and I did it via email, because I was afraid to adress it in person.

Can you talk to your family in the meantime?

That never happened in my therapy. I don't mean the fear of separation and missing my therapist, I've had my share of that but he has never ended a session early. I pay for an hour of therapy and he gives me at least that every time. I wonder about this feeling of shame you have It's natural to feel like you need your therapist to be there. That's why you see a therapist. You wouldn't if you didn't have a need. If you or or insurance pays for an hour or whatever the length of a whole session is, than it is not just normal to feel the need, you are also entitled to it. I think that feeling ashamed and afraid to ask for what you need and deserve may be an important part of the process, worth discussing with your therapist when you next see each other, if you are open to that. Take care.

IT, what did you yell at her? How did she respond. I never see his clock/timer I just rely on him to tell me when its over. This time we ended almost 20 minutes sooner. Talk about being a loser, when T doesn't even want to be with me!

I told my husband coco. He thought it was funny at first and made jokes, but I told him I felt like T is trying to push me away. T knows how hard and long it was for me to open up finally. I don't think it can be the same after 4 weeks. I shook his hand good bye (which I never do) and thanked him. He said this isn't good bye. I said "not yet". I thank you for support and insight I appreciate it!!!

Thank you Brillskep, I did tell him those exact things several sessions ago. In fact it was in my notes we never discussed.
I wish I had the courage to bring it up since he didn't. He is very professional, super busy, smart, and very popular with his clients and colleagues. I don't know how to feel or act anymore. I am numb. My family deserves better than me I should be stronger.

I love you (((base)))

Hopefully I can see you in the Chat Rooms here on PC later on today.

Hang in there.

HUGGGGGS. I can't live with out my T. She knows that. I tell her quiet frequently. In the 2 1/2 years I have been with my T she has asked a few times if we could end our session early. Usually she just says out right my son has a swim meet he has to be at and I have to leave by this time, or a friend passed away and I won't make the services if I don't leave by X time. There have been times when she has poked her head out the door and said I need to stay here with this person, not sure how long it will take. It may run over into your appointment. I have been in that same spot though. Some of my sessions have last an hour and a half or more.

Just last week I came unglued and told the T that my H was trying to convince me that I didn't need her, that my issues were small compered to others, and that she was going to get tired of seeing me. Baseline, I cried and cried and cried as I told her these things. And she told me "NO WAY". Much like your T will tell you. I think our T's are here to help us and they genuinely care. My t told me she will be here as long as I need her, no ones issues are petty, mine certainly are not, even if someone has issues that are not huge, if it is an issues for them then it matters to her. My T told me she is not going to leave me, if we don't take the whole session then that is fine, in fact that is good because it is taking less then an hour to get me back on the right track. That gives her a chance to get to know me outside of my issues. So I would not fret. I think it helps the T know that they are doing a good job and that they mean something to you, just like we need to know we mean something to them. From a professional stand point they cannot tell us what we mean to them though.

Big ole hugs girl. Keep going, keep moving forward, and never give up. You are worth it.

It is so important to tell him all of this, or print it out for him. I hope you will. I would feel upset and hurt if my therapist asked me to end early, especially if she did not say it was because of some type of emergency. This is exactly what therapy can help you with, so don't worry that you didn't address it then, you still totally can, and come out feeling much better! I've felt really uncomfortable when I challenged these situations, but in the end it was empowering and validating.

Mama Your T sounds so awesome! Thank you for the encouragement. This has been my first experience with therapy I had no idea how to do this or what to expect. It is the hardest thing opening up to a complete stranger. My doctor recommended him highly. He has been so helpful. I tried so hard not to get attached. I am so self conscious and embarrassed in session. He tells me all the time this is what he does. I will try to read all this advice and keep writing in my journal for the next 3 weeks. It hasn't been a week and 2 stressful events have already hit a nerve with me. I hope I can be strong and not call him.

Thanks my Friend!!!!!I will look for you!

Honey if you need him call him. One of my T's explained it to me like this. I don't geet paid $80 an hour, I get paid $80 a week to be at your disposal. So if you need me call me, it is time that is yours and is already paid for. You paid for it and you should use it from time to time. I had never thought of it that way.

It is not a sign of weakness if you need to talk to the T between visits. It is a sign of us being human. It would help so much if you call with an issue. I don't know about you but just a 5 min call and getting to hear the sound of there voice and the calm that they posses helps so much. I call mine in between every now and again. It is a huge help, and I think they need the reassurance as well that thy are needed and doing what is helpful to someone else. It is not always a pain in the butt like we would perceive it to be.