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#1
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Maybe it's obvious to some, but my dad says - and I agree - that therapists can't know any more than you can learn yourself. eg self-education to help you get better. He says,'what can they know that you don't?'
So how are they so wonderful? What do they really do to help? How can they know what ails a person, and how to cure it? ![]() ![]() ![]()
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That's why it's such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the weekend. A very serious thing indeed. - The Silver Chair |
#2
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They serve as a sounding board, for one thing. They can point out errors in thinking that might be too entrenched for you to see yourself. They are guaranteed to listen to you, pay attention to what you're saying, and take it seriously (you won't find a therapist telling you to "snap out of it").
Good question, though, because I have an appointment with a new T Thursday and I've been wondering why! LOL I already did years and years of time in therapy and I"ve solved most things to my satisfaction, but I'm stuck in this stupid little town with no friends and it's the having-someone-to-talk-to thing that's getting me to go. Maybe she can help me brainstorm ways to get out of here, who knows? Candy |
#3
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Wow, what a question. :-) I imagine it's true in general that most people can't know more than you can learn yourself. I probably could learn to be a medical doctor if I wanted to be one, but I don't and so haven't learned it! I sure haven't learned what all my therapist knows, but luckily I'm learning from him. Therapists are trained in teaching you how to uncover your motivations, to figure out what feelings you aren't expressing, to help you learn new coping strategies, etc. They talk to you about how you manage your problems etc. But the real therapy is the emotional bonding with the therapist. I learn a lot about myself just from how I interact with him. It's been the most intense experience of my life to date. And enormously helpful in coping with my everyday problems. I'm so glad I decided to try it...
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#4
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When you are running on your wheel.... do you ever have problems with that wheel... or does all go smooth? Does it need any adjustments or maybe you need to figure out how to use the wheel differently for it to be more functional or maybe you have a bent wheel and need to figure out how to use it despite the bent wheel. And maybe you wish to get on a different wheel or would like company on that wheel or would like to get off the wheel all together. What are the pros and cons of each and how might you effectively do what you decide and what are the barriers? How do you feel about the wheel? Is it the wheel or you that need to be adjusted...
You get the idea I suppose.... or I hope. Sometimes that can be difficult and it is good to have someone with some education and expertise to helping you along your way. |
#5
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I just had to respond to your post. I have always been somebody who has been anti therapy/counselling etc. I kind of figured that if you had a supportive family and network of close friends then you could get by without "professional" help. Two years of therapy later and I guess my opinion has changed somewhat. It is a unique relationship, one where you can feel you can unload your inner most thoughts and know that nothing will leave that room. I guess it is their knowledge and training and also experience that makes them good at what they do. Of course, empathy and compassion for another human being is essential. I don't think therapists can "cure" you. That comes from within, however they can guide and support you through whatever isssues you have. I have spoken with my t about things I have never told anybody else - even my husband of 22 years!! I have a very strong bond with her, which I do worry about (how will I feel when this all ends)!. All I can tell you is, she is the first person ever, who I have been truly able to fully confide in and feel truly understood, and for that, I will be eternally grateful.!!! So I suppose the point of a therapist is to have a caring person, with professional mental health knowledge who you can completely confide in , in a non judgemental way to help you through difficult times. Hope I haven't rambled too much!!!
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#6
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it is jolly hard to take a step back and look at oneself objectively.
a therapist trying to be therapist to themself would be slightly comprimised in that respect. sometimes our friends can know us better than we know ourselves. call us on something we hadn't become aware of. |
#7
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My dad is the same way silver queen!! But since he is part of my problem, and not educated on any of this, he was not the best person to listen to.
I listened to him for years and years and always quit therapy. This time, I didn't. Here is what I know now: 1. Although I have lived with my symptoms and know my behaviors, I was never able to put it altogether in any sort of manner to reach valuable conclusions and formulate with my T resolution to these problems. So, until now, year after year, the same symptoms and behaviors continued to wreak havoc on me and those around me. 2. Therapists are objective and do NOT HAVE AN AGENDA (except bad ones). When our friends and family give advice, they tend to tell you how they would handle a situation. Often, they know us but do they really know us and are they educated in how to help us in a crisis as some of us have here? They also tend to skew their advice based on how they feel about you or a behavior that we subject them to. i.e. frustrated, too empathetic, play it down etc. Let me ask you this, when a friend or family member tries to identify causes to a problem and help you resolve it and change it, does it work for you? or does it push you away, annoy you etc. and are any of them part of your problems? For me, the therapist is a sort of authority figure and since he/she is 1)educated in these matters and 2) objective with no agenda other than my well-being, I have made significant changes in my life. I hope this helps you. This is a great question and now that I've typed this out, I have a response the next time my dad starts his @$&%@ on the matter...
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My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
#8
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Those therapists have been to classes and programs where they learn many things we don't know. They listen to you and can advise ways of changing the behaviors that are not helpful to you.
They can see things that a client can't possibly see because the client is too close to the situation or has never heard of the condition, etc. I hope this helps. (((((((((((( Silver )))))))))))) Hugs, Jan
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I still dream and I still hope, therefore I can take what comes today. Jan is in Lothlorien reading 'neath a mallorn tree. My avatar and signature were created for my use only and may not be copied or used by anyone else. |
#9
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One way I view the therapy experience is that it (hopefully) serves as a ''corrective emotional experience'' in which maladaptive behavior/thinking patterns are played out in therapy and the new experience with the therapist replaces the old ones, thus creating a new 'emotional template'....
THere's a lot more to it, but this is one dimension of it. |
#10
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#11
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well... i could know rocket science but i don't! lol
they understand the unconscious, how people's minds work, something most people don't. sounds like a defence to be saying they can't help before giving it a try. why not go see what it's all about? it's a learning experience! it IS self-education, learned from a highly trained and caring teacher. |
#12
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It's about relationships. Life is all about relationships.
We learn how to change thoughts and behaviors to be able to cope with the outside world. The T is also a mediator between two people. He helps you to see how your behavior is effecting another person. My T helped me into drug recovery. I've been clean for 15 months now. He's helping me form new clean relationships. Now I have to fix and deal with all those underlying issues that got me into drugs. He helps me figure out what those are. You use alcohol and drugs to numb emotional pain. He helps me deal with past abuse issues in a safe environment. He first forms a theraputic relationship with you. You aren't going to tell all to a stranger. He has made me a honest person. There isn't anything about me he doesn't know. When you release those problems inside of you, you feel the emotional pain let up. My T told me it's like being constipated. You can hold it in and feel the pain, or you can let it out and feel the relief. He doesn't tell you what to do or advises you what to do, he helps you decide what is right. He may ask if I would like to hear a suggestion, but it's up to me if I want it. He makes you feel important and he cares about you. All attention is on you and he listens to everything you say. It's wonderful! |
#13
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</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
RACEKA said: My T told me it's like being constipated. You can hold it in and feel the pain, or you can let it out and feel the relief. </div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> Smile. My T says "you can experience it or suffer with it." Silver, When you put your makeup on you use a mirror to provide a reflection so that you don't put mascara all over your face, right? Well, having a therapist is like having a reflection of your unconscious thoughts. Our everyday actions are driven by unconscious thoughts and emotions. You can't access or feel your unconscious simply by willing it, you need a reflection to work from. Then, of course, what you do with that reflection is up to you. I hope this helps. ![]()
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#14
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what's the point of a therapist? to have someone to be obsessed with, of course! j/k.... there isn't much i can add to what has already been said before me. i mean, the opportunity to work on interpersonal relationships is the biggest thing... to be able to 'practice' on your therapist... it is the most unique relationship that you will ever experience. i mean, c'mon..... i can curse out my T and then he congratulations me for getting angry at him. Why is this helpful? because I can recognize my relational patterns, dysfunctions, etc. and eventually correct them. bring the unconcious into conciousness. you stated that thearpists can't know anymore than you can learn about yourself-- i now have to climb up on my soapbox and give my speech--
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#15
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oh and i forgot to add..... it is one thing to experience your emotions by yourself.... but to have someone feel them with you, is a gorgeous experience.
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#16
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to have someone legitimize them....
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#17
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You can learn everything that a therapist knows, sure. One way to do that is through independent study and/or classes, but I'll second what pinksoil said - I have also learned much more from my therapy than I have as a graduate student training to be a therapist. I suspect that most if not all of the best therapists have also learned the most important stuff the same way - through their own therapy and life experiences. The academic side helps to make sense of stuff that I didn't make sense of too well before, but a good therapist can teach you what you need to know. What I'm saying is that there is a lot more to it than just reading a few books or taking a few classes.
You could also learn everything that a doctor knows, or everything that a mechanic know, or everything that a dentist knows, or everything that your university professor knows. Note that those are all separated by "or," not "and." We can't all be experts in everything. There is just too much to learn, and it would take too long and eventually exceed our capacity. When your car breaks down, do you want to wait until you learn how to fix it, all on your own with no help, or will you go ahead and take it to a mechanic? How about when your are sick, or you have a bad tooth? Even if you do know how to treat that yourself, would you? You can learn everything that your professors have learned, so what is the point in going to school? I'm sure that you can think of more examples if you try. You will always be the only expert on yourself. The therapist is an expert on how to change and become the person you want to be, and on how to figure out what it is that you need to learn in order to do that. Therapists help to encourage you and keep you on track. You know what? self-help books work, but only *if * people do the work that is in them. Therapists help you to do the work and not just study it. And, like others have said, when you are learning new social skills and relationship skills, you need a relationship to practice them in. At first, you need to try things out and it might not work the way you expect. Do you want to try that out on your family and friends right off the bat, or maybe would it be nice to practice with someone who can give you feedback and still understand that you are learning and practicing, and not get upset at you because they didn't like the way it felt. Have you learned to validate yourself or to accept validating from your family? Chances are, you wouldn't be here if you did. Therapists are able to interact with you in ways that others in your environment don't, so they can fill in the gaps and give you the social experience that you haven't gotten. You don't have to go to a therapist, and people do overcome many life obstacles without a therapist, but for some problems and situations, it's so much easier with help from someone who knows what they are doing and has your best interest at heart and can see you objectively and help you to be honest with yourself and see yourself without all the distortions. TC, Rap
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“We should always pray for help, but we should always listen for inspiration and impression to proceed in ways different from those we may have thought of.” – John H. Groberg ![]() |
#18
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silver queen, for me, I was in the middle of a life crisis and falling to pieces when I first sought out a counselor. I didn't do it to learn things. I did it because I was falling apart and needed help and support.
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"Therapists are experts at developing therapeutic relationships." |
#19
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You know I've been wondering this myself . I know I am self sufficient enough and can read books, learn from my experiences and have family and friends who can listen and so don't really need therapy in the formal sense. My T doesn't think I need it really either. I have normal daily life ups and downs issues, not serious issues. But on the other hand, I feel better talking to him than I do family and friends because it's not reciprocal, I don't have to hear or take care of his problems as I do with family and friends.I like someone neutral to talk to and to feel things out with. It's hard that he doesn't take my issues seriously enough. I struggle with this all the time. I guess he sees all the hard cases and compared to that my problems are very minor. But they are important to me.
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#20
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i think the point about the theraputic relationship is really very important. i mean i can say 'i'm a worthwhile human being' five million times until i'm blue in the face it stil doesn't substitute for someone treating me like i'm a worthwhile human being.
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#21
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I suppose I could learn it all myself - but I don't have the 14 years to spare to go to uni, grad school, post-grad, interning.... I've got other things on the go at the moment, thanks!
What does your mechanic know about cars that you couldn't learn yourself? I mean, if you had the time, you could do all your own repairs, couldn't you? ![]() To give you a concrete example: today, my husband and I were in a session. We were talking about something minor - vacations, in fact - and I started crying. I mean, sobbing. Why did I have such an overreaction to a calm discussion about where to go on vacation? It would have taken me years to figure out what was REALLY going on, but the therapist nailed it in a second. We ended up talking about some older issues, and I walked out of there with much deeper self-awareness. It was an epiphany . I'm a smart person, but I don't have the skills and experience to reach in and find the important issues beneath the surface. A therapist does.
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Excuse typos - the cat is trying to lie on my arm. ![]() |
#22
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This thread ought to be pinned...so many beautiful and worthwhile things have been said here about therapy....
Pinksoil, your post cracks me up... |
#23
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I agree withit...and where is the original poster? We're just rambling on without her.
I'd really like to know your thoughts Silver Queen!
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My new blog http://www.thetherapybuzz.com "I am not obsessing, I am growing and healing can't you tell?" |
#24
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Yep, I'm a bit late replying, sorry
![]() Ok, yes you could go and learn things a t knows... though actually I don't know what they know... but like somebody said, it takes rather a while. But, to some extent self-insight renders a t redundant, doesn't it? If one thinks about it to some extent and is honest, then usually negative behaviours can be explained anyway. For example I have an idea behind all my self-destructive behaviours, whether it is SI, avoidance, eating issues, etc - basically down to lack of self-confidence (and fear). But just because I realize that, doesn't mean I want to do anything about it (except perhaps the avoidancy because that can cause real problems). But basically if I faced up to it I could do it, but it is far easier (and less stressful) to run away instead. I suppose a t could help with that... but why don't I just use my courage instead? So yeah... from how I see it, there aren't *great* advantages. On the previous page, somebody said that the fact that the t is more removed from your own personal situation and looks at things in a non-biased fashion helps, and that's definitely so. But, from my experience with a counsellor it also didn't make much difference just *because* of that - eg through not knowing the related issues around a person - eg family dynamics - they're not really able to comment. Eg you can explain to a t about how people are, but if they've never met them they don't understand *exactly* who they are or how they influence a person, do they? At least that was the impression I got from the counsellor anyway.
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That's why it's such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the weekend. A very serious thing indeed. - The Silver Chair |
#25
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btw my answer isn't so short because I'm ungrateful... just so many ppl have replied, it will be a bit hard to reply to each person individually. So many people have made some really good points. I don't want people to feel I'm just ignoring their answers in my last reply.
Silver
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That's why it's such a serious thing to ask a Centaur to stay for the weekend. A very serious thing indeed. - The Silver Chair |
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